#rkheejin

-.✦･｡ﾟMGA season 5:episode 4,outfit
            performing ed sheeran “cross me” ft Chance The Rapper + PNB Rock
            with @rksihyeon (lyrics + line distribution)
          mentioned briefly: @rkxsnh​,@rkhyeon​,@rkyeji​
            @rkxbin​,@rkheejin​,@rkjaemin​,@rkkyungsoo

Surviving to the next episode again and again has always been expected by the teen but the further into the competition she comes, the more anxious she honestly becomes. Working as pairs proves to be difficult for her even if her partners are the sweetest things, having had the experience of being betrayed before she can’t help but wonder if she will be once again. Last week she was paired with Sakura who she already know and are close friends with, which in honesty did make things a little easier, but when doubled with a stranger Ryujin was sceptical. The trust that she ultimately need to have in others has been so swindled to the point where it sincerely is difficult even trusting in her friends and aquaintances 

She learned rather quickly that her worries were unjust though, when she started working with Sia she noticed right away that the two of them get along well and that they do have each other’s success at best interest. Ryujin is a team player, she know that it is how they will make progress and it is simply who she is as a person– she will do whatever she can to make sure that not only does she pass to the next phase, but that her partner does as well. And that has nothing to do with the fact that they are eliminated in pairs this season. They practice mostly at 1MILLION dance studio, which is practically where Ryujin has grown up– having started dancing there at nine years old she is familiar there, and was the one to suggest it.

With the summer heat Ryujin made sure that they kept cool and relaxed by bringing the pair a chilled drink each, fruity smoothies for Sia and iced mocha lattes for herself. In return, the elder saw to it that the teen was well and sufficiently rested throughout their time together as a pair. In one way they behaved like friends who genuinely cared about each other’s well being– which ultimately is their stage concept as well, best friends who don’t let anyone in the way of their friendship. Both of them came with song suggestions, Ryujin proposing Ariana Grande’s song “Side to Side” but felt more inclined towards Sia’s option of Ed Sheeran’s “Cross Me” with Chance The Rapper + PNB Rock though both would be good alternatives.

-.✦･｡ﾟ

Seated next to Sia in their assigned seats Ryujin think that they look so darn cute in their matching outfits, the elder wearing the darker outfit while the teen wearing the lighter. Reason behind that obvious to them but likely slipping the audience; as a rap and vocal duo people do often see the rapper as the thug one and the singer as the innocent one, so they decided that today they are switching it up. Ryujin, the rapper, prepared the white and endearing look while Sia, the vocalist, preparing the more dark and mysterious vibe. “I’m so excited,” she note towards the other in a whisper while waiting for the performances to start already. Ryujin can’t wait until it all begin, and she’s so eager to watch Olivia with Hohyeon.

As well as Yeji and Changbin, and Heejin and Jaemin. Those are the ones that are interesting this week, in her personal opinion, along with the question– will Kyungsoo dance, again? 

Ryujin sure hopes that he will because she want to see a lot more of him and see what he has to offer. Compared to their blind date set up by their parents he definitely show other sides, all the while she can spot the same man that she already met before. Pairs after pairs perform on stage and soon enough, sooner than Ryujin has grown used to actually, it’s her turn to step up and she is confident as ever walking next to her partner who has such an amazing voice; their stage is different from what she has done so far, much different from it really, which makes it a little scary. Although they have both practiced hard, alone and together, and have come down to a satisfying stage, Ryujin can’t help but worry. What if the judges don’t like it after all? What if they expected something else, or perhaps even more of her already?

“5040 Shin Ryujin and 5026 Kim Sia.” They are finally called to the stage.

Glancing over to the elder with a little smirk she reveal how much she crave to be on stage, if she can say so herself she believe that the two of them have prepared a strong performance– Ryujin has faith in them, and in in their stage. Once reaching up to the center she bow down in front of the judges, introduce herself and step into position. Ryujin begin the moment she get a cue from Sia, her verse starting off before the music come in. As she deliver her part she rap with perfect English as a result of having English speaking family members, she has spent so many summers in America with her grandparents she barely has an accent. They walk ahead together, oozing of attidude as Ryujin effortlessly pass her opening verses, and execute a little secret handshake of sorts that they prepared to show their close friendship during the second part of Ryujin’s verse making sure to hit it with the beat of the song.

Anything she need, she can call me
Don’t worry ‘bout her, that’s my seed, yup, that’s all me
Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me
Cross me, cross me, if you, if you, if you, if you (Ryujin)

Anything she need, she can call me
Don’t worry 'bout her, that’s my seed, yup, that’s all me
Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me
Cross me, cross me, if you, if-

While it’s originally a supposed love song Ryujin enjoy that they have attempted to switch it up like they did with their outfits, that rather bringing a romantic love song they turn it into about a friendship instead. Her verse came to a seemingly abrupt end but that is on purpose, just as in the original song. She doesn’t make too much out of herself when Sia  sing her part as it’s the elder’s time to shine, but she moves her body gently to the beat of the music. Sometimes encouraging the other with ad libs of ‘yeahs’ and ‘mhms’, nothing too extra. The music stops at Sia’s “ayy” but before anyone has the time to wonder if they are done Ryujin comes back around with a beatless rap consisting of the same verse that she opened with. This time, instead of ending it abruptly the two of them merge their parts into a smooth transision.

Anything she need, she can call me
Don’t worry 'bout her, that’s my seed, yup, that’s all me
Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me
Cross me, cross me, if you, if you, if you

Sia sing the refrain with her beautiful voice and Ryujin can’t help but feel a little envious, having yet to gain any confidence in her own singing. The teen has given up that dream, and she has settled with the fact that she is a dancing rapper instead. Having two lines in this refrain she make sure that she understand what the lyrics are about, so when she deliver the words of ‘anything she need she can call me’ she look over at the elder with a smile and an endearing look in her eyes, as though the two are actually friends who will do anything for one another. She is surprised how well they work together on stage, considering the fact that they met as strangers. The part come to an end as all things do and finally, Ryujin is coming in with the actual rap. Due to her age, they decided that she would rewrite some of the lyrics.

And she ain’t messing with no other man
Now what you not gon’ do
Is stand there 'cross from me like you got Kung Fu
Death stare, crossed arms, running your mouth like a faucet
But you don’t know that my girl been doing CrossFit
Pew! Kung Pow! Knock you out with a cross kick
Blowing air out, wear you out, you exhausted
Know she gonna slide anytime you girlies gossip
Keep a lil’ blade in her smashin lip gloss kit, ayy
No one say hi to me without her
Better pay your respect to the queen
Better do that ish without a flirt
Gotta respect the HBIC
Couple of things that you need to know
If you still wanna be friends with me 

During her verse she use the technique that she always does during her raps, her mind doing that automatically by now; always think one sentence ahead, prepare the next sentence while delivering so that the words won’t stumble. The flow is a little strange to her but she manage it well, having practiced from dusk till dawn to perfect her part. That’s what she enjoy about these performances, that she don’t necessarily need a specific place to practice. When she near the second part of her verse she step closer towards Sia, and while she express the words ‘better pay your respect to the queen’ she motion with her fingers as though she’s crowning the other female. She grin broadly after that and finish her verse strongly, then gesture towards the elder who is assigned to end their performance with the song’s signature phrase. Happy with their stage she bow down again as a kind of ‘thank you’ for allowing her to perform again. 

-.✦･｡ﾟMGA season 5:episode 3,outfit
             performing rhythm power “bond girl” with @rksakura(lyrics + line distribution)

While Ryujin experienced some unexpected stress after the recodring of episode two she has somehow managed to pull herself together, the fact that she’s paired with Sakura is enough to bring the spark back into her and combined with their song chocie, Ryujin is utterly ecstatic. It didn’t take long for them to come to an agreement, being friends from before sure did help but that isn’t necessarily the only reason that things went so smoothly for them. Practicing for their stage was nothing but fun and good times, their personalities fitting so perfectly together that it almost doesn’t feel like they are prepping for a competition at all. 

   At least to Ryujin.

As she’s rapping for the next mission Ryujin find that she can practice everywhere, even while they are making props for their introduction and while they are out shopping for their matching outfits. Having decided to wear a classy all black outfit Ryujin has settled with a simple pair of pants with a blazer and a cropped top, finished off with brightly white shoes. She wonder if the judges will know the reference when she bring a self-made propsto the stage, while Sakura is making her own take on the head Ryujin wanted to go with the original as Primary has made a presence in the original music video for Bond Girl. 

   Surely the judges will know, right?

Although Ryujin has signed up as a dancer she definitely has experience in rapping, she was meant to debut as Amarante’s rapper after all as well as practicing tecniques on her own time just for fun. So needless to say, she isn’t nervous about this particular stage. Just by practices she know that she and Sakura will make a great performance as their dynamic is excellent, if others won’t enjoy their stage she will honestly be surprised. Perhaps she is biased though, to their song choice as she absolutely love it and think that it was such a bop, as well as to her friendship with Sakura. That the two of them got paired, it was honestly just perfect.

Having arrived and found her assigned seat, Ryujin sit next to Sakura on the set. They are by those who perform lastly but she doesn’t mind, if anything she’s so excited to perform that she could wish that they were first. It might be better to be towards the end, however, so that they do not risk being forgotten by others should they have a more preferred stage. Theirs will be a whole lot of fun however, Ryujin is absolutely sure of that. She hold onto Sakura’s hand whilst watching others, for support to the other and strength to herself. Watching all the others on the stage makes her even more excited, she just want it to be their turn.

She watch especially close when Kyungsoo perform with Yugyeom, Yeji with Junhee, Heejin with Daniel, Chaeryeong with Joohyuk and Olivia with Youngjae. All of those pairs hold at least one of her friends, who she honestly is so proud of for coming this far along with her. Occasionally she lean in to Sakura, revealing thoughts around the different performances. Ryujin is surprised when she sees that Kyungsoo is dancing, not so much when Yeji sings because she has already seen that live in person when she managed to talk the other into an open mic together. Pair after pair set foot on the stage and eventually, it’s their turn to shine and boy, will they shine today.

“Next up is… #5033 Miyawaki Sakura and #5040 Shin Ryujin.”

Microphone in hand and box on her head, Ryujin walk towards the center with Sakura by her side who wears her very own personalised box. As it’s only for reference they remove what’s covering their heads after a respectful bow towards the audience, then placing it somewhere where they won’t stand in their way during the presentation. “I’m Shin Ryujin,” she say firstly, and wait for the other to state her name. “And we have prepared something fun for you today. Please enjoy.” Having cut the song to fit their time frame it starts off rather abruptly but they are well prepared, Sakura being the first one out to rap her verse. 

Ryujin stands just behind her but out of the way, it’s the elder’s time to shine. She emphasise some of the ending words to make a wholesome performance, dancing dorkily whenever she isn’t joining in. It’s obvious that Ryujin is comfortable on the stage, even when sharing it as it’s something she has practiced before. Not quite like this, obviously, but the experience come in handy nonetheless. She twirl in the background, hands doing their own things, and she bites down on her lip out of pure excitement. Sakura is nailing her part, and it’s just too fun being a part of a stage with her friend performing such a feel-good song like Bond Girl.

The moves that she has during this performance is completely different from the dances that’s been shown so far but honestly, Ryujin isn’t trying to show how good she is right now. She just want to have fun, and dance dorkily however her body decides to move. Once, she pretend to hide behind Sakura only to pop out and rap a word in choir before she continue to goof around whilst the other finish off her verse. Ryujin slides into the center as she take over the spotlight, Hanzoo’s part is short but important to build up to the refrain. Originally it leads up for Zion.T to sing but none of them are singers, so they leave that to the instrumental.

왜 내 집 주소 묻는데 AHA
아 왜 너 내 주민번호 묻는데 UH-uH
내 대답은 No woah 징그럽게 달라붙지 마
Girl, WOAH! 본드걸 ! 그만 끈적거려 너

She nails the part easily, if Hanzoo can pull it off without being a singer then Ryujin can as well with her deep voice. In the refrain they dance briefly but synchronised, both coming in to voice “BOND GIRL” while pointing at the audience with a finger gun. To fit the time frame they had to cut the refrain short so abruptly but fittingly, Ryujin move straight into Geegoin’s verse and she deliver it effortlessly. She has so much fun being in center, being backed up by Sakura who is doing her own thing behind her, much like what she did when the other was in the spotlight. Their dynamic on stage together is seamless, and accurate. Neither stealing time from the other.

난 제임스 본드, 이유 좀 묻지 말고
10미터 사정거리 필시 유지하고
미심쩍으니 내 옆구리 데우지 말고
나에게 떨어져 나 뜬구름 잡게 하지 말고
너 이뻐 그런데 왜 내가 좋니?
아무래도 딱 내 눈엔 심심풀이로 하는 놀이
다단계 아니지? 바란 게 내 맘이
아니라면 당장 가줘 제발 

From time to time she glance out in the audience, Ryujin want to connect to them and show that she performs for them all and not just the judges. A smile is present throughout most of the stage, only sometimes she’s looking serious or focused but that’s an obvious act. Using the techique she often does by thinking of the next sentence right away, she easily deliver what she’s assigned to rap, all the while continuing her fun little dance moves. And so, it’s Sakura who does Hanzoo’s part. Ryujin encourage the bridge by throwing out some ‘UOH’s and ‘YEAH’s before they roll into the last refrain. Jumping back as the refrain start, they begin to dance again like before, choiring ‘BOND GIRL’.

When the song ends they finish off with each their strong pose, Ryujin looking serious for just one moment before she break her composure and grin broadly like throughout the stage. She couldn’t possibly be happier with the outcome, looking over at Sakura with a ‘we did it’ look in her eyes. Bowing down in front of the judges once more, she then grab a hold of her Primary look alike box and skip off the stage with the elder. 

0-I : your uber has arrived — arrival

          june fourteen. seoul arts high school. six am. wordcount: 840

“jungeun we support your dreams but you know we had onerequest. one condition.you need to finish high school first." 

i know. she keeps her mouth shut but she really finds it unfair.it wasn’t like she was going to drop out if she joined the competition. it wasn’t like there weren’t any trainees who were simultaneously students—her school had plenty of them. 

she was young in the real world but the idol world moved considerably fast. there were already people her age debuting; her friends were joining the competition and she wasn’t getting any younger. 

"you’re not joining the mgas and that’s final. its too early for you.”  



jungeun looked at the trees and buildings blurring against the car’s speed. the sun was barely opening its eyes; shewas barely opening hers. a year has passed since the last mgas, she’s had to see some her closest friends and peers achieve their dreams ( which were equally hers as well ). she could say she was happy for them, yet she felt an odd mix of emotions. jungeun wasn’t able to join them. jungeun wasn’t able to do anything to achieve her dreams. 

she turned her focus to her parents sitting in the driver and passenger seat. she remembers barely being home when the fourth season was appearing. her sentiments towards her parents were too bitter but she couldn’t muster the courage to express her feelings. she knew they supported her but she knew how much her parents valued education. if she wasn’t planning to go to college, she should at least finish up high school.

that was all in the past now. 

jungeun learned that she couldn’t change the past. she could only move towards the future. jungeun unintentionally let out a sigh, earning the attention of her parents. the car halted to a stop, the blurry background changing into a collection of buildings. 

seoul arts high school. 

she was here. it was time. it was hertime. 

“remember, slow and steady wins the race,” her dad turned around, flashing her a reassuring smile. 

“you got this, sweetheart. you’ve trained for this moment. now it’s yours to take,” jungeun’s mom said, as she ran her fingers through her daughter’s hair she helped straighten this morning.

“thank you mom and dad,” jungeun thanked her parents with the utmost sincerity. she knew their support was hers—there was nothing stopping her. jungeun opened the car door and grabbed her bag. “wish me luck.”

it was to her advantage that the audition sites were at arts schools. she wasn’t at sopa but it didn’t make much of a difference. yes, the people in this particular situation are new faces and she didn’t have her friends with her. but she could adapt. she knew the feeling of auditioning in small classrooms and having to walk through hallways seeing others sing and dance in rooms.

she titled her head down to glance at the nametag on her chest—kim jungeun—which was to be on her at all times. the lady walking in front of her turned around and smiled. 

“nervous?” the lady, who junguen assumed was a worker, asked. jungeun shook her head,  flashing a light smile in response. thank god you’re not as mean as the other one, she thought, thinking of the receptionist with the sour expression. it was early in the morning, yeah. jungeun understands but a light smile would be nice ( and this is coming from a master of the RBC ).

they stop at the gym and the lady parts from jungeun without saying a word, finding it less important than collecting the clipboards on the tables laid out across the large room. jungeun scans the room, looking for somewhere to sit as she waited to be measured. 

she finds the process redundant. height and weight were questions on the application but she assumes not everyone is as honest as her. insoles are a thing, she says to herself. her eyes squint when she sees a familiar face. she almost laughs because of all the people who could possibly be her good luck charm, it wasn’thim. but here he was, being the nuisance that he is. just sitting in a chair, minding his business. he glances at her, immediately turning his head away to pretendlike he’s listening to the person next to him. 

woojin. i know you can see me. his lack of attention causes her to move closer to him, stopping at the empty seat next to him. 

“is this seat taken,” the blonde asks. she really didn’t have anyone to sit with, as heejin was assigned to a different school. ( she makes a mental note to thank her best friend for the good luck essay sent to her. ) he doesn’t answer—typical woojin. “good ‘cause i was just wondering. i like my space." 

jungeun emphasizes the last word as she took the seat next to the one she was inquiring about. she crosses her arms as she waits for her name to be called and measurements to be taken. 

this was going to be a long day..

II-I : putting the motion in emotion — the skill showcase 

      june 2019. mga 5 skill showcase. wordcount: 3713 (damn wtf my bad…ily bianca) 
                   dancing to bellyache bybillie eilish(1:24 - 2:46 ) / outfit
              tw: slight mentions of food and tough mother-child r/s
         mentioning:@rkheejin,@rkxbin,@rkpwj,@rkkyul,@yuzurk

jungeun finds herself sitting inside the darkness of one of her mother’s studios. she was definitely procrastinatingand although it was only ten minutes since she decided to turn the lights off, any second spent not dancingwas a second wasted. 

she couldn’t think of a choreography to choose. first of all, she couldn’t think of a songto dance to. she muses on the idea of dancing without music. tap dancing? that’s something she could do—if she didn’t take this competition seriously. 

“jungeun!” the blonde jumps as her mother opened the door of the studio. her mom opens the lights of the studio abruptly, shaking her head upon seeing her daughter sit in the darkness. jungeun stood up, squinting her eyes as she tried to adjust to the unwelcomed burst of light. “i did notcancel a sum of my classes and let you borrow one of my studios for you to just meditate in the dark!”

ah, the perks of having a mom who owned her own dance academy. 

as soon as her mom left the studio, jungeun slid across the room with her socks to turn the lights off once again. she wasn’t done with her odd way of brainstorming but she hastily activated her melon app to play music, to fool her mother into thinking she was actually practicing. 

sensory deprivation was her last resort to help her come up with ideas. taking away her sight and touch allowed her to be left alone with her thoughts. but being left alone with her thoughts was going into a weird territory. or was it just the billie eilish playing that made her think that way? jungeun grabbed her phone—now playing: billie eilish. 

yup, it was definitely the billie eilish playing. 

the lightbulb inside jungeun’s brain suddenly blinks and she jumps. she almost trips, almost losing her chance to compete but the literal light is opened. its time to dance. she couldn’t waste anymore time. 

— flashback: first episode filming and the day after —

kim jungeun. 

her eyes widen upon hearing her name called. she almost blurts out, “are they calling my name?” though, its obvious she is the only kim jungeun there. the list of names continues to be read, then a brief moment of silence is held before the CEOs mention the next challenge.

right.fifty people is still a large number. despite it being smaller than one hundred, it still signified that jungeun needed to step it up. as each round passed and more people continued to be weeded out, it became increasingly obvious that those who remained were extremely skilled. she wanted to be smug and pretend that some of them weren’t betterthan her but that wasn’t true.

as she leaves the studio with heejin, she congratulates some of her friends who’ve also made it. she sees changbin and playfully tells him, “i put a word in or two for you, it must have work.” she also sees woojin and she gives him a single nod when their eyes meet ( because frenemies never seem to congratulate each other normally ). 

jungeun goes wherever the celebration requires her to be at but all she’s waiting for is to be home.heejin drags her to a get together with some other contestants and she tries not to drink as she tries to pick at the minds of her competitors. she feels the drag on her body as time goes on and she waits for the perfect opportunity to say her goodbyesandsee you’s. a few hours pass and she finally finds herself entering the code in her front door’s keypad. she opens the door, a detested expression on her face. her parents stand up from their couch, hopeful expressions on their face. 

“honey,” jungeun’s father is the first to say something. based on his daughter’s expression, he’s wary of saying the wrong thing. “we’re sorry…" 

"huh?” jungeun raises a brow. she picks up her beloved dog and hugs him, expression immediately lightening up. “sorry for what? do we have food? i’m really hungry right now." 

"your expression.” he added. if she wasn’t sad about the audition, what else could she have been sad about? 

“oh,” jungeun put her dog down and walked forward to hug her parents. she couldn’t find the energy to yell ‘i made it!’  “i made it to the second round but i’m really hungry right now.”

the family find themselves in a late night barbeque restaurant. the blonde’s had her fair share of late night barbeque sessions for the last few months. she told herself that she wouldn’t eat anymore meat, especially when she was about to join a competition but she revises that this is her lastsupper.her parents are more than proud of their daughter and they repeat that sentiment for a good thirty minutes. her parents bombard her with questions about her day and especially about the ceos. 

how pretty did katie lee look in real life? junghoon! 

the conversation continues to be nonchalant but you can never separate a dance mom from her game. jungeun’s mom flips her role from a supportive mom to a pushy coach. “so, what are you going to dance to next?" 

the next morning comes and the mother-daughter pair enter their academy. jungeun’s mother leaves to go to her office to handle some paperwork, while jungeun walks towards one of the empty studios. jungeun’s mother graciously( or so the elder adds ) allowed her daughter to use one of the studios. not that jungeun was going to ask her mother for permission anyways. 

—flashback over—

jungeun’s happy that an idea finallyappeared in her head because if it hadn’t, she might have tap-danced her way into the third round. it has only been three hours since she’s started practicing ( and a day after the first episode filming ) but she couldn’t waste anymore time. after sifting through songs and facetiming some of her colleagues, jungeun came up with a choreography to perform.

she wasn’t going to lie and say that she didn’thave any apprehension about the choreography she was going to perform. 

versatility wasn’t foreign to her but was taking a risk the best option for her? she presented an energetic yet flirty image with her first episode performance, which seemed to work. but, she couldn’t fall back on what’s safe. 

safe always gets boring somehow and jungeun was notboring. 

the choreography the dancer was performing was something she was definitely comfortable with. its style more in the vein of the styles she grew up dancing in—contemporary, modern, lyrical. but, its expression was definitely not something jungeun frequently played with. 

it was compelling, yet a bit creepy. 

was she ready for creepy? she knew that she wanted to stand out as much as possible but she didn’t know if giving the judges nightmareswas the best way to do so. either way, she pushed her apprehension aside and began to practice memorizing the steps. if she spent more time worrying, she wasn’t going to have anytime practicing. if she wasn’t going to spend time practicing, she wasn’t going to the third episode and so forth.

five, six, seven, eight. she chants those numbers dozens of times over the next few hours, to the point where she was certain she could do the choreography in her sleep. bathroom, eating, and sleeping are the only breaks she allows for herself. 

there’s a point where she’s exerted her muscles too much to continue practicing for the day. she was too lost in the music to realize that she stepped out into a completely pitch black academy and her mom no where to be found. 

goddamit, dancing to a billie eilish song was a bad idea. 

the next day arrives and fortunately, a paranormal experience exacerbated by the billie eilish songs she was listening to didn’t occur. again, she only takes breaks for the bathroom, eating, or sleeping. the rest of her time was spent on ensuring she had the technicalities down. if the first day was spent ensuring she got the choreography right until she was able to do it in her sleep, this day was spent ensuring she was able to do the choreography right if she magically projected out of her body ( if that was even possible ). 

the third day was new. she was getting to the point where muscle memory took the wheel. all was left was for her to make the choreography her own. to add her parts of her identity. to make breathe lifeinto it. 

she admits she was getting bored of performing in front of her reflection. she thought of anyone she could perform it to. her friends who were trainees were obviously too busy. heejin was singing and changbin was rapping—having them in the room would probably be simultaneously distracting. there were a few other contestants she knew but she didn’t have much trust for them to be in the room with her. 

ugh. 

she grabs her phone during a water break as she thinks of possibly the lastperson on earth who she wanted in the room with her. but, she was getting bored ( and maybe lonely ). 

kkt — to: park woojin

> hey. my mom owns a dance academy and has an extra studio that i’ve been practicing in. i don’t know if you’re still hoping that dancing thing would work out for you but if you needed a place to practice, i have one.
> *address attached*
> not that i want you there. my dad just tells me i need to do charitable things monthly. so this is my act of charity for this month.
> but if you decide to come, bring earphones or whatever. i don’t want to hear your annoying ass music.

she’s surprised when she sees her mom and the drummer/dancer at the door of the studio. she opens it, only to hear her mom say, "oh, i didn’t know you were planning to do a couple dance.”

jungeun ( and she’s sure woojin as well ) almost blurts out a loud what the fuck. but, jungeun closes the door without saying anything else and glares once at her mom. mental note: have the ‘he’s just a colleague’ conversation with mom later. 

the studio is big enough for the two of them…to be on separate sides of the room. they have earphones or airpods, in jungeun’s case because she alwayshas to mention it, placed in both of their ears. 

jungeun plays her music too loud to hear what the boy was dancing to but she assumes its either r&b or hip-hop from the flow of his movements. her goal was to immerse herself into the choreography she’s chosen, so she tries to lose herself in the music to focus on her facials and expression. her choreography is a bit out there and she notices woojin give her a whole ’what the fuck’ look through the mirror. she mouths, “fuck yourself” through the mirror and the two continue to dance while mildlyminding their own business. 

there was a point where she feels her stomach growl and she says the first thing to woojin since he arrived. “are you hungry? can—go to the convenience store with me. i can’t have you alone in the studio. your metal energy might thrash my mom’s shit and i’dbe the one getting into trouble.”

the two grab snacks, which jungeun graciouslypays for and tells him that its no big deal like a broken record. when the two return to the studio, they eat in silence as if a live ASMR mukbang was being filmed. they only speak when jungeun throws a packet at him and does the opengesture; he doesn’t understand her, so she shakes her head and says, “open.” she notices her tone is too demanding, even if it was towards him. “please.”  

he throws the packet back at her, almost spilling the contents all over the floor and she just sighs instead of calling him stupid. the two continue to practice in their separate sides of the studio. jungeun almost wants to ask him for his constructive criticism but she could read his expressions through the mirror. her pride was also a factor—she’ll never bow down to ask him for help in something thatimportant. when the night falls, the two leave the studio without any word except for jungeun telling him, “don’t let the monsters chase you.”

goddammit, listening to billie eilish for ten hours really was a bad idea. 

the next few days are spent perfecting her performance. the choreography was down but she needed to fullyembrace the oddities of it. she also spends time shopping. she wishes it was for leisure but she wanted to make an impression. at least, that’s what her excuse was for spending almost one hundred thousand won. 

in an almost rocky-like sequence, she asks her mom and most trusted teachers to help her sharpen her choreography. she performs it over and over again, having critiques thrown at her while she dances. more power! extend your leg out more! hold that pose more! keep it at 90 degrees! 

she dances until sweat is dripping down her forehead and pain is felt when she tries to inhale. she knows its over when her mother says, “alright, let’s get dinner now." 

jungeun’s mom was caring as a mother but tough as a dance instructor. since childhood, jungeun only remembers her mother supporting her dreams without question—from the simplest to the largest. but when it came to dancing, jungeun’s mother became more critical. jungeun supposed it was due to her mother’s background, considering she was once a prima ballerina. eunbi only stepped down on her own accord, not because she got into trouble or was physically inept. she was once the best, so she expected her daughter to be the best or better. 

jungeun would remember her mother immediately running to her side when she fell off a slide or swing as a child, immediately kissing the injury and buying the young girl her favorite ice cream. yet, her approach changed when jungeun would fall during a dance practice. did you flex your abdomen? your balance is weak, that’s why you fell. do it again. 

"kick their asses tomorrow,” jungeun’s mother suddenly breaks the silence in their car ride. “you got this.”

jungeun tries to hide a smile. you got this—its the first time she’s heard her mother say that in regards to a performance. and its all she needed. 

jungeun finds herself in a mnet recording studio once again. its like last week’s configuration but smaller. the change forces the blonde to put things in perspective. there’s less of them, so the competition is greater. jungeun scans the room for who really made it; there’s definitely more faces she’s familiar with than not. she says hi to those she knows and to a few she recognizes from the get-together yuzu held. 

her heart beats faster when she thinks about the fact that she’ll specifically be against other dancers. she’s sitting next to one—kyulkyung.she notices the raven haired girl was wearing shoes and she raises a brow. “no ballet today,” jungeun asks, tone playfully curious. jungeun taps her vans together unconsciously. she sees another competitor and possibly her life’scompetitor—woojin. she thinks he’s in good hands; she could tell from the day they practiced, when she was pretending to mark her steps to watch him dance instead. 

yet, pride is the devil on her shoulder. so she tells him, “i hope practicing at my mom’s studio saved you.”

when jungeun returns to her seat, she rubs her knees and spends the rest of the time waiting to talk to heejin and whoever else surrounded her. the loud boomplays once again. the lights shining on the five figures. the slow walking. she knows its all dramatics—tv ratings and all. though she really thinks she might be at mount olympus, waiting for the gods’ judgement upon her.

the festivities commence and the carousel of performances turn. everyone seemed to share the same thought; they needed to step their game up and it showed.she didn’t care much for the rapping and dancing performances, except for a few. scratch that, except for heejin’s. they’ve mentioned their ideas to each other once or twice but jungeun wanted to be surprised.so, she tells her best friend not to spoil her performance before hand too much. she claps when her best friend performs, stands up even. she holds her hands together by her cheek in awe. it seemed like heejin took a risk as well but jungeun had no doubt in the brunette.    

she claps out of respect for the dancers and rappers but she does so in a zombie-like fashion. she wasn’t paying much attention to analyze their performances. but she remembers a few that stand out. most of her attention is saved for all of the dancers. her eyes trace their steps and she counts the music that plays, wishingthat someone would miss a beat. she doesn’t notice much mistakes, causing her heart to beat faster and stomach to cramp. its anticipation and anxiety, every performance is spent with her internalizing wishes of being called next.   

finally, her name is called. she takes off her shoes before stepping on stage. she isn’t completely barefoot, as dance paws are worn around her feet. as she walks to the stage, which seems like forever,she thinks about how dance paws are one of the greatest invention known to dancers. less bulkier than wearing shoes but safer than being barefoot. she doesn’t think there’s anything greater than these, except for spandex. maybe.

its a bit redundant to introduce herself. its obvious. kim jungeun equates to dancer. instead of opening her mouth, trying to sass one of the judges, jungeun instead steps center stage. she stands still—arms relaxed to her sides, legs parallel to her shoulders. head is slightly dropped, as she waits for the technicians to play the music she provided.

sittin’ all alone mouth full of gum
in the driveway
my friends aren’t far
in the back of my car
lay their bodies

one of her favorite things about lyrical choreographies is that they were a blend of different styles. there was a certain point of grace that it required. it wasn’t graceful enough to be considered ballet. yet, there were pockets in the beat that required may require to pop or lock. but, the choreography wasn’t completely hip-hop. her extremities extended, like water flowing through a river, as billie sang and abruptly stopped, like water crashing onto a rock, whenever a clickwas heard. 

she appreciated the hybridity in lyrical routines. it was kind of like the warmporridge of the three bears’ and she was literally( thanks to her dyed hair ) goldilocks. but her favorite part of lyrical routines was its open gate of expression. she was allowed to give into the song and bare her emotions on the floor.  

if a song was a sorrowful ballad, she was free to contort her face to one of sadness. and maybe, if she was able to, cry on command. but this song required her to be one that’s lost.not lost in love or lost in dreams. but lost in thought and maybe darkness.  

where’s my mind
where’s my mind 

her limbs and torso aren’t the only parts of her body that contort. usually, dancers were advised to smile and keep their facials intact. even if they were in pain or tired. but, the lyrics were clouded with darkness and confusion. she forces her face to express the pain of performing the choreography. she admits it wasn’t a pretty face but matching the routine was more important for her. 

maybe it’s in the gutter where i left my lover
what an expensive fate
my V is for Vendetta
thought that i’d feel better

during her practices, she was apprehensive about this part of the routine. if she was doing this for a normal competition, she would have noproblem about it. but, this was largely an idolcompetition. and idols weren’t expected to be ugly or thrash around the floor. there’s a feeling in her gut that this portion would be edited into some sort of meme but she loses her pride on the floor. she moves on the floor, crawling and reaching for something. she tries to paint a scene with her expression. she wants the audience to wonder: what is she reaching for? is she trying to fight something? 

she was an actress and this was her big scene. the climax of the film. every movement brings her physically closer to the judges’ table. she decided that she would put her struggles into motion. everytime she moves her hands to reach, it represented the dreams she’s worked so hard to grasp. its hard to grasp and obstacles seem to find their way to her. she tries to express it by looking like she’s fighting against something. struggling. 

but now i got a bellyache 

the music briefly stops. the song takes a slight turn, playing billie’s altered vocals and a different beat. she dances with a smile on her face now as choreographed movements return. they’re faster than the first half of the choreography, some steps birthed by hip-hop routines. she didn’t look like she was struggling anymore. she was closer to achieving her dreams. being on the stage, she had nothing to fear and nothing to run from. 

she ended her routine on the floor, fluidly moving into her final position. she turns her head to the face at the judges, a smirk on her face appearing as the music ends. she stands up and bows to them, as she tries to control her breathing rate. she returns to her seat and the judges waste no time calling the next performer. the carousel moves once again, as jungeun tries to control her adrenaline rush. when it subsides, she feels her stomach contort again as the time for judges to evaluate draws closer. 

maybe i really do have a bellyache.  

I-II : ...but it must be said — the callback interview 

      june 2019. mga 5 callback auditions. wordcount: 1372
         featuring:@rkxbin,@rkheejin,@rkpwj,@rkyuna,@rkjeonghxn

fix your hair here, apply more lipstick. after her hair was returned to the half-up, half-down ‘do it was in, she was told to sit inside a smaller room. based on the equipment set up and sole chair in front of the cameras, she knew she would be interviewed.good, because i have a lot to say. she thinks its a good thing people couldn’t read thoughts. although most of her thoughts are verbalized anyways.

jungeun takes a seat on the chair; its high enough for her to dangle her legs as she waits for the interviewer. would it be one of the CEO’s? she knows the idea is probably too far-fetched but she hopes that the zero point one percent chance becomes true. the door opens and she stands up to bow and introduce herself. she bows first. “hello,” the blonde introduces herself. she chuckles when she realizes who her interviewer would be. the same interviewer from the general auditions. “i’m kim jungeun." 

she says her name with a slight giggle, as the interview displays an obvious not this shit again face. they both sit down in their respective seats and once again, he wastes no time.  

— kim jungeun-ssi, how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?

"ifelt,” jungeun paused. “happy. being an idol has been my dream since childhood. i’m happy i could finally do something to pursue that dream. i didn’t get to have a chance to do it last year." 

— why not?

"i wasn’t allowed,” jungeun felt so cheesy saying that. she felt like an elementary school student. “but, its fine, i had to finish high school first anyways. education is important." 

—did your parents not allow you? your parents, by the way, are pretty impressive. your mother used to be the grand prinicipal for the seoul national ballet, right? 

jungeun decides to dodge the first question. it wasthe truth, yes. but she didn’t want her parents to be viewed as too controlling. it was also choice to respect their wishes anyways. "i didn’t allow myself. like i said, education’s important.” jungeun nodded as her mother’s background was revealed. she didn’t add it on her application purposely. she hatedbeing told that her efforts were just handed to her. but she expected that someone would find out. 

“yeah, its no surprise that i’m a dancer then, right? being a one herself, my mom has higher standards for my output as a dancer. i can’t just rely on genes or family name, i had to work hard to get here." 

—dancingruns in the family then. how does this stage compare to the others you’ve been on? it wasn’t such a challenge, right? 

"not really,” jungeun’s telling the truth. dancing on a stage or competing for a prize was not a new battle. “but i think its the most expensive stage i’ve been on." 

—and the most expensive spotlightstoo.

jungeun’s surprised he references and remembers her first interview. see, i knew you were interested in what i had to say before. "yeah, kept me warm." 

they both laugh, a break in the interviewer’s usual demeanor. but he doesn’t falter further and continues with his questions.

— so it wasn’t a challenge? even when the judges were revealed? 

"ohthatwas a challenge indeed.” jungeun recalls her little banter with the trc ceo. she hopes he didn’t take her sass the wrong way. “but it was a honor to dance for them. that’s so cliche, but really. it was. i don’t want to jinx anything but if i didn’t make it through, i think they’ll know i’m someone to look out for." 

—besides the judges, it seemed like there were faces that were familiar to you. you sat next to jeon heejin, what’d you think of her performance? 

"ilovedit. am i being biased? she’s worked hard to perform on this stage. she wouldn’t be my friend if she didn’t.” jungeun pauses. the last statement probably came out too harsh but it wasn’t false. “i mean, i try to motivate my friends to do the best they can and they do the same to me. i try not to surround myself with others who don’t have passion for what they do; it tends to drag me down as well. skill can be sharpened but passion has a rawness to it—”

“—and i think that’s something heejin has. we’ve been friends since high school. her performance was an accumulation of her many years of practice and dedication. sounding like an absolute angelis just a plus.”

—it seems like you two are really close. how about park woojin? we’ve seen you talking to him quite a bit during the general auditions. 

her demeanor changes. crap, why’d you have to mention him out of ninety-nine others. “ohhim,” jungeun purses her lips. “he wasn’t bad enough to have gotten eliminated from the general auditions. i’m surprised, i guess he can do something else other than dr—”

jungeun doesn’t know if he and his band were still undergoing their hannah montana double life type of thing. so dramatic. if gaga can go from pop’s resident “weirdo” to raw country songstress, being in a rock band and doing idol shit was nothing.the interview was the perfect time to reveal his whole gig as a drummer but she decides not to. she respects him somewhatto give him the authority over his image. “—drag his feet across the floor like he’s playing just dance or dance dance revolution. i never seen him sing, that caught me off guard. whatever, he’s not too shabby at it. he sounds nice, actually. he should do it more often." 

she trails off with the last sentence, saying it in an almost-whisper. if it were ever aired, she didn’t want him to become all smug because of one compliment. 

—how about the other performances? do you have anything to say? good or bad. 

"hm. seo changbin. he’s crazy talented, isn’t he? he says he’s a quiet person. he is, but when he opens his mouth to speak, it really means something.” jungeun says it with sincerity, considering changbin is one of the only men she can tolerate. “you could tell it by his performance, he’s alwaystrying to create something new. so the judges should give him the chance to continue to display it.”  

“shin yuna. baby shark was solast year and that twist. it was a twistbut c'mon, its so expected.” jungeun slightly rolled her eyes. “she’s beautiful, though. at least she has that." 

"there’s so much to say. so much people too,” jungeun says it with a chuckle. if she had the chance, she wouldsit there and mention every. single. performance like she was an NBA commentator. score! foul. another three from the dancer from busan. 

—i could tell, i see your gears turning. but we don’t have the time. how about onemore.

“yoon jeonghan. i liked his song selection, it seemed like he was baring it all on the stage. but it would be embarrassing if he got eliminated. being too raw for nothing. it would be a shame.”

—you seem to have a lot to say about your peers’ performances. how about you? how do you evaluate yourself?

jungeun takes a deep breath. “i did my best. i’m not perfect, so there’s always a better possible output. but, i did my best and i put my allinto that stage. i think it would be unfortunate if i were eliminated. i still have a lot to show." 

—i see. well, good luck, jungeun-ssi. 

"thank you,” jungeun says, bowing as she left her seat. 

“see you soon.” she says the last line with certainty and with a dash of hope, hoping to manifest her future. she can’tbe eliminated so early. she’s so close to her dream and it would be a shame if they took it away from her. 

( and as much as she hates to admit it, she’d blame herself more if she didn’t do her best to stay. )

 I-I : god, nor buddha — the callback audition 

       june 2019. mga 5 callback auditions. wordcount: 1813 ( tw : anxiety ) 
           dancing to superloveby tinashe ( 0:00-11 song intro ; 1:50 - 2:36;2:44-58 outro)

there’s a pit in her stomach. she’s not sure if its butterflies. perhaps its the egg casserole she ate this morning? or worse—anxiety.she can’t pinpoint what it is. but she definitely knows that she doesn’t appreciate the feeling. 

she remembers her heart beating rapidly after seeing a callbackemail. she couldn’t believe it. well, not really. she couldbelieve it. she expected it even. but she’s trying this new thing called humility.apparently, it brings good fortune. 

she laments if she pulled out all the stops for her audition at seoul arts.it must have worked if the judges wanted more. or maybe, it was all due to her outrageous interview. it might have been her speed painting skill. she’s full of maybes and perhaps lately but one thing’s for certain. she put everythingin that audition and if she put her all in one simple audition, she decided she would continue to do so. all and all, until she couldn’t perform anymore. 

though, she’s sure that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. no—she hopesit isn’t going to happen anytime soon. ( humility. ) 

jungeun read the email once, then twice, then thrice. making sure she understood what was said. making sure she knew what to preparefor because she was sure there was much more in store than what was written. for the short time she was given, she practiced for hours on end. the night before she had a good night’s rest, the morning of a proper breakfast and tightly tied shoelaces. she was ready..

or so she thought.

her eyes widened as she entered the auditorium. suddenly, it felt real. her mouth is wide open, saying words like, this is it, we’re here to her best friend by her side. they find seats to sit in, two out of one hundred. 

dancing in front of judges was one thing. a filmed audition was another. dancing in front of her peers? a battle.this was war and jungeun, in all her dramatics, was in the front line. she needed to stand out; she couldn’t stand to be part of the ninety-nine. she needed to be that one. 

it was now a waiting game, with a mix of a reunion, inside the large room. jungeun noticed a few familiar faces here and there. some she cared about and some she definitely cared less about. she yelled a few hellos to the former group and a curt smile to the latter group ( she wasn’t in the mood for any theatrics ). 

she thought about running to the stage, starting an impromptu random play dance or dance battle. anything to rile the audience up. most importantly, anything to gain attention or a warning that she wasn’t one to be idle. she hesitated a bit but the anxiety was enough to completely discard the idea. instead, she decided to observe her peers. who was a quiet one? who would be a good ally?

jungeun tried to gather information from what she could see in her peers. the action almost causes her to lose focus on most of her surroundings. she jumps in her seat when she hears a giant boomfrom the speakers. five figures follow the noise and jungeun jumpsin her seat. it doesn’t take much to figure out whothe figures are.

if performing in front of her peers was like a battle, then performing in front of the big five CEOs was like judgement day. a good or bad battle but you die either way, getting automatically sent to the gates of heaven to determine whether you’ll be a martyr. alternatively, landing in a boat on the river styx. or perhaps being reborn, a sequela from never obtaining nirvana. jungeun really feels like she’s in the presence of deities. it wasn’t too far-fetched. now that they knew the big five were judging, it really felt like their fates were in the hands of gods. they even entered the scene like they were gods—large shadows that eventually presented larger-than-life individuals. jungeun prays to god, buddha, even aphrodite and any deity around for the judges’ mercy.

jungeun turns her head towards heejin, squeezing the brunette’s hand. if jungeun felt nervous, she assumed those feelings were her best friend’s as well. she’s so thankful she’s with heejin for this one. being away for the first audition was bearable but she needed her for this one. after a few words, the auditions begin. some good, some bad, some…questionable.overall, she knew that this wasn’t going to be easy but she always believed success tasted better when it was well earned.

jungeun reacts accordingly. it isn’t surprising to find out that she spent an hour or two thinking about what imageto present at this audition. cheerful, supportive girl just happy to be there? overly critical and smug girl? she could have been one hundred and one different girls. one hundred and one different cliches.but, she decides to use the greatest cliche of them all—being yourself.

she smiles when she’s interested in a performance. or, a habit she learnt from dance studios in LA, her woo’sandaw yeah’s when someone just does it right.she raises a brow when she’s dissatisfied with a performance. she doesn’t stop to make an oohface when a note isn’t reached or a beat is missed. she takes the occasional glance at the judges, trying to see if her reactions matched with theirs’.

the performances go on and on like those automatic doors that spin. its almost like a routine, which she gets bored of. until, its hertime to go on stage. 

she stands from her seat, smiling at the little line of encouragement from heejin. she feels her knees wobble slightly, making her reprimand herself. walk, jungeun. right, left. left, right. suddenly, she finds herself on the stage. it takes her a moment to speak. looking at the judges, then ninety-nine others felt like a giant first day of school scenario. 

“hi, i’m kim jungeun.” what kind of generic ass greeting. it was all she can muster to say, nerves trying to fight for control. she didn’t stutter ( thankfully ) but she knewshe could say more. without a plain tone, at that. 

“hello jungeun,” it was tiger jk’s turn to speak. the ceo lazily flipping over her file while speaking to her. “so can you tell us what you’re doing today?" 

”can i just show you?“ jungeun replies. fiesty but not forgetting to say it with respect, because she couldn’t afford having an attitude scandal before she even started. the judges are a bit taken aback, wondering where the seemingly nervous girl present a few seconds ago went. 

"go ahead then,” the ceo replies. jungeun thinks, hopes, he was pleasantly surprised with the shift. she said words that shown she wasn’t one to be truly timid, but now it was time to do what she did best—show it. 

jungeun smugly smiled and turned around to get into starting position. the spotlights moved to shine on her, allowing her to soak it in before the music started.

love, love, love, love
love, love, love, love

her back was still faced away from the audience, but her body started to move. she allowed herself to let the music run through her limbs and hips.

super love
they will never love you babe, like i love you babe

she turned around once she heard the super love, strutting forward in a slower fashion. she mouthed the words to the audience, finger waving from side to side at they will never love you. she smiled at like i love you, her preparation to shift from slower to faster movements.  

i’m sophisticated, super classy, uncle luke, freak, nasty

she started to dance to the choreography she’s practiced over and over. she admits she wasn’t the best at choreographies that required an immense amount of power and sharp movements. but, a good thing about dancing was that there was always room for adding your own style. 

through the years, she found strength in the fluidity she earned through her training with ballet and contemporary. she hit the sharp moves the choreography required but allowed herself to melt with the melody where it allowed. 

jungeun matched her facials with the vibe of the song. she recalls having difficulty with what kind of song she wanted to choose. she wasn’t one to be sensual. she definitely wasn’t one to be cutesy. going full on girl crush was something expected of her, so she didn’t want to do it. this song was flirty, sexy, bubbly but above all fun. jungeun kept a smug smile on her face as she danced. it was perfect for the summertime ( and jungeun pats herself on the back for choosing to dance to it. )   

her wavy hair bounces along with her every step. she chose an outfit that would stand out—heavily tailored pants with a red tank top. of course, it was all in red. the color of love, passion, anger, and warmth. personally, her favorite and luckycolor. 

jungeun’s learned that its better to lose yourself in the music and focus on the outcomes later. thinking too hard gives a window for lost of movement control. but, jungeun decides to take a risk and pay attention to the audience reaction. just a peek. she doesn’t see everyone ooh-ingorahh-ing as she expected. but she doesn’t falter. its not her fault that some people are just lackluster from their performance and reaction. ( in her humble opinion. ) 

i want you, i want you, i want you to be my baby 

she strays from doing the choreography at this point, removing the bun from the top of her head, letting her hair fully flow in all its power. moving her hips and feeling the music, she moves in a circle, raising her hands up towards the audience. she throws her hair tie to the side of the stage before moving to the floor to finish up her routine. the floor portion of the routine wasn’t toomuch. mostly because she wasn’t the most comfortable about sexily dancing on the floor. but, she didn’t want to look like a mop ( having hair that resembles one doesn’t help either ). 

baby say you promise you will never change
you know, you know, you know 

as the song slows down, she slowly stands up and returns to her first position by putting her hip out and placing her hand on it.  

the dancer turns around and bows to the judges. she walks away from the stage, allowing the rotating door of performances to continue. she doesn’t bother to say anything, because she said it herself—she’llshowthe judges what she’s made of. 

she just hopes they were able to see it properly.

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