#mia meme

Just came home from college. Walked into my room and the first thing I notice is the fact that my mom ‘cleaned’ it. My ashtray and empty bottles are on my windowsill, diet pills on my desk, hidden bag of puke is gone (disgusting I know) along with my razorblades and this little bag of saved up antidepressants and pain medication. Might just fuck off back to college cause I don’t see this confrontation ending well (please keep in mind that I’m 21 so I’m legally allowed to smoke and drink, my mom just sees me as a little 10 year old kid)

Me on my way to lie to my therapist so I don’t get put in grippy sock time out

Couple of months ago I thought I found the perfect best friend

Things she’s done that piss me off so far:

- She knows about my ed and whenever she sees me eat literally anything she has to be sarcastic about it, for example a while ago I hadn’t eaten in three days and was feeling really bad so I go to grab something only for her to say “oh with cheese? You know that’s extra calories right?” Did she say it as a joke? Yes. Was it funny? Absolutely not. She does this sort of shit with everything I eat in front of her.

- Gets mad at me when guys talk to me. She already completely ruined my chances with a guy she didn’t even find attractive, but yesterday evening a guy she did find attractive started talking to me (I didn’t even start the conversation) and she just started yelling at me that she’d already ‘claimed’ him. Yes we have a running joke in the friendgroup where we 'claim’ people but most of them are fictional characters and it doesn’t even mean anything. You can’t dictate who talks to who. Last couple of times I wrote it off on her being drunk but she was sober this time so guess she’s just constantly like this

- Ruin club nights completely. Look I don’t like going out but I’m trying to somewhat enjoy my student years. Everytime we go out she gets absolutely wasted and I have to spend the whole night taking care of her instead of having fun. This isn’t just the 'I’m going on an adventure’ drunk either, last time she started lashing out at a friend because she was talking to the guy my bsf rejected

- criticize literally everything. Don’t think this needs much explaining.

- Doesn’t give a shit about anything I say. If I try to talk to her about something that’s bothering me the only replies I get are 'oh’ and 'oops’ and then she just starts talking about herself. Keep in mind if she needs me I often stay up until 4 am talking to her and calming her down

- She constantly complains to me how no one listens to her, no one is there for her, she has no friends, and half the time she calls me to tell me she wants to talk to someone else but they didn’t pick up. As said before I stay up late trying to help her so constantly getting these speeches honestly feels so bad.

I absolutely hate talking about friends behind their backs but I really needed to get this of my chest so I figured this was the best place for it

I present to you: European breakfast, sad girl lunch, and peaky blinders dinner I should not be allowed to live alone

I don’t even like smoking tbh, just do it because it makes me nauseous

Me: you didn’t need to spy on me and follow me to the bathroom, if you were suspicious you could have just asked me if I have an ED, I promise I would have been honest!

Also me whenever someone asks if I have an ED:

Me walking back into the kitchen to boil an egg after purging for half an hour

Me pretending to actually enjoy drinking almond milk

The cashier watching me buy zero cal sweetener and unsweetened almond milk while simultaneously buying 3000 kcal worth of binge food

Low cal mushroom soup

Disclaimer: I’m not posting this to fuel anyone’s ED. I’m posting this so that people might feel comfortable enough to eat this and at least get some nutrients in their body, even if it’s just soup. Please please please stay safe and seek help from a professional, or at least someone to talk to.

With that out of the way, here’s the recipe (kcal may vary according to the brands you use):

- 500g of mushrooms (110kcal)

- 1 red onion (37kcal)

- 100g of potatoes (88kcal)

- 100ml of milk (48kcal)

- 2 bouillon cubes (around 14kcal)

- 125cl water

Method:

- wash your mushrooms and cut them into little pieces

- add your mushrooms to a hot pan and bake until they turn a dark brown

- while your mushrooms are on the stove, cut the onion and add into a large pot, lightly sauté until golden brown and then add your mushrooms

- add 125cl of water (or however much you prefer, I usually only use 1l but it’s up to you) and the bouillon cubes (1/500cl)

- peel your potatoes (optional) and cut them into little pieces. Add them to the broth and let boil until they’re soft

- if you want you can use a mixer, I’m not a fan of lumpy soup so I always mix but again, that’s just personal preference

- add 100ml of milk and your preferred spices

- enjoy!

1 portion (250ml) is around 60kcal

My dentist: Don’t eat until the anesthesia has worn off

Me:

Me: oh I’m so excited to go to the dentist, this way I can just tell my parents my teeth hurt and I can’t eat!

Also me when that insensitive bitch actually hurts me and now I really can’t eat:

Why yes, I am bringing back surprised pikachu eventhough it’s a dead meme by now

I just got confirmation that I got an internship at my dream place and at first I was over the moon but then they told me I needed to get a medical exam before I can actually start since it’s pretty intensive field work and like, there is absolutely no way I’m passing that. Even if I start trying to recover now there wouldn’t be enough time. Oh and you know what’s really fun as well? If I don’t do an internship somewhere this year I’ll also fail this course and basically not be able to graduate. God I hate ED’s so much

Ok so I have exams at the moment and since I couldn’t be in my dorm during summer (long story) I’m staying with some friends for a while. Problem is I’m having the worst relapse I’ve had in years and they keep commenting on the ‘meals’ I’m making. This whole week I’ve managed to avoided eating their meals but this evening they forced me to eat lasagna with them because it was too much and otherwise they’d have to throw it out. I connected with my inner raccoon and dug the package out of the trash so I do know it’s 141kcal for 100g but they don’t have a scale so I have no idea how much I had and it’s bothering me so much. I think it might have been around 200g but not knowing is giving me so much anxiety while I should be studying for my exam tomorrow. I fucked up my exams last semester because of my ED and I’m terrified it’s gonna happen again

Ok that’s the entire rant

Girls purging in movies: hair down, makeup perfect, not red at all, food comes out after one try

Me purging: hair tied back in an absolute mess, fingers coated in saliva and puke, snot dripping out of my nose, eyes bloodshot, face red and puffy, have to go elbow deep just to get most of it out

It ain’t a pretty thing, stop acting like it is @hollywood