I once had a guy tell me that no one would ever love me as much as he did, that I wasn’t allowed to get nipple piercings because he liked me better innocent, that he would fix me, and that when I lost my virginity, he needed it to be to him. He told me that if I loved him, I would run away with him, and that despite the fact that we were not dating, nor had we ever, I was not allowed to have a girlfriend- but he was. He was my best friend— the operative word being “was.”
I once had a guy who sexually harassed me in junior high tell me, at our twenty year high school reunion, that I was the one who sexually harassed him. Um, no. What he did left me physically ill for years.
I once had a guy tell me that he wasn’t really cheating on his girlfriend with me, I was just doing a favor for him because what he wanted me to do was something his girlfriend wasn’t willing to do. And because of the sexual abuse in my past, I did it.
I once had a guy tell me that I was beautiful and he wanted to taste me. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I found out before it was over. I was ten… and he did a lot more than taste me.
I once had a guy tell me, from the driver’s side of his truck, that gay marriage sucked, when he saw me and a younger woman walking down the street and holding hands. The younger woman was my oldest daughter, who’d just leaned over to give me a kiss on the cheek before his outburst.
I once had a guy tell me I was overreacting when I got pissed for him telling another girl to cover up because she was “asking for it” and that I should just suck it up when I am harassed in public because “that’s just how it is”
I once had a guy who I was sleeping with at the time tell me that I had a hot body apart from my self harm scars and that I should get tattoos over them so they wouldn’t make him uncomfortable.
I once had a guy tell me that I “looked like a girl who would be a total whore.” I was wearing baggy jeans, a Harry Potter hoodie, and converse sneakers at the time.I had never kissed anybody, or had any relationships. I was a sophomore in high school, 15, and he was a freshman.
I once had a guy tell me that in the short story we were reading in class, the 15 year old who was kidnapped and raped by 2 grown men was actually partially at fault because of the way she dressed. People keep telling me that we should date. I’m too afraid to tell them this story to show why I won’t, because they’ll know that I still sometimes talk to him and think I’m weak for forgiving him.
When I was in 9th grade, and an outspoken feminist, we were studying Hindu gods and goddesses. My male history teacher looked at me and said “the best thing about the goddess Lakshmi is that she was submissive.”
I once had a guy tell me, “you make this house feel like a whore house”. That was my stepfather when I was 17; he didn’t believe me that my boyfriend at the time had actually spent the night in the spare room (which he had).
I once had a guy tell me how to give a blowjob and then asked if I wanted to practice on him. I said ‘no’ and he proceeded to hit me, pin me down on his bed and feel me up as I cried. I was 9 and he was my 12 year old best friend. Our friendship ceased soon after.
I once had a bunch of guys tell me that they didn’t approve of my short skirts (that I had only put on because we were in Jamaica) because it made me look slutty, and then proceed to call me a slut because they found out I was bisexual and couldn’t make up my mind about whether I wanted c*** or p****. Joke’s on you, dearest male cousins, because I’m actually a decent person, which is why girls are happier to flirt with me than any of you.
we need to start actively shaming celebrities who exploit surrogates
they’re starting to feel no shame and are even trying to ~combat the stigma~ and ~normalize surrogacy~ and it’s really time we remind them they’re horrible human beings
This post made me curious so I did some googling and omg there are so manyyyy. To name a few:
Looking at all these names makes it abundantly clear what surrogacy really boils down to: wealthy people buying access to poor women’s uteruses.
I know everyone’s sad about lucy liu, but aside from proving celebrity culture is capitalist propaganda that feeds the myth of the american dream, celebrities ~opening up~ about their ~surrogacy journey~ is the beginning of a cultural shift to normalize reproductive exploitation as it becomes more accessible.
the newest technologies are only available to the uber rich, but as time passes, they generally become cheaper and cheaper. surrogacy will never be universally accessible, but I have no doubt in my mind that the people behind it want to make it cheap enough for the middle class in the global north to afford. soon enough, it won’t just be celebrities doing it but your boss or your distant relative or your dentist.
the time to make it clear surrogacy is unacceptable is now, before more people can attach a familiar, non-threatening face to it.
No. Female human beings are hated. Marilyn Manson used to walk around stage in a thong, garter and corset. Nails painted. Hair long. Attachable silicone chest. Make up on. He still abused, raped and beat the shit out of Evan Rachel Wood and all his other girlfriends. Never confuse a man playing w femininity for loving and respecting women. Gender bending is not equivalent to respect for women’s humanity.
“One study of high school students found very high rates of “rape supportive beliefs”, that is, acceptance of rape myths and violence against women. The boys who were the most frequent consumers of pornography and/or who reported learning a lot from it, were more accepting of rape supportive beliefs than their peers who were less frequent consumers and/or who said they had not learned as much from it. A full 25% of girls and 57% of boys indicated belief that in one or more situations, it was at least “maybe okay” for a boy to hold a girl down and force her to have intercourse. Further, only 21% of the boys and 57% of the girls believed that forced intercourse was “definitely not okay” in any of the situations. Forced intercourse was most accepted was that in which the girl had sexually excited her date. In this case 43% of the boys and 16% of the girls stated that if was at least “maybe okay” for the boy to force intercourse. - Kristin Maxwell and James Check, “Adolescents’ rape myth attitudes and acceptance of forced sexual intercourse.” Paper presented at the Canadian Psychological Association Meetings, Quebec, June 1992.”
“… Where I said “lesbian” the word lesbian was changed to “queer.” I was rebranded. I became the mythological “if the situation was right” lesbian. The appropriated slur “queer,” has become the popular descriptor of choice for a “yes” girl or a “maybe” girl— An “I’m not going to rule anything out because I’m open-minded” girl. It doesn’t carry the sting of lesbian. The stigma of lesbian. The boundaries of lesbian. Lesbian is a solid “No.” ”Not even if…” And that unwillingness to bend is the very reason lesbians are targeted with insidious psychological warfare.”
You’re born and it’s all “she’s such a beautiful baby just like her beautiful mum” you’re “blooming into such a beautiful girl” “don’t worry you’re still beautiful on the inside” you’re killed or die from illness “so tragic…she was so beautiful.” “She faded away but never lost her beautiful smile” you meet the person you will love and the first thing they say “you’re so beautiful”, become overworked for your entire life but “she always has time to take care of herself and stay beautiful” shakily apply more concealer and bronzer with your Parkinson’s-ridden elderly hands “she’s so beautiful at her age what’s her secret? She doesn’t look her age at all, ageing with beauty” on your deathbed “she was a beautiful woman inside and out”
there was a story in the news here recently about a young woman being thrown from a van by her ex boyfriend, she is in a coma and has been badly deformed. at my workplace everyone gathered round a computer to read about it and you know what every single one of them said? “oh it’s such a shame, she’s a such a beautiful girl” there was this implication in all of their comments that the worst part of that whole horrific ordeal is her losing her beauty. or at the very least they all seem to think it makes what happened worse, like if she wasn’t so pretty what happened to her wouldn’t have mattered as much. here we are discussing this horrendous hate crime against a young woman and i hear the words beautiful, pretty, natural beauty, etc in every. single. sentence.
