i know its v unlikely at this point but i would go insane if they made a Jiang Cheng spin off movie it could literally just be him doing paperwork for an hour and a half and i would watch the shit out of it
LOOK the TAXES ARE DUE, OKAY?! Fucking Sect Leader Ouyang has been bitching about tariffs for the last three– yes, quickly what is it?… whAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN JIANG HAO IS TEACHING A WATER GHOUL HOW TO DO SOMERSAULTS?!! FUCKIng… *leaves desk* *distant yelling* *lightning crackles* *more yelling* *stomps back to desk* – What was I saying? Oh, right. Where the fuck is my abacus… HAS ANYONE SEEN MY ABACUS?… A-Mei did WHAT with the beads?! HAIR DECORATIONS?! MOther of F– *stomps away from desk* *comes back with new abacus* –Buddha on a bike, doesn’t ANYONE care that if I turn these reports in late AGAIN fucking Jin Guangshan will make snide comments at the next conference even though he wouldn’t even read my reports if I had Nie Huaisang draw fucking porn all over them… WHAT NOW?… No. NO. Tell them I said no and if they do it anyway I will make them organize the lotus seed harvest by siZE and then substitute-teach meditation class for the six year olds for the next five weeks. Tell them to disobey me. Tell them I DARE them to disobey me. Uh huh. yEAH that’s what I thought… Where’s my fucking calligraphy brush… WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS INVOICE FROM CAIYI TOWN?!?!?? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU MISBEGOTTEN GREMLINS DO??????
Yesterday I overheard someone talking about how he was taking classes at the University of Maryland because they offer free tuition if you’re over 60.
My brain IMMEDIATELY began scripting a screwball comedy in which a broke millennial who desperately want to finish his long-abandoned degree but is drowning in student debt pretends to be a senior citizen in order to attend college for free.
I’m picturing someone Channing Tatumesque, applying age makeup every morning before he heads off to class. It’s sort of a cross between 21 Jump Street and Mrs. Doubtfire. He keeps forgetting which hip is supposed to be his bad one. His classmates laugh every time he uses slang. There’s definitely a scene where he attends a college party and busts it up on the dance floor.
He catches the eye of a fellow returning student, a woman in her 50s, but she thinks he’s like 70 and she’s already buried one husband, you know? She’s not interested in doing that again. When his charade unravels (hilariously) at the end of the movie, though, she finds out he’s actually like 30 and has abs you could bounce a quarter off. And he’s still super into her. And really, maybe it’s time she gave May-December romance a chance.
Okay so to refine this concept a little:
Our Hero is stuck in a job where he keep seeing people get promoted past him because they have a 4-year degree and he doesn’t. He can’t afford to go back to school until he finishes paying off his student loans for the degree he’s one semester from completing. If he got the promotion he wants he could pay them off a lot quicker. But he can’t get the promotion without the degree.
Along comes a clerical error in his almost-alma mater’s records which lists his birth year as 1948 instead of 1984. He gets a call from them about their “free tuition for seniors” program. “Wow, that sounds amazing!” he says. “I’ll be sure to tell my, uh, grandpa, as soon as he gets home.”
It’s one semester. If he can keep up the charade, he’ll have the degree, get the promotion, pay off the student loans. Hell, if they figure it out after the fact and come after him for the tuition, he’ll be able to afford it by then. He just needs to pass as a 70-year-old until graduation. How hard could it be?
(also, someone in the notes suggested “Senior Year” for a title, which is PERFECT.)
I want a superhero movie where the hero dies in the first ten minutes and the woman who was supposed to be the love interest puts on his costume and becomes an even better hero.
Thinking bout that look on their face when they’re already all stretched out, mouth open and eyes all pleading, too dumb for words. And then you give them the rest of it, bottoming out in them and their eyes roll back into their head, there’s a choked little “oh fuck” and you can start fucking them for real
Daydreaming about going down on someone. Like absolutely aching to be eating someone’s pretty little pussy the build up. The kissing that starts at the lips with lots of tongue all drooly and wet, then exploring your way down their body.. neck, collarbones, nipples, stomach, grazing their hip bones with your teeth. Fingertips tracing lines down their thighs while you spread their legs slowly, following your touch with the softest kisses against their skin.
Hovering over their pussy with your tongue so all they can feel is your warm breath and the anticipation. That moan you let out when you finally press your tongue against them and get your first taste completely melting into them like you can’t bury your face deep enough. Their little desperate whimpers, your fuel to keep tasting.
Wrapping your lips around their pussy, sucking gently on their clit, flicking soft little circles around it at the same time. Slowly sliding your fingers inside, soaking them in their neediness. Angling them up and pressing against their g spot. Grinding them eagerly back and forth. Not stopping until their legs are shaking and you can taste their cum on your lips.
Daydreaming about going down on someone. Like absolutely aching to be eating someone’s pretty little pussy the build up. The kissing that starts at the lips with lots of tongue all drooly and wet, then exploring your way down their body.. neck, collarbones, nipples, stomach, grazing their hip bones with your teeth. Fingertips tracing lines down their thighs while you spread their legs slowly, following your touch with the softest kisses against their skin.
Hovering over their pussy with your tongue so all they can feel is your warm breath and the anticipation. That moan you let out when you finally press your tongue against them and get your first taste completely melting into them like you can’t bury your face deep enough. Their little desperate whimpers, your fuel to keep tasting.
Wrapping your lips around their pussy, sucking gently on their clit, flicking soft little circles around it at the same time. Slowly sliding your fingers inside, soaking them in their neediness. Angling them up and pressing against their g spot. Grinding them eagerly back and forth. Not stopping until their legs are shaking and you can taste their cum on your lips.
