It’s my friend’s birthday, so I drew a picture with the story my friend told me.
♀️: Kakashi came in to deliver something to Sakura, and the moment he ran into Sakura who just came out of the shower and his face turned red… …I want to see Kakashi, who never blushed under any circumstances, panic for the first time.
Here is a wonderful little sneak peek of an illustration that the amazingly talented @thatpinkshinobi is doing for the calendar!!
I think we can all agree with Pink that we all love him! Look at him!!! He’s gorgeous!!!
We are working very hard to make this calendar so special and show our appreciation to this wonderful, loving, and supportive community.
We know times are difficult for some but still want to show our support so we decided that we will be raffling off some calendars!
We will give away 3 digital-only SFW and 1 physical/digital copy as well!
Rules:
Every share and like of this post gets your name put in!
And for those that have purchased a calendar by Friday, we will be selecting 5 lucky winners for an extra surprise in your package! (I’m thinking a tote or a pouch but not sure yet)
We will be announcing winners next Friday, Nov 26! So don’t miss this opportunity to get your own calendar and possibly get some cute extras!
As a reminder, we had set up goals, so the more orders we have the more goodies everyone gets!
The first25to order will get a free exclusive print with their order, and if we meet the goal of 50 calendars sold BEFORE December 3rd, we will add extra surprise goodies to everyone’s order!
We are at 17 calendars sold so far so there is still time!
First off, we want to just say thank you. As always, we are so grateful for the wonderful support from everyone.
We wanted to do more this year and push ourselves since we had such a positive reaction last year. We added bookmarks and stickers this year. This year, we are taking inspiration from myths, lore, and legends. There will be a mix of soft wonder, romance to darker, sexier stories.
We want to also remind everyone that the first25 to order will get a free exclusive print with their order, and if we meet the goal of 50 calendars sold BEFORE November 20th, we will add extra surprise goodies to everyone’s order!
Another month of gorgeous printed artwork, digital naughty by nature artwork and amazing stories. I ordered my 2022 KakaSaku calendar. I’m looking forward to the 2022 gorgeousness on the horizon.
We love seeing you guys enjoying the calendar and hope this years is even better!
First off, we want to just say thank you. As always, we are so grateful for the wonderful support from everyone.
We wanted to do more this year and push ourselves since we had such a positive reaction last year. We added bookmarks and stickers this year. This year, we are taking inspiration from myths, lore, and legends. There will be a mix of soft wonder, romance to darker, sexier stories.
We want to also remind everyone that the first25 to order will get a free exclusive print with their order, and if we meet the goal of 50 calendars sold BEFORE November 20th, we will add extra surprise goodies to everyone’s order!
heeeey! how are you my lovely fam? I’m here just to remind you where you can get our calendar! I don’t want to give too many spoilers… but here’s a glimpse of one of the finished illustrations
I’m giving my 5792086% to give you the best illustrations! And if you could read @moonlady9 stories! DAMN! Perfect combo! ❤️
Both of us are really stepping up the quality this year! If you liked our stuff last year, you are going to be blown away with this year’s calendar!!
We still have a long way to go to reach our goal, and we really want to because if we do, it means we can do a few extra things with orders and we want to spoil everyone with goodies!
First off, we want to just say thank you. As always, we are so grateful for the wonderful support from everyone.
We wanted to do more this year and push ourselves since we had such a positive reaction last year. We added bookmarks and stickers this year. This year, we are taking inspiration from myths, lore, and legends. There will be a mix of soft wonder, romance to darker, sexier stories.
We want to also remind everyone that the first25 to order will get a free exclusive print with their order, and if we meet the goal of 50 calendars sold BEFORE November 20th, we will add extra surprise goodies to everyone’s order!
We have a few goodies in addition to the calendar and NSFW add-on. We have bookmarks and stickers this year!
Also, the first 25 to order will get a free exclusive print with their order, and if we meet the goal of 50 calendars sold BEFORE November 20th, we will add an extra surprise goodie to everyone’s order!
We are taking inspiration from myths, lore, and legends. There will be a mix of soft wonder, romance to darker, sexier stories.
We are both so incredibly excited to bring you a calendar again this year. We were blown away by how many people supported us last year that it was a no-brainer to do it again this year. We are so grateful to be part of this loving and wonderful fandom.
For any questions, comments, or concerns, please feel free to reach out to us here or individually @moonlady9@thatpinkshinobi
Thank you and much love!
Reminder:
We appreciate all the love and support. From purchases, to notes, to reblogs, it all helps and lifts out spirits!
We have a few goodies in addition to the calendar and NSFW add-on. We have bookmarks and stickers this year!
Also, the first 25 to order will get a free exclusive print with their order, and if we meet the goal of 50 calendars sold BEFORE November 20th, we will add an extra surprise goodie to everyone’s order!
We are taking inspiration from myths, lore, and legends. There will be a mix of soft wonder, romance to darker, sexier stories.
We are both so incredibly excited to bring you a calendar again this year. We were blown away by how many people supported us last year that it was a no-brainer to do it again this year. We are so grateful to be part of this loving and wonderful fandom.
For any questions, comments, or concerns, please feel free to reach out to us here or individually @moonlady9@thatpinkshinobi
Thank you so much for everyone’s support last year and for those that took our survey. It means so much to us that so many people were excited about our calendar and wanted another year. We hadn’t thought that far ahead last year. At the time, it was just something we wanted to do for the fandom and ourselves, but here we are with another calendar and more merch.
So thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.
This year, we decided to do a collection of AU’s as the uniting theme. Some mystical, supernatural, fantasy, and other ideas will be the focus of this year’s illustrations and stories.
We will be working on the store in the coming weeks and will most likely do a presale to start ordering merch. We will do our best to put together some stickers, pins, and bookmarks to go along with our calendar.
If there are any other suggestions, please feel free to let us know, and we will do our best to see if we can.
@thatpinkshinobiand@moonlady9 are so excited to team up again and hopefully make an even better calendar than last year.
It’s crazy how fast time flies! It’s already the middle of the year! We had so much fun doing the calendar last year, but we want to start earlier this year and plan things better to give the people more of what they want.
It would help us so much if you could take a minute and fill out this quick survey. Whether you bought a calendar last year or not and are interested in purchasing one this year, feel free to let us know your thoughts!
We are excited to gift a mini calendar and bookmarks to our US purchasers that supported us!!
Thank you so much!!
It’s not exactly what we had hoped for since we didn’t reach goal, but we still wanted to send something so this was the compromise.
Still, they came out so beautiful!!!
We hope you enjoy them!
Luckily the printer sent 2 extra calendars, and way too many bookmark sets. So for any more US purchasers that want to buy, the next 2 get a calendar and bookmarks, after we will send bookmark sets. (The bookmark sets are all 15 illustrations with a mini calendar)
If you didn’t buy the full calendar, you can still enjoy the beautiful illustrations with a set of bookmarks for $10.
**for purchasers in USA**
Again, Thank you for all your love and support we can’t thank you guys enough!! ❤️❤️❤️
(Also, Moonlady9 is almost done with the NSFW stories. The holidays just aren’t a party without drama lol)
“Hokage-sama.” Kakashi glanced up at the urgency in Shikamaru’s voice. The man shut the door behind him and approached the desk. “You’re needed at the hospital.”
Fear slid into Kakashi’s chest, a building panic that pressed against his ribs. Exhaling, he laid aside the report that he’d been reading. “Who is it?”
Shikamaru didn’t answer immediately, holding the information back as if he could give Kakashi an extra moment of normalcy. Kakashi stood and removed the Hokage robe and hat while waiting. He wouldn’t be summoned to the hospital for anything short of a threat to the village or a close personal relationship. His breath caught. When he turned to face Shikamaru, the man nodded. “It’s Sakura.”
Kakashi knew, some part of him knew, that it would be Sakura from the moment Shikamaru entered his office. He resisted the urge to shunshin directly to the hospital. He needed to know what he was walking into. At Kakashi’s silence, Shikamaru continued. “She’s badly hurt, but Tsunade is with her. The rest of her team was killed in action.”
Killed in action. Over the course of his career, Kakashi had heard those words more times than he cared to remember. But, this time felt different. He knew Sakura’s team, watched them flourish under her care. Usagi hoped to become a medic like her sensei. She’d already entered the advanced program that Sakura started not long after the war. Nami had grown more confident and less soft spoken, standing up for her friends and teammates. And, Genki had learned to harness his energy toward teamwork and self-improvement rather than cutting remarks. Kami-sama, they were only kids.
Kakashi ran his tongue across his lips. “It was a C-rank mission,” he mumbled. This couldn’t be happening. “Sakura could complete those in her sleep, alone.”
“We may not have much time, Hokage-sama.” Shikamaru’s use of Kakashi’s title made the panic rise higher. He pushed open the door. “Please.”
The walk to the hospital seemed to drag on for an eternity, but Kakashi couldn’t remember moving. The same white halls and antiseptic smells that he’d grown used to while dating Sakura now seemed foreign and uninviting. Shikamaru knew where he was going, moving through the maze with practiced ease. He stopped beside one door wand knocked. Tsunade opened it, then her eyes slid past Shikamaru. She dipped her chin. “Kakashi.”
Machines beeped a steady rhythm beside the bed, but Kakashi only saw Sakura. She lay on her back, sheet and blankets tucked around her like she’d fallen asleep. His eyes slid over her face, then returned to her forehead. “Her seal,” he asked, turning to Tsunade. “Where is it?”
“She released the bound chakra.” Tsunade’s lips pinched into a thin line as she looked at her former student. “Her body hasn’t been able to restore her reserves.”
“If she used the seal, why is she dying?” Kakashi’s void didn’t shake as he fought to make sense of what happened. He moved closer to the bed. “It healed your entire body during the war. Sakura fought a literal god with it.”
Tsunade placed a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder, and he couldn’t bring himself to shrug away from it. “I don’t know,” the woman admitted. “I suspect she used it to try and save her genin rather than on herself.”
That made sense. Sakura would never allow her students in harm’s way unless there was no other option. She would have done everything she could to protect them. Kakashi’s eyes slid over her body, looking for the injuries. Tsunade had healed most of them, even the bloody reminders were missing except for the armor heaped beside the bed. “What’s wrong—”
Kakashi’s words caught in his throat as he looked at Sakura’s hand. Or rather, the space where her hand should have been. The world tipped sideways and he caught the bed rail to keep from collapsing. Sakura’s arm ended in a stump halfway between her elbow and where her wrist would have been. The rest was swathed in a cast.
Tsunade pushed Kakashi into a chair that she’d moved behind him. “Her arm was, is badly damaged. There are multiple breaks in the bone. I’ve set them for now, and done what I could to encourage healing.”
Kakashi felt like he was watching the scene from outside his body. “And, her hand?”
“Sakura did that herself.” Tsunade answered, voice soft. At Kakashi’s stare, the woman sighed. “The edges were perfectly uniform, done either with a scalpel or chakra, and the end was cauterized to stop bleeding. I recognize her work.”
Blinking, Kakashi looked between Sakura and Tsunade in confusion. “Are you saying that she cut off her hand? Why?”
“Probably to escape. I imagine she tried to break free with her strength, shattering the bones in her arm and shoulder. When that didn’t work, she cut her way out of captivity.” Something like awe slid into Tsunade’s voice, but Kakashi didn’t feel it. He wasn’t sure he felt anything . Tsunade took the expression as a question and continued. “The infection from the wound entered her bloodstream. I can’t heal that with chakra.”
There were no words left, no questions that Kakashi wanted to ask, so he nodded. He let himself stay in the pain for several trembling breaths, then he compressed the emotion to a tight ball in the back of his mind and stood. “I’ll need the records and information for her student’s families.”
“I can do it,” Shikamaru interrupted, shaking his head. “You don’t have to be the one to tell them.”
“Yes, I do. Our failure to categorize missions correctly got an entire team slaughtered. I want to know what went wrong. I want the mission summary on my desk in—” Kakashi barely got the words out before Shikamaru produced a scroll from his vest. Kakashi skimmed over the words, trying to understand how everything could have gone wrong.
Blowing out another breath, Kakashi nodded. “Fine, I want an Anbu team assembled.” He glanced at the clock above the doorway. “We leave in an hour.”
“You can’t—”
“You’re in no condition–”
Shikamaru and Tsunade spoke over one another, but the third voice stopped Kakashi in his tracks. A familiar face appeared in the shadows, eyes gentle but firm. Tenzo shook his head and repeated the single word. “No.”
Rage boiled through Kakashi’s veins, hot and sudden, preferable to the helplessness he felt sitting beside Sakura. “I’m giving you all a direct order. I want my team ready to move when I give the command.”
“I’ll get them,” Tenzo offered, sparing a single glance for the woman in the bed. Kakashi couldn’t get a read on his expression behind the mask. “Two four man teams versed in extraction and reconnaissance to make sure we get answers. But, you won’t lead them anywhere.”
Tsunade nodded. “You’ll want to be here if she wakes.”
If.The word put pressure on a broken place inside of Kakashi, shattering it. Shards burst through his lungs, making it impossible to breathe. “I can’t,” he gasped out. “I can’t sit here and watch her die.”
“And you can’t lead a mission,” Tenzo answered, voice sharp. “I will not risk more lives to satisfy your revenge.”
“I’ll support their decision with the elders.” Shikamaru looked between Tsunade and Tenzo, reading the situation in a heartbeat. “If you go, it’ll be considered a desertion of duty.”
Kakashi laughed, bitter and sharp. “Do you think I care? Hang the title and everything that it means. What good is it when I can’t save the people I care about?”
Angry tears stung the back of Kakashi’s eyes, and he turned away. Tenzo made a motion with one hand and Tsunade and Shikamaru filed out of the room. Kakashi’s long time friend moved to his side and stared down at Sakura with palpable sadness. He squeezed Kakashi’s shoulder. “We’ll get them.”
“I want them to pay,” Kakashi ground out, his voice hoarse from holding back the sob that rose in his throat. “Kill them all.”
Tenzo hummed without agreement and shunshinned from the room, leaving Kakashi alone with the soft beep of Sakura’s heart rate monitor.
Prompt:Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated (presumed dead, (blind) rage, tears) Fandom:Naruto Characters:Kakashi/Sakura Words:754 Author’s Note: This was requested by anonymous. I hope you see and enjoy it! (Story below the cut)
Angry streaks of lightning provided fitful light as rain rattled the window casement. Thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance. Sakura curled on the couch, a blanket wrapped around her like a cocoon. A dull pain in her lower back warned that she hadn’t moved in hours, but she couldn’t bring herself to shift position. It felt like too much effort. She welcomed the storm, wondered if she could step into it and simply stop existing.
A sharp pang flared to life in Sakura’s chest, one that she’d grown intimately familiar with. She hadn’t known that heartache could be a physical sensation, that it would hurt with the same symptoms of a heart attack. Thick bands squeezed her lungs until drawing breath cost more than it supplied. It wasn’t until she hiccuped through another bout of tears that she realized she’d been crying, again.
Sakura had thought the tears would run out eventually, but her body seemed to find new reserves every day. She’d held it together through the funeral, through the carefully veiled apologies and offers of support, through the crass remarks from people who didn’t know. It hadn’t even been the picture of Team Seven that did her in when she got back to her apartment: it was the orange book lying on the table, a scrap of paper marking Kakashi’s place. She’d dashed it against the wall in a fury, then clutched it to her chest as the tears fell. Sakura hadn’t been sure they would stop.
For years, Sakura had dealt with grief as an abstract emotion, something she helped other people through. It was necessary in her line of work. She’d felt it before, of course, but not like this. Those instances were a puddle beside an ocean; the water closing over her head. She hadn’t been to work or left the apartment in over two weeks. Ino had brought food and a shoulder to cry on, and Naruto had tried his best to be optimistic, but Sakura shunned it. Tsunade had tried to shame her into honoring Kakashi’s memory by pushing through the grief. Sakura hadn’t answered the knocks since.
Thunder rattled the door in its frame, then came a second time. Sakura frowned at the sound, taking several heartbeats to realize that it was someone knocking. She wrapped her arms around her ears to shut the noise out. There was no one out there that she wanted to see, no one who could erase the pain of her loss. The sound stopped, only for the door to swing inward. Icy wind and rain swirled into the apartment and lightning silhouetted a figure in the door. Sakura’s lungs seized.
Kakashi limped into the room, silver hair slicked to his forehead by the damp. Sakura threw off the blanket and rose on shaky knees. “You’re dead.”
“Not quite,” Kakashi chuckled. “It turns out that rumors of my death have been greatly—”
Kakashi’s words died in a whoosh of air when Sakura punched him. The man curled forward in pain, but caught the second attack in his hand. Sakura’s open palmed slap staggered him to the side. Tears or rain blinded Sakura, but her hands connected with Kakashi’s armor and chest. A sob lodged in her throat. “I went to your funeral. I saw your name—”
Arms closed around Sakura, trapping her fists against Kakashi’s chest. The embrace made it hard to breathe, but somehow didn’t feel tight enough. “I’m sorry,” Kakashi murmured.
“You’re sorry?” Rage and relief fought a knife-edged battle in Sakura’s chest. “You’re fucking sorry?”
The grip around Sakura tightened, and Kakashi kicked the door shut behind him with one foot. “Yes,” Kakashi answered, releasing Sakura and taking a step back. “If I could have let you know sooner, I would have.”
“Don’t ever do that again,” Sakura growled, accenting every word with a sharp poke.
Kakashi winced and wrapped an arm around his middle. “Okay,” he agreed, sagging forward. “But, we should talk about it later. I’m pretty sure you reopened at least two of my wounds and added a few more.”
A flush heated Sakura’s face as she pulled Kakashi toward the couch. “It’s no less than you deserve,” she grumbled, but the heat had gone out of her words.
Lowering himself to the couch, Kakashi nodded. He closed his eyes and relaxed against the cushions, entire body going lax. Sakura smoothed her hand over his forehead and drew a deep breath in preparation for healing. It felt like the first one she’d taken in weeks.
Prompt:My spidey-sense is tingling (helplessness, numbness, blindness) Fandom:Naruto Pairing/Characters:Kakashi, Sakura, and Tsunade Words:918 Rating:T Notes:This was requested by @birkastan2018 and it’s already spawned a full 3,000 word story. I couldn’t have the whole thing done by today sadly, so he’s the blip that started it.
Something surrounded Sakura, denser than water yet lighter than air at the same time. She was floating, a feather caught in the breeze or a leaf in a river. It would be simple to be carried away, easier than fighting the current. A familiar voice called Sakura’s name, but it came from a long distance. For a second, she considered ignoring it. The submersion was comfortable, familiar even. Still, she knew she didn’t belong here. Sakura stretched toward the sound, but she couldn’t brush the surface.
The call came again, annoying in its insistence. Sakura struggled to burst through the bubble of unconsciousness. Awareness returned in gentle waves, sense by sense. Sakura would have laughed at the irony if she’d had control of her voice; she’d always hated the sound of the heart rate monitor, but it was the first concrete link to the real world that she had. Her eyes were too heavy to open, but the machine maintained a steady thrum beside her. That was enough for now, the rest would come.
Focusing all of her energy, Sakura drew a breath into her tender lungs. It was shallow and weak, but it was real. She felt, rather than saw, someone shift from her bedside. The machine behind her picked up in rhythm, increasing with the beat of her heart. A door opened to her left. Sakura turned toward the sound, anxiety stirring in her stomach.
A hand touched Sakura’s shoulder, then caught her wrist to check her pulse. “Sakura? Do you know where you are?”
“The hospital,” Sakura answered. Fear rose like bile in the back of her throat. She recognized Tsunade’s voice, but she couldn’t see the woman. Trembling hands rose toward her face, but someone pulled her arms down. “I can’t see anything,” she whispered.
Tsunade hummed from an alarmingly close distance, and Sakura shied away from the sound. “Do you remember what happened?”
“I,” Sakura opened her mouth to answer, then realized that she didn’t. She shook her head, trying to stop the overwhelming panic that threatened her consciousness. “What’s wrong with my eyes?”
“There was an explosion and your eyes were injured, from the container, the substance inside, or maybe the smoke. I don’t know yet, but chakra doesn’t seem to help. I’ve bandaged them for now.” Tsunade rested a hand on top of Sakura’s head, smoothing her hair. “Now that you’re awake, we can take them off.”
The relief that washed through Sakura’s stomach was so powerful that it almost made her sick. She nodded, then stilled as Tsunade unwrapped the gauze around her head. The process seemed to stretch for hours, but eventually cool air caressed the overheated skin. Sakura exhaled as Tsunade spoke in soft, careful tones. “I’m going to remove the patches now. Take your time, and open them whenever you feel ready.”
Not trusting her voice, Sakura nodded. The medic removed the final barrier with a tug of tape against Sakura’s eyebrow. For two heartbeats, Sakura didn’t move. Then, she opened her eyes. Frowning, she tried a second time. By the third, terror gripped her lungs. A pen light clicked to life by her ear, but she never saw it. “I can’t see anything,” she exhaled, voice trembling.
Panic rose in Sakura’s throat, hot and rancid. She swallowed the taste of vomit. Tsunade was talking, her voice rambling through medical terminology that might as well be a foreign language for all that Sakura took in. I’ll never practice medicine again, she realized with a start. I’ll never go on another mission. I’ll never watch the sun rise over the training fields. I’ll never see—
“That’s enough,” Kakashi rumbled from Sakura’s right. She turned blindly toward the sound as a second wave of pain locked her lungs. His hand touched hers, an anchor in the sudden sea of unfamiliarity. “Take a breath. You’re okay.”
“I am not okay.” Sakura bit off the words as the scenarios in her mind spun out of control. She’d never see Ino’s wedding dress or watch Naruto don the Hokage robes. She’d never have a normal life. “It would have been better if I died.”
Kakashi’s hand squeezed hers with an intensity that was almost painful. “Stop it,” he growled.
“We don’t know that this is permanent”
“He’s right.” When Tsunade thumbed Sakura’s left eye open, there was no change to the darkness that surrounded her. “It’s early, still. I didn’t want to intervene before we knew the extent of the damage.”
Sakura laughed, the sound sharp enough to slice her throat. “And, now you do.” She jerked her hand away from Kakashi. “Can both of you leave, please?”
Tsunade started to speak, but Kakashi said something too soft for Sakura to hear and the woman fell silent. She couldn’t see what he did, and her stomach clenched when she realized that this was what the rest of her life would look like. Tears stung her eyes, and she wanted to laugh at the irony of feeling the liquid on her skin. After a moment, two pairs of footsteps retreated, and the heavy door clicked into place like the sound of a coffin lid closing
Sakura rolled onto her side and knew a moment of terror when her arm met open air. Her stomach lurched with the dizzying sensation of falling, and she realized that she wouldn’t be able to move without assistance again. Tears welled against her lashes as Sakura curled into a fetal position. In the darkness, Sakura sobbed into her pillow.
The next chapter of All or Nothing (KakaSaku) is currently with my beta
I finished the rough draft of Disaster (KakaSaku, a prequel to the events of I’ll be the Moon and All or Nothing)
I’m currently writing the next chapter of Healing Hands (which needed an expansive update from the original. So far I’ve added three new scenes to this chapter and several thousand words)
The second chapter of All or Nothing is available below the cut or at the websites above! This story is an emotional mess, you have been forewarned! It deals with the fallout of Kakashi and Sakura having an affair while she’s married to Sasuke.
If you like what I do, feel free to support me on ko-fi!
Sarada spent fifteen minutes rearranging her room to include her gifts, laying the weapons on the small table beside her bed while Sakura hung her clothing up. Kakashi watched from the doorway, feeling like an intruder in a private, family moment. Sakura glanced in his direction from time to time, but she didn’t speak or invite him closer. For her part, Sarada ignored Kakashi entirely as she skipped around in an attempt to put off bedtime for as long as possible.
“Come on, let’s get changed for bed time,” Sakura called, pulling a pair of red pajamas from a drawer. “Teeth, story, then bed.”
“But mom,” Sarada began, voice edging toward a high pitched whine.
Sakura playfully swatted at the girl’s bottom with the pajamas. “You’re already up later than you normally are. Come on.”
Sarada scooted away from her mother, pausing in front of Kakashi. Her dark eyes slid over him with far more appraisal than they should have. “Are you spending the night?”
Kakashi coughed, warmth flooding into his cheeks, as Sakura growled her daughter’s name. “Sarada-chan,” she warned, looking exasperated. “Kakashi and Mama need to have a talk after you go to sleep, then he’s going home.”
“But it’s already bedtime time,” Sarada chirped, pointing toward her darkened window. “Why didn’t you talk during the day?”
“Because someone had a birthday party,” Kakashi answered, forcing his tone to false playfulness. “And, we were busy with that.”
Sakura put a hand on Sarada’s head and turned it toward the bathroom. She pressed the pajamas into the girl’s hands. “Go, brush your teeth and get changed.”
Kakashi scrubbed a hand through his hair the way he did when he was nervous as Sarada moved down the hallway. Sakura leaned one shoulder against the wall, watching the girl before turning back to Kakashi. “She didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Does that make you feel better about it,” Kakashi asked, voice pitched to a low whisper. Sakura’s lips compressed into a thin line, but he shook his head before she could speak. “She’s right. I should have gone home at the same time as Naruto and Hinata.”
“But you stayed,” Sakura pointed out, turning to glance toward the bathroom as water splashed into the sink. “Why?”
Kakashi chuckled and shook his head. Because I’m an idiot, he thought, though he held the words close to his chest, offering a shrug instead. “Because you asked me to.”
The water turned off and Sarada padded down the hallway in her pajamas. Kakashi offered a tight eye smile. “Goodnight, Sarada-chan.”
The girl dipped into a quick bow without looking at Sakura to see what she was supposed to do. “Goodnight, Kakashi-san.”
“Let me get her to sleep, then we can continue this conversation.” Sakura met Kakashi’s gaze over Sarada’s head, warning him to stay put.
Humming in agreement, Kakashi dipped his chin and wandered back downstairs so that he wouldn’t intrude on their privacy. The sound of Sakura’s voice drifted down the hallway, regaling Sarada with some kind of fairy tale with talking mice. Kakashi shook his head and walked toward the entrance, wondering if he’d be better off to pull on his sandals and leave. He’d run away the last time, and it had been better for both of them.
Kakashi paused by the empty space where the photograph of Sakura and Sasuke had hung. He wondered why Sakura hadn’t replaced it. Peeking back at the stairs to make certain the woman wasn’t coming, Kakashi slid open a drawer in the small table near the door. It was the most obvious place to put the photo, and he wasn’t surprised to find it there.
Running his fingers across the image, Kakashi remembered the day with a bittersweetness that left him sick to his stomach. Sakura looked beautiful with the pale pink kimono and white flowers dotting her hair. Sasuke looked much as he always did, a shadow against Sakura’s brilliance. Kakashi studied the boy’s face, looking for the happiness that should have been there.
“I always loved him more than he loved me.” Sakura’s soft whisper came from behind Kakashi. He spun to find the woman standing at the base of the stairs with a sad smile on her face.
Kakashi closed the drawer with his hip, flushing at being caught. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
Sakura crossed the space between them and rested her hand on Kakashi’s arm for a moment, then leaned past him to turn off the light in the hallway. He frowned as she moved toward the door, locking and bolting it. When she turned back to Kakashi, the shadows did something that made her eyes look haunted. “Sasuke never,” the woman paused, searching for the right word, then shrugged. “He never knew how to show emotion. Honestly, I’m not convinced he feels them in the same way other people do. They’re concepts for him, ideas rather than realities.”
And that’s what you chose to spend your entire life chasing? Was he worth the effort once you finally caught him? Kakashi wanted to ask, but he was afraid of the answer. Sakura had loved Sasuke for as long as Kakashi had known her. It had been a simple crush when they first met, then it turned into more. Kakashi wondered if Sakura understood love any better than Sasuke did. It wasn’t the obsessive desire to win someone or the insatiable urge to hold them. Sometimes, love was letting go.
Kakashi knew that he should say something in response, or offer solace in the face of Sakura’s pain, but he couldn’t think of anything. Sakura moved past him without waiting for an answer, catching Kakashi’s hand in hers like it was the most natural thing in the world. Her gentle pressure nearly pulled him from his feet as she walked back to the kitchen with a determined step.
Sakura released Kakashi’s hand and pulled two glasses from a cabinet. She filled them both with the sugary concoction from Sarada’s party, then, without asking, she pulled out a bottle of clear liquid from the freezer and added a healthy splash in each cup. Kakashi marveled at how easily Sakura moved around him; tension squeezed his chest, but the woman didn’t seem to notice or care. Kakashi envied her ability to change so easily between one person and the next. He’d never had that skill.
Holding the electric blue drinks, Sakura came around the counter and set them next to Kakashi. She took a long sip from one of the glasses, then gave her head a small shake. He didn’t move toward his cup, well aware that that drinking would lead to something that he couldn’t take back. It already had, multiple times.
Sakura tipped her head to the side, studying Kakashi as her tongue collected the sticky moisture from her lips. Then, she leaned forward and hooked a finger in the top of his mask, dragging it lower. Kakashi captured her wrist, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop her. The fabric slid down his nose, across his lips, and puddled against his chest. Kakashi expected Sakura to hold the drink up to offer him a sip. Instead, the sudden fullness of her mouth stole his breath. His hand fell away, dropping to his side as he sagged backward onto the stool behind him. Hard stone met Kakashi’s back when Sakura took another step toward him without breaking the contact.
Tipping his head up and away, Kakashi murmured Sakura’s name in a warning that sounded breathless even to his ears. His pulse pounded through his temple, erratic as he blew out a breath. Sakura exhaled with a slight smile. “It’s good, right?”
It took Kakashi several moments to realize that Sakura meant the alcohol, not the kiss. He managed a weak laugh, shaking his head. “I’m not sure that’s the most effective way to taste it.”
Sakura reached for her glass, taking another long pull of the liquid. Before the woman could seal their lips together a second time, Kakashi brought the other to his lips. The sugary sweetness flooded his tongue, cut by the burn of alcohol. It left Kakashi’s head spinning as he mumbled some kind of agreement. Sakura stood between his knees, her body the closest that it had been in months, trapping him on the stool.
Humming under her breath, Sakura looked up at Kakashi through her lashes. Every instinct in Kakashi’s body told him to pull her closer and kiss the delicate pout on her lips. He could lift her and switch their positions, fitting their bodies close enough that not even air could interfere. Nearly a month of pent up desire clamored at the back of his mind, memories overlapping fantasies that left him dizzier than the alcohol.
Sakura rested her hands on Kakashi’s thighs, leaning in a second time. Shuddering, Kakashi raised his chin just out of the woman’s reach. He lost his breath in a whoosh when Sakura planted light kisses on his neck instead. His entire body responded, humming and twitching like an electrical current coursed through it. “Stop,” he panted, resting his hands on her shoulders. “I don't—this isn’t why I came today.”
“No,” Sakura asked, voice heavy with desire despite Kakashi’s words. “That doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy being together again.”
Kakashi blew out another breath, able to think more coherently now that Sakura had moved back half a step. He shook his head. “I meant what I said the last time we were together. This isn’t what I want.”
Sakura’s eyes dipped down for a moment, a careful smile decorating her lips. “Are you sure?”
Heat flamed in Kakashi’s cheek as he pushed Sakura back another step, just enough to get his feet beneath him. “Yes,” he managed, though the word sounded strangled. Kakashi tugged at his pants to adjust the fabric, then gave it up as pointless.
To Kakashi’s surprise, Sakura turned to take his seat instead of following him around the counter. Brilliant green eyes studied him, though. “You still want me though,” she observed after a tense moment.
Kakashi chuckled and tightened his hand around his drink, tempted to down the sugary alcohol and throw caution to the wind. He ran his tongue over his lips instead, savoring the aftertaste of Sakura’s mouth on his. “I want more than just that part of you.”
Sakura didn’t answer, taking another drink of her alcohol in the space between them. The nearly empty glass left a shimmer in Sakura’s eyes and a soft flush on her cheeks as she considered the words. “Why can’t you just be satisfied with what I can offer? You have to miss it.”
“Because I’m selfish,” Kakashi admitted, resting his palms on the cool stone of the counter as if it could keep him grounded in reality. “Because as much as I enjoy the sex, there’s more to you than that.”
“You’re asking me to give up everything,” Sakura began, shaking her head as she hopped off the stool to make herself a second drink.
Disbelieving laughter rumbled in Kakashi’s chest. “This is everything? An empty house and a birthday party you have to pretend not to feel sad during? Being alone every night while you wait for someone who could be here if they wanted to be? He doesn’t have to take these missions all the time, he could—”
The angry words poured out, dousing the desire Kakashi felt moments before as he struggled to hold back his bitterness. Sakura’s eyes never left Kakashi’s as he spoke, hardly reacting to the accusations until they slowed. Then, a cruel smile crossed her lips. “Who said I’m alone every night?”
Kakashi’s heart did a painful double beat, then stopped. The idea that there could be someone else had never crossed his mind. He stared at Sakura like he’d never seen her before, but before he could formulate the question, she sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
The sentiment couldn’t be recalled, however. Kakashi felt sick with the realization that what he and Sakura had shared could simply be a dot in a string of dalliances while Sasuke was away. He’d never considered that he wasn’t the first and only man she entertained outside of her husband. How many others were there? Who were they? Jealousy, despair, and anger rippled through Kakashi.
A soft touch drew Kakashi away from the darkness in his mind, and he realized that Sakura held his hand. “It’s only ever been you,” she murmured, eyes flashing up to meet his gaze. There was no guilt or deception there, but Kakashi still felt as if the woman had pulled the rug out from under him. Warm fingers caressed Kakashi’s cheek. “Even if I wanted someone else, it wouldn’t be the same.”
Catching Sakura’s hand, Kakashi lowered it. “Thanks, I guess.”
“It’s so easy for you,” Sakura accused, shaking her head. “You have nothing to lose if we don’t work out. You just go back to your life like it never happened. I have to think about Sarada, about the appearance of us together, about my job.”
Sakura ticked off the reasons, one after the other, a litany of why they couldn’t be together. Kakashi nodded with each of them, having told himself the same things dozens of times. When she’d finished, he shook his head. “This isn’t easy for me. Do you know how hard it is to watch the person you love throw themselves away for someone who never deserved them? To cling to something because it’s the safest option?”
The question hung in the air, but Kakashi didn’t need Sakura’s answer. It had always been Sasuke for her, and it would always be. The idea that she was in love with Sasuke had been ingrained in Sakura too long ago for Kakashi to wash it away, no matter how ridiculous it was.
“The person you love.” Sakura repeated each word as if she was enjoying the taste on her tongue.
Kakashi sighed and pushed his fingers through his hair. “Yes,” he answered, refusing to defend the statement further. Sakura knew how he felt, though he’d never said it outright. She had all but accused him of being in love with her the last time they were together.
“Do you think I have anything less to lose?” Kakashi scoffed, shaking his head. “Even if we work out, I’ll always be seen as the man who ruined your marriage. As the creep dating a former student, a woman young enough to be his daughter. Hell, that alone is enough for the elders to question my suitability as the hokage.”
Sakura hummed as if she’d thought the same things. “But?”
“But,” Kakashi repeated with a humorless chuckle. “But, I’d endure all of that in a heartbeat if it changed the way things are.”
Exquisite pain shattered through Kakashi’s chest at the admission, sharper than the ribs he’d broken so many times before. He gestured around the house, refusing to meet Sakura’s gaze. “This is the life you chose for yourself. I can accept that, I have to accept it, but don’t expect me to agree. You deserve better.”
Kakashi started to turn away, but unspoken words weighed his lungs like lead. He exhaled in a ragged burst. “I don’t know if what we could have would be any easier, but at least you’d never doubt that I loved you.”
“Don’t,” Sakura growled, hand slapping hard enough on the counter to crack stone. “Don’t ask me to choose.”
A sad smile crossed Kakashi’s lips. “You already did.”
———————————————–
Kakashi calculated his words to hurt, and they shot through Sakura like a kunai. She huffed out a breath, determined to defend her choice of Sasuke. Kakashi had never looked at her until she’d been married; they’d hardly been friends until the past couple of years. He’d never said anything about caring for her as more than that, and he’d never offered her anything beyond the same casual acknowledgement that he gave Naruto. There hadn’t been a choice when it mattered.
That’s not what he meant, and you know it, a small voice whispered in the back of Sakura’s mind. Guilt swam through her stomach as she looked up at the man across from her. Pain filled Kakashi’s dark eyes, even as he offered a smile to soften the blow of his rejection. Every inch of his face screamed heartache and the longing for something he couldn’t have. Sakura knew it well; she’d felt about Sasuke for years.
“That isn’t fair,” Sakura managed after a couple of pain laced seconds. “I didn’t know how you felt when I married Sasuke. Hell, you probably didn’t know how you felt.”
Kakashi tipped his head in acknowledgement. “You’re right, but we know what we feel now. Or at least, what we felt. This was never just a casual friend with benefits fling, not for me.”
Sakura knew that. She’d known since the first morning that she woke up in Kakashi’s arms. Half hungover and dizzy with guilt, she’d waited for the man to apologize for letting their flirting get that far. Except, Kakashi hadn’t. He’d trailed his fingers over her arm, across her hip, and down her leg. He’d looked at her like he was memorizing every inch of the skin that she’d bared to him the night before.
Then, Kakashi kissed Sakura again and made her body do things she’d only read about in the trashy romance novels that Ino liked so much. Fully sober, Kakashi had chosen Sakura again and left her breathless and desperate for more. He’d been an addiction that she couldn’t see herself stopping. Kakashi was the type of lover that blocked out every question, every doubt, and every insecurity. He looked at Sakura like some goddess, worshiping her body in ways that left her aching for more. At least, he had, until he put a sudden end to their relationship a month ago.
“You were never a fling for me either,” Sakura whispered, though she tasted the beginnings of a lie in her words. She’d used Kakashi at least as much as she’d helped him over the course of their relationship. “Besides, you’re the one who ended things between us.”
Kakashi laughed in disbelief. “I was tearing myself apart for you, and you didn’t notice. Or, if you did, you never cared.”
“Are you happier now,” Sakura shot back, surprised at the venom in her voice. “Is this what you wanted? Our relationship might not have been perfect before, but it was better than this.”
Some emotion crossed Kakashi’s features, but Sakura couldn’t pick up what it was. He exhaled in a steady stream and reached for the drink she’d made him what seemed like an hour earlier. Holding the glass in one hand, Kakashi shook his head and downed the entire thing like a shot. He closed his eyes against the burn of alcohol, and Sakura couldn’t help but think how easy it would have been to step into his space and plant kisses along his jaw. He wanted her enough that his body responded, even if he fought off that attraction. Sakura remained where she was.
“That was the mistake,” Kakashi said, thumping the glass onto the counter. A soft laugh rumbled in his throat. “You’re so young that you can’t tell the difference between love and obsession.”
Sakura wasn’t conscious of moving until her palm connected with Kakashi’s cheek. His head snapped to the side. “Don’t you dare blame this on me,” she growled. “Don’t speak down to me like I’m a child who doesn’t understand how life works. I’ve seen more life and death than most people two and three times my age.”
Kakashi opened and closed his mouth as if testing that his jaw still worked before responding. “It was my fault. I knew better; I knew that this was a mistake, and I did it anyway. I’ll never be satisfied with having one part of you, but that’s all you have left to give.”
“Why did you come today,” Sakura half shouted, trying hard to moderate her tone so she wouldn’t wake Sarada. The girl should have been exhausted from her party and playing all day, but kids were tricky. “Why are you here if you don’t want to fix things between us?”
“I didn’t come for you.” Kakashi’s mouth tightened, the pink outline of Sakura’s handprint starting to show on his cheek. “I knew we’d probably have this conversation, but today wasn’t about you.”
Sakura blinked, pieces tumbling into place with a clarity that left her breathless. Nausea nearly dropped her to her knees. “That present wasn’t from Sasuke. You bought it and put his name on the tag. Why?”
“Because I’ve fought my whole life to make Konoha a place where kids can have both their parents in their lives,” Kakashi shook his head. “We bled for the idea of peace and hope for a better future, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him ruin that for her. Not yet.”
The words hung in the air like the smoke after a paper bomb. Sakura stared at Kakashi as if he was a stranger. Her voice failed when she tried to ask why, replaying the joy on Sarada’s face when she opened the gift she thought was from her father. Sakura should have thought to do what Kakashi had done. She should have been the one protecting her daughter from the cruelty of the truth, but she’d been too wrapped up with the million things that needed to be done.
Sakura tried to speak a second time but only managed a weak croak of Kakashi’s name. Then an uncomfortable realization settled in her gut . She studied the hardness of the man’s features and shame roiled through her like a thundercloud. “You’ve never talked about your parents,” she realized, whispering the words aloud.
“You never asked,” Kakashi shot back in an uncharacteristic show of temper. He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed.
Stepping closer, Sakura rested a hand on Kakashi’s forearm. “I’m asking now.”
Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut as if the question was too heavy to bear, and Sakura saw the same flash of humanity in him that she’d seen so long ago. He wasn’t a superhuman, above emotion and feeling, he’d just learned to bury those parts of himself. Sakura knew that, she’d seen it when they were together, but to see it brought out again made her sad in a way she couldn’t explain. She realized how little she knew about Kakashi’s past despite the years they’d spent together as friends, then the months as lovers.
Sakura tightened her fingers against Kakashi’s arm. “Tell me about them.”
“I don’t want to do this,” Kakashi breathed, voice tight with pain. He exhaled hard like they’d been training for an hour and shook his head. “I can’t have the thing I want, and the rest of it doesn’t matter.”
“I want to understand.” Sakura rose with Kakashi, following him as he walked toward the door. He put his shoes on in silence, and she felt an overwhelming sense of loss at the idea of things going back to the way they had been. “Please, I can’t go back to how we’ve been treating each other.”
Kakashi’s shoulders sank, and he paused with one hand on the door. For a minute, Sakura didn’t think he would answer. Then, a sigh rumbled in his chest as he turned. “And, I won’t be your secret any longer.”
Sakura opened her mouth to say that Kakashi had all of her, that she wanted to give him everything, or that it was more complicated than he realized, but the admissions clung to her throat. He offered another smile. “Goodnight, Sakura.”
————————————————————————-
The room spun, tipping and turning around Kakashi as he fumbled a bottle back onto his nightstand. If he closed his eyes, he became less aware of the spinning. His stomach heaved, unhappy at the amount of alcohol that he’d dumped into it without food or water to cushion the blow. Tired and angry as he was, Kakashi couldn’t bring himself to care. Each breath was a physical pain that seared through his chest like a knife.
Kakashi had gone to Sarada’s party knowing that it was a mistake. He’d waited as long as possible, hoping against hope that Sasuke would wrap up his mission in time to be home. Kakashi convinced himself that he could leave Sakura and Sarada behind if Sasuke was there to take care of them. But, he never was. It had been four weeks of empty days and long nights. Weeks of staring at his phone, wondering if he’d made the right decision when he left Sakura.
The pain hadn’t dulled with the passage of time. If anything, it had grown sharper. Kakashi and Sakura had gone for weeks without talking before. He understood that her life was busy with a young child, a blossoming career, and a sometimes husband. The fact that the latter hadn’t been an issue didn’t make things better. Kakashi knew that he’d hurt Sakura when he left, knew that she wanted to go back to the way things were, but he couldn’t. Now that he’d faced that demon, he knew the truth. He loved Sakura too much to be happy with just half of her, no matter how amazing that half was.
Is this what you wanted? Kakashi had waited for those words a month, but Sakura didn’t follow them up with anything that meant they had a future. She wanted Kakashi to be a convenient friend who made her feel the things that her husband didn’t. But, she wouldn’t risk her image or marriage to make it permanent. Kakashi would always be the shadow behind Sasuke.
Taking another swig of whiskey, Kakashi allowed himself to wonder about Sasuke and Sakura’s marriage. He knew that she felt abandoned and disappointed more often than she felt cherished. If not, she wouldn’t have come alive under his touch. She’d gone from throwing herself into dangerous behavior in Kiri because she was hurt to flourishing. The haunted expression left Sakura’s eyes and her smile came more often. She laughed the way she once had, without a shadow of sadness in every movement. Or, maybe that’s just how she’d been around Kakashi.
The memory welled in Kakashi’s throat, and he wondered if he’d left Sakura better than he’d found her. The idea that he’d made things worse for the woman left a sick taste in the back of his throat. He had ended things for the right reasons, for the same ones that should have stopped her from entering his hotel room all those months ago. But, being right didn’t seem to matter as much as it once had. The ache didn’t care whether it was right or wrong; Kakashi missed and wanted her despite the sacrifices that he’d have to make.
Kakashi fumbled his phone off the nightstand and opened the messages, skimming over the past two texts that Sakura had sent. Even if someone had seen them, they were innocuous, carefully crafted to show nothing. She’d apologized and asked if they could talk about things, but she could have just as easily been talking about a disagreement over patient assessment as the end of their relationship. Even the text about missing him was veiled in friendship, suggesting it had been a while since they’d seen each other and they should catch up soon.
“Then, I had to go to the party,” Kakashi slurred to the darkness of his bedroom. He’d wanted to get Sarada a gift from Sasuke, not because he cared what the girl thought about her dad in specifics so much as generalities. He could have offloaded it on Shikamaru and asked the man to take the package with no questions asked. It would have made sense, having the Hokage’s office looking after the children of shinobi currently out of the village, especially a former student. He supposed that they’d both gotten good at hiding things in plain sight.
Kakashi had wanted to see Sakura though, no matter what reasons he came up with for attending the party. He’d wanted to see how she was doing, and how she’d fared after the split between them. The woman had been worn down, exhausted and overspent with the party. Kakashi saw the tension of her shoulders, the breathy, sharp quality of her words, and the way her eyes pinched in exhaustion. The past few weeks hadn’t been easy on her, but she’d soldiered on as she always did. Without either Kakashi or Sasuke, Sakura kept going, and she always would. The woman’s resilience was one of her most attractive features.
If Kakashi had been stupid to go to the party, he’d been stupider to stay afterwards. When he closed his eyes, he could feel the sticky warmth of Sakura’s lips against his. The contact alone had been almost enough for Kakashi to ignore every reason not to sleep with her. He had wanted to pull Sakura against his body, spin their positions and settle her on the counter he’d been leaning against. His body ached for the contact, even now with the memory brighter than the reality had been. Sakura would have surrendered to him without question. The sex had always been the easiest part of their relationship.
Even now, the buzz of desire left Kakashi dizzy under the alcohol’s influence. He checked his silent phone once more and considered typing out how much he missed and wanted Sakura. Kakashi was too drunk to go back to her apartment tonight, and she needed to stay with Sarada anyway. Kakashi could call her, he supposed. They’d done that once when she’d been away for work and he’d stayed in the village because there was no reason to follow her. Sasuke had been out of town then, as well.
Kakashi’s body gave a soft twitch at the memory of Sakura’s voice over the line, full of heat and desire as she described what she’d been doing, and what she would have done to him if they’d been together. Exhaling through his nose, Kakashi stared down at his phone. It would be easy, and it wouldn’t cross as many lines as actually sleeping with her. Steadying his breath, Kakashi let his hand slide lower, imagining the ways Sakura had touched him so many times before.
Closing callused fingers around himself, Kakashi used the other hand to swipe to Sakura’s contact information. He shuddered, body oversensitive after so long without any contact. Kakashi’s left thumb hovered over the call button, then raised to brush over her picture. The screen lit up, enlarging the small icon to the full image. Kakashi stared into those sparkling green eyes that had captivated him for months, maybe even years.
Kakashi’s hand moved of its own accord, body responding without waiting for his permission or conscious thought. It would be as easy as dialing the number, his mind suggested, through its alcohol induced haze. She’ll answer and you can remember what it felt like again. The way she felt on your body, her mouth around you—groaning against the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears, Kakashi dropped the phone face down on the bed beside him and jerked his shirt toward his chest with his free hand. Warmth splattered across his stomach as his hips jumped in his hand.
The high wore off almost instantly, washed away by a tide of frustration and emptiness. Kakashi opened his eyes to the loneliness of his bedroom, and the fantasy that he’d created scattered in the darkness. A sob caught in his throat as he reached for his phone and threw it across the room.
——————————————————————–
Thick clouds cloaked the village of Konoha, the deepest hours of night providing the darkness that Sasuke preferred to move in. His chakra brushed against the invisible barrier that protected the village only because he allowed it to be picked up. There was no reason to hide his return, at least not this time, but he still moved in the shadows of the silent streets. Midnight had come and gone, a distant memory that left him closer to dawn than dusk. Sasuke hardly noticed; a sleep schedule wasn’t something that he cared to keep up with.
Only a handful of lights filled the windows at this hour, but it wasn’t unusual in a shinobi village. Much like Sasuke, shinobi had missions and tasks at all hours of the night. But, the single light glowing from the home that Sakura had chosen for them was strange. Sasuke stared at it for a moment, wondering if something was wrong, but he didn’t sense any danger.
Sasuke unlocked the door and slipped inside, removing his sandals at the threshold. There were no voices in the house, so Sakura had probably left the light on by accident. She was likely asleep in their bed—the sound of glass clinking against stone brought Sasuke up short. He padded through the entry, wondering what made the noise. He couldn’t imagine any scenario where Sakura would be out of bed at this hour unless something was terribly wrong.
When Sasuke rounded the corner, Sakura sat at one of the hgh stools beside the island counter. She leaned heavily against the surface, a glass held in one hand. An open bottle of vodka waited beside her. The sight made Sasuke’s eyes widen; it was an expensive brand, not the swill that she and Ino mixed into fruity cocktails. A clear, sticky patina shone on the side of the cup; she’d been drinking the alcohol straight.
Sakura pushed into a sitting position, staring at Sasuke through red, puffy eyes. He frowned, wondering how much she’d been drinking to look as disheveled as she did. “You’re home,” she mumbled after a couple of awkward seconds.
“Yes.” Sasuke nodded, closing the distance between then in three easy strides. “What’s this about, then?”
“Could you have been here,” Sakura ignored the question without seeming to hear it. An undercurrent of anger heated her voice, bright and deadly. “Did you miss it intentionally?”
Sasuke opened his mouth to answer, then stopped and considered . It? What was itsupposed to mean? He wasn’t the best at keeping up with dates when on mission, usually because he was so far from civilization where things like that mattered. He stared at his wife with a blank expression until a bitter laugh spilled out of her. “You don’t fucking remember, do you?”
Sakura dropped her feet to the polished tiles of their kitchen floor and made a move to storm past Sasuke. The alcohol left her off balance, and she stumbled. He caught his wife with one hand on her shoulder. Growling, Sakura ripped away from him. Sasuke stepped back, giving her the space she so clearly wanted.
As he did so, the man’s eyes scanned the house with a critical eye. It was almost perfectly in order, but a pile of unused paper plates rested on the table next to matching napkins. A stray balloon, bright pink, clung to the ceiling in the corner of the room along with a curled spray of ribbon. The type you’d use for a birthday. Shit.Sasuke felt the air leave his lungs in a soft whoosh of disappointment.
“I missed your birthday,” Sasuke reasoned aloud, starting to reach for Sakura. If he could take her in his arms, he might be able to make her forget the annoyance. Though, he wasn’t good with that part of their relationship either. Sasuke usually just let Sakura work out her anger whenever she was ready rather than trying to fix it himself. “I’m sorry.”
Sakura stood with her back to Sasuke, not speaking. A fine tremble of emotion worked through her body, strong enough to feel without chakra or touch. Sasuke had missed birthdays before, and she’d always been reasonable about it. Of everyone in Konoha, Sakura understood that he had to sacrifice some things for the good of others. She’d never been angry about it before, never… Sasuke’s stomach tightened with realization. “Sarada.”
For a second, the word hung in the air between them. Then, Sakura scoffed. “I’m surprised you know her name.”
Sasuke had taken more wounds than most men over his lifetime, but the accusation in Sakura’s voice cut deeper than any of them. He reached for his wife’s arm, half to apologize and half to pull her against him, as if their bodies could smother out the pain. But, his hand never completed the journey. “That isn’t fair,” he whispered.
Sakura wobbled when she spun to face Sasuke, nearly falling when her feet tangled. “No,” she growled, voice sharp enough to draw blood. “You do not get to say that. Don’t talk to me about fucking fair. I have sacrificed everything for this family, for you. And, for what?”
The woman gestured around their meticulously groomed home, taking in the perfect photos on the wall and the shiny white cabinets in the kitchen. She scoffed at the back of her throat. “You know what isn’t fair? Someone else bought your daughter a birthday present, pretending it was from you. Everyone else came to her party to celebrate. I cooked and bought and planned and decorated and cleaned and everything else it took.”
“And you, you couldn’t even remember the day,” Sakura’s fury built to a fever pitch that almost reached a shout. “It isn’t fair that you tout this line about saving everyone else while you ignore the cost to our daughter.”
It’s not a line, it’s the truth, Sasuke thought, but he pulled the words inside and held them there. Sakura wouldn’t appreciate the realization or the cool indifference with which he delivered it. He exhaled. “I’m making the village safe for her too,” he offered instead.
Angry tears filled Sakura’s eyes, clinging to her lashes and spilling black streaks down her already darkened cheeks. “And, it’s still not enough.”
A sob rose in Sakura’s throat as she stumbled from the kitchen, navigating the steps to their bedroom by muscle memory more than anything else in her inebriated state. Sasuke watched her go, wondering if he should go after her. He suspected that she wouldn’t welcome his presence, much less his touch at the moment. He’d failed, again.
Sighing, Sasuke turned back to the counter and picked up the cap for the vodka and spun it on the top. He wasn’t concerned about Sakura drinking, not really, though this had been more than a little. The woman’s medical ninjutsu and seal helped her metabolize the alcohol more quickly than most people, much like Tsunade. But, he wondered at the timing. Had she been that upset about him not being here for the party, or was there something else?
Sasuke recalled Sakura’s bloodshot eyes when he’d first walked into the room. She’d been crying before he got home, not because she was angry at him. At least, not from the fight that left her presumably sobbing on their bed upstairs. Something else had upset her, or she’d been already upset over the accusations that she’d lobbed at him when he got home. Sasuke wasn’t sure that he wanted to know which.
Carrying the vodka across the kitchen, Sasuke put it away without taking a drink. He had no desire to lose himself in the heat, everything hurt enough already. Sakura’s glass had thumped to the counter when she spun away in fury, lying on its side on the granite surface. When he reached for it, Sasuke noticed the second glass. He frowned and picked it up, inspecting the drink like it might reveal some answer.
Sasuke decided that was a question for another day. He ran both glasses beneath a stream of warm water and left them in the sink. Drying his hands on a towel on the counter, Sasuke glanced toward the stairs. He wished that he could erase the distance between himself and Sakura with a few easy words, but it had never been that simple.
Walking to the front of the house, Sasuke slipped his feet back into his sandals. Naruto had an open couch policy as long as Sasuke was willing to talk about what led him to the man’s door. The blonde had an unshakable belief that Sasuke and Sakura would make their relationship work out in the end. Sometimes, Sasuke thought the blond’s faith was the only thing that kept him believing in his marriage.
