#message in a bottle
Hi.
Do you remember when, as we sat in the park eating our ice cream, some dancing personality approached us wanting to perform, and I said, no thank you & you were impressed that I offered such a kind dismissal? I scoffed then thinking you barely knew me. And do you remember that you told me you were *slightly* lactose intolerant when I asked why you got mint chip vegan? It seemed like such a personal detail to share to a stranger. What about when I started talking about how my father came the US and you gave me a look that said wait, mine too? And that story you told me about the last man on earth who received a knock on his door? Did you make that up on the spot? I was impressed and then quickly embarrassed because I couldn’t come up with a short story spontaneously even though I was supposed to be the aspiring writer.
I’m jogging my memory and these are the little details that fill in around the one single thing I remember best: when you spoke your native language. Ironically, I can’t quite remember what it was that you even said, but I do remember its effect on me. I still think about the lulling sound of it sometimes.
I’m jogging my memory because I’ve been hearing a lot about regret lately. Actually there’s this book I learned of called The Power of Regret, about how thinking about the past and what we fail to do can inform us about what we value in life and how we can do better in the future. That’s not to say I regretour serendipitous encounter, or even its finitude – the short-lived conversations, the dinner that we never had, etc. But it made me dwell a little longer on the moment. Sometimes I am grateful for strangership and sometimes I am curious and wish there was more to it.
I think about that evening like I’m watching a movie, except I know there was no script, it was all improvisation and some things played out well and some things less so. A lot of information was left out, both the kind you want to hear and the kind you don’t. And so without a script, it’s not fair to regret something you had little control over. But still, I wanted to create an opportunity to fill in some of those gaps, provide you with more information and also, selfishly and curiously, see what effect I had on you. And maybe that is the regret, not pushing further for an opportunity that would be more controlled, more scripted, so we could feel more satisfied about our performances and effects on other people.
I like closure, I like clarity, and I like to communicate clearly. Just– I don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to do so right now. In the past, it would seem I’ve always appeared uninvited, and I’d prefer to respect the space that you’ve created, if that was intentional.
Anyway, if you get this, I hope you call. But if you don’t, that’s okay too. Sometimes there’s beauty in something unfulfilled.
| NicholasSparks movies
(ps: I couldn’t add “Nights in rodanthe” ‘cause only let me add 10. Sorry. Too many movies).
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You could be the one that I keep, and I could be the reason you can’t sleep at night…
Message In A Bottle (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault): Promotion Poster Concept
Time moves faster, replaying your laughter, disaster…
Red (Taylor’s Version) Lyrics: vintage collection - Track 25/30
Tossed into the North Sea sometime between 1904 and 1906, the bottle washed up on the beach on the German island of Amrum, and was found by a couple in April. Inside they found a postcard asking that it be sent to the Marine Biological Association of the U.K. — which they did.
“We were very excited,” Guy Baker, a spokesman for the group, said Friday. “We certainly weren’t expecting to receive any more of the postcards.”
Baker said the bottle was one of some 1,000 released into the North Sea by researcher George Parker Bidder, who later became the association’s president. The bottles were weighed down to float just above the sea bed, and used as part of a study into the movement of sea currents.
Inside each bottle was a postcard promising a “one shilling reward” to anyone who returned it to the association, along with information about where and when they found the bottle. Most bottles were trawled up by fishermen and returned decades ago, Baker said.
An old shilling has been sent to the couple who found the bottle.
Photo: Marine Biological Association of the U.K. via AP
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I have been dealing with a lot of things lately. Painted this bottle series and ended it by writing individual notes to a lot of my friends on Twitter.
It helped me feel a little better.
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Runa…
I’ve decided to try something new. You read this every day, and I know it brings you joy. But it’s not enough. It’s not enough for me.
So starting now, from time to time, I will assign you tasks. Things you must accomplish within a given time period, or just as time allows. Some you will enjoy. Some you will not. But all of them will be for us. For your good and mine.
As this is your first, I will start off easy. You will kneel for me. Daily. For the next week.
I know you’re a busy girl, but I know you can find time. You will kneel for me, unclothed and unashamed. You will take the position I’ve showed you before. On your knees, hands behind your back, head bowed in respect. You will close your eyes and breath slowly. Let go. Let everything else leave your mind, and just listen to me. Listen to my voice in the back of your mind….
Runa…. You are mine. My good girl. My pet. My toy. My sweet little slut. I adore you. Even though I’m miles away, you are kneeling here for me. You are kneeling to me. Every time you do this I’m here with you. Now lift your head. Higher. Look out at the world. That world is ours. It’s sitting between the palms of our tightly clasped hands. There is nothing that can stop us, Runa. Nothing.
You will then rise to your feet, thank me, and go on about your day, knowing that you’ve made me proud.
It’s 5:30am and I’m wide awake. And as usual your face is the first thing on my mind.
You promised me last night you’d find time to talk more. I hope you can. But don’t push yourself; you have plenty to handle, and I’m not going anywhere. Well. Except closer to you.
If I can help it things will change soon. I’ll be there for you every moment, just as I am now, but physically. I’ll be ready to give you everything you need, no matter the cost. It’s all I want for you. It’s what I need to give you. Because I adore you.
I want you to know that I’m proud of you.
Things have been a mess down there, but you’re more than strong enough on your own to make it. You’re a good girl. I know you’ll do fine.
Why do I love you? There’s too many reasons to count.
You listen to me. No matter what I have to say, you listen. I can’t tell you how valuable that is to me. Even when you don’t understand, even when you’re not the least bit interested. You don’t just let me speak. You listen. And I love you for that.
You want the best for me. No matter what that is. You have shown me time and time again that you want me to succeed in life. And you’re willing to help make that happen. You’ve shown me you want me to be happy, and are ready to do anything to make it so. You encourage me to do the things you know I love, even when they sometimes take time away from us. And I love you for that.
You desire to serve me. You’ve said it so many times, but it’s still hard to believe. You do so many little things for me that no one would notice, but I do. Simple phrases like “I’ll get it,” or “Can I?” resonate in my mind days after you say them. I know for a fact that if we had more time together, you’d only do more. And I love you for that.
You show me affection. This is quite possibly the greatest gift you’ve ever given me. Never before have I felt so loved. Others have done things to show what they called love. But the one thing I always needed, the one thing that I craved more than anything, you give freely. So many nights I’ve spent wishing someone would come up behind me for a random hug, or running their fingers across my skin for no other reason but that they can. And you’ve done it all. By your own accord. And I love you for that.
You desire me. It sounds crude, but it’s true. Never before have I felt so desired. You not only say it, but you prove it daily. You crave my touch as I crave yours. You yearn for my hand in unseen places. You hunger for the kind of satisfaction only I can give you. And I love you for that.
There are so many things that make me fall for you daily. And I can only hope I do the same for you.
When I met you I felt a connection. Something mysterious yet familiar. Something scary yet inviting. Something I knew would change me.
On the drive away from you I though about you. I imagined so many things. You and I stretched out on a bed early in the morning, your hair in a mess from the night before, sunlight softly lighting your skin. The two of us sitting on a bench on a moonlit night, silently opening our hearts to each other. Our 50 year old selves looking back at the last 30 years and how much we’ve grown, while looking forward to the next 50.
As I sit on my porch now listening to the rain I still see those images. A long drive to nowhere, talking about nothing for hours on end. A lazy Sunday when both of us refuse to get out of bed. Long nights wrapped in each other’s arms, as close as we can possibly be.
I know that none of these will ever be reality. I know that there will never be just “us.” But I still hang on to what I wish to one day be memories. They keep me hopeful. They keep me looking forward to tomorrow. They keep you in my heart and mind Every minute of every day.
I know you love me beyond words. And you know I will love you until long after my days are over. Even if there comes a day when we never speak again, I will always hold on to those thoughts. Thoughts of you smiling at me at dawn as we wake in our bed. Thoughts of me smiling back as we relax on a secluded beach. No matter how unlikely, no matter how much I now they are pure fantasy, these are dreams I will never let go of. Because you will always be the one they were meant for.
As of tomorrow you will be done with your first task. Though you missed a couple days (for which you were forgiven and have more than made up for), I am proud of you for completing it every day.
Now for your second.
Every day, for the next week, you will post one good thing about yourself. You will tag them with #confidence and #tasks. In turn, I will reblog it and comment with something good about myself as well.
Start thinking. There’s plenty to list.
I love you, Runa.
We’ve had some trying times, my love. But I know we are strong enough to love on.
When I say “I love you endlessly,” it’s not just a figure of speech. It’s a promise. A promise to always have my arms to come to no matter what life throws our way. A promise to be there for you, if only in spirit, even after our days on this earth are over. A promise that you will be my priority, day in and day out, even when times are tough. A promise I will not break.
And in times when all you have is my words here, I know that they will bring you comfort. And I will be content just to know you are reading them every day.
You are mine. And I am yours.
Here’s to forever.
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It was a joy getting to talk to you today, as brief as it was.
I hope you know that a simple “I love you” is enough to make the worst of days into a joy to be alive. Today was tough, but knowing you were thinking of me helped me push through. I can only hope that my words to you will do the same.
When you read this tomorrow I know you will smile. And I hope you will close your eyes and see me smiling right back. I’m always there. Calling to you. When your days get rough, all you need to do is close your eyes and listen. You’ll hear me there, in the back of your mind, calling from miles away, reminding you every day…
“I’m proud of you. Good girl.”
I know you’re reading this. And I want you to know I love you. With every fiber of my being I love you.
You need to know that what we decided today does not hurt me. If anything it empowers me. To know that despite all the odds you will remain mine gives me a feeling I can’t describe. You will always be mine. And I yours.
If things work out with the job, I don’t expect to see you often. But I can promise to treasure every moment we have. When we are together the rest of the world vanishes. All I see is you. All that matters is you. We may never sleep in each other’s arms again, but just holding you in mine will be enough for me. Just a kiss will soothe me.
I know it will be a while before I hear from you again. But you know you can always come here to hear from me. I can’t guarantee I will always have something to say, but my words will be here forever. This blog is now my messages in a bottle to my love. Every word I write, even those to others, will be meant to show I love you. My words will honor you. They will also teach you. They will be my eyes looking into yours and whispering…
“I adore you.”
red palette of colors headers ❤️
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Day 4 of the 15 Day Evillious Challenge REDUX.
Today’s theme is: “Saddest moment”.
The moment in question is Riliane finally receiving “Allen’s” letter in “The Letter she Kept Waiting for” moments before passing away.
My previous Saddest moment from 6 years ago was the Balled version of “Regret Message”, and it still is don’t get me wrong, but now it’s this after the song became canon.
I know this feels more heartwarming than sad, but it still manages to make me cry because after all these years, Riliane finally got the closure she needed right before she died of old age moments later. Even if the letter isn’t from Allen himself, it’s still made with good intentions in mind by the children whom she cared for and it broke my heart :’-)
Don’t believe me? Look it up, and I dare you all not to cry.
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