#map of the soul persona

BTS - Boy With Luv

Tae Twitter Icon + header pack

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stream boy with luv

Yoongi Twitter Icon + header(s) pack

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♡ stream boy with luv ♡

I wrote this earlier but couldn’t stop crying enough to post it and then I rewatched it and cried some more

I’m crying so much. I’m sitting here next to my new purple crutches that arrived about an hour ago. It took me about a year to get the courage to order them. I know they will enable me and I should forget the things I’ve been told, like what if I ‘look’ disabled or that I’m giving in, but it’s an ongoing journey to learn and accept that I can do things in my own way and not to let fear of getting it wrong or upsetting others hold me back. That I can be proud of who I am as a disabled person and still find it hard. Love myself despite- or even because- of everything no matter what I’m told. It’s a daily process and I couldn’t do it without them.

They say you find BTS when you need them the most. For me, I was at the start of a very long journey. A few years, 8 diagnoses, multiple hospital trips, doctors and countless tears later and I know I probably wouldn’t still be here without them. Every day they help me in so many ways. They make me laugh when the pain is unbearable, help me cry when I just need to let it out but let me know it’s ok, show me why I keep fighting but remind me it’s ok not to be positive all the time and I’m allowed to be angry sometimes. I will never be 'well’, whatever this is.

My life will never be how I thought it would be. Sometimes it breaks my heart- when you’re little you don’t think that one day you’ll wake up in pain and it will never go away- and the grief process is long and complicated. But someone once gave me an analogy that I think describes the meaning of this song for me so well. They said that when you’re grieving, something or someone is gone from your life and that part will never be filled. You can’t replace it, that part of your world will always be missed. But as time goes on your world expands and new space opens up for new things and new people and even though it still hurts, there’s a whole new part of your life and your own little mikrokosmos of people and memories and things that make you smile and for me, that is what BTS and ARMY are. I might be lonely sometimes and it might hurt, but I’m not alone because as an ARMY I have not only seven who mean so much to me and make my world so bright but a whole family of army who are so kind and encourage me every day. I hope I can be part of that for BTS and other ARMY who need it too

Also I’m too tired for another ramble that probably no one will read anyway but the Whalien reference gets me so much because as an autistic person I often feel so disconnected from everything and everyone else but BTS is the bridge that seems to help me cross that gap. They might speak another language but I’ve finally found a frequency that I can tune into and it’s a wonderful feeling. It feels like home.

Taehyung with purple hair please

He looks so intimidating o-o

Namjoon is my president <3

“I still wonder wonder beautiful story” ~ scenery

If I could get you the moon

he is so pretty

*♡∞:｡. Heartthrob ｡.｡:∞♡*