i do sincerely want to thank my friends that have listened to me talk about the struggles i have had with the education system and with learning, and who have ultimately made me realize that i wasnt just lazy or not good enough. and thanks to my masters program classmates who actually sat down and helped me when i asked and who i could help study for other topics lol. i am making progress and have had success that i didnt think was possible
This is what dyslexia is like for me too, and I agree most simulations really don’t get it.
Plus letters like d & b will interchange- like I’ll read a word like ‘dad’ and think, “that doesn’t fit the context” and check and it’s actually 'bad’. Sometimes I still have trouble reading digital clocks because in that font 2 & 5 often look the same to me. I’ll also sometimes read text on glass from the 'wrong’ side and not even realize it at first. Sometimes I forget which way s is supposed to face, but usually only when I’m very stressed or tired.
On the plus side I can write mirrored text, so that’s cool and almost utterly useless
You are getting ready to attend a top-tier university, and popular opinion has led you to believe it will be the best time of your life.
In accordance with collegiate tradition, let me start by giving you the SparkNotes version. I enrolled in the school of art. I did not join a sorority. I did not gain the freshman fifteen. I liked all of my roommates except for one. I spent a semester abroad in Holland. I tried majoring in Graphic Design—I was kicked out of the program. I took a fifth year and switched to Photography. I fell in love. I made an installation in protest of corporate power for my senior thesis. I graduated with the Class of 2014.
Now for the part you really need to know. Unfortunately, I have to show you rock bottom before you can appreciate the happy ending.
I had no doubt that I was stupid. How else could someone try so hard and accomplish so little? I spent the vast majority of my time studying and still could not keep up with my homework. Many of my professors showed resentment at what they perceived to be indifference. I internalized much of what they said to me.
You don’t belong here.
You’re fucking up.
Your contributions are irrelevant.
You are incapable of learning.
It would be in your best interest to drop out.
Eventually I realized that something was wrong, but I couldn’t articulate what it was. My thoughts became increasingly contorted. Starting around sophomore year, there were times when I lost control over my body. I couldn’t breathe. Everything went out of focus. I couldn’t stop my heart from pounding or my hands from shaking. I became overwhelmed with the thought that I was an embarrassment to everyone who knew me. My whole existence felt like a cruel joke. Later on I learned these were panic attacks, but at the time I thought for sure I was going insane. I was too afraid to tell anyone.
During my fifth year, I finally sought professional help from a neuropsychologist by the name of Dr. Russell. He confirmed what my family doctor had already guessed at—that I have Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder—and recommended further evaluation. Thus began a series of appointments where I underwent extensive testing designed to assess my mental state and capacity. The tests produced approximately 50 pages of analysis. These are the things that stood out:
(1) In addition to ADHD, I also have a panic disorder and chronic depression.
(2) My processing speed is in the fourteenth percentile, which is practically unheard of at the school I attended. I read at approximately half the rate of most people my age.
(3) I’m exceptionally intelligent.
After going over the results, Dr. Russell said, “Despite your academic struggles, it is my professional opinion that you have the ability to be a remarkable candidate in any field you choose.”
You have a different way of learning. It does not mean you are stupid or less capable than others. It just means you need a little help. Do not let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve to be where you are.
Jess and I have always joked that me getting through high school was a God damn miracle. Mostly because I don’t talk to people and I have trouble following directions and I don’t tend to participate.
When we began to prep for me being back on a college campus for first time in 12 years, it started to become less of a joke, as we struggled with accommodations and my inability to follow written…
A friend of mine pointed out that it was kind of weird how Beat turns on Mr. H during Week 3 and accuses him of being the Composer, even though Mr. H saved his life, after all. This is basically my response to that.
Imagine this:
Beat doesn’t trust any adults, ever. His parents treat him like dirt and he’s never good enough for them. His teachers make him an example what the rest of the class should not be (teachers abusing their power in Japanese school systems is more common than you might think, considering teaching is a very honorable profession that pays high and gets you respect in the community…or that was in the scholary article I read while researching the Japanese school system for my english essay, I forgot what it was called though). A lot of the adults in their neighborhood look down on him for being a punk kid who can’t speak Japanese correctly. It is so extremely likely that Beat has a learning disorder of some kind that will never be treated (I headcanon ADHD while a friend headcanons dyslexia, which would also explain why he gets words wrong, because he’s reading them wrong) due to how Japan treats learning disabilities (i.e. they don’t). In fact, Megumi, an adult, was the guy who ordered Beat to kill Neku. Konishi was the one who destroyed Rhyme in front of him and psychologically attacked Beat over the course of a week to try and break him.
Actually Beat having a mistrust of adults makes a lot of sense as to why Beat turned on Mr. H so easily and went along with “he’s the Composer” despite the fact that Mr. H had saved him, fed him, and saved Rhyme’s Soul.
Ok I’m writing this almost entirely for myself but I don’t really care, this fandom is frankly super disgusting about Beat and if I have to make myself feel better then I’m going to do that on 10 month old posts and shit.
I haven’t been super into the TWEWY fandom in a long ass time if ever (I actually cannot stand the fandom most of the time but that’s not a rant for now I guess) but I can almost guarantee that Beat has been considered moronic and stupid for his lack of trust with Mr. H during Week 3 by someone out there. Given the general treatment of Beat I’m going to guess it’s one of many things he’s demonized for. And that’s bullshit. Short reply is that I completely agree with OP’s post, long reply is I’m gonna flesh out a few things here because I can and this is a character that legit probably saved me from killing myself at 17 as a depressed high school almost-flunk-out.
I’m going to flat out say it, I believe Beat’s parents to be legit abusive. Not physically but I absolutely believe them to be emotionally abusive in terms of devaluing him as a person on the basis of conventional intelligence (I know things are different in Japan then they are where I live so I’m just gonna say now that even though TWEWY is set in Japan, I am taking it’s narrative as a more general reflection of kids and parents not as some commentary on Japanese parenting just to clear that up. It is obviously a fantastical story with non-realistic elements so yeah) and degrading him on a regular basis.This kind of abuse is actually really rampant in societies all over, and it’s made even worse by the fact that it’s often not seen for what it is: abusive and gross. Beat clearly lived with this abuse for an extended period of time to the point where he was unable to handle it and ran away. It became a normalized part of his life and the marks this had on him are incredibly deep and wounding and really easy to see. His jealousy of Rhyme, his trademark iconic speech about being made to feel like shit for who he is, it’s all things he carries with him from day to day, it’s things that were burned into him.
He’s awful at school and I absolutely believe that he is indeed living with some undiagnosed and untreated learning disability. ADHD, dyslexia, I’ve heard others too (I have no real concrete ideas of specifics myself as I enjoy seeing people with various learning disabilities relate to Beat) but I definitely agree that it’s there and he never received help for it. Schools as an institution are not set up to help those who need it, in fact people like Beat are the kids that schools fail most. Adults that again discard him for not fitting a rigid standard of intelligence / worth and make him feel like garbage.
And one thing that flies completely over most people’s heads about Beat is the significance of the fact that he knows he’s not conventionally intelligent. Why do you think it is he knows that and feels it so deeply despite not being the most aware individual in the world? Because it is quite clearly and obviously a sentiment that has been hammered into his head TIME and TIME again. His stupidity is what the world has defined him by and he knows this.
So that’s a persistent and habitual background of emotional abuse and ableist-rooted insults to his intelligence and self-worth as a backdrop to where he came from. That’s Beat’s life, an almost consistent barrage of mental abuse and dehumanization with the only relief (his sister) actually causing him pain to the point of him pushing her away. He was a kid with literally zero escape until he physically ran from it all.
As for what happens to him in the game…
He loses said sister once without any chance to really fix his mistakes and their fractured relationship, he becomes a Reaper where he is again at the mercy of adults who don’t really care for him (Megumi yeah) only to realize he can’t hurt a fly and promptly gets 0.0 Reaper Points (a fact in which he is later mocked for, again called stupid and ridiculous for how he is as a person), gets laughed at throughout Week 2 by Joshua (even Neku says some kind of … sketch things throughout the game tbh) and then finally
we get to Week 3.
Week 3 is obviously a super important week for Beat, it’s his Week after all. Several things happen that are absolutely critical to his narrative, the first being the new Game Master Konishi. Konishi to me was always a figurehead, a symbol of a lifetime of mental and emotional abuse levied against Beat, a kind of physical manifestation of an ableist narrative used to punish kids like him for not being like people like Joshua or herself. Konishi is the present undeniable representation of all the implied (but really quite obvious) aforementioned abuse that plagued Beat’s life before he died, she’s symbolic of the persistence of this type of ableist thinking, the abuse Beat suffers because of his lack of conventional intelligence LITERALLY FOLLOWS HIM INTO DEATH. It is that pervasive and unyielding. Ableist abuse particularly at the hands of adults is literally impossible for kids to escape.
She of course also commits a horrendous act of emotional abuse through the crushing of Rhyme right before his eyes and her taunting of him throughout the week. She even tries to emotionally harm him right before her death suggesting that Rhyme never loved him. It’s a punishment not only of his lack of conventional smarts but also of his emotions. Beat gets both of those things a lot.
Also of note should be the fact that Konishi quite literally dehumanizes Beat on a intelligence based level reducing him to a “chimp” as her choice word of insult. Beat is literally sub-human in her eyes all for being emotional and not logical.
So to get around to Mr. H (who lol may I remind people is cagey as hell? He’s a sketchy dude let’s not forget this shit), please. Give me a damn reason why Beat shouldn’t have been afraid, it’s all he knows. It’s another adult who probably thinks he’s a dumbass and is out to hurt him like literally all the others, how dare you punish a 15 year old kid for feeling that way.
Beat’s narrative throughout the game and throughout his life is one of abuse, I don’t care if people realize that or not it’s true. His distrust of adults is 1000% warrented, don’t you dare demonize a victim for that. The fact that fandom perpetuates the disgusting ableism weaponized against him the whole time makes me furious, but it doesn’t change the fact that he is a strong survivor and he is absolutely the deepest character in TWEWY fight me on that any day.
First of all, let me thank you for spending so much time and writing in response to one of my posts! That’s really encouraging to see for me because sometimes I think I’m the only person who notices how much Beat gets ignored/ridiculed by the fandom for not being as conventionally smart as Neku or Joshua or even his bloody sister. I’ve actually SEEN someone make a post about summing up all the twewy characters and literally the only thing they put for Beat was that he was “a dumbass” and wasn’t important until later in the Game.
Granted, that was all the way back in 2009 and I’ve found that the general attitude towards Beat has actually…gotten a LOT better? I mean, I am not seeing a lot of people portraying Beat as being a overly violent person anymore which is always great (because if there’s any portrayal I hate more than lol stoopid!Beat it’s hyperviolent!Beat).
TBH I always got a little ticked at Neku for that “You’re an idiot so act like one” line. I mean, I GET what he was trying to do and it worked at cheering Beat up but it also reinforced that label in his mind so I have really bad mixed feelings about it. But, at the end of the day, I just chalk it up to Neku still being kind of new at the whole friend thing. He’ll probably get better later.
ALTHOUGH, it’s interesting that you bring up Joshua laughing at Beat because he never actually does. Like, Joshua only DIRECTLY talks to Beat one time and that one time is:
Neku: Why are you doing this?
Beat:You stupid? I’m a Reaper.
Joshua:Don’t be silly. Reapers aren’t allowed to–
Beat:“Reapers ain’t allowed at, Mommy! Wah wah wah!” Shut it! This Reaper’s here to erase ya! Now bring it, yo!
Joshua isn’t laughing at him, he’s assumed that Beat doesn’t know the Reaper Rules and is trying to correct him.
Other than that, the most negative thing Joshua has said about him was that he was a “delinquent Reaper.” Most of Joshua’s frustrations with Beat had nothing to do with a judgement on his character and more to do with him just being annoyed that Beat was getting in their way. Cuz, you know, Joshua kinda needs Neku to be alive for his Game and having Beat running around as Hanekoma’s unpredictable wildcard like that probably unnerved the Composer a little more than he’d ever like to admit.
Honestly, the only two characters that ever take Beat seriously are Mr. H and Joshua.
You two both bring up some great points, and Beat is <3, so just wanted to add to this some more~
I really think that Shiki and Neku do take Beat seriously, too, though not until the end of week 1 and week 2 for the latter (and even more in week 3). Shiki’s always really nice and never takes Beat for granted. Also, Rhyme–she always believed in him, even when others didn’t. Yeah, she valued her dreams most, but she was a kid with a bright future. She still loved her brother and wanted the best for him, though.
The truth is, Beat isn’t just “stupid.” Yeah, he’s not book smart, and he probably has some sort of learning disability. But he’s street smart, and he’s good at getting along with people. He’s generally a very amicable guy. And, going to how Beat was supposed to erase Neku… He actually played it really wisely and cool. He fought Neku and Josh twice and owned them, but didn’t erase Neku–in fact, Joshua didn’t even see it as enough of a threat to use his powers, like with the Taboo Noise. Because despite the fact that Beat was stronger, he held back just enough–and then left playing it off like they weren’t worth his time. But really, that helped him stall in a way that made him seem like he was on the Reaper side and get bonus points with them–perhaps to get more help in fixing Rhyme. He later calls out how they made him attack his friend, showing that he was a great guy the whole time and played them.
Point is, all of that goes to show that Beat does have his own special smarts. I don’t doubt that people look over that, and it’s really not cool the way people put him down for how he is.
But his way of thinking is exactly why (plus the reasons stated previously) Konishi is Beat’s GM. They have two opposing types of smarts. Konishi thinks very tactically and precisely, taking each possible path into consideration. But Beat beats her. You know why? He even says why he’s smarter than her in his own way:
Konishi: It’s YOUR fault I didn’t pick up on Shibuya’s changes sooner! Beat: You so busy thinkin’ wid your head, you forgot to pay attention wid your heart! Konishi: Arrrgh! Enough of your chimp-speak! I will obliterate any disruptive elements in my path!
And that is exactly why Beat isn’t stupid. He follows his heart and impulses to react to an ever-changing world. He’s flexible to the situation because he thinks on his feet in his own unique way, compared to Konishi who embraces everything that’d be taught in a classroom.
As for Neku… Yeah, he does call Beat an idiot, but part of that is that even when he’s changed, Neku’s still a jerk. He’s the type of guy who will insult you in a friendly way while having your back. No, it’s not the nicest thing, but Neku isn’t exactly a “nice” person, and he really does show he cares. He’s the one who puts more emphasis on giving Beat the pendant back, even when Beat seemed like he was trying to erase Neku. Plus, Neku’s very real–he calls things as he sees them, doesn’t sugarcoat it for anything, and doesn’t go with the sappy “just try harder.” He tells Beat to act like an idiot because Beat’s who he is, faults and all–and he can make use of that. Just like with Shiki’s jealousy, Neku has a way of helping people see the light in even the faults that might hurt them the most.
In fact, that whole “you’re an idiot, so act like one” is a great parallel to him telling Shiki that her jealousy gives her something to strive for. Yeah, he’s harder on Beat in a way, but he’s pretty much being brutally honest in telling them both to accept their limitations and find their own way past them. It was only after that whole talk that Beat started calling Neku by his name instead of “Phones” all the time. Neku sees Beat as his friend and equal, and he shows it in his own Neku-y way–and Beat sees that, which is why he trusts Neku to help him save Rhyme. But even then, Neku shows how much he believes in Beat by telling him:
“Screw you. I’m not bringing Rhyme back to life. That’s your job! I’ll snag her pin if I get the chance, but… the rest is you.”
Through death, Beat encounters not only people who make use of his insecurities and try to use him (Megumi and Konishi, as person 2 explained well), but also people like Neku who see all of him–faults included–and still like and accept him anyway. People who still trust and believe in him even when he doesn’t.
It’s okay if he has a learning disability–it’s okay if he doesn’t speak proper Japanese and doesn’t always get things. Beat isn’t book-smart, and he does tend to get riled up and emotional easily (both of which should never be blown out of proportion, or that’s super OOC). But he can face that part of him in his own Beat way. I think that’s the point of what Neku was saying to him. No one’s perfect, but the beauty in creating lasting friendships is in accepting those differences.
And, that’s also the wonderful thing about TWEWY. All these characters are flawed, but wonderful. They all have so many different sides to them, and so many different interpretations people can have for why they are the way they are now. They’re all relatable to different people in different ways.
And it’s because of these amazing, realistic characters that it’s a wonderful world.
I went traveling ago weeks back and there are some aspectsI find harder because of my ld. One of the ways I coped with this was asking people to read the names of signs out load to me so I could make sure I was in the right place.
What are some ways you coped while traveling with your ld?
Hello! A little whole ago a doctoral student name Liz messaged me about her project about a LDs. Unfortunately, I live in Canada and wasn’t able to help. If you are able too please consider taking a few minutes to complete the survey.
thanks!
“Do you have a learning disability? Tell us about your experiences by taking this survey! Participate in a new study about the marginalization of people with learning disabilities. Stigma and stereotypes surrounding learning disabilities continue to affect people’s lives in complex ways, and I am interested in hearing from YOU about how you deal with stigma and identity related to your learning disability. My name is Liz, and I am a doctoral student from identityLORE: the Laboratory for Oppression, Resilience, and Empowerment at Teachers College, Columbia University. I am looking to hear from individuals who are interested in participating in a survey about the life experiences of people with learning disabilities. This survey should only take about 10-15 minutes. Eligibility Criteria: • 18 years old • Diagnosed with a learning disability/disabilities • Live in the U.S. If you meet the above criteria and are interested in participating, please click on the link below to begin the short survey.
Additionally, please consider sharing this survey with anyone you know who may be interested in participating!”
This study has been approved by the Teachers College, Columbia University Institutional Review Board: Protocol #18-125. If you have any complaints, questions, concerns, or would like to know the results, please feel free to contact me via e-mail at [email protected]
