Shout out to nightcore, anime, vocaloid, the old creepypasta from like 2012, crappy no-grammar online roleplays, my emo phase, writing fanfiction, binging cheesy shojou romance manga, and every other thing that was considered awkward, cringy, or otherwise annoying by outsiders while I was growing up.
Because even though there’s even some stuff that I personally cringe at now, at some point it kept me alive when I was at my lowest. Even though they made me seem weird because most of it was more niche stuff, they made me smile (some still do) and that’s what matters.
My message for my fellow chaotics today: if you love something, then love it. If you like how a certain style of clothes look, wear them. If you make a mistake, learn from it and laugh about it later.
Life is WAY too short to waste regretting the more misfortunate events that have happened. And yes, everyone has events like that, memories that they want to forget and pain that hasn’t quite healed. So if you’ve ever loved something that makes you go red in embarrassment now, however many years later, own that shit. Because at one point it made you smile, and that’s good enough.
i graduated a few years ago and i want to share with you some things:
I grew up being called ’gifted’ and smart. I did really well in school, to the point my identity depended on it. Then in college, I failed entire semesters, more than once. I also dropped out at one point.
It was devastating and I was terrified.
And yet: EVERYTHING TURNED OUT OK.
B/c despite what they’d have you believe, this is not the end of the world, and you are going to be okay.
Repeat it with me: You are going to be okay.
It’s common to feel like “everything depends on this.” I promise: it doesn’t. A couple things I want you to know
***Your worth & intelligence is absolutely absolutely ABSOLUTELY not based on or reflected by your grades.***
The atmosphere you’re currently in breeds stress. Educational institutions have this messed up culture that pushes our minds into an ’emergency mode’ that does not reflect reality and forces you to panic unnecessarily. That’s why:
Things are never as desperate as they feel.
The panic you’re feeling is something you’ve been trained to feel, but it is not truthful.
If you don’t do as well as you hoped: sweetheart, that Is fine.We naturally aim for more than we can reasonably manage, in order to push ourselves. Not reaching a goal doesn’t mean you ‘failed’, it means you aimed high and I’m proud of you.
Everyone who has ever done anything has failed at some point. People who never fail are people who never try.
Failing a class/classes is NOT the end of the line. Sometimes we need more time, or a second chance. Sometimes we need a different direction
For years I thought I wanted to be an engineer. I declared that major as a freshman. I ended up retaking several classes before realizing that no, this subject was not actually a good fit and didn’t me happy.
The subject I eventually got a degree in? I actually had to retake a few of the introductory classes, alongside classmates who weren’t even in the program but seemed to have an easier time than me. At the time I was embarrassed. Now, I’m proud that i stuck with it
Please do not be afraid to ask for help even/especially when a deadline has passed/you feel ashamed for not asking sooner. Or rather: please ask for help even when you’re scared and it’s late in the semester. It literally cannot hurt.
You are still learning how to learn, teach yourself, and self-monitor. This is a Huge Big Part of being an Adult that very few of us don’t get formal training for. So of course you will make mistakes along the way. Mistakes are a symptom of progress.
You are making progress, and for that alone you deserve to celebrate yourself
Hey all, it’s Rebekah. No, I have not stepped off the face of the earth. Things have been weird lately, and to be honest, I was a little afraid to come back. I thought there’d be resentment that I disappeared. But I’m still here, still plugging away.
Over the summer, I took a big step and left my full-time job at the library to pursue freelance writing. I’d already picked up work before quitting, and I was preparing for the big move, saving up money and working out how I’d cut down on expenses to make it work. This meant months of writing around my day job, getting up earlier than usual and staying up until all hours of the night to meet deadlines. Now that I’ve committed to it 100%, it’s changed the way I view writing and as a result, it’s changed my writing habits in regard to fiction.
But I promise, my first post in months is not going to be a self indulgent tell-all of how I got here. I’m going to share some lessons I’ve learned so far in writing for work and adapt those lessons into building better writing habits.
Building Writing Habits
1. When you have the opportunity to write something nonfiction, write it.
I’m not talking about whole nonfiction books, but anything really. Blogging, work emails, instruction manuals, technical reports, book reviews…write. Especially if you are going through a hellish time of writer’s block with your fiction. Find a way to put pen to paper in someway. Even if it’s only for your eyes, it’s good practice.
When you get yourself into a writing mindset, it becomes difficult to turn it off. You finish writing a note to somebody and you think, “Okay, I need to write something else.”
If you don’t have opportunities to write things like this, or you’re just not sure how to even go about it, then sit down and recap your day before you go to bed. You can’t get writer’s block when you know exactly what happened, and the act of stringing together words will become a habit that’s tough to break.
2. Always have a book in-progress.
I’m talking about reading,not writing. Whether it takes you months to get through it, have a book somewhere in your home with a bookmark in it. If it’s been a struggle getting it read, it might be time to bail on it and find a new book. Or else your brain has forgotten what’s it like to always be reading something. If that’s the case, work on reading a page every day and build up the habit.
I’ll admit, in recent years I let life keep me from being a good reader. But when I think back to all the times I got excited about writing fiction, it was around the time I’d just finished an amazing book. You’ll probably go through some books that don’t thrill you, but it’s not difficult to move on from a bad book. Anything else will be amazing in comparison.
I’m reading much more than I was before. What I’ve discovered is that constantly escaping into fictional worlds gets me even more excited to escape into my own.
Writing while uninspired is a chore. Sometimes it has to be done, but when you can, work yourself up to inspiration. Reading a book is an efficient way to do that.
3. Understand your writing associations.
When we write, we often form associations with the exact place we were or what we were doing in life when we wrote it. I can think back to scenesI wrote over a decade ago and remember exactly where I was when I wrote that scene. Whether or not the scene was any good doesn’t matter. It’s a time when I was writing and enjoying it. So when I think of that particular place and time, I feel warm and nostalgic. It’s a positive association.
If you’re like me, your bed is a place of introspection. You think about everything you’ve done wrong, and you make plans to change. Though change is good, the beneficial realization that things need to change is often tainted by doubt and insecurity. I’ve noticed that when I write in bed, I don’t usually get very far. My brain is used to overthinking things in bed, which means every word I write is up for judgement. Do you have a place like this? If so, stop trying to write under those conditions. Unless you can change the association, you have to avoid it.
Try to evaluate your moods and attitudes towards different places and times of the day. Write when and where you feel your best. Before long, you’ll start making associations between feeling good and writing. It’ll then be easier to write in new places. You can build on this foundation so you’re able to write anytime, anywhere.
Examine where and when you’re writing and how you feel when doing it. These associations can be key in helping you develop better writing habits.
It’s possible I could go on for days and days, but I’ll wrap things up and come back around to similar topics later on. I need to address a few blog related things:
1. I’ve got a couple guest posts in the queue that I’ll be posting over the weekend. I was a terrible, terrible person who accepted work from someone and then never did anything with it.
2. I don’t even know what’s in the inbox right now. I need to look and assess where we’re at.
3. I need to get in touch with the admins, and we need to make some decisions.
4. Above all, I need to post! We missed camp nano, but November will be here before you know it guys. I want us all to be ready.
Today is one of those days where I just can’t seem to get moving. I’m just…tired.
Tired of being so stressed out. Tired because I get so anxious every year leading up to my birthday. Tired of not being able to sleep, or sleeping way to much. Tired of binging followed by days of not eating anything. Tired of feeling so inexplicably irritated by every inconvenience because of how many have stacked up over the course of years. Tired of the nightmares and the negative thoughts and the endless struggle to find the energy to do what needs done.
~
On days like this, it’s important for me to step back from my own life. Sometimes I stop being able to see everything while standing in the middle of the storm. When I move away from it— maybe I take some time to listen to lofi and chill out, or do some journaling or house chores while mom isn’t home and I can think, or go take a long walk by myself— I have a chance to look at the world for what it is.
Yes, things are tough right now. Yeah, I wasn’t dealt the best hand in life leading up to this point. I’m covered in scars both inside and out and don’t get how to act or respond to most situations.
But I’m still so young!I’ve got so much more living to do. Things to see. Stuff to experience! I’m nowhere near the end of my journey. Hell, I’ve barely just begun.
I am insignificant in the grand scheme of things. A tiny bolt holding other gears in place. Sometimes that frustrates me and makes me flustered, thinking I can’t ever reach my goals due to my setbacks. And yet, if I, that little bolt holding things together were to disappear, so many other things far beyond me would fall apart.
Yeah, I’m humble in my existence because I am not a driving force of this world. But I am still a part of everything here. Connected to it, moving with its time, and woven into so many crossroads that affect everything else.
Every person I meet, I step into their lives, if only by briefly passing by them on the street. Every choice I make, I affect something else, even if only to influence my next move. Every experience I have, whether good or bad, spills ink onto the painting that is my life and draws another line in the image until my world is full of color and an infinite amount of intersecting stories.
~
This world is not just built by those with power. It’s not just influenced by people how’ve made a major, mainstream difference. Everyone, including you and me, are a part of this world. The massive web of fate, weaving through the tales of our lives isn’t made to lock us in place, but to remind us that we are a part of it. We have a place in it, and no matter which role we choose to play, this place is still our home.
It’s okay for me to have bad days, to get angry and lose my cool for a while. It’s okay for me to take the bad with the good and learn from that. It’s okay for me to struggle and break and heal and grow. It’s okay for me to exist and dream of something more for myself and others.
Because even if I don’t accomplish those dreams, I dreamt them. Even if I don’t complete what I start building, I introduced it to the world. Even if I don’t convince everyone, I inspired someone who will inspire someone else.
And when I remember that, I don’t feel so tired anymore.
You know you want to be a good girl. You want to be brainless eyecandy, just a horny and needy fuck toy for men.
And the good news is, you can do it. You can become such a blank and happy doll. Just rub and edge every day, keep your holes wet and needy and strive to be completely cock dumb.
And once you are constantly horny and needy, become an even better girl by shoving plastic inside your body. Bimbofication is key.
Dumb down more and more and become a true fuck doll. Dress and act slutty, show of your enhancements every day.
Follow that path and become a blank and happy living fleshlight for mens pleasure. No worries or doubts, just bliss and pleasure.
You can do it! Be happy - become a bimbo fuck doll!
healing does not always look like the good days, or bright eyes and wide smiles and loud laughter with no weight on your chest, or no longer feeling the pain you have endured. healing does not always look like winning the war.
sometimes healing looks like the clean shine of your hair after showering for the first time in a week.
sometimes healing looks like the textbooks you abandoned on your desk in favor of the first good night’s sleep you’ve had in months.
sometimes healing looks like getting out of bed in the morning.
sometimes healing looks like the meals you force yourself to eat.
sometimes healing looks like the tears you let yourself cry.
finding healing is not a finish line. healing is every forward step you take, regardless of how many backward ones you’ve already taken. even if you’re not where you want to be in your road of recovery, you have still come so far, and the acknowledgement of that is healing it itself.
90% of writing advice can be thrown out the window for your first draft.
Show don’t tell? Ignore.
Basic grammar and punctuation? Unnecessary.
Physical descriptions of characters? Don’t need to bother.
Solid plot? That’s for later.
The words don’t come as fast when you’re thinking of the best way to put them together. It doesn’t have to be pretty, or much more than inconsistent nonsense. The point is to have it exist.
Effective storytelling is for subsequent drafts! Go write some nonsense!
As a hyper-perfectionist human, THIS is a piece of advice I wish I’d internalized a hell of a lot sooner. If I hadn’t overwhelmed myself by considering every little thing, starting over when it gets “too messy”… there’s no doubt in my mind I’d have a first draft by now.
Now, passion is the only thing I care about in my first draft.
when i’m writing fiction, the main rule i try to stick to is that: the first draft is where i write what’s important to me.
this usually means character arcs and deep ethical and political debates for me, but for some people it’s gonna be physical description or in-depth plotting or Whatever
your subsequent drafts are where you fill in the gaps and make things make sense, but that first draft should be everything you personally care about, and don’t worry much about the rest
something I think we all know about fanfic, but don’t talk about because it would hurt writers feelings is that some fics are like fast food. I mean this as a compliment. I don’t always want to sit down for a six course meal that will be a flavor experience. Sometimes I just wanna dip some fries in a frosty. Sometimes I want something homecooked and delicious and super niche, but super comforting. Sometimes I want to eat an entire dark chocolate cheesecake in one sitting even though I know Its gonna make me sick. Just. holy crap, y’all. Sometimes I don’t even want fast food, I just want to eat an entire bag of chips. and yeah, I’m ashamed of myself afterwards, but at the time it was exactlywhat I wanted. So, no, we’re never going to say to our fanfic writers that we consider their writing to be the equivalent of a midnight run to taco bell - and we shouldn’t, feelings would be hurt by that. But writers, please, please, please, remember this. You don’t need to create a six course meal if you don’t want to. You don’t have to make something complex and homemade if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to finish cooking it - because someone will be thrilled that you brought a bowl of cookie dough and a spoon, because they cannot even consider sitting down and having a proper meal right now. It’s okay writers, whatever you decided to make. Someone was happy to have it. You gave them what they needed. You made them happy. You did good.
there seems to come a point in every story i start writing, where i have to give up the idea of what i wanted the story to be in order to be able to write the story that is ready to be written. and every time giving up that idea of what i wanted to do is SO HARD. but whatever comes after that is always, weirdly, a dozen times better and more joyful and utterly more surprising than what i had intended to write. so it’s always worth doing- just because i want to be surprised into laughing about what i could have never imagined writing, if the writing of it had been left up to me.
We gotta stop trying to explain ourselves to people who do not care to listen. We gotta stop arguing with people who are bad conversationalists. As much as we talk to these people, as much as we try to get them to hear us, we have to accept people for who they are and their limits. You will over exhaust yourself trying to debate with them. And that’s not good for your mental health and over all well being. Accept people for where they’re at if they’re not good communicators, not good listeners, their opinions are the ultimatum. You have to control your emotions and take a step back. I know you want to go off on them, but hold your tongue. Save your energy. Resist debating with someone who will never hear or receive you.
