#he man and the masters of the universe

wait a minute…Corrupted!Peter’s a buff guy who can expose his skull to scare people…he has a high, nasal voice…that gives me an idea…

NYEH HEH HEH….

Anyone who’s followed this blog for a long time knows that we have no patience here for mentors who screw over the people they’re supposed to help grow. The Sorceress is an especially egregious example of a mentor who doesn’t consider their “pupil’s” needs at all in their decision-making process, since she already saw with Adam in the series opening that, when you know of someone’s great destiny, dropping that destiny in their lap with no time for preparation is a bad idea. And yet here she is, repeating the same mistake with Teela. The most annoying part of it, though, is that the narrative tries to treat her as being in the right, with Man at Arms ending the episode with telling The Sorceress that he was wrong to question her highly questionable parenting choices. It’s one thing to not keep a baby in a location that’s bound to draw enemy attacks, but by now Teela is accomplished enough that she’s one of the Masters’ leaders. At this point The Sorceress is just being a short-sighted coward.

Man at Arms got high props for just how dedicated he is to Teela’s well-being, though. He’s such a phenomenal father, refusing to lie to his daughter and especially when he assured her that the telepathic voices she was hearing were real. If he put secrecy above Teela, it would have been very easy to gaslight her with “Yes, you did hit your head quite hard and are hearing things, but it’ll pass.” It would have also avoided the issue of her blindly listening to those voices, but so would have actual training in the ability. Frankly, this episode was supposed to enforce the idea that Teela isn’t ready for the powers she inherited, but the only unreadiness I saw was caused by her mother refusing to teach her anything, and time will not make Teela magically capable of using powers she hasn’t been told anything about. It would have been one thing if the telepathy was shown to be so powerful it was making Teela lose track of reality but this was a simple case of: “nobody told this girl how telepathy works”. It just all sounds like excuses.

The SkeleMobile is pretty neat

*nods*

“YoU dOn’t uNderStaNd” is her answer to everything

Yeah

“But, alas, I am a massive fucking coward”

That’s why she doesn’t wanna see Teela, she knows how Teela feels about cowards!

“I don’t wanna be here anymore”

I don’t know, Beast Man’s beasts always come in handy while your strongest spells have about a ⅓ chance of friendly fire

Yeah, Beats Man’s beast buddies are really useful to Skeletor’s evil incorporated

“I’m going to drive my Skele Mobile right through those gates”

I thought they banged!

I thought they were fucking!

“That way, when it’s time for her destiny she will not be ready”

“Just like Adam”

“That is the way”

“That is the way of the bird”

Oh she’s sad about being a piece of shit. What’s up with that being such a common story device? “If it’s difficult to do it’s definitely the right thing to do.” No!

“Haha! Laugh!”

“Bwahaha I don’t know what we’re laughing about”

She does like her games. Every time someone wants to talk to her she plays keepaway

“I deal with Man at Arms the same way I deal with Adam’s problems: avoiding it”

Why do the lights work like this?

For dramatic hallway meetings

Holy shit the sarcasm

She doesn’t need to read his mind since he’s so ready to drop the bomb shell

“I sure hope she won’t ask any questions since I won’t be able to keep any secret from my precious daughter”

Her clothes are damaged! That’s how we know it’s very serious

Indeed, because Battle Damage Teela isn’t even a product you can buy

“Teela is all of the Masters’ daughter”

Ram Man is very wholesome

Yes!

The whole “weird power is highly useful in certain circumstances” plot works a lot better when the “weird power” in question isn’t basically super stretching because, as a longtime consumer of superhero stories, I happen to know that super stretching is, in fact, a really useful and versatile power when used for strategy and not brute strength. The whole “overlooked team member proves they’re useful” also works better when the nonsense villain doesn’t wear plot armor that makes him unreasonably untouchable until the hero of the day just yoinks the super artifact out of his hand.

Even in hindsight, all of our complaints about Marzo’s stint as the main baddie of the episode hold true. He has no plan, other than using his Amulet of Cheesing Everything But Getting It Bitten Out of Your Hand to wreak destruction until the amulet faces its one weakness, getting bitten out of his hand. Was he planning to rule a kingdom of sleeping bodies while constantly gassing them? He had no means of forcing compliance in the people, neither did he seem to have any way to imprison his foes. The only reason his invasion seemed to work out was because Man at Arms forgot to pack his gas mask, gear I doubt he doesn’t have considering he has a full Aqua Action Man at Arms diving suit.

Anyway, I’ll definitely be happy once we’re back to our regular Skeletor-Scheduled Shenanigans. Adam was on point once again, and it was really nice to see Orko in his role of Adam’s friend in the know. He really came out in clutch even in his over eagerness.

Wow

He’s so stupid

“Ugh, sick party, Randor”

Yes he is, that’s not even a boast

Oh, watch out! This loser might come back

They might need to wear, *gasp*, gas masks next time

Is that even a weekend project for Man at Arms after the anti-mind control chips?

Could probably finish it in an afternoon

And now he’s just spraying them with knockout gas over and over again

Actually killing them or incarcerating them is beyond his powers apparently

Oh, right, the world doesn’t need to see his nipples

*snort*

That was so dumb! Why did he think that would work?

Apparently he’s so dumb he can’t figure out his dogs aren’t immune to their own poison

Or to falling!

Ah, fall damage, he forgot to check if there was any

Everybody’s worfing hard in this episode because, logistically, he shouldn’t be so tough

Randor is such a fucking quitter!

In this episode everybody had to be nerfed so that Mekaneck could feel better about himself

Look, our savior has arrived

Finally this episode is about an interesting character

Adam loves animals so much he takes naps in the stables

Adam also loves naps so he’s combining his two affections

“No, Adam, do not let the animals see you transform or I will take away your powers”

She actually threatens him with Skeletor coming after his loved ones. “Otherwise Skeletor will kill all your animal friends”

Even the hellhounds are losers in comparison to Panthor

Panthor can at least provide Battle Cat with a decent challenge

How does he fit all that neck inside his body?

Pocket dimension

Yeah okay

His neck hole is actual a portal to the neck dimension

*impressed* Okay

He didn’t even stick him with a body horror thing

Yeah

He’s a softcore evil wizard!

Yeah! Are you even trying, man?

So his evil plan is to punch a king and then feed him to his evil hellhounds. Man, this guy is like the zero sugar version of Skeletor

Then again, his nemesis was an already elderly grandpa

“Skeletor has fallen into a ravine. I, Marzo, am now the new big bad”

He’s certainly trying with the evil laugh but, eh, Skeletor does it better

Skeletor would also have a better plan

Than just shoot lasers at the elders’ castle. Skeletor actually breached the place

Man, the elders have a really bad problem with “out of sight, out of mind”

That’s how they dealt with Skeletor. And themselves

No, I’m pretty sure this is some magical troll

Aw man it’s a fucking evil genie even worse

That’s his hair, not his hood?

I have no idea how that works

Is it like Jotaro’s hat?

Adam is such a kind person

There are no words for how much he cares about everyone

Mat at Arms, a teenager is better at emotions than you!

Yeah

I was wondering what they were fighting over this time, but then I realized these guys can’t go shopping for milk without the other party showing up to wreck their shit

“I want them to cry over spilled milk, nyahahaha!”

Mekaneck’s getting a pain in the neck

I just realized that Adam is Adam, not He-Man. They really might have been ambushed during a milk run

Yeah, the actor can shoot a gun so Mekaneck can shoot a gun

“Aah, we’re being Wily Coyote’d!”

I read MotU: R comic #2 and…Hordak…

The Sorceress from He-Man is an autistic lesbian!

Adam from He-Man is a trans boy with ADHD!