#im not dead yall

cw: mentions of seggs and self-ple@ süre

Signs I should have known I was ace: M*sturb*t¡0n edition

Before I dive into this rant, can we all just agree that even asexuals m-bate? Yes, even girls. Idk and idc when or how or why society ever began to believe that only straight, allosexual men are allowed to do it, I just don’t want to see that crap on my blog, okay? Great.

Now, one might argue about the exact time I started “engaging in self pleasure”.

I remember exploring my body since I was 8, I don’t know if that counts. But I only actually began “getting that pleasure” when I was almost 15 that I learned what the thing I had been doing was called.

Ever since then, I’ve had all sorts of “experiences” regarding how I see m**tûrb*t¡on.

For example, you know how I started reading fanfiction almost two years ago. And I’m guessing you know what kind of ~f i l t h~ can be found there.

I read all about these h0rny teens tossing one off while thinking of someone!!

Honestly, I thought it was far-fetched, written to attract readers because THERE’S NO WAY-

until…. I got on Omegle a couple of months ago and had a brief, highly uncomfortable conversation with this dude who didn’t know what asexuality meant. After I explained it to him, he went, “but do you m-bate?”

And I’m there like…. Not that that’s any of your business, but yea? What’s that got to do with anything?

He said, “well who do you think of when you…?”

I’m sitting there, staring at my screen like…. huh?

I said as much, “no one? Who tf am I supposed to think of?”

Then he went on about p0rn, and didn’t I watch and imagine myself being in the place of the girl on screen?

I’m like what?!?! No, why would I?

Needless to say, I see that allosexuals don’t watch p**n to m-bate by listening to the sounds or just projecting that feeling of ar0üsal. No, allos actually picture themselves in those videos. Good heavens…

Listen, I don’t shame anyone, ever. Otherwise, me making this post would contradict everything.

It was just a shock for me to learn that, that’s all. Is it really okay to picture someone you know… in bed with you? Or is it like, what they don’t know doesn’t hurt them?

I have tried it, trust me. But the second I attempt to picture someone else touching me, it’s like turning a switch off. I could never. What does work for me, is the feeling. Focusing on my senses, and getting that stress-relief. P**n only works when I’m watching a sole person and projecting what they’re feeling into my own body.

But yeah, this should have been a major sign towards my sexuality for a couple of years. I just didn’t know I was supposed to feel that way about self-pl**süre.

Meh, better late than never I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯