THE WORLD IS CRUEL (BUT AT LEAST THERE’S YOU)

A Regulus Black & Pandora Lovegood Blurb

In which an unlikely friendship stems between two opposing two, making one of their lives a bit less grey

contains: platonic!reg & pandora (thoigh it could be read as romantic? i like to hc them as best fiends but it can fit the romantic narrative if you’d like) , protective!reg, he adores pandora and i do too, implication of bullying, unedited

authors note: i’m bored and dying from school do have this blurb i wrote inspired by manu reg and pandora friendship headcanons

Regulus Black hated the world.

He hated how cruel it could be, how cold and mean it was towards others without an ounce of remorse. He hated it.

He hated it even more however, when he had walked into the Slytherin Common Room to see no other then Pandora Lovegood on the couch—tears flowing from her eyes as Rosier draped a blanket around her shoulders. Beside her on the couch sat Emma Vanity who was rubbing the Ravenclaw’s arms comfortingly.

Regulus stiffened the second he saw her, the sudden action catching Evan’s attention but before he could even open his mouth, Regulus cut him off.

“Was it them?”

It was a vague question, that he knew, but they understood what he meant. Pandora lowered her gaze to the ground and leaned into Emma’s chest who shared a look with Evan. Regulus inhaled a sharp breath. That was all the answer he needed to know it was indeed them—those bloody Gryffindors.

He had decided to let them go the first time, agreeing with Barty that they were simply clueless first years but this wasn’t the same. Not after the many warnings he had given them, not after he nearly gave that knob a black eye behind one of the Hogsmeade shops. Those warnings clearly weren’t enough so perhaps learning the consequences of their actions would better teach them how to act.

Regulus had turned sharply on his heel and was ready to storm down the halls to search for those damn Gryffindors when a soft voice stopped him.

“Reg.”Pandora.

Regulus paused. He was just a step away from leaving the common room now and he could’ve left. Left and found those bloody twats and give them something to talk about but he couldn’t.

Because no matter how much he hated the world, he could never upset her and he knew that this would upset her. No matter how much they deserved it and how he so deeply wanted to watch as he turned their eyes dark, he just couldn’t. Not when it would upset her. He wouldn’t risk it.

Never.

His shoulders dropped as he let out a sigh and the common room door swung shut behind him. He had left and could’ve went to find the first years regardless of what she told him but Pandora Lovegood knew him and she knew he wouldn’t, for Regulus Black may hate the world—hate those bloody first years specifically and every other cruel thing the world had to offer—but he couldn’t deny the fact that she was the one thing that made him hate it a little bit less.

360iris:

just thinking about a James x newly appointed Ravenclaw Qudditch Captain!Reader whose unexpectedly so good at coaching her team that they beat Slytherin and go up against Gryffindor for the Qudditch Cup ….

she’s quiet and methodical but has an alluring air and he’s intrigued

anyway heres a random blurb-y brain mush thing after they tie during the semi-finals (i know nothing abt sports):

“As she moved to exit the pitch, he couldn’t stop himself from blocking her way again. Her brows piqued in silent question, those owlish eyes simultaneously glimmering at and through him. 

“You’re not the talkative type- that’s okay! I can speak enough for the both of us.” And he beams the same smile at her that normally, would charm the pants off any girl he spoke to, but instead is met with a put-upon sigh.

Opening her mouth for the first time since her feet touched the ground, he doesn’t hear the response he was hoping for either, 

“I’ll put this simply: If you block me from getting to the locker room, so that I can finallyfree myself from these disgusting robes, again- I’m going to bodyslam you so hard, you’ll reach the earth’s core.”

lilyprongspotter:

Imagine first year Harry Potter looking for Fred and George to see if they want to have a snowball fight with him and Ron and finding an odd piece of parchment lying in their room. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter picking the parchment up and examining it, because he’s learning that in the wizarding world nothing is ever as it seems, not even old pieces of parchment. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter tapping his wand to the parchment to see if anything happens and, to his surprise, seeing thin, angular writing appear as if written by an invisible hand. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter’s excitement when the parchment reads: Mr. Prongs asks who is trying to uncover the carefully guarded secrets of the Marauders. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter whispering “My name is Harry Potter and I didn’t mean to pry,” before hurriedly trying to refold it and return it to where he’d found it 

Imagine first year Harry Potter’s astonishment when the writing reappears, this time saying: Let Mr. Prongs share his immense joy that Harry Potter has found this. He hopes that Harry will find the contents of this parchment useful and use it in a way that would make his father proud. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter’s smile sliding off his face as he says quietly, “I don’t know. My father’s dead, you see. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter’s confusion when the writing appears once again, saying: Mr. Prongs wishes to tell Harry Potter that while his father may be dead, he is still looking out for him and is incredibly proud of him. Mr. Prongs hopes that Harry Potter knows his father loves him very much. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter taking the map back to his dormitory and spending the rest of the evening talking to the mysterious Mr. Prongs about his mother and father, about whom the invisible man seems to know quite a bit.

SHUT UP- IM NOT CRYING! YOU ARE

s.b Holidate - Ch. 12 Christmas pt2

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female Reader
Word Count: 6.6k
Synopsis: Her and Sirius have a complicated relationship and things get even more complicated when they agree to start a fake relationship to get their parents off their back    
Warnings: genuinely cannot think of anything, except maybe sirius’ photos?

A/N:it’s finished :’)

Masterlist|Holidate Masterlist

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

There was just something about Christmas Day that always forced itself to be intertwined with my relationship with Sirius Black.

When we were twelve and I had found out the hard way that I was no exception to him, my anger came boiling over on Christmas Day.

I had on a green dress that my mother had picked out for me and I was standing in the corner with the other children in this society, trying not to make eye contact with Sirius who was in a suit that barely fit him. It was too long and I wasn’t sure what he had done to convince Walburga to let him out of the house looking like that.

I hadn’t spoken to him since before his stupid prank, even if he had relentlessly tried to get me to speak, and I could tell that he was growing frustrated at my silent game.

We were at Black Manor, and Sirius must have felt toocomfortable at his cousin’s house because he came over to us and forced his way through.

This wasn’t unusual Sirius Black behaviour. Usually, everyone would roll their eyes, not even trying to hide it, but I had always taken a step back so he could join in the circle, even if it only took him seconds to get annoyed and walk away.

It was unspoken. The fact that I was usually the one who let him in the circle, but it seemed whether subconsciously or not, everyone knew it was me because Sirius always entered beside me. And just like always, he came next to me, expecting to be welcomed into the circle.

This time, I stood still. I didn’t even turn my head to look at him.

“Surely you’re not all partying without me.” I heard him say, but he was still standing behind me and not everyone heard him as someone else in the circle was speaking.

I could see a few people in front of me averting their gaze to Sirius, but no one said anything.

“Let’s all ignore the Gryffindor,” he continued, “yeah, that’s real original.” I could practically hear him roll his eyes, but I forced my attention onto the person talking.

“Sorry, can we help you?” My head turned to look at Bellatrix who was now staring behind me.

“Apparently not,” I heard him mutter. I could feel his eyes on me. I knew everyone else’s eyes were on him, watching him watch me, but I wasn’t going to give in.

I knew, of course, that they would notice me not paying attention to Sirius. I had been paying attention to him my whole life and the people in front of me were the ones who had been constantly telling me not to hang around him.

“He’s a bad influence,” they’d say. “Who knows what him and his friends get up to.” Or “You’re too nice to be around someone like Sirius Black.”

But I had only ever shrugged in response, which was why when I looked around the group, I noticed that the few eyes who weren’t on Sirius, were on me, watching and waiting to see what I’d do.

I never gave in, and I eventually heard Sirius sigh and walk away. Once he was out of sight, everyone’s eyes turned back to me and I hoped no one would mention it.

When I could no longer handle being under their gaze, my eyes shot down to the floor, and thankfully whoever was speaking before Sirius had interrupted us, began talking again.

I couldn’t really focus on what everyone was saying after that. He had never said it, but I knew Sirius always felt left out around us and I knew it upset him even if he would swear he didn’t care. I also knew that I was the only one he ever really spoke to in this society and that me ignoring him would have really upset him.

But he had really upset me so I pushed it to the back of my mind thinking that somehow, in some weird way, we were even.

I wasn’t sure what would happen next with us. We had fought before plenty of times, we were always getting under each other’s skin. But that was all it was, annoying the other. This time it felt different. This time we might have gone too far.

It wasn’t until later that night when I walked over to the food to get a chocolate dessert that I saw him again. I wasn’t sure where he had gone after I had ignored him, but I also wasn’t trying to find him.

“What’s your problem?” He asked and I quickly turned around to him. At first I wasn’t sure what to do. I had been trying to ignore him for these past few weeks and I wasn’t sure how far this silent game extended. “Oh right,” he rolled his eyes when as I thought about what I’d do, “I forgot you weren’t talking to me.” I frowned. “I forgot I was dealing with the world’s most dramatic person.”

I think he just wanted to get a rise out of me in hopes that I would eventually break my silence, and that was smart, because it worked.

“Well I wouldn’t be so dramatic if you weren’t so inconsiderate,” I snapped.

“Finally,” he mumbled under his breath. “I’m always inconsiderate, I thought you’d be used to it by now.” I wondered if he really didn’t connect his prank to my actions or if he just didn’t want to bring it up.

I opened my mouth to explain it to him. I wanted to tell him how he had humiliated me, how his actions weren’t just inconsiderate, they were cruel, but for some reason I didn’t think he’d understand. And not knowing how to explain that I thought I was some weird exception to him, I decided I’d instead continue to hurt him how he had hurt me.

“You’ve changed,” I said, squinting my eyes at him, trying to muster all the venom I could into my voice.

“Not you too,” he grumbled and for a brief moment, I felt bad. “So what I got sorted into Gryffindor,” he huffed, “it doesn’t mean I’ve changed, it just means I’ve always been different than you.”

I wanted to tell him that his explanation was exactly what I had been telling everyone else in this society, but they just refused to listen, but I didn’t want him to have any feeling of a win in this conversation, so I didn’t.

“Well the Sirius I knew wasn’t mean and cruel,” I said.

“Well maybe you didn’t really know Sirius, did you ever think of that?” He asked, his voice getting louder.

“I did, until you got new blood traitor friends,” I scoffed, but apparently that was the wrong thing to say.

“Don’t bring my friends into this.” His voice got lower and for a moment, I was taken aback. I had always blamed his friends for how he turned out, it hadto be their fault, but I suddenly felt like I was missing something. “At least they accept me for who I am.”

“Sorry for wanting what’s best for you,” I said sarcastically.

“And what’s best for me?” He challenged, “Being accepted in a bunch of blood supremacists who hate everything about me? Just because you’re stuck up like them doesn’t mean I have to be.”

“I’m not stuck up,” I fought weakly.

“Oh you are,” he took a step closer to me and I hated that I wanted to cry. We had fought before, we had annoyed each other until the other person snapped, but we were never mean. “You’re exactly like everyone here, prejudiced, stuck up, and you think I’m mean and cruel?” He let out a harsh laugh. “What about what these people do to innocent wizards? Just because they’re blood isn’t pure.I thought you might be different, but you’re horrible just like everyone else in this room.”

“Well,” I said, biting back my tears, “I’d rather this than your future. You’re lazy and you’re always the loudest person in the room. There’s a reason no one wants you here and it’s not because you’re in Gryffindor, it’s because you’re difficult and annoying.”

I probably would have continued. I could have dug the knife in even deeper and said that everyone was ecstatic when he got sorted into Gryffindor because it meant we wouldn’t have to deal with him in Slytherin. But out of the corner of my eye I saw all of the other kids who I was talking with before watching us. Their eyes open in amusement and the corner of their lips tugging up in a smirk. When my eyes moved to find them, so did Sirius’ and the realisation came over us both that they had heard most of it.

Not knowing what to do, I let out one last final huff and walked back over to them. They welcomed me and turned their back to Sirius. They were smiling at me and laughing and letting out small remarks of praise. And I smiled at them and nodded, but there was a sinking feeling in my stomach that stayed for the rest of the night and followed me all the way back to Hogwarts.

At Hogwarts, Sirius stopped making an effort to try to speak to me and I had already stopped making my effort. He avoided me at all times and when he did accidentally make eye contact with me, he would turn away with a scowl.

But then, our second year ended and during our summer break we were constantly in forced proximity and that was when our silent game finally ended and we moved on to trying to see who could hurt the other the most.

It seemed we didn’t stop this game until Christmas last year, where Sirius tried to help me get out of my arranged marriage by offering to fake date me. I think that was one of the nicest things he had ever done for me.

While it was only our parents who knew it was all fake and everyone else thought that everything between us was real, it still felt like this Christmas, a year later, was the first time everyone would see me on Sirius Black’s arm.

I was slightly nervous. I had already done it before, but this time I had a wrecked proposal and a public breakup lingering in the air and I was scared about what people were going to say. Or what they already were saying.

But at the moment, I was more nervous about the death contraption buzzing in front of me.

“C’mon princess,” Sirius yelled over the engine, “we’re going to be late.” It was turning dark outside even if it was only the beginning of the evening. The cold weather had made the sky gloomy and dark and that along with the cold chill in the air made me think that this was a bad omen.

I couldn’t believe that I had agreed to do this. I was standing outside Grimmauld Place, freezing my ass off, and wrapping his stupid leather jacket tighter around my body to fight the cold. I was sure that the smell of cigarette smoke and wet dog was permanently etched on this jacket, but now, my perfume was trying to fight it off.

“I can’t get on,” I whined, causing him to chuckle at me. He was wearing a suit that actually fit him. I commented on it when I arrived, impressed that he actually looked good for once and I couldn’t help but feel giddy when he told me he got the house elves to tailor them for him. Maybe I was having a good effect on him.

But that didn’t mean he always listened to me. I had told him that this would be a horrible idea, but here we still were.

“You know what?” He had asked me in early December. He was over at my house while I got ready for us to go out for dinner. It was afternoon and the clouds outside made it look dark, but my light illuminated the room.

“What?” I asked, wanting him to humour me. I was sitting at my dresser, looking at him through the mirror.

“We should arrive to the Christmas celebration on my motorbike,” he said, as if this was the best idea he had ever had.

I laughed.

Sirius gave me a mock offended look and I walked over to stand in front of him.

“I’m serious,” he said and when I opened my mouth to say the obvious joke, he raised an eyebrow at me. I smiled up innocently at him instead.

“It’ll be cold,” I pointed out.

“You can wear my jacket,” he argued.

“I can’t get on with a dress,” I explained.

“Well then wear something else,” he said. I gave him an unimpressed look. I had had my dress prepared for weeks now and there was no way I was going to be changing it at such late notice, especially not for something as trivial as this.

“We’ll see,” I said, hoping that Sirius would forget it and we could just apparate there normally.

But, of course, this was Sirius Black and he didn’t forget.

“It’s not my fault you didn’t wear the proper attire,” he shot back and I sighed.

“You owe me,” I mumbled before dropping my arms and reaching out for the helmet in his hand. “This is going to ruin my hair,” I complained. He laughed.

“You’ll still be the prettiest girl there,” he said and I frowned at him as I put the helmet on.

“Don’t watch me,” I said. He was still laughing but he turned around as I bunched my dress up to give me enough stretch so I could step over.

I was wearing a long, emerald velvet dress that was tight fitted and really put up a fight as I tried to get my legs over the seat. My heels made it awkward for me to put my feet down, but I was glad I had worn gloves otherwise my hands would have surely frozen off by now.

I cursed Sirius for making me do this tonight. Any other night I still would have complained, but at least people wouldn’t have to see me in the aftermath.

When I was finally comfortable I realised just how little room there was on his bike. My nose was almost in contact with his back and my chest was squished up against it.

“Are you ready?” He asked, revving the engine and turning his head slightly back so I could hear him.

“I guess so,” I said, my voice louder than usual so he could hear me.

“Hold on tight, princess.” I could basically hear the smirk in his voice and knowing that he couldn’t see me, I rolled my eyes at him, but I still wrapped my arms gingerly around his waist before he sped off.

Immediately I held on tighter. I wanted nothing more than to scream, but I knew that Sirius would tease me about it later so instead I brought myself closer to him and hid my face in his back. The helmet hit it awkwardly, but he didn’t seem to mind.

I knew he would also bring this up as soon as we got to Crabbe Manor. “You were holding on awfully tight, princess.” I could already hear him say.

His back was vibrating against my cheek and the cold air made me lose feeling on the tip of my nose. My hair was flying behind me and for a brief moment, I didn’t mind it. Sirius wasn’t a horrible driver and I didn’t mind how fast my heart was racing. It was almost fun.

Not that I’d ever tell him that.

When we came to a stop he turned his head and asked, “enjoying yourself?” I pulled my head up from his back and smiled.

“No,” I lied and I felt his tummy rumble underneath my palms before we started moving again.

Fortunately, Crabbe Manor wasn’t too far and with no one else on the road on such a late and cold night, we only stopped again when we finally arrived.

I was breathing heavily when he finally turned the bike off and now that it was quiet, I realised how tense I had become. I relaxed on Sirius for a brief second before I lifted myself off and took the helmet off.

He copied my actions and took the helmet from me while I tried to fix my hair.

“So,” he said, “thoughts?”

“I prefer apparation,” I said, giving him a sarcastic look and wrapping my arms around my chest once more to try and hold onto the small amount of heat that had transferred to me from holding onto Sirius so tightly.

“C’mon,” he whined, “it wasn’t that bad,” he said as he attached the helmet back onto his bike.

“It was freezing,” I complained.

“Is that why you were holding on so tight?” He teased, raising an eyebrow at me and causing me to scoff at him.

“Of course,” I said as if it was obvious.

“Sure, princess.”

He put his arm out once he finished with the bike and I glanced at it for a brief second before I smiled up at him and took it. He was already looking down at me when I grabbed onto him.

His jacket creased underneath our touch and I found it humorous that this was very similar to the way we had entered last Christmas when we had organised our little charade.

Even if we knew that the first time wasn’t real, everyone else thought it was. Not that they’d know it was for real now either. But this time, there was the knowledge of our very public break up, and then the fact that I refused a respectable marriage only to run back into the arms of the least respectable person I knew hanging over everyone’s head.

I hadn’t told Sirius that I was feeling nervous about this because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but he seemed to be able to read my mind.

“It’s going to be okay, yeah?” I turned to look at him, expecting to see him grinning or looking desperate as he tried to calm my woe, but instead he looked sincere and that made me feel confident that he was telling the truth.

When we walked in, I was in awe, as usual. The Crabbe’s had gone all out for the infamous celebration with trees covered in fake snow that were charmed to fall down so it looked like it was snowing. There were large ornaments hanging from the ceiling and the walls and there was tinsel on all surfaces. The house elves were wearing Santa hats and there was cheerful music playing in the background. Sirius gave my hand a squeeze.

“It’s all right,” he said, “I guess.” I turned to roll my eyes at him and give him an unimpressed look, but before I could his mother was standing in front of us. However, I still caught his cheeky grin and sly wink.

“Darling,” she said, grabbing my upper arm that wasn’t attached to Sirius’ side, “I’m so glad you got here in one piece.” The fabric of his jacket creased under her touch as her eyes darted between Sirius and I. She looked flush as if she had been stressed and I knew it was because she hated the motorbike just as much as I did.

“Please mother,” Sirius said, “I’m a good driver.”

“It’s not you,” she said as if she had had this argument a thousand times. I had no doubt that she had. But before she could continue, my mother had found us and was standing next to Walburga.

“You two finally made it,” she said. I let out a nervous chuckle, we weren’t that late. And besides, I guess it was my fault. Maybe if I hadn’t shown up late to Sirius’ in hopes he would choose the much faster method of apparation instead of his bike, we would have been here on time, but I knew my mother also wasn’t a fan of motorbikes and I thought it best not to bring it up.

“Had to make an entrance,” I mumbled and I could see Sirius grinning out of the corner of my eye.

“So,” Walburga said, her lips thinning as she looked at us both, “this time it is for real?” Her voice was hopeful and I smiled at her before turning to smile up at Sirius. He was already grinning down at me.

“Yeah,” we both said at the same time, looking at the other.

“Oh wonderful,” Walburga said, bringing her hands together in front of her chest, “I don’t think I’d be able to deal with getting my heart broken again,” she said dramatically as if she was a part of our public breakup.

“And I don’t think I’d be able to deal with any more time wasted,” my mother added. There was a smile on her face and I was struggling to tell the sincerity of it.

“And now we can finally have you over,” Walburga gushed.

“Of course,” I said, “that would be wonderful.”

“And I guess we’ll have you over too, Sirius.” She still had that smile on her face and I was so happy that I decided it was better than nothing.

“I can’t wait,” he said. I looked over at his side profile. He was smiling and when he felt me look at him he turned to me and our mothers excused themselves, leaving us by ourselves.

“If we weren’t in public right now, I’d kiss you,” he whispered and I couldn’t help but giggle.

“You’ll just have to wait,” I whispered back, happy that he remembered my distaste for public displays of affection.
But maybe, I would have made an exception for him, if it wasn’t for the voice of a third, interrupting our short moment.

“I can’t believe you two pulled this off.” Our heads both snapped to Regulus Black standing in front of us.

“What, because you didn’t catch on?” Sirius asked, and I laughed.

“How did you even find out?” I asked.

“I have my ways,” he shrugged, “and I had my doubts about this,” he motioned between us, “at the beginning, but then you kissed on New Years Eve and I didn’t think you’d give up your first kiss to my brother so I didn’t really know what to believe” He took a sip of his champagne and I gave him an exasperated look.

“Sorry,” I scoffed, “how did you know I hadn’t had my first kiss.” He finished his champagne in one more sip before shrugging.

“I told you, I have my ways.” Sirius laughed, but I still wore a look of confusion as I tried to figure out how Regulus knew so much.

“You both hated each other,” he continued, “so I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I thought Sirius would ruin it with his philandering ways.” He waved his hand nonchalantly and I laughed, allowing Sirius his turn to frown.

“She could have ruined it as well,” Sirius said, reminding me of a child with the whine in his voice.

“Really?”

“Really?” Regulus and I asked at the same time, turning to give him a look. I raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled sheepishly at me, ignoring Regulus’ look of disbelief and amusement.

“So who caused the big scene at the engagement?” He teased and Sirius and I both gave him an unimpressed look. “That’s the couple I knew.” He was laughing, but Sirius and I weren’t. “Oh well,” he sighed, “at least you got a romantic first kiss out of it.”

“We didn’t even kiss,” Sirius said a little too proudly but then he shot me a look and he looked fearful about how I would react, but I smiled at him and he relaxed.

“What do you mean?” Regulus asked.

“We didn’t kiss.” I confirmed and I could practically see Regulus think.

“No,” he said, “I saw you kiss.”

“You thought you saw us kiss,” Sirius corrected. Regulus squinted his eyes at him questioningly.

“So your first kiss was with Nott, then?” I wanted to tell him a lot of things. Firstly, I wanted to tell him that he was weird for knowing all of this, and then I wanted to yell at him for saying such a stupid and inappropriate thing.

Before I did either of those, I turned to meet Sirius’ gaze, but I stopped once I saw the way his eyebrows were furrowed together and the edges of his lips were curved down.

“Uh, yeah,” I said awkwardly instead, clearing my throat. Regulus smirked at the awkward tension he had created.

“Alright,” he sighed, grabbing a glass of champagne from a server walking by, “you two behave.” He pointed at us with the hand his glass was in before walking away.

I turned to face Sirius.

“I never thought about Nott being your first kiss,” he said and I sighed, not really wanting to have this conversation. .

“You didn’t know I hadn’t had my first kiss,” I said. “It’s fine, you’ll be my last kiss.” I gave him a cheesy grin, but there was still a small grimace on his face. “If it makes you feel any better,” I continued, trying to make him feel better, “I hated every second of it.” He gave me an unconvinced look, but he must not have wanted me to feel like I had to make him feel better because when I said, “I promise,” he chuckled and said, “sure, it’s fine.”

So, foolishly, I continued. “He kissed me and I didn’t even know he was going to kiss me and I went home and cried for the rest of night.” He looked taken aback once I finished my little rant and frowned once more before replying to me.

“That makes me feel worse, actually.” He was looking down at me and I was looking up at him, and even though our conversation wasn’t necessarily a happy one, I couldn’t stop the grin from forming on my face and it seemed neither could Sirius.

We stood like that for a moment before I broke the silence.

“I guess we should go around and greet everyone now.” He gave me a small nod.

“The only reason I want to is so I can call you my girlfriend.” I rolled my eyes at him but took his hand regardless as we made our way around the room.

I thought Sirius and I together would be something that people wouldn’t be able to look away from. I knew word had gotten out quickly that we were back together after his birthday, but it seemed barely anyone was paying attention to us and I seemed to relax as people smiled at us and greeted us politely.

When the Parkinson’s excused themselves from our conversation Sirius and I turned to each other and smiled.

For a moment, everything felt right. I had forgotten about all of the stressful situations he had put me in throughout my life and I was overwhelmed with joy that we had finally made it.

~~~

Once the party was over and everyone had enough cheer in them to last them until the next celebration, I went over to my parents who were waiting to apparate away.

“Is it okay if I go over to Sirius’?” I asked and my mother gave me a weary look.

“Are you sure about this?” She asked, but I knew she really wanted to know if I was sure about him.

“I’m sure,” I confirmed and she gave me a small nod.

“Alright,” she said, “but don’t come home too late.” She pulled me in for a hug and I relaxed in her arms. Everything was going just a little too well, but I didn’t want to stop and dwell on it in case the feeling stopped.

When I finished saying goodbye I walked back to Sirius who was waiting for me with a smile on his face and I reached out to grab his hand.

“Think you’ll survive on the bike again, princess?” He asked, a teasing glint in his eye.

“I’ll just hold on really tight,” I replied sarcastically, a matching look in my eye as I turned and laughed at him.

He gave me his helmet and turned away as I situated myself on the bike, I was glad that no one else was around to watch me do so. With his leather jacket still on me, I wrapped my arms around his tummy once more and this time, when he turned the engine on I didn’t flinch, and when he finally sped off, I buried my face into his back and smiled.

It was the Christmas present I needed yet didn’t know I wanted. The present, of course, being Sirius. It was a weird thought to think that of all the things Sirius and I had gone through to get to this point, it felt that we had always been like this or maybe that it should have always been like this. Really, it just felt right.

We had overcome so much, our past, our bickering, my almost arranged marriage. I wondered if I would ever stop feeling embarrassed about my rejection. At least now I had someone on my arm to distract myself and everyone else from it. And it appeared so did Tiberius.

He had arrived with a young girl on his arm and I wondered if she was in a similar situation to what I was in not long ago. She was a few years younger than me and she was in Slytherin, but she wasn’t part of our society. But I hoped they were happy. I was happy.

The stars were shining above us and when I rested the side of my head on Sirius’ back I could see the moon illuminating the side of the road. The bike vibrated against our bodies and I sighed happily.

Soon enough we were back at Grimmauld Place and as we both got off of the bike, I passed my helmet to Sirius before we made our way inside. His parents and Regulus had already arrived home, but they were in their bedrooms I imagined as they were nowhere to be seen.

I followed Sirius up to his room, our hands intertwined as he stretched his arm out behind him and I stretched mine out in front to hold his as the stairs only allowed one of us to fit at a time.

I followed him in and he turned on the light. His room was clean. There were only a few misplaced trinkets on the surfaces, but it was much cleaner than when I came over on Father’s Day. He must have cleaned it, knowing I was coming, and that made me feel giddy inside.

I hadn’t been up to Sirius’ room since Father’s Day even though I had been over to his house numerous times. It seemed Walburga just couldn’t bear to leave us alone and I knew it was just because she was happy we were finally together. And of course, how much she loved me played a big part in it.

The light made the room shine a hazy yellow and as I took in his room I let out a noise of surprise.

“You took those stupid photos off,” I exclaimed as I walked over to his mirror that no longer had the half-naked women on motorbikes attached to it.

“You’ve barely walked into my room,” he laughed and I turned to face him.

“They’re always the first thing I notice.” I scrunched my face up in disgust at him and he walked over a to me, a mischievous smile on his face.

“I have a new photo now,” he smirked. I froze at his comment knowing what photo he was referring to. I gave him a weary look but he only gave me a cocky grin in return.

“I can’t believe I thought it was a good idea to give it to you,” I laughed awkwardly, completely embarrassed by it.

“I’m glad you did,” he teased and I rolled my eyes at him.

“Is your mother happy they’re gone?” I asked moving past him so I could sit on his bed. My feet were hurting from my shoes and I didn’t want to be standing up longer than what was needed.

“Ecstatic,” he murmured, “think she almost had a heart attack when she saw they were gone.” I laughed at him as he made his way over to sit next to me.

He was grinning down at me and I was smiling up at him, letting the backs of my leg hit his bed frame.

We sat in silence for a moment before his face lit up and he immediately got up and went to a corner in his room.

“I obviously need to replace them,” he said as he found what he was looking for, “but I don’t think my mother would be too fond of the photo you supplied me with no matter how much she loves you.” He had whatever he had found behind his back and I gave him a confused look as he continued, standing in front of me. “So, let’s replace it.” He pulled out his muggle camera from behind his back and I laughed as he sat back down next to me and gave me a questioning look, waiting for my answer.

“Good idea,” I murmured as I let my head fall into his neck. I put my hand on his chest and grinned as he held it up.

“Say ‘I love Sirius,’” he said and I chuckled as the flash went off. “You didn’t say it,” he pouted as he brought the camera back down to his lap as we waited for the photo to process.

“I love Sirius,” I said slowly, enunciating my words as I looked up at him.

“Better,” he said, “and I love you, princess.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and I melted into his touch, leaning on his shoulder as we waited for the image to process.

When it did, I immediately loved it.

“It’s perfect,” I said. Our hair was both a little messy from our bike ride, as it seemed neither of us had bothered to fix it, but our smiles were so big that it didn’t even bother me.

“It is,” Sirius murmured and he stood up to go and place it where those otherphotos had once resided.

“So,” I said, crossing my legs on top of his bed and getting comfortable. “Presents?” We hadn’t had a chance to give each other our gifts as I had spent all morning getting ready and when I arrived at Grimmauld Place, there wasn’t enough time to open them considering we were getting there by motorbike. Even if I tried to convince Sirius to apparate so we could do presents beforehand, he was having none of it.

Sirius had put them in his room just before we left and he walked over to his desk and brought them over.

“You first,” he said, handing me my gift.

I reached out to get the tiny bag and I opened it slowly. It seemed the only thing that could fit in there was jewellery and I hoped it was, but I had a feeling that whatever it was, I would love it.

On top was a note and I took it out to read it.

“You know,” I said, “I’m insanely jealous of your handwriting.”

“Why?” He asked, a small smile forming on his lips.

“Because it’s immaculate and I know you don’t even try.” He gave me a confused look so I continued, “and it’s better than mine.” He laughed.

“I’ll write horribly from now on so yours will always be better,” he said.

“Thank you,” I grinned and started reading his note.

Princess

Merry Christmas.

I think Christmas Day has always been an important part of our relationship. But this is the one I will cherish the most. I cannot wait to spend many more Christmas’ with you and make them even better.

Love, Sirius xx

I cooed at his words and he smiled at me as I placed the note next to me and pulled out a tiny box.

“If you don’t like it, you can change it or-” he continued, but I was quick at unwrapping the ribbon tied around it and let out a noise of delight when I saw the shiny ring inside.
“I love it,” I exclaimed, taking it out of the box and trying it on.

“I hope it fits,” he mumbled and as I found the right finger for it I turned my hand around so he could look at it.

“It’s beautiful,” I said. He was sitting on his bed with his legs still hanging over the side and I put my weight on my knees as I leant over to kiss his cheek. “But you really didn’t have to buy me something so expensive.” I gave him a look and he laughed. I knew how much this ring would have cost him and I felt bad, I didn’t want him to think he had to spend lots on me.

“Okay,princess,” he said, emphasising his nickname for me, “I can take it back then?” He had a cheeky smile on his face as he took my hand in his and I flexed my fingers so he was holding onto my fingertips and the ring was facing him.

“But it looks so nice on me, don’t you think?” I gave him an innocent look and he pretended to think about it.

“I guess,” he mumbled and I snatched my hand away from his.

“Open yours now,” I said, and he took the bag from me.

He read my note and put it aside before taking out the lump of fabric in the bag. He held it up so he could see it all.

“It’s a leather jacket,” I explained, “but a much nicer one than this one.” I said, referring to the one that was currently still wrapped around me. “I know this one is special,” I said, “but you can wear this one to more fancy events.” I didn’t want him to think that I was trying to replace the one I was still wearing. I understood sentimental value, this leather jacket had obviously gone through a lot. It looked like it had gone through a lot. It was tattered and old and it had some odd smells associated with it which was why it just wasn’t appropriate for every occasion, so I had bought him a much nicer jacket that he could wear and look nice in, while still keeping some of his style.

“I love it,” he said.

“Really?” I asked, not knowing if he was just trying to make me feel better.

“Really,” he confirmed, standing up and trying it on. He looked at himself in the mirror and I grinned. “It’s perfect.” I stood up with him so we were both in the mirror.

“We’re matching,” I giggled and he turned around to get the muggle camera on his bed before turning it to the mirror and taking a photo of us.

“To add to my collection,” he said as we waited for it to process. When it finally developed and he stuck it on the wall he turned to me and held onto my wrists. I moved them so my hands were in his and our fingers were intertwined.

“I can’t believe we’re here,” he whispered.

“Me neither,” I whispered back.

“I love you,” he murmured, bringing his head down to kiss the top of my forehead. I sighed contentedly.

“I love you.”

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Taglist = @silverose365@sweetlyspice@marauderssimpcuzwhytfnot

s.b Holidate - Ch. 11 His Birthday

:Pairing: Sirius Black x Female Reader
Word Count: 7.2k
Synopsis: Her and Sirius have a complicated relationship and things get even more complicated when they agree to start a fake relationship to get their parents off their back    
Warnings: swearing, i think mention of champagne and smoking, and brief mention of outfits ;)

A/N:This is a bit wordy at the beginning but then the rest is pretty much dialogue

Masterlist|Holidate Masterlist

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

I wasn’t sure if it was fortunate or not that Sirius’ birthday was close to Halloween. I guess it was fortunate because it meant that we would be forced to talk things out, but then it was also unfortunate because we’d be forced to talk things out.

This wasn’t my strong suit and I knew from previous experience, it also wasn’t Sirius’.

Once my post-drunk thoughts disappeared the day after Halloween I realised that I had potentially overreacted. I guess it was sweet that Sirius didn’t want to do anything when I was hysterical after rejecting Tiberius and if I was being honest, I was tired of fighting with him. I had been fighting with him my whole life and his words on Halloween made me think that maybe he wanted to stop fighting as well. If he was ready to lay his armour down, then so I was.

After I had woken up in the morning with a pounding in my head that wasn’t solely because of the amount of champagne I had drank, I started sobbing as I recalled the events of the night before. My hands were rubbing my eyes to dry the tears when I eventually stood up and walked over to my desk to look at the stupid photo I had taken.

I looked ridiculous.

I felt ridiculous.

I wasn’t sure how, but somehow I had made everything worse when I already thought that I had reached my lowest point. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and I put the photo in my top drawer so I wouldn’t have to look at it and sighed.

I blocked it out of my mind until it was the afternoon before Sirius’ birthday and I realised I didn’t know what to get him. He had got me such a thoughtful gift and I desperately wanted to return the favour.

I wanted to get him something nice and my mind instantly went to new watches and fancy suits, but he had gotten me something even nicer and spent a fraction of the price.

Not knowing what to do, I went to sit on my desk and I pulled out my top drawer to take out all of the notes I had received from him over the past year. His annoyingly neat handwriting was staring at me, but for a moment, I didn’t mind.

They were sprawled out on top of my desk and I pulled out the one from my birthday, skimming over it to see if anything inspired me.

I have given you my favourite book and I hope one day we can share our thoughts together, but I won’t blame you if you never want to speak to me again.

I almost laughed. I didn’t want to speak to him. Then and now. I didn’t want to speak to him right now and have to deal with all of the stupid choices I made. What if he was embarrassed by me after what I had done on Halloween and now wanted nothing to do with me?

I knew that I would only find out when I went to his stupid birthday and that really put me on edge.

But at least I knew exactly what I was going to give him now. I got a spare piece of parchment and my quill out, taking my time to make sure my writing was as neat as his.

Sirius,

On Easter, you asked me what I thought would become of us if you had been sorted into Slytherin. I told you nothing would have changed. You still would have annoyed me. But that was only half true. That night I couldn’t stop thinking about it and ever since then I have been selfishly wishing that you had been sorted into Slytherin. I think things would have been very different.

I don’t think I will ever stop caring about what people think of me, but I care the most about what you think. And I want to hear your thoughts. You don’t care what anyone thinks about you, but I hope you enjoy my thoughts.

This was a very Sirius Black book. Take that however you want.

Love forever,

Your Princess xxx

I spent longer than I usually would making sure that my writing was immaculate. Not that he would ever probably notice.

I wanted to write more. I wanted to tell him how despite all of the pain he had put me through, I’ve always known it was him, but I didn’t know what was going to happen and I didn’t want to take any risks and make an even bigger fool of myself.

I turned to the stack of books on my desk and pulled out the one that Sirius had given me for my birthday. The one with my messy scrawl on each page, with the corners bent and the spine broken.

I found a spare bag and put the book in along with my note. The bag was sparkly and silver and I knew Sirius was more of a gold person, but I hoped it would only serve as a reminder of who it was from.

I went to put the rest of his notes back in my top drawer, but when I pulled them all together, that cursed photo of me that I had taken on Halloween night fell out of the pile. I sighed as I bent down to pick it up.

I held it between my pointer and middle finger, moving them so the picture flicked back and forth. I thought about it. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew I’d regret it. I knew I should have put it back in the drawer where it came from. Or even just thrown it out. But instead, I quickly dropped it in the sparkly silver bag and stood up and walked out so I wouldn’t dwell on it.

The next night I was standing in front of my mirror. It was dark outside and my lights were making my jewellery sparkle. I was definitely overdressed for Sirius Black’s birthday. There was, of course, a reason that I had made such an effort. I’ve always cared about what people think of me, but I knew I cared more than I would like to admit about what Sirius Black thought of me. And if this all went downhill, at least I would still look good at the end of it.

I took a deep breath as I looked at myself in the mirror. It was going to be fine. Maybe I had made a big deal out of nothing on Halloween, but my actions weren’t unjustified. My pride had been hurt by Sirius Black one too many times and all I wanted was him to be vulnerable with me, just once. Hopefully this time, he would be.

~~~

“Welcome.” Walburga gave us another tight lipped smile, but when she took me in she couldn’t stop her eyes from lighting up.

“Oh he’ll just love you,” she whispered so softly I tried to pretend I didn’t hear it.

I felt like a fool. I had worn red plenty of times and I alwaysdressed nice. Why would anyone think that I had done this for a boy.

But I still smiled at her and thanked her, the sparkly silver bag hanging from my arm as we walked inside.

It was dark and cold outside, but it was warm and bright inside. It wasn’t as extravagant as my birthday or any of these other celebrations I had been too and there were barely any decorations up, but I wasn’t surprised. Sirius was never one to go all out for his birthday, even if I didn’t understand that all.

But I guess Walburga couldn’t help herself because there were still red and gold balloons around the place and a few happy birthday banners hanging on the walls. There was also music playing in the background that I wasn’t familiar with. It was playing quietly, but I could still tell that it was some band, no doubt, one that Sirius liked and Walburga had only put on because it was his birthday.

I walked around the room to greet everyone. I found it humorous that everyone from our society was in attendance, even if Sirius hated them all and they all hated Sirius. I guess everyone was too scared of Walburga to say they couldn’t make it.

My eyes scanned the room and I felt funny when I noticed a familiar head of red hair in the corner. I must have been staring for too long because she turned over to look directly at me and when she saw me, she started waving.

I was embarrassed already. She definitely wasn’t shy and she was making a big deal about trying to get my attention when she already had it. My eyes quickly scanned around the room to make sure no one was watching and when I saw no one paying attention to us, I quickly walked over to her in hopes she would calm down.

James and Lily Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew, were once again sitting in the corner of Grimmauld Place looking completely out of place. They were usually present at Sirius’ birthday, so I didn’t find it odd, but I had never spoken to them here before.

“Oh Sirius will love this!” She squealed as she motioned to my dress and brought me in for a hug. There was a part of me telling myself that this was a horrendous thing to do and people were going to think horribly of me, but then there was a part of me who reminded myself that I had already spoken to Lily Potter at Halloween and still lived to tell the tale. I quickly pulled away in hopes no one would see us again.

“It wasn’t for Sirius,” I mumbled and she laughed, knowing that that was a horrible lie. When she turned her back to me to face the rest of his friends I noticed baby Harry was there and for a moment I wanted to go over to James Potter and take the baby right out of his hands, but I was brought out of my trance by Lily’s voice.

“Happy birthday!” She took a step behind me, her arms out ready for a hug. I didn’t want to but I knew I’d have to. I turned around and even though his arms were around Lily, his eyes were on me and my whole body went flush.

She quickly pulled away and went back to James and Harry leaving me and Sirius alone. My back was towards his friends and he was standing in front of me. He had black pants on and a black dress shirt. It was slightly creased, but he had on his horrendous leather jacket which helped in hiding it. His hair was done in its usual messiness and he was still freshly shaven from Halloween.

He was smirking at me and I wanted to slap him for it. He was so infuriating. I wasn’t sure how I looked or really, what I was doing. All I could do was stare at him. I wasn’t sure what to say and I was scared about what he was going to say. But it didn’t seem like he was going to start anything so I inhaled and said, “Happy Birthday.”

For a moment it seemed like he wanted to hug me, but my arms weren’t outstretched and he mustn’t have wanted to make the first move.

“Thank you,” he said. I smiled awkwardly at him and passed over the bag. I wasn’t sure where this awkwardness was coming from and I really didn’t enjoy it, but the look on Sirius’ face told me he did.

One of his eyebrows slightly raised at the present, but he took it gently from my hand, our fingers brushing as he did so.

“Thank you, princess,” he mumbled and I had to stop myself from giving in. To what exactly, I wasn’t sure, but I stood up straight and maintained eye contact with him.

We stood in silence for a moment before Sirius broke it.

“You came,” he said.

“It’s your birthday,” I said.

“I didn’t know if you’d come.” I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to say, ‘Of course I was going to come, I need to see where this goes.’ but I didn’t want to rush it.

Instead I went with, “I didn’t think you’d still be wearing this horrible leather jacket.” He laughed. A deep laugh that weirdly sounded like a bark. I missed that laugh.

I smiled at him. This was a familiar area. I could do this. I’d been doing this my whole life.

“You don’t even try to make an effort for your own birthday,” I rolled my eyes dramatically at him and he went back to smirking.

“Well,” he said and there was a mischievous look in his eye that told me I wouldn’t like where this was going, “someone did.” He looked me up and down and my whole body became hot. I simultaneously wanted to melt on the floor, but also burn him. When his eyes came back up he winked at me and I tried to keep my face neutral.

“Well,” I mocked, “I’m still looking for an eligible partner, I need to be looking my best.” I stuck my chin out at him and he scoffed. I hoped he would see right through me and when he ran a hand through his hair and groaned, I think he finally did.

“You drive me fucking crazy, you know that, princess?” He took a step closer to me and I shrugged.

“You drive me crazy too,” I argued.

“You know,” he paused as if he wasn’t sure he should say what was about to leave his mouth, “I almost didn’t wear this jacket.” I squinted my eyes at him, not entirely sure where this was going. “I knew you wouldn’t like it and for some unknown reason, I wanted to impress you. I’ve never cared about what people thought of me until you came along.” His voice was sincere and I suddenly felt embarrassed. He was so close to me and I was scared he was going to hear my heart beating.

“At least I’ve done you some good,” I said, “by giving you some doubt. You’re too vain.” He laughed. He was looking at me and I was looking at him and I decided that if he could share that with me, then maybe I could share something with him. “I guess,” I started, dragging out the last syllable, “I had you in mind when I decided to wear this dress as well.” I admitted reluctantly.

I’d never seen him smile so big.

“And I’m glad you did.” I rolled my eyes at him playfully and his eyes never left me.

“Oi, lovebirds.” My head snapped around at James Potter’s voice, but before I could send him a vicious glare Sirius grabbed my hand and squeezed it in his own. “Are you going to join us?”

“Shut up, Prongs.” I went to turn around to ask Sirius why he had just called his best friend Prongs, but before I could, he started walking over towards them, my hand still in his meaning I was dragged behind him.

If I was being honest, I didn’t want to sit with his friends. Regardless, they were still blood traitors and I knew going back to Sirius Black would do horrible things for my image, but this would be even worse.

“It’s the birthday boy’s request that you sit with him and his friends, and you wouldn’t deny the birthday boy would you?” He asked, apparently reading my mind. He turned back to talk to me while he continued to walk, my hand in his and my silvery gift bag in the other.

I rolled my eyes, not giving him an answer, but I followed him over to the lounge.

I sat down next to him and he was sitting next to Peter with Remus on one of the adjacent chairs and James, Lily, and Harry squished in another lounge meant for one person.

“So did he make it up to you?” Remus asked and all I could do was blink at him. Sirius slouched in the lounge, putting the bag on one of the tables next to us and placing a hand over my shoulders as I sat up straight, giving Remus a confused look.

“What?” I asked, wishing that Sirius would take over the conversation for me, but he just gave me a guilty look.

“He said you had a fight, but he was going to make it up to you today,” Peter explained and I froze. I guess I wanted Sirius to tell his friends on Halloween that we had broken up, but I never considered how fearful I was about how much detail Sirius would go into.

They were all staring at me expectantly and I wanted to answer them, but I didn’t know how.

“Don’t worry,” Sirius sat forward so he could murmur in my ear, “I didn’t tell them the full story.” I relaxed at that, but I still wanted to know exactly what he had told them.

“Oh,” I started, “uhm,” I turned to face him, but he wasn’t looking at me. His face looked worried. He was blinking fast and I could feel his arm tense around my shoulders and I would be lying if I said I didn’t like the power I held over him. “I guess he did,” I said and they all started cheering.

I was surprised. Sure, they had let me in on St Patrick’s Day, but it was obvious they weren’t fans of our relationship. I wondered what had changed to make them so excited about us.

Sirius finally looked at me and he gave me a sheepish smile and for the first in a long time, I beamed at him.

I leaned towards him, closer to his face so only he could hear me say, “But there is always room for improvement.” He shook his head at me, but pulled me closer to him regardless.

I stayed sitting with him and his friends for the rest of the night. A few people looked at me and gave me some funny looks, but apparently Sirius could tell whenever I saw it happen because he always took my hand in his and made an extra effort to include me in the conversation.

Which, I was actually joining in this time as compared to St Patrick’s Day. And I was learning lots, maybe his friends weren’t thatbad.

Eventually it was time for his cake and we sang and he blew out the candles only to smile back up at me immediately.

When it was time to go I said goodbye to his friends and I only wondered if people had seen me once they had left. It was too late anyway, I had spent most of the night with them. And weirdly, I enjoyed it.

I then went up to my mother and father who were waiting for me before they apparated away.

“Do you mind if I stay here a little longer?” I asked. I was feeling giddy and I wished I was calmer when I asked because my mother gave me an unimpressed look.

“Why? Do you have more blood traitor friends to ruin our image with?” I frowned at her words.

“I-no,” I mumbled, suddenly not so excited.

“Well why do you need to stay here?”

Before I could answer I felt a presence behind me and when they grabbed my hand I squeezed it in my own.

“Birthday boy’s request.” There was a smile on Sirius’ face and I hoped that when he looked down at me and I looked up at him, he didn’t see the way my mother rolled her eyes at him.

“She’s been here long enough,” she said and I looked down at the floor. There was a brief moment of ignorance where I thought Sirius’ words would change her mind, but then I remembered how much my mother disliked him.

“Oh, darling, there you are.” My head snapped up at Walburga’s voice and everyone’s eyes followed her as she came and stood on the other side of me. “You don’t mind if I keep her around a little longer, do you?” She asked, turning to face my mother. “I promise I’ll have her home before midnight.” She laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh as well. I was so shocked at what was happening and it seemed everyone else was as well by the looks on my parents’ faces.

“Oh, I guess that’s alright,” my mother said, but her face was saying something different. Her face was tight and when she smiled, it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Wonderful,” Walburga said, looking down at me, “thank you so much for coming.” She turned back to my parents and waved as they apparated away. My mother gave me one last unimpressed look before she left and then it was just me, Sirius, and Walburga.

I turned to face Walburga to thank her, but she was already putting distance between us, winking at me and walking away to give Sirius and I our space.

“I love your mother,” I said, turning to face him and letting go of his hand. He gave me an unimpressed look and I laughed. “Did you not see what she just did?” He shook his head at me and didn’t say anything.

It was just us, standing apart, facing each other, looking at the other, and when I stopped laughing we were standing in silence. The room was empty. Walburga had left and I was sure she had told Regulus and Orion not to go in either. The music was still playing softly in the background and the mess of the party was still around us.

“I promise I didn’t go into specifics when I told my friends,” he said, eventually breaking the silence.

“Okay,” I said. I was going to continue, but he cut me off.

“I told them that I fucked up because I should have told you how I felt and that I was going to make it up to you tonight, but that was all.” He said quickly.

“You’re very sure of yourself,” I teased and he smiled at me. “I don’t want to tell anyone we fake dated.” I took a step closer to him.

“What do you want to tell them?” He had a cocky look on his face and I hated that he was making me be the one to say it.

“I want to tell them that you’re still annoying me,” I said sarcastically and he chuckled.

“That’s weird,” he said, “I want to tell them that we’re actually dating.” He raised an eyebrow at me and for some reason I reached out to grab his hands.

“I guess I want to tell them that too,” I said and took another step closer to him.

“I should have told you that sooner,” he whispered.

“You should have,” I said.

“I’ve been spending the last year telling myself that I’m not good enough for you, and I’ve never thought that.” I rolled my eyes at him. “It’s the main reason I never said anything to you on Father’s Day and it was definitely the whole reason I reacted how I did at the engagement. You were confirming my biggest fear.” His voice was soft and he was rubbing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. “That I wasn’t good enough for you.”

“That’s a shitty excuse.”

“It’s not an excuse. I’m a disappointment, I’m doing absolutely nothing with my life,” he stressed, “and you’re you. The golden child.” I gave him an unimpressed look but he only continued. “You could have had absolutely anyone you wanted, I’m sure you know how loved you are to these people and I know a few people who would beg to get a chance to prove themselves to you,” he rambled, “and I got that chance. And all I kept doing was fucking it up and for some reason, you kept showing up.” My heart was pounding in my chest and I wondered if Sirius could feel my pulse as he held onto my hands.

“We made a deal,” I whispered.

“And I kept having to remind myself of that. We were just a deal, there was nothing else involved. But I selfishly thought that we could be more and then you ended it and then I saw you with Nott and he looked like he belonged with you.”

“He wasn’t-”

“He’s rich,” he cut me off, “he can dress himself, he has a stable job, he could give you everything you wanted. I can’t give you everything you want.” I had never seen him so serious and I didn’t like how he was speaking about himself, but this was exactly what I hoped would come out of tonight, so I let him speak.

“I do want a lot of things,” I mumbled and he chuckled softly. “Do you remember on Mother’s Day when I went on that little rant to my mother?” With only us in the room, staring into each other’s eyes, I was sure that it was just Sirius and I in this world, and selfishly, I wanted it to stay this way forever.

“I do,” he said.

“Do you remember what I said?” I could see him replaying the conversation in his mind and I couldn’t help the grin on my face when I watched one develop on his own.

“Yes,” he said.

“Well I’d be willing to give it up to marry someone I loved…Yes mother, we’ve been dating for almost six months, I wouldn’t be with him that long if I didn’t love him.”

“I meant it all. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I’m a horrible liar.” We were so close together that we were only whispering and I liked how intimate it felt.

“You are,” he said, “if it wasn’t for me, everyone would have known we weren’t actually dating.” I shook my head at him and ignored him.

“Well I meant when I said that love isn’t about money, “ I paused and he was smiling down at me, “and I meant it when I said I’d be willing to give up my luxurious lifestyle for someone that I loved.”

“You love Sirius Black?” He was mocking my mother and I gave him an unimpressed look.

“Maybe I do.” I wasn’t sure when it happened, but I knew I loved him. I finally admitted it to myself after Mother’s Day, but it was something that I think I had known for a while. There wasn’t a cathartic moment of realisation, nor was it something that I was really aware of. Falling in love with him was something familiar, something that made me feel safe to be myself comfortable being with him. It happened slowly and it took its time, but I knew it was there, the attraction had been there most of my life and the love was easy to follow.

“Well maybe he loves you back,” he said.

“A girl can dream,” I sighed dreamily and he tugged on my wrists so I had to take a step closer to him. “But I want to keep my job,” I said sheepishly and I suddenly couldn’t meet his eyes. In my mind, Sirius didn’t care that I wanted to keep my job, but I wasn’t sure if that was a reality.

“Of course,” he said and I smiled up at him. “I’d be a much better housewife than you anyway.”

“Well you could also get a job,” I teased.

“Sorry princess,” he frowned, “I’m accustomed to a certain lifestyle.” I scoffed at him and he was laughing and I couldn’t fight the smile spreading across my face.

“So,” I dragged out the syllable, “if I don’t care that you can’t give me everything,” I said, referencing what he had previously said, can you at least give me yourself?” My voice went higher and my shoulders went up and I knew it was cliche and stupid and I felt like an idiot. But I needed him to explicitly say it.

“Only if you let me wear this stupid leather jacket whenever I want.” Of course. I forgot who I was talking to. I hoped he was just teasing.

“Only if you promise to let me wear it when it gets cold,” I challenged. I wasn’t going to let him win. He raised an eyebrow at me and there was amusement written all over his face knowing my distaste for that jacket. “It looks better on me,” I explained.

“I really have ruined you.” He squinted his eyes together and squeezed my hands. “Okay,” he said thinking, “only if you let me take you for a ride on my motorcycle.” I had a feeling we could go on like this for the rest of the night.

“Definitely not,” I said.

“Well then,” he sighed, “sorry princess, but I can’t give you myself then.” I scoffed at him again and removed my hands from his to fold them across my chest.

“Are you serious?” I had never seen such an excited look cross Sirius Black’s face.

“Actually, I am. Sirius” I gave him an unimpressed look even though he looked so proud of himself for finally making that stupid joke.

“Fine,” I stuck my chin out at him, ignoring his laugh, “but only if you let me wear your jacket on the motorcycle because it’ll be cold.” Like I said, I wasn’t going to let him win this.

“I like the sudden interest in you wearing my leather jacket.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“I’m hoping if you see how ridiculous it looks on another person, you’ll stop wearing it.” He opened his mouth to go to say something, but then just pouted.

“That was rude,” he said. I giggled and he started taking his jacket off. “But I do really want to see how stupid it looks, so maybe you could wear it?” It was one of the lamest things I had ever heard him say, but I still took it from him and wrapped it around my shoulders.

I inhaled the scent. Oddly enough, it had become familiar. It didn’t smell strongly of cigarette smoke anymore, but it still lingered, and the distinct odour of wet dog was still there, but weirdly, I didn’t mind it. “Absolutely horrible,” he murmured, shaking his head. “You must take it off immediately.” I sighed and he took a step closer to me and grabbed the back of my arms in his hands.

“Whatever,” I said. “So…” I prompted.

“I guess I can give you myself then,” he said, “princess, will you please be my girlfriend.”

I took a step closer to him and nodded.

For a moment, I was staring into Sirius’ grey eyes and he was staring into mind. We were both quiet and for a moment, I thought we were going to kiss. We were so close I could hear his breath and for a moment, I wanted the world to stop.

“I really want to kiss you,” he whispered.

“Then maybe you should.” Apparently that was all the permission he needed because his lips were immediately on mine.

I was right. Nott was an unusually rough kisser. Sirius was much softer and when his hands moved to cup my face, his touch was gentle and I couldn’t help but lean into it.

He tasted a bit like birthday cake and I had to stop myself from giggling at it. We were both smiling into the kiss and I thought that all of our fights, all of our screaming matches, everything, was all worth it to get to this moment.

Eventually we pulled away when my brain decided that right now was the perfect time to remember what I had put in his bag and I was unbearably embarrassed by it.

“I should get going,” I said apologetically. He frowned, unsure about my sudden change in mood. “I don’t want my mother to stress. And Sirius?” He nodded his head at me, a concerned look on his face, “please open my gift in private.”

His face changed to one of shock but I didn’t want to explain it to him. I was already humiliated, but there was also a part of me that really didn’t want to take it out so instead I kissed his cheek and quickly said, “write to me, I want to see you soon,” before apparating away.

I knew Sirius Black quite well and I knew that he was going to immediately go and open my present.

“So?” My mother asked as soon as I walked into the kitchen. My heart was pounding and the embarrassment had subsided and been replaced with that giddy feeling I had felt earlier. “Are you together?” She eyed the leather jacket I was still wearing, but I chose to ignore it.

“Yes,” I said confidently, “we are together.”

“Well let’s hope this time it works out.” When I ignored the way she immediately went up to bed after she said it, it sounded nice, and so I decided to look at it in a positive way as I made my way upstairs and got ready for bed.

When I was comfortable and in my pyjamas, the leather jacket resting on my computer chair, I went to get into bed but before I could, there was a familiar knocking on my window and I almost tripped as I raced to open it.

There he was, still in the same clothes he was wearing this afternoon, an urgent look on his face. I opened the window and before he could enter he croaked out, “Princess, I think you’re going to kill me.”

He came in and I closed the window behind him so the cool air wouldn’t get in. I was giggling up at him and he looked like he was trying to control himself.

“That picture was,” he paused, “really,” he struggled to find the right word, “something.”

“Wow,” I laughed, “that makes me feel sogood about myself.” He took a step closer to me.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please.” We were kissing once more and Sirius’ palms were cupping my cheeks and I was leaning into his touch and all I could think about was his lips on mine.

He still tasted a bit like birthday cake and when neither of us pulled away, I reached out to grab onto his shirt.

We stayed like that until eventually I pulled away when I needed to breathe. But apparently Sirius couldn’t get enough of me because he struggled to pull away and as soon as we were no longer kissing, he brought his lips back down to peck my own.

“I’m sorry,” he said, squishing my cheeks together as he brought my face closer to him so he could peck them again, “I’ve been dying to do this for ages,” he kissed me again, “I just,” another kiss, “can’t,” another, “help myself,” and one more. I was smiling up at him like an idiot and he was grinning down at me and I couldn’t believe that what I wanted had finally come to fruition. “I can’t believe you’re my girlfriend

“Alright loverboy.” I rolled my eyes and stood back from him. “Here,” I said, picking up his leather jacket, “I forgot to give this back to you.” I passed it to him, but he shook his head.

“You keep it, so you can wear it when I take you for a ride on my motorbike.” I groaned and he laughed.

I answered him with another kiss and he seemed to like that because his eyes crinkled as he smiled down at me.

“I have to get back to help clean up, will I see you soon?” I nodded up at him and watched him leave.

When I went to bed that night I couldn’t sleep. I had been thinking about this for a while, but I didn’t want to relive the humiliation of it so I kept pushing it to the back of my mind. But now I couldn’t stop myself from it.

I was suddenly twelve again. I was sitting in the Great Hall when there was a bang. I hadn’t been at Hogwarts for that long, but I knew that it was the sound of a dungbomb going off, but this was the first time I had ever been close to one.

I was sitting with Narcissa and a few other girls from my year along with some of Narcissa’s friends, and it seemed that they had all been a target as well. Most of the people sitting around us were.

It seemed the whole room was confused, but I could hear the laughter of no doubt the Gryffindors who would be the only ones immature enough to do something like this.

I had my hand covering my nose to protect myself from the horrid smell, so when I looked up and saw Narcissa with red hair, she couldn’t see the way my jaw hung open.

She had her hand in a similar position, but I saw the shock in her eyes and I heard her gasp and I knew my hair must have looked the same.

At this moment, everything was fine. Sure, we were going to have to go shower, change our uniform and be late for class, and yes, we would have had to do the charm to fix our hair and hope that we didn’t stuff it up and lose it instead, but that was all manageable.

Sure, I was angry and embarrassed and I wanted the people who had done this to suffer, but I was resilient and I knew life would go on.

But then I looked around the room. I knew everyone would be watching us, but then I saw him. Sirius Black. Him and his stupid group of friends were laughing and I was hurt. He was looking at me and he was laughing.

I couldn’t fight the frown on my face and I know Sirius saw it too. But he turned away. And then another round of dungbombs went off and they laughed louder and I dramatically stormed out of the room, not caring if I left my friends behind.

It was, of course, Sirius and his friends. There was no doubt about it. They were always doing stupid things like this, especially to Slytherins and now I wasn’t so sure why I was still defending him.

I didn’t want to admit it, but I knew that it was because I had never been on the receiving end of any of their antics, so I could easily say, “It’s his friends! They’re a bad influence.” Or “They’re just harmless pranks, he’s still the stupid kid we grew up with.” whenever people spoke badly of him, but really, I knew how he felt about Slytherins and about our society and I knew they weren’t harmless. I guess I thought that I was an exception to it.

Because we were friends. We still spoke, we still got along. But he knew it got me, he knew it would have got me, and he still let it happen. I was stupid to ever think I was an exception to him.

I cried the whole way to the dormitory. I didn’t care. I was hurt and upset and humiliated and I didn’t want to leave my dormitory for the rest of the year.

But when I walked into the Slytherin Common Room, someone was already there.

“What happened to you?” I sniffled and wiped my eyes as the door shut behind me.

“Your stupid brother,” I spat and Regulus stiffened.

“I’m sure he didn’t know that it hit you.” I wondered how Regulus knew exactly what I wanted to be true, but unfortunately, I knew it wasn’t.

“He did,” I huffed, “he saw me and he still did it.” My voice broke at the end, but I bit my lip so I wouldn’t start sobbing.

“I would hug you, but you know,” he said awkwardly, giving me an apologetic look. I probably smelled horrible.

“That’s okay,” I sniffled and went up to my dormitory.

As it turned out, Sirius and his friends weren’tstupid and there was no charm that me, my friends, nor Madame Pomfrey could use to get the red hair dye out and with two hits from the dungbombs, it seemed to linger on my skin for weeks.

I decided that Sirius no longer deserved my protection if I didn’t have his, and so, I made the mature decision to ignore him. And it didn’t take him too long to figure that out either.

The very next day he came up to me in the library. My friends sent him daggers, but I didn’t even look up from my book.

“Nice hair,” he sniggered. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to hit him. I wanted him to know how much he hurt me. But I took a deep breath and kept reading my book. Or pretended to. “I think it suits you.” He was standing behind me and I wasn’t going to turn around.

I took another deep breath. I wasn’t going to give in. “But I do think you need to invest in another perfume.” He wasn’tgoing to get a rise out of me. I could tell that he knew I was purposefully ignoring him because his voice started getting more desperate. “Do you think your mother will like your new look?” I counted to ten in my head. “I thought it was funny,” he mumbled.

One of my friends sighed and stood up. They had been ignoring Sirius their whole life so really, how hard could it be?

“How about we go find somewhere quiet to study?” One of them asked.

“Please,” I said, staring right into Sirius’ grey eyes as I said it.

He looked dumbfounded. He looked like someone had hit him. He looked hurt that I was ignoring him as if he hadn’t publicly humiliated me.

But that was it. I didn’t want anything to do with him. I was no longer going to defend him because all of the nasty things people had been saying about him were true, it had just taken me a while to see it.

I wondered what twelve-year-old me would be thinking right now. I don’t think she’d be happy. Or, maybe she would be because the whole reason she was upset was because all she wanted was for Sirius Black to like her, but that prank just showed her that he didn’t really care about her. He knowingly humiliated her and that crushed her.

It was probably why nineteen-year-old me was so heartbroken when he humiliated her at the engagement. It was uncovering an old wound that I never really let heal properly in the first place.

I sighed. I really hoped that was over. I really wanted this to work.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Tag list = @silverose365@sweetlyspice@marauderssimpcuzwhytfnot

s.b Holdiate - Ch.10 Halloween

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female Reader
Word Count: 7.3k
Synopsis: Her and Sirius have a complicated relationship and things get even more complicated when they agree to start a fake relationship to get their parents off their back    
Warnings: swearing, getting drunk, costumes ;), there’s nothing wrong with what she does at the end, but she thinks it’s wrong because of her upbringing

Masterlist|Holidate Masterlist

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

I felt like a complete fool after I had gone to Sirius’. Nothing had come out of it and I felt stupid that I had originally thought something would.

My mother wasn’t speaking to me and my father was only communicating with me when he had to. The worst part was that my mother probably assumed that Sirius and I were dating. She already thought I was stupid enough for rejecting Tiberius, but I didn’t want to know what she’d do if she found that I didn’t have anyone to fall back on.

I guess part of me wondered if I should have stayed with Tiberius. It’s not like he was a bad boyfriend. I would have had my respectable and comfortable life. I would have been currently preparing for the wedding. I would probably have had to put in my notice at work because my mother nor Tiberius would want me to be working. I would have been miserable because I wouldn’t be with Sirius.

It went like this.

Everything I did reminded me of Sirius. All I could do was picture him sitting next to me on my bed on Easter whenever I was in my room. When I was in the kitchen all I could think about was when I had stood up for him to my mother on Mother’s Day. When I was working I’d be seeing him in the people around me, even if they never could compare to him.

And for a second I’d forget that everything was wrong. It was almost as if I had convinced myself that everything went right that night I went to his house on Father’s Day. Then I’d remember how he pulled away and didn’t say anything and I went home like an idiot.

How could I be so foolish? I’d think. But then I’d remember how he always apologised and how he had given me such a thoughtful gift and how he had respected all of my high maintenance wishes during our fake relationship. So I’d start to blame him. Heledmeon. This was the boy who relentlessly annoyed me as a kid and who I grew to despise during my teenage years. This was the boy who came on my birthday just to tell me that he forgot we weren’t dating when he knew I was with someone else.

Then, my mind would wander to the future. I was twenty now and I had no possible husbands and who would even want me after the humiliating way my last two relationships had ended?

So I tried to think of something else, until minutes later I’d see something that reminded me of Sirius and I’d go down the stupid spiral again.

I was so overwhelmed and frustrated and a part of me thought I was going insane.

And I knew I definitely was when a few days after Father’s Day I received a letter from Sirius. I snatched the letter a bit too roughly from the owl and felt bad so I gave it extra treats. It was nibbling at my hand while I stared at the stupid neat cursive writing I had gotten all too familiar with.

How is my princess? I hope you’re feeling okay. You shouldn’t be worried, but if you are the only person you should be worried about is yourself. I’m here for you.

Sirius xx

It felt like he was taunting me. I’m here for you. But was he really? He wasn’t there for me on Father’s Day.

I went to reply straight away. There were a few things I’d like to say to him. I sat at my desk and pulled a quill out, the ink dripping haphazardly on my desk as I started scribbling. I’m sure he wouldn’t even notice if my writing was messy.

Sirius,

I began, but then I began tapping the end of my quill on the desk. Maybe I didn’t know what to say to him.

I’m not okay.

That was a good start.

I’m not sure why I went over to your house that night, maybe you should forget it ever happened. I wish Icould forget that it ever happened.

The words were coming much easier now and I was writing them down as quickly as I could.

Why didn’t anything happen? Do you think anything could happen between us?

I paused as I realised how desperate it sounded. I couldn’t send this. And I knew I wasn’t going to, but for some reason I continued.

I could’ve been planning the wedding of my dreams right now but I stupidly gave it up for someone who doesn’t even like me back. I think I’m going insane. Not to be dramatic, but if you were sorted in Slytherin, I think I’d be planning our wedding right now.

I let my quill fall on the desk and quickly ripped the note up before throwing it away. I was fighting back tears. Everything was falling apart. Word had quickly gotten out that I had rejected Tiberius, like I thought it would, and after everything that had happened with Sirius this past year, I was sure that there wouldn’t be a lot of words in my favour.

Before I could start crying I put Sirius’ note in the top desk of my drawer where all the other notes he had written for me were stored. His stupid, perfect, elegant script was standing out at me, mocking me, spiting me.

I never replied to him.

~~~

The next celebration was Halloween and unfortunately, it was at Grimmauld Place so I had a pretty good feeling Sirius was going to make an appearance and that was just something else to add to the list of things I was losing my mind over.

I wasn’t entirely sure why the noble wizarding society celebrated Halloween. No one ever really got dressed up besides the young people. I was sure it was just an excuse to eat good food and drink bubbles. Not that I was complaining. I really needed an excuse to eat good food and let the bubbles help me forget how shit my life was becoming.

The outfits were always pretty tame. Most of the older individuals would wear masks and call it a day and the younger ones usually just went with something that was very low key and easily accessible in their wardrobe.

Last year I went as an angel. I wore a short white dress and charmed some wings to flutter, and a halo to light up.

“You’re not a very convincing angel,” an annoying voice murmured in my ear that night. I turned to face the familiar voice and scowled. Sirius was wearing black slacks which actually fit him quite well and a white t-shirt with black suspenders. There was a fake blood stain on one side of his shirt and he had a fake muggle gun in his pocket.

“And what are you meant to be?” I asked boredly.

“A mafia boss,” he responded as if it was obvious. I looked him up and down and gave him an unconvincing look.

“At least people know what I am.” I shrugged, walking towards one of the tables and grabbing a chocolate. Unfortunately, he followed. “And of course I’m a convincing angel, I’m angelic.” He laughed loudly as I unwrapped the chocolate and ate it.

“That’s what everything thinks,” he said, “but only if they knew the way you spoke to me.” I rolled my eyes at him. “An angel wouldn’t roll their eyes at me,” he argued. “Sometimes you hurt my feelings, y'know, and I don’t think that’s very angelic.” He gave me a dramatic pout and I gave him a judgemental look.

“Have you ever stopped to think that maybe that’s your fault? If you’re the only one who doesn’t see me as an angel then you’re the anomaly.” I shrugged and he smirked at me.

“Please,” he said, “I’m not trying to fool anyone, I know I’m a demon.”

“I’d say you’re more of a devil,” I hummed, as if I was really thinking about it. He went to say something but I saw Narcissa walking past and quickly called out to her and left Sirius by himself.

It was weird to think that at that moment I had no idea what was to happen in the following year. I had no idea how close Sirius and I were going to become.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to go as this year. I was so busy with work and all of these horrendous thoughts constantly swirling through my head that, if I was being honest, I hadn’t even thought about it.

Now, it was the night before Halloween and I had no idea what to do. It was midnight and I was exhausted. I thought maybe I could go as an angel again. I usually would never repeat an outfit in such a big crowd, but I was desperate and I think, at the moment, people had much worse things to say about me than the fact that I was an outfit repeater.

I contemplated asking my mother in the morning, but we were still playing the silent game and I wasn’t going to admit defeat nor was I willing for her to find out that I had rejected Tiberius for nothing.

The light in my walk-in wardrobe was harsh on my tired eyes and I groaned as I flicked through my clothes and found a lack of costumes. When I got to the end I gave them a much larger push than what was necessary in frustration, moving them away from the wall and revealing a piece of fabric that I had shoved in the corner.

For a brief second of ignorant bliss I forgot what it was and bent down to pick it up. I huffed when I realised it was that stupid outfit Sirius had bought me on Valentine’s Day. I rolled my eyes at the memory and threw it quickly back in the corner, folding my arms and huffing again as I walked to sit on the seat on my dresser.

Stupid Sirius.

Stupid Sirius who calls me princess. Stupid Sirius who found a new nickname for me when I told him not to call me darling. Stupid Sirius who tried to call me princess to annoy me, but continued when he found out I liked it because, foolishly, that was all I ever wanted to be. A princess. A princess with a respectable and comfortable life. His princess.

I sat up straighter at the thought. Of course. A princess.

~~~

My parents were dressed elegantly, with masks covering their eyes. We were waiting outside Grimmauld Place waiting until more people moved in so we could escape the cool air. The sun had just set and with no beaming light, it was chilly outside.

We stood there in awkward silence until we were let in. I could hear gothic music playing from inside and I wanted to comment on it, but we hadn’t spoken all afternoon and stubbornly, I wasn’t going to be the one to break it.

“Welcome,” Walburga’s face was tight as she looked at the three of us. She sent me a relaxed smile, but it was so quick I wouldn’t have been surprised if I imagined it.

“Thank you for having us.” My mother gave her a tight lipped smile remembering the last time they spoke and we walked in. I wasn’t entirely sure, but I was confident in my guess that my mother and Walburga hadn’t been on speaking terms since the Lestrange engagement which made me quite sad considering they were close before.

I departed from my parents and made my way around to greet my friends. A few people complimented me on my outfit, but most people were either unashamedly staring at me as if they couldn’t believe I had shown up or were giving me sympathetic smiles. I wasn’t sure what was worse.

I understood it. I guessed. A lot of people originally thought I was an idiot for going out with Sirius Black, and then most of them would have thought the scene between Sirius and myself was too dramatic, and now that everyone knew I had turned down Tiberius, I couldn’t even imagine what they thought of me.

I walked around and admired the decorations, trying to ignore the stares from the people around me. There were carved pumpkins illuminating the room and cobwebs hanging from all surfaces with fake spiders charmed to look like they were spinning the web. There were some ghost and monster artefacts lying around as well, but more importantly, there were chocolates and lollies thrown around the table and I couldn’t resist. I went to grab a chocolate and began to unwrap it before I was interrupted.

“Princess?” I didn’t even get a chance to taste the chocolate.

“What?” I turned around to face him and scowl, but my mouth was left open in shock instead. I had worn a pink glittery dress. It was fitted around my chest and the sleeves hung loosely around my biceps. It flared out at the bottom and I was wearing sparkly heels to match the sparkly diamond tiara in my hair that I, fortunately, already had. Sirius had come in an old fashioned suit. He had a puffy white shirt on and a navy blue vest, and in his long curly hair that looked as neat as I had ever seen it was a golden plastic crown. “What the fuck?”

I frowned as I looked him up and down and he did the same to me, but he was beaming. I was suddenly a bit annoyed that Sirius had matched me. I thought I was so smart for coming as a princess and maybe a part of me wanted to see his reaction to it because I thought he wouldn’t even expect it, but apparently he had because he was a prince.

“I knew you’d come as a princess.” I frowned because I didn’t even know I was coming as a princess over twelve hours ago.

“Don’t you think this is more of a couples outfit?” The chocolate was beginning to make my fingers sticky so I ate it, focusing on my chewing to get my mind off this.

I hadn’t even considered how bad it would look for me to be seen with Sirius so soon after I had broken up with and then rejected Nott because I was so affronted. Everything was so confusing and I just wanted people to like me and to be that golden child once more, but I just wasn’t sure how.

“Oh.” Sirius looked a bit flustered and I tried to remember a time I had ever seen him like this. “I mean I guess, I just thought it would be funny.”

“Sure,” I rolled my eyes and patted his chest before walking away. I didn’t really know what to say. My heart was pounding and my palms were hot so I grabbed a glass of champagne from a server passing by and drank it in one sip. I don’t know why but I thought it would cool me down. Maybe it would relax me and that was exactly what I needed.

The most drunk I had ever gotten at one of these events was on New Years Eve when Sirius and I were still doing our fake relationship charade. I didn’t like getting too drunk because it was never a good image. But my image wasn’t in everyone’s favour at the moment and I figured if there was ever a chance for me to get absolutely smashed on bubbles, now was the time.

Besides, I really needed to stop thinking about everything that had happened to me these past few months. I needed a break from the constant thought of Sirius in my mind and how stupid I was to ever think he liked me back. And from the constant nagging of my mother’s voice in my head telling me how foolish I was to reject Nott’s proposal. I needed the worries of what would happen to me to go away and I was feeling pretty confident that if I drank enough champagne, everything would just disappear and life would become easier. For just a few hours.

I walked around the room, trying to seem natural as I tried to find another server with champagne. As I made my way across the room I noticed some of Sirius’ friends were there. Only James, Lily, Peter, and Remus. I foolishly wondered where Harry was.

I wondered why his friends were even here. I had seen them at his birthday celebrations, but they had never shown up to these high society events. I wondered what he had to do to convince Walbruga to let in a bunch of blood traitors. If I didn’t have a million other things to worry about, I would have dwelled on it.

Instead, I found another server and drank the glass in one sip. When I looked up I made the mistake of making eye contact with Lily Potter who waved over at me and motioned for me to come to her as if we were good friends.

There were alarm bells going off in my head. Firstly, I found it strange that she was being so friendly to me after being so not-friendly my entire Hogwarts experience. Especially after I had broken up with one of her good friends. Surely he had told them and had said horrible things about me. It was the Sirius thing to do. Then, there was the issue that she was a muggleborn and even if my reputation was already tarnished, I knew the one way to make it worse was to be seen talking to a muggleborn.

I looked around to make sure she was waving at me and not someone else, and when I turned back, she was already making her way towards me.

“Hi!” She beamed and I thought she also must have had something to drink because it was a stark contrast to the way she greeted me on St. Patrick’s Day.

She walked over to me and gave me a hug and I tensed as I quickly wrapped one arm around her and immediately pulled away. I looked over at his other friends who waved at me and I awkwardly waved back. They were sitting on one of the lounges in the corner. James and Lily were wearing matching pirate costumes, Peter had D.I.Y mouse ears resting on his head, and I wasn’t sure what or who Remus was, but he had on a long coat and was carrying a book I wasn’t familiar with.

The right thing to do was to quickly tell her that she looked nice and that I hope her and her family are well before politely excusing myself before anyone saw I was talking to her, but the champagne must have started to effect me because instead I stupidly asked, “Where’s Harry?”

“He’s at home,” she pouted, “this is our first night without him.” For some reason, I frowned. “It’s so cute that you and Sirius wore matching outfits.” I gave her a weary look and let out an awkward chuckle. She seemed happy and I was very confused, but I didn’t really want to talk to her about whatever was going on between myself and Sirius Black.

“I guess we just know each other too well.” It wasn’t a lie.

She practically squealed and I tried to steady my breathing as I thought about how bad this would look to anyone watching. Sure, my life was already about to be over, but I could get out of this and find a respectable husband, get married, have children and pretend that this last year never even happened. But to be seen with a muggleborn? My life would be over forever.

“Are you stealing my friends, princess?” There was an arm over my shoulder and I shrugged it off.

“I was just saying how cute you two look.” I could see Lily smiling out of my peripheral vision as I glared up at Sirius who was giving me an amused smirk.

“Don’t we always?” He asked before breaking eye contact with me. Lily rolled her eyes and turned around as James called out to her and she walked away, leaving me alone with Sirius.

“Are you okay?” I nodded, but I didn’t look at him. “I have to admit something.” For the tiniest second I thought that I was going to get what I went over to his house on Father’s Day for and I quickly turned to face him. “I never told them we broke up.” I was so ready to hear the words I had been longing to hear that it took me a moment to process what he said.

“What?”

“Well it just happened all of a sudden and I thought that we’d get back together, but then you got with Nott and I didn’t want to tell them that because then it would seem like you left me for him, which you kinda did, and-”

“You need to stop talking.” I was on the verge of tears for some reason and I looked up at the ceiling so they wouldn’t fall.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Yeah,” I said.

We stood in silence for a moment as I continued to stare at the ceiling. Sirius didn’t say anything and I was grateful because I didn’t want him to see me cry and I knew that if I had to speak, I would. So he just watched me try not to. I half wished he would leave, but the other half of me was glad he didn’t.

“Aren’t you two just the cutest matching couple?” I turned away from the ceiling when I heard Regulus’ voice. “It’s so cute I want to vomit.” He rested an arm on Sirius’ shoulder and finished whatever was in his cup. He was wearing devil horns and he had a plastic pitchfork in the hand that wasn’t holding his drink.

“Shut up, Regulus.” Sirius groaned, but I only smiled at him. Regulus seemed to like that I was on his side because he continued.

“I’m so happy you made up, it was getting boring seeing Sirius all mopey and sad,” he pouted dramatically, “did he tell you that mother even let him invite his blood traitor friends because he was so upset about it?” He turned to smirk at Sirius whose jaw was clenched as he glared at Regulus. I had been under a few of Sirius Black’s glares, but I had never seen any as intense as this one. Normally, I would’ve laughed at his dramatic nature, or teased Sirius about this information that Regulus had so kindly shared, but I was feeling a little fuzzy and thought that if he was that upset about me breaking up with him, he should’ve done something about it.

“Who said we made up?” I folded my arms across my chest and gave an innocent look to them both.

Regulus let out an awkward chuckle and cleared his throat.

“That’s embarrassing, isn’t it? I need another drink.” He pushed himself off Sirius, gave him a look that I didn’t understand, and quickly walked off leaving me alone to avoid Sirius’ gaze.

“What does that mean? Are you still angry at me?” I wanted to walk away, but for some reason I stood still and met his gaze, giving him an unimpressed look.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why not?” I couldn’t really explain it because I felt like he wouldn’t understand and I didn’t need this to escalate and turn into something else to make me mad at him.

“You’re insane,” he grumbled and I huffed at him.

“You’reinsane.” He scoffed and rolled his eyes at my horrible attempt to get the last word in.

He was so infuriating. The whole reason I had said no to Nott was so that I could be with him, and maybe it wasn’t his fault for wanting me back, but it was his fault for making me think that he wanted me. Right? But then, did he really show that he wanted me?

I was working myself up. This was why I needed more champagne. I wanted to stop thinking about this.

“I also need another drink.“ I stormed off and I heard him go to say something, but then sigh in frustration before I assume he went to go and sit down with his friends.

I walked around the room, casually trying to find a server with more champagne. When I did, I drank it again in one gulp. Usually, my goal was to drink just enough to keep me sane and confident while talking to all of these people, but tonight, I just wanted to forget everything that had happened this year. Which was why I needed another one.

“You shouldn’t drink so fast, you’ll get a headache.” A voice said as I turned to pass my empty glass to the server and I frowned as I picked up another.

“I thought you weren’t talking to me,” I said to my mother, holding the new glass in my hand. I also didn’t want to have this conversation right now. I knew I made a stupid decision and I didn’t need my mother knowing that.

“I saw you talking to those blood traitors,” she whispered as if someone might hear us over the music and chatter. I wanted to roll my eyes, but I was scared because if she saw, then who else?

“They were speaking to me,” I shrugged. What was worse was that Lily wasn’t a blood traitor, she was a muggleborn. But I wasn’t going to remind my mother of that.

“Like that makes a difference to these people.” She rolled her eyes and I nervously tugged at one of the layers on my dress. “You’ve already ruined us by rejecting Nott and going back to Sirius.” At his name I shot a glance over at him. I was sad and I was sure that it was reflected in my face because when my mother followed my gaze she gave me a doubtful look. “You went to Sirius’ house on Father’s Day, didn’t you?”

I felt like I was being interrogated and I knew what was coming.

“Yes.” She couldn’t prove anything from that.

“So you could be with Sirius?” I was a horrible liar and I was scared she’d see right through me.

“That was the plan.” When I didn’t look at her she put two and two together.

“You stupid girl,” she emphasised each word and I felt a wave of heat wash over me in humiliation. I already knew how stupid I was, I didn’t want her knowing that or reminding me. “But you’re not together?”

“No,” I mumbled softly in hopes she wouldn’t hear. She let out a manic laugh.

“I was eventually going to forgive you because I thought you at least had Sirius to fall back on. You and Tiberius were only together for a few short months, I could have made sure everyone forgot about them. But you gave up on a respectable marriage with no one to fall back on?” She laughed and I felt like a child again. So helpless. “You’re not my daughter.”

A server walked past with more champagne and my mother took one and walked away, mumbling under breath and shaking her head. I drank the champagne in my hand in one sip before getting a new one from the same server. I felt like I was going to cry so I quickly walked away, trying to find a less crowded place.

I think what upset me the most was knowing that I was right. Everyone here thought I was an idiot. That I was stupid. I was never going to be the golden child again and that was the hardest hit I had received from reality.

I sighed when I realised how alone I was. I had gotten used to having Sirius on my arm and annoying me at these events and now, I had absolutely no one.

I made my way over to sit on one of the empty chairs in the corner and I skulled my drink so I could get a new one from one of the servers as I walked past.

When I sat down I felt it hit me. My legs turned to jelly and I was feeling very light-headed. I decided to give myself a little break as I held the new champagne glass loosely in my hand. I also didn’t want to have to stand up and find another one anytime soon, my feet were already hurting from my shoes and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to hold myself up either.

I was happy to sit down and be upset with my thoughts, but before I could process what was happening I could hear a chair scraping towards me and before I knew it I was sitting next to Tiberius Nott.

“Hi,” he said. I stared at him dumbly.

“Hi,” I eventually muttered back. What was going on?

“How are you?” He didn’t seem angry, but he did seem upset and now I was even more sad then what I was when I decided to sit here like a loner.

“I’m really sorry.” I frowned up at him and he gave me a sad smile back.

“It’s okay,” he said, but it wasn’t convincing. “I just,” he turned to face me better, “I don’t understand what you see in Black.” It was like my eyes knew where he was because they instantly found him. I turned back to Tiberius to be respectful. “You could have so much more, do you know how many people in this room would do anything to be with you?” I gave him a confused look.

“No they wouldn’t.” I wanted to tell him that my parents, that I, had been trying to find someone my whole life and I kept coming up short, but I didn’t want to sound more pathetic than what I already felt.

“They would,” he insisted, “everyone’s mother loves you, you’re pretty, smart, and successful, and there are some eligible people out there if you look properly.” I couldn’t hold his gaze anymore so I looked down at the champagne glass in my hand. “And even after all of this, I know if you asked any one of these guys absolutely anything, their answer would always be yes.” I felt like he was telling me that I shouldn’t wait for people to ask me and should instead ask them, but I wasn’t sure why considering our history. I thought he would be mad at me, so I wasn’t expecting this.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I don’t want to see you throw away the life you deserve. I got to know you quite well in those few months, do you really want to give everything up for a boy?” I wanted to laugh and say, ‘What? And give everything up for a manlike you?’ but even though my head was incredibly fuzzy, I knew that would be cruel when Tiberius was trying to help me.

There was so much to think about and I couldn’t meet his eyes. He let out a sigh and rested the palms of his hands on thighs. “Do with that what you will, I’m sorry we didn’t work out.”

I wanted to tell him that I was sorry too. That I didn’t mean for us to end on bad terms and that I didn’t want to absolutely humiliate him in front of both our families. I had been the one humiliated in the past, I knew how horrible it felt.

I also wanted to thank him for giving me this confidence boost which I currently needed, but he was gone and I was sitting by myself again.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised he was right. Just because I had two failed relationships in the span of a few months didn’t mean that I couldn’t still be the golden child. If anything, it should look bad on Sirius and Tiberius for not being able to keepthegolden child.

I finished the rest of the champagne in my glass which was a bad idea because I wobbled when I stood up.

But maybe, no one cared what I had done or what I did or what I was about to do. No one was staring at me anymore, they all had enough champagne in their systems to become so self absorbed that my issues were nothing to them.

I looked around the room and I found him.

Even Rosier was a year younger than me. He was in Slytherin, he came from a pureblood family, and he was cute. We had always been friendly growing up, but because we weren’t in the same year we were never exceptionally close, despite being in the same friend group. I wasn’t sure what I planned to gain out of this, all I knew was that he was attractive and Sirius didn’t like him.

Regulus had always been close with him and I knew that Regulus might tease me for the decisions I was about to make, but he would never judgeme for it. At least, that’s what I thought.

So I wobbled over to Regulus and Evan who were sitting on one of the main lounges. I squished myself right between them and pushed my hair back so it was out of my face.

“Hello,” Regulus chuckled.

“Hi,” I giggled, looking directly at Evan and giving my back to Regulus. Evan was smiling back, a look of amusement crossing his face as he took me in. We were staring at each other and I was blinking fast and I was feeling dizzy, but I tried not to let it show.

“Are you drunk?” Regulus asked and I flickered my eyes back and over to him for a second before returning to Evan.

“Why would you ask that?” I was still giggling and Evan chuckled. Regulus scoffed and for a moment I thought the scoff had negative connotations associated with it. “I haven’t spoken to you in so long.” I pouted up at Evan and he smirked.

“Too long.” I felt the lounge lift up and noticed that I no longer felt Regulus’ knee against mine, but my attention was focused only on Evan. “How have you been?” I wanted to tell him that I hadn’t been doing great. That I was actually really upset and was having an almost quarter-life crisis, but I knew even in my horrendously drunk state that that wasn’t going to turn this conversation in the direction I wanted it to go.

“You know me,” I shrugged, but I never got to finish the rest of the sentence because someone was standing in front of me and clearing their throat.

“Can we talk?” I glared up at the prince standing in front of me.

“I’m talking to Evan,” I motioned between us, giving him an incredulous look.

“Well you can talk another time, this is more important.” I stared up at him, raising an eyebrow at him. I wasn’t going to move and he wasn’t going to force me to move so I guess we were stuck at this stalemate.

“Evan, move.” His voice was low and it sounded rough so Evan stood up.

“Hey!” I complained, reaching my arm out for Evan, but he was standing too far away and I couldn’t reach him. “That’s rude.”

“I’ll talk to you later.” He gave me a soft smile, but then he glared at Sirius. I wasn’t sure where Regulus was, but Sirius was now sitting next to me and facing me. I turned so he got my side profile.

“Are we okay?” He asked.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” I was getting sick of him continuously asking me this. I still wasn’t looking at him, but I could tell that he was also getting frustrated at my answers.

“You just broke up with Nott.” I wanted to thank him for stating the obvious, but my mind was very fuzzy and the words weren’t coming out fast enough,

“No,” I said, “I declined his marriage proposal. Now I need to find someone else or I’ll look stupid.”

“What about me?” His voice was so soft that I turned to face him so I could give him a reassuring smile and promise him that the reason I had broken up with Nott was so that I could have him.

He was looking at me with these sad eyes that I had never seen before. I felt bad that I had upset him.

No. I was supposed to be angry at him. With my head spinning I wasn’t entirely sure why anymore, but that wasn’t important.

For some reason, I decided to hurt him further. Maybe if I hurt him how he hurt me we would be even and then we could move on. Or something like that. My thoughts were too slow in my very fuzzy brain.

“What about you?” I gave him a bored look as if he was wasting my time and that must have made him angry because he scoffed and said in a low voice, “you’re drunk.”

“Yes, I am,” I confirmed, “and what about it?” He shook his head at me. “I still know that after I rejected Nott no one came to make me an offer, so I guess I’m all alone.”

“Are you kidding me?” His voice had gotten louder but when I shot him a dirty look he continued so only I could hear him. “You were fucking bawling your eyes, pouring your heart out to me. You were vulnerable and I wasn’t going to take advantage of that.” He had a point but everything was hazy and all I cared about was the fact that I needed his validation more than anything that night and I hadn’t got it.

“Well why do you think I came over?” It was my turn for my voice to get loud but he didn’t care. “So I could tell you my sob story and leave? I came over because I wanted you to tell me I had made the right decision, that I was going to be okay.” My voice broke. “That we were going to be okay.” I finally took a quick glance around the room. No one even seemed to care that we were talking and for some reason that made me relax. “But you didn’t, so now I need to find someone else so everyone can forget about the stupid mistakes I’ve made this year.”

“You never replied to my letter.” He had a challenging look in his eye and for some reason, I thought he had won whatever this was.

“I didn’t know what to say.” I stuck my chin out as if I thought I still had a chance of winning. “Of course I wasn’t doing well, but we’re barely even friends so why should I let you know?”

“Why’d you come as a princess, then?” He had moved closer to me. His thigh was squished against mine and somehow our faces had gotten very close.

“Why’d you come as a prince?” I challenged a little too quickly.

“Because I’m charming,” he said sarcastically.

“Well I’m elegant.”

“Sure, princess.” We both rolled our eyes.

But for some reason my whole body had turned hot at the way he said that. Sure, princess.

There was just something about it that just made me feel…hot. I knew I was drunk because for some reason I was now nervous to look at Sirius. Nervous to look into his grey eyes that were always searching mine in a way that made me feel he really wanted to know what was behind them for whatever reason. I didn’t want to notice the way I knew his jaw would be clenched or the way his facial bones always stuck out. I chose instead to focus on his hand which was resting on the side of his thigh, but that was a mistake because he had long fingers and veiny hands and for some reason my heart was beating really quickly and I was still so hotand-

“I have to go.” I couldn’t read the look on his face and I didn’t want to stare at it too long so I walked the other way.

I quickly found my mother and muttered, “I drank too much, I’m going home,” which, really, wasn’t a lie. She let out a noise as if she thought I was being ridiculous, but she didn’t fight me and so I walked outside and apparated back home.

I went straight up to my bed and was quickly taking my dress off. I was just so hot.

I went to put my dress back in my closet before I saw that stupid piece of fabric again in the corner. I pulled it up and held it in front of me. It was so short I didn’t think it would even completely cover my bum.

I stared at it. It was pink and glittery and in some ways, it reminded me of the dress I had just put away.

I still had my tiara and high heels on.

For some reason, I decided to put the stupid piece of fabric on. I guess you could say it fit, but it would be better to say that it fit how it was meant to. It unsettled me that Sirius had guessed my size accurately, but I didn’t want to dwell on it and with the bubbles still travelling through my body, it was easy to forget.

I looked good. I always looked good. But I always dressed modestly and elegantly, my mother would have a heart attack if I ever wore anything as short as this. I’m not sure if it was the confidence boost that Tiberius had given me, or the bubbles coursing through me, or even what Sirius had said moments before, but I was feeling a bit too confident and went to go find my camera.

I sat down in front of my full-length mirror so my cleavage was on full display and the end of the fabric rested very high on my thighs. For some reason, I took a photo.

It was being processed immediately and as I saw the colour start to show a wave of humiliation drowned me.

What the fuck was I doing? I was not the type of girl who took pictures like this to feel good about myself. I wasn’t the type of girl who got very drunk and flirted with boys and spoke to muggleborns. I wasn’t the type of girl who publicly broke up with her boyfriend and rejected a stable future and went against her parents wishes.

I frowned down at the picture. It felt like I was looking at a different person. She didn’t look like me and I didn’t look like her.

I didn’t really know who I was anymore and stupidly all I could think was that Sirius Black really did have a horrible effect on me.

I huffed and practically ripped the fabric off of me, wanting to forget that I had ever been so stupid. I folded it away and packed the camera up, but for some reason, I put the photo with all of the notes I had received from Sirius in my top drawer.

I blamed it all on him. If he hadn’t asked to fake date me he never would have gotten me that stupid outfit and I never would have done this. If he hadn’t humiliated me in front of everyone I never would have gotten with Tiberius. If he had just told me how he felt then we wouldn’t be here. Drunk and feeling shitty about myself while having no idea what Sirius Black was thinking.

I started crying and then sometime afterward, I fell asleep.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Tag list: @silverose365@sweetlyspice@marauderssimpcuzwhytfnot

the other woman - r.b x female!reader

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Blurb: the other woman always gets the short end of the stick

part 2 to arranged
Word Count: 4k
Warnings: cheating, regulus is still a shit, but of self-doubt and feeling sad
A/N:idk how i feel about this, i feel like i should’ve kept arranged as just arranged, but i really wanted to write a second part from the muggleborns perspective but it just didn’t give what i wanted it to gave. maybe i should’ve waited a bit longer, maybe i’ll rewrite it sometime in the future, but at the same time, i knew it would be something like this. anyways

Masterlist

I liked to think it was a common experience. To be the other woman. At least that was what I told myself. I think ‘the other woman’ usually got a bad reputation, but I didn’t think that was fair. How were they to know that their lover was seeing someone else if their lover never told them? Sure, if they know it’s a completely different story and maybe part of it is fair. But either way, it wasn’t fun being the other woman. Eventually you find out and it tears your whole word apart.

It was during our seventh year that I started going out with Regulus Black. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew that our relationship would be frowned upon. More so on his side than mine, but there were plenty of people I knew who didn’t like Regulus and his arrogance and pride. But they were wrong, they just didn’t know him how I knew him.

It started when we were partnered up in Potions class. The professors tried to shield us from the upheaval that was occurring outside the castle, but tensions were high even amongst us students and they were trying desperately hard to promote inter-house relationships. Personally, at the time, I thought it was stupid that they had partnered Regulus Black, a known death eater, with me, a muggleborn.

Well it wasn’t known that he was a death eater, but sometimes rumours are true. And sure, maybe I was a bit apprehensive of him and honestly, a little scared. He was known throughout the castle for hating my blood and that didn’t sit right with me. So I tried to be happy and pleasant just so I wouldn’t end up on his bad side.

Maybe I was a little too happy and pleasant though, because once our assignment was over, we still met up to study and I would swear that he would smile at me in the hallways and then one day I got a note from him.

Can you meet me at the top of the Astronomy Tower tonight? 2am? R.B

I found his eye in the Great Hall and gave him a discreet nod. He smiled into his breakfast. He had been nothing but friendly to me once we got over the awkward beginning stages and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited about what he wanted to see me about.

So maybe I did show up in my best jeans and my new jumper and maybe I did do my hair nicely before I went to meet him. I was quite intimidated by him and part of that was because he was veryattractive.

“Hi,” he breathed out when I entered the Astronomy Tower. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have gone. He was a death eater, it could’ve been a trap or maybe he might not have even shown. I wasn’t sure why I trusted him, but I did and there we were.

“Hi,” I smiled at him. We stood in front of each other, both of us with cheesy grins on our faces.

“I like your jumper,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said.

We sat down and spoke. I thought it would be hard to find topics that we were both interested in, but our conversations flowed as if we had been best friends our whole life. Whether it was about Quidditch or classes or random school gossip, we had a lot in common.

When I couldn’t stop yawning and the sun was peeking up, he sighed and turned so I was looking at his side profile.

“I really like you,” he whispered. His voice was so soft I barely heard him.

“I really like you too.” I wasn’t sure if it was because I was so tired, but it just felt right to tell him.

“But no one can know.” He turned to look at me again and I gave him a sad smile.

“I know.”

And so began our secret relationship.

It wasn’t hard to fall for Regulus Black. He was kind when you got to know him and he was much more intelligent than he let on, and of course, there was no denying that Regulus Black was pretty and nice to look at.

We would meet in broom closets and walk around the grounds late at night, my heart pounding in fear that someone would find us. In regards to someone finding us out of bed past curfew and finding out about our relationship.

“What would happen if people found out about us?” I had asked one night when we were sitting in the Astronomy Tower again. This was our favourite place to meet.

“I don’t know.” He didn’t say much, but his face went hard and I could feel his whole body tense. I understood why we had to keep our relationship private, but it still hurt. The stolen glances, the rushed touches, the discreet letter sending.

It was tiring. And we couldn’t always meet up. Regulus couldn’t just leave his dorm every night. People already had a few suspicions about him and that would not help his case.

Our seventh year went by so quickly. With exams and my new secret relationship and the threat of war lingering closely in the back of everyone’s mind, it seemed that it ended before I even got a chance to appreciate it.

But being out of the castle meant that Regulus and I got more freedom. My parents had helped me buy my own house once I left Hogwarts, so it was easy for Regulus to pop over whenever he liked. Which, unfortunately, was still scarce.

“I promise I want to visit you more,” he explained one day. We were sitting on the lounge, cuddled up in blankets very late into the night. “It’s just hard for me.” His face turned hard and I knew what he was talking about.

Regulus had never mentioned anything about his pathway but I had never seen his left arm bare. Feeling brave, I reached over and touched his forearm where the ink should be. He tensed under my touch, but he didn’t stop me. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me, but he nodded.

I pulled back his sleeve and there it was. The dark mark. I didn’t want him to know how much it affected me so I started tracing it to distract myself.

I guess I was so caught up in this relationship that I forgot that Regulus Black was trying to stop people like me from becoming wizards. I was breathing heavily, I couldn’t help it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. I nodded, pulling my hand away and pulling down his sleeve. “I promise I’m not like them. I promise I’m trying to do better, to fix my past mistakes.” I nodded when he finally looked over at me. I foolishly believed him. How couldn’t I? “For you,” he whispered and I bit my tongue to stop myself from crying.

As the war reached its crescendo it seemed that I was seeing Regulus less and less and every time he left I feared that would be the last time I saw him. He always visited late in the night, looking exhausted and I tried to be strong for him, but I was so scared.

Eventually, the war came and went and I hadn’t lost too many friends and Regulus was okay. He survived and he was healthy. He still had his dark mark, but he had been practising spells to hide it and now it all seemed like an afterthought.

“It’s all over.” He said when Voldemort was defeated. “Now I have more time for my love.” He nuzzled his head in my neck and I smiled.

It briefly crossed my mind that even though everything had changed, nothing had changed between Regulus and I. He hadn’t said anything about making our relationship public and he still only visited sporadically, usually late in the night, and he was always gone whenever I woke up late in the morning.

And now with the war over, we both had to focus on our careers. I had a stable job at the Ministry and Regulus was a successful potion maker. He said it required odd hours which was why he could only come late at night and why he left so early. My job was a regular office job which made it even harder for us to find time.

But we did, somehow. Yet, there was still something nagging in the back of my mind. It was very late one night when Regulus was over and as I usually was when he was over, I was really tired and I decided to bring it up with him.

“It’s weird that while everything has changed, nothing has really changed, don’t you think?” We were sitting on the couch, cuddled in blankets and he hummed as he turned to me.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Regulus murmured, a crease in between his eyebrows as he sank deep into thought.

“We still have to hide our relationship, we still can’t walk down the streets holding hands.” Sure, now that things had changed there were more purebloods dating muggleborns, but they weren’t received very well. I had heard other muggleborns say how stupid those people were, dating someone who had only just recently been fighting to get rid of their existence. I couldn’t even imagine what the purebloods were saying.

“We can,” he mumbled, “but it’s best we don’t.” My heart sank. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting him to say. Maybe that he actually wanted to be seen in public with me. That he wanted to show me off, but it still wasn’t safe. Regulus was kind. He brought me gifts and he always listened to me and showed me nothing but respect, but it was hard keeping a relationship secret. And, of course, there was the doubt that came with it. I was a muggleborn and his family probably hated me even if they didn’t know I existed.

He turned his head and I looked away.

It seemed like there was something he was leaving out. There was something left unsaid between us. But I put it down to just being exhausted and dropped the subject. Everything was fine, I told myself.

She had been working in the same department with me since I started and our offices were right next to each other. Shewas very pretty, and nice, and a pure blood. Which wasn’t a big deal, anymore. The war was over and as much as they needed to overcome their prejudices, so did I.

We were in the same year at Hogwarts, but had never spoken to each other for obvious reasons. It was awkward at first, she knew my blood status and I knew her beliefs, but she had always smiled at me when we crossed paths and one day she took a risk and sat next to me at lunch. I didn’t move away and instead initiated polite small talk which continued until polite small talk turned into workplace gossip which soon turned into more personal conversations and I was now happy to call her my friend.

No one really warns you about how hard it is to find friends after school. Especially when you start in a new workplace and society is recovering from a war that was centred around your blood status.

I wasn’t lonely, but I was pretty much on house arrest during war for my own safety and with Regulus and I still keeping our relationship a secret, I was starting to struggle and I wanted to bring it up to him one night and I was so tired, that I did.

“I feel so alone,” I whimpered. We were lying down in bed and I was cuddled up into Regulus’ chest, trying not to cry. “Work is taking up all my time and I’ve lost contact with all my old friends, I have no one, I-”

“You have me,” he offered and I looked up at him, trying not to look hopeful. He gave me a cheesy grin and the hurt on my face vanished as I felt my whole body relax.

“Really?” I had asked pathetically. It seemed that our relationship was still stuck in the position it was in our seventh year. So much time had passed and yet it felt like our relationship hadn’t developed.

“Of course, my love.” He leant down to kiss the top of my head.

I wanted to tell him, I really did. It was true and I had been thinking about it for a long time, but I didn’t want him to freak out. We hadn’t been emotionally intimate like this and I was unsure if I was overstepping a line. But I must have been absolutely exhausted because I said it anyway.

“I love you.” I said it in his chest so when he didn’t reply I wondered if he even heard me. My heart was racing, did I overstep a line? Maybe I could pretend like I didn’t say anything. I could-

“I love you.” He mumbled and I fell asleep feeling at peace.

How could I not think that he was different? I had always wondered how a pureblood like him could ever like a muggleborn like me, yet alone love. But he wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it, right? He didn’t tell me everything about his past and his family, but I knew they were the ones who pushed him in the direction that led to the permanent ink on his skin and I was so caught up in loving him that I guess it was easy to put the blame on them. Because Regulus was different to them. He had given his complete self to me. He had to be.

I was giddy all week at work. I was so in love and I wanted to share that with everyone around me. I was on cloud nine and I didn’t think anything could bring me down.

Until I noticed there was something wrong with her the minute I sat down at lunch. I felt bad that I hadn’t told her about Regulus and I’s relationship, but no one knew and she wasn’t some odd exception. Even if I wanted her to be. I had a feeling she would understand and share my excitement with me. Maybe I could tell her I was in a secret relationship, I didn’t have to tell her who with.

I thought now that maybe Regulus had said he loved me he would be more open to making our relationship public. Maybe if I spoke to her and got a third opinion, I’d have more clarity. I decided I’d tell her once I figured out what was wrong with her.

“What’s got you down?” She looked like she hadn’t slept that night and she looked weak. I was very concerned.

“I’m in an arranged marriage.” There were so many things that she could have said, but this was something that I never expected. I looked at her in shock, my mouth slightly agape, and when the words finally settled into my brain I looked at her in confusion before wondering the extent of the arranged marriage. Was she having issues with her arranged husband? What type of issues could she be having? How long had they been occurring? Was she safe? I gave her a sceptical look but then she assured me that they were friends and got along really well so I smiled at her.

“Well,” I said, “who’s the lucky guy? Did he go to Hogwarts?” She was obviously sad about whatever was going on so I tried to remain cheerful and happy.

“Yeah, he was in our year as well. Regulus Black.” I dropped my cutlery and my face fell. But then I remembered that I was meant to be the supportive friend so I quickly went back to smiling. Surely I heard her wrong. Surely she wasn’t married to myRegulus Black. Was there another Regulus Black at school?

“When did you get married?” She had said something else but I wasn’t paying attention. I felt bad about cutting her off so I tried to sound genuinely curious.

“Early June, pretty much as soon as we left Hogwarts.” He was seeing me at that point in time. The person he just told he loved. Maybe he didn’t love her. It was a horrible thought and not something that a friend should be thinking, but it was an arranged marriage, that didn’t mean they lovedeach other, right?

“How long did you know?” She said something else but I still wasn’t listening. I was hot. My mind was racing at a million miles an hour and I just wanted to ask Regulus what this was all about. Not that I didn’t trust her, but I just wanted to hear what he had to say for himself. He was my boyfriend after all. At least I thought he was.

“Know what?” Her eyes slanted every so slightly and a weird tension filled the air. She had caught on. How was I going to tell her that I was dating her husband?

“That you would marry him?” I felt like I was going to cry. My lips were starting to wobble and my cheeks were hurting from trying to fight my frown.

“Just before our sixth year, I don’t know-”

“I need to tell you something.” My heart was pounding and I was struggling to keep it all together. Why wouldn’t he tell me that he was in an arranged marriage?

“What?” A cold chill ran through my body as I tried to think of how to tell her.

“I-, Regulus and I, we–I didn’t know,“ myvoice broke off and there were tears forming in both of our eyes. “You have to believe me,” Ipleaded and I wondered if shealso suddenly couldn’t breathe. “He never told me he was married.” Ilet out a harsh sob and for a brief second I wanted to reach out and hold her and tell her that I was so sorry.

“I believe you,” she sighed. She wasn’t crying, but I couldn’t say the same for me. I was sobbing and I didn’t care how pathetic I felt. It’s not easy finding out that your boyfriend is married and my pride couldn’t handle it. Not when it was with someone I called a friend. “When?” she asked, and I really didn’t want to tell her. He was seeing us at the same time and that knowledge broke my heart, I didn’t want her heart to break anymore either.

“During our seventh year,” I mumbled. She nodded slowly. I felt so foolish. Of course there was someone else. Someone prettier and smarter and a pureblood. Why would he ever want a muggleborn? He was a death eater. I was foolish to think that he was any different. While I was always wondering about him and our relationship, he was with another person.

“I think-,” she took a deep breath and closed her eyes as I watched single tear fall down her cheek, “I think I need to get back to work.” I didn’t want to be alone. I was shaking from the intensity of my sobs, but I didn’t want to ask her to stay. I wasn’t that selfish.

When she stood up, I did too and I reached out to give her a hug. She probably didn’t want to hug me, but I just needed to. I needed to know that things were alright between us. I kept mumbling, “I’m so sorry,” but I knew it didn’t change anything.

I cried even more when she left and I cried for the rest of the day. It didn’t feel real. It felt like I was no longer in my body and I no longer had control over anything that happened to me. I was just there, waiting and watching it all fall apart.

I couldn’t stop comparing myself to her either. She was so confident and proud. Just the type of person to suit Regulus. I couldn’t help it, I knew it was stereotypical of me, but I couldn’t help but think all purebloods were the same. They were horrible and cruel and arrogant and selfish and they didn’t care who they hurt.

I had never felt so badly about myself and I wondered if she felt the same. Surely not. Why would she ever compare herself to a mudblood like me?

It was a long day. I had a migraine from all of my sobbing and I barely got any work done. I had come to work so excited and joyous, thinking that nothing could ruin my day and yet, here I was. My day ruined.

I couldn’t help but wonder if she was okay. I hoped she was. I hoped she knew that I didn’t blame her. That if she wanted to, I would remain friends with her. It wasn’t our fault. It was all his.

When I got home that afternoon I got a glass of water and some painkillers which I took instantly. This wasn’t fair. How could he make me think that I was so special to him? How could he tell me he loved me when he had a wife?

It all started making sense. The reason he only visited me late at night and why he always left when I woke up. I wondered if he even was a potion maker or if he even had a job. This was also why he wanted to keep our relationship secret. He had played it off as being worried about my safety, but I wasn’t that naive.Of course he would want to keep me hidden. He had a wife.

A chill ran through me as I started to think. Did he have any children? What if he did? I’d be a homewrecker. Surely she would have told me if there were kids involved, but then again, I didn’t even know she was married.

I cried some more. I felt so sorry for myself and I allowed myself to dwell in this pain because I wasn’t sure there was anything that could make me feel better.

The worst part was the realisation that I was the other woman. I wasn’t sure what their situation was like, but as the hours came and went there was no appearance from Regulus and I knew that he would be at the house he no doubt shared with her. I wondered if she would bring it up or if she’d pretend that nothing was wrong. I wondered if they’d fight about it. What they’d say about me. I wondered if they’d make up. At least she would get to see him. A fight was better than nothing. But I was here, all alone sitting in my hurt and I’d have to see her again tomorrow and the next day, and relive this pain again and again. Would she even talk to me at work? I had finally made a friend and it turns out I was dating her husband. Typical.

I had such good thoughts about Regulus but now that was all gone. I used to think he was selfless and brave and courageous, but now I knew he was selfish and cowardly and dishonest, and as the hours passed I knew he wouldn’t turn up. I thought he had given me all of himself, but now I didn’t know what to think.

I wondered if I’d ever see him again. He’d probably tell her that he would do better. Of course, he’d want to fix his marriage before he fixed whatever we were. He lovedher.He loved me too, I thought, but I now knew that wasn’t true. He had lied.

I wondered what he’d say about me. I wondered what she’d say about me. Maybe he’d promise to stop seeing me. Maybe she’d hate me. Did he even know that we worked together? What would happen at work tomorrow? I sobbed. I guess in the end it didn’t matter because I was just the other woman.

Pairing: Harry Potter x reader

Request: Harry meets somebody who’s guardian is a part of the order and they lost their parents as well. Their outlook on things really similar to Luna Lovegood’s but he finds it absolutely adorable. Harry can’t really help but develop a crush on her and screws up every time he gets a moment to tell her. And is mercilessly teased by the twins for it. 

A/N I’ve tried to include the part about the reader having the same outlook as Luna, but she’s not a character I write very well, so I’m not sure how well I succeeded. // This does not follow the events in the books/movies. 

Tagging:@bitchwhytho​@music-of-melody​@shadowhuntyi​@avada-kedavra-bitch-187​Let me know if you want to be added or removed. 

It’s a different feeling when you enter the grounds of Hogwarts this time. This is your last year and your mind is clouded by past events. It hits you when you step forward to get on the carriages and realizes that for the first time, you can see what pulls the carriages forward. Part of you feel utter devastated that you now can see the Thestrals but there’s another part of you that can’t help but admire their beauty. You look over to spot Harry, Hermione and Ron get off the train. You’re a year above them but after what happened in the Ministry of Magic, you feel like you’ve bonded with them. They’re your friends now. 

“Don’t worry. They’re quite nice,” you say when you notice Harry looking at the thestrals. Of course, he sees them too. You’d both seen Sirius get hit by Bellatrix’ Unforgivable Curse. Now, you’re two orphans sitting in a carriage dragged by skeleton horses that only the two of you can see. At least, you’re entirely convinced of your own sanity or this might’ve felt different. 

“Had a good summer?” Harry asks and looks like he regrets it immediately. But you like a sense of normalcy after what you all went through. Not everything can be serious all the time. 

“It was alright. Spent a good amount of time feeding the gnomes in our garden.” 

“Aren’t you meant to try and scare them off?” Ron questions but you see no reason to remove them. They were probably here before the rest of you. 

“I like them. They can be fun company.” You notice Hermione nudge his side with her elbow, but you don’t mind it. You’re used to people looking at you a little funny. The three of them get in the carriage but you pull out your notebook and quill to scribble down a sketch of the thestral. The carriage ride is quiet but you catch Harry look over at you several times. 

This continues over the next couple of weeks. He looks at you when he thinks you don’t notice, so you start waving at him in case he wants to talk. This, however, has the opposite effect. He always drops what he’s holding or trip over his own feet. It isn’t until three weeks after the first night that he comes over and talks to you. 

“Getting some reading done?” he asks as he sits down on the bench next to you in the library. He’s keeping his voice down in fear of agitating Madam Pince and you don’t blame him. Even you feel a little apprehensive of her obsessive love of books. 

“To be honest, I don’t really read much. I like to draw,” you explain, showing him your notebook. It’s filled with little sketches of everything you see. Mistletoe filled with nargles, the thestrals, one of the dragons from the Triwizard Tournament. It’s everything you see or think of. 

“These are really good, you know.” 

“I know.” And they are really good. There are many things that you don’t have a talent for, but you know you can draw. He looks over at you with a glimmer in his eyes, and you add a small “thank you”. To be honest, you’ve never understood why someone would thank someone for commenting on something that is obviously good, but you realize that it’s the polite thing to do. 

“Who are you hiding from?” You know enough about Harry to know that he’d never voluntarily enter the library. 

“Is it that obvious?” 

“You’ve been getting a lot of attention from the girls. I wouldn’t imagine that would be the worst thing,” you smile, blowing gently on your newest sketch to make the ink dry faster. 

“They’re only interested because I’m the Chosen One. Because I can do stupid stuff like a Patronus and talk to snakes. It makes me… different,” Harry admits

“Being different isn’t a bad thing. At least, you’re being yourself. That’s more than a lot of people can say.“ You give his hand a squeeze before collecting your things and leaving for the common room. 

—

After that, Harry seems to find you more often. He’s nice to talk to even if he brings a lot of attention with him. Especially from the rest of your year. Suddenly, you’ve gone from the “slightly weird one” to “the one who hangs out with Harry Potter”. The attention you could do without, but you’re happy to hang out with Harry. He is a really nice person even if he turns into a stuttering mess sometimes. Like right now. 

“So… Hogsmeade is this weekend?” he starts with red cheeks. You offer him your knitted hat in case he’s cold. 

“Oh, is it? I don’t normally go.” He motions for you to keep the hat, so you pack it away in your bag. Winter is fast approaching, and you can’t wait for the first snow to hit the grounds. 

“Right… Would you… I mean… Ron and Hermione are going… and I thought… do you… doyouwanttogowithme?” You can’t help the little giggle that escapes your mouth. 

“I have no idea what you’re trying to say, Harry.” And you truly don’t. What does it matter to you that Ron and Hermione are going to Hogsmeade this weekend? They’re nice people but you see them all the time. Before Harry has a chance to explain, some of the girls from his year comes up to you. That is your que to leave. 

“I’ll see you around, Harry.” You grab your things and head back to the castle. 

“That was painful.” 

“You just obliterated the man.” You look around to spot Fred and George walk behind you. 

“I thought you two would be busy ruining Umbridge’s life?” you question. 

“Even we must take a break from success,” Fred winks before George chimes in. 

“Yes. Once in a while, it’s nice to reminds ourselves how the rest of you live.” You furrow your eyebrows as you watch the two of them. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You know the black haired kid talking to you before? He’s got a lightening scar on his forehead?” George questions you as they follow you back to the castle. The wind is bad enough to almost drown out their voices altogether. 

“Goes under the name of Chosen One,” Fred adds and you laugh. 

“You mean Harry?” They both nod eagerly. “What about him?” 

“The poor lad just asked you on a date, and you completely pied him off.” You stop dead in your tracks. Harry asking you out? Had you really been that oblivious? The red-haired twins share a look before intertwining their arms with yours on each side. 

“Listen, we know you enjoy your own little world. And we love that about you, but the poor kid has been trying to confess his undying love for you for weeks now,” Fred laughs and you feel your cheeks burn. 

“And as much fun as it has been for us to tease him relentless about his lack of success, we have decided to take matters into our own hands because neither of us can stand to look at the two of you anymore.” They lead you up the stairs to Gryffindor’s common room and drop you off on the couch next to Harry. 

“We think the two of you should go to Hogsmeade together,” Fred states and George adds a quick “Now, discuss”, before they both make themselves scarce. Considering the time of day, it seems weird that the common room is almost completely empty. You can’t help but wonder if the twins have planned this. 

“Were you trying to ask me to go to Hogsmeade with you earlier?” you ask because Harry definitely doesn’t seem to be prepared for this conversation. He’s staring straight into the fire as if he’s about to throw some Floo powder and dive straight into the flames. 

“To be honest, I’ve been trying to ask you for weeks now. And every time I try, I fumble my words.” 

“Yes.” Finally, he looks over you a little confused. 

“My answer is yes then. I wouldn’t mind a trip to Hogsmeade if it’s with you.” This time, you’re the one with a hot face. You’ve never even looked at someone romantically before, and now you’ve agreed to go on your first date. It feels weird but a good kind of weird. 

“Awesome.” You both laugh when you realize that neither of you have any idea what to do now. You hold out your hand for him to take, and he quickly grabs it. 

“This is nice,” you say settling further into the couch. 

“Yeah, it is.” And here the two of you sit. Both orphaned and traumatized but perfectly content in the moment.