I once had a teacher ask me if I wanted to spit or swallow in front of the whole class, when he caught me with chewing gum. When I spat it out, he called me pathetic, while my mostly-male maths class laughed.
I once had a guy who sexually harassed me in junior high tell me, at our twenty year high school reunion, that I was the one who sexually harassed him. Um, no. What he did left me physically ill for years.
I once had a guy tell me I was overreacting when I got pissed for him telling another girl to cover up because she was “asking for it” and that I should just suck it up when I am harassed in public because “that’s just how it is”
I once had a guy tell me that I “looked like a girl who would be a total whore.” I was wearing baggy jeans, a Harry Potter hoodie, and converse sneakers at the time.I had never kissed anybody, or had any relationships. I was a sophomore in high school, 15, and he was a freshman.
I once had a guy tell me how to give a blowjob and then asked if I wanted to practice on him. I said ‘no’ and he proceeded to hit me, pin me down on his bed and feel me up as I cried. I was 9 and he was my 12 year old best friend. Our friendship ceased soon after.
One creepy f*cking IOF soldier keeps touching on this Palestinian girl with his body and she pushes him away and tells him to back up, so another one shoves her and then starts shoving and hitting other Palestinian women. F*cking disgusting really.
I hope no woman buys into the lie that they can contribute to something good by joining the fucking army. The institution empowers and rewards the most callous, sadistic men in any given society and it shows clear as day that whatever noble intentions of defense or protection originally espoused is greatly outweighed by how capable you are of destroying and terrorizing those at your mercy.
If they do this to women fighting on their side imagine what they do to civilians… Oh wait don’t need to its already documented how they hunted and raped kids in Afghanistan and the US government tried to cover it up.
My mother was in the Army. She’s got a shit ton of horror stories.
Last week, a NYTimes article by Kate Taylor entitled “Sex on Campus: She Can Play that Game Too” made its rounds throughout the Internet, and especially the University of Pennsylvania community, the backdrop setting for Taylor’s article.
I think both of these articles are necessary and important: necessary for dialogue, necessary for gaining perspective, and important in ushering change to create safer spaces for everyone both at Penn and nationwide.
Having read Jalabi’s piece, grateful for her publicly speaking up and out, I’ve decided to share a statement I wrote last week in response to Taylor’s initial article:
I found Kate Taylor’s article to be everything from triggering, disturbing, lacking sexual diversity, and deeply heterosexist, to necessary and important. I kept thinking about my own experience as an undergraduate at Penn, a four-year period I cherish, during which I built incredible and lasting friendships, learned from awe-inspiring mentors and educators, and solidified my personal and professional passions and dreams.
Yet, my time at Penn was also coated by both traumatizing and empowering sexual journeys. After my first month at Penn, I was date raped on my dorm room floor by a male stranger while I was drunk (a non-Penn student in town visiting a friend on campus); days before graduation, after a year and a half of chosen celibacy to heal from the aforementioned and other traumas, I had a positive and consensual one-night stand with a male Penn student, transitioning me into a sexual narrative that has since remained positive, consensual, and empowering.
Amongst the host of reasons I chose to attend Penn was their Classical Studies department and The Kelly Writer’s House. Others went for Wharton Business School, Penn’s Nursing School, to play basketball, to join an acclaimed performing arts group, or myriad other academic and extracurricular activities, taught and overseen by top notch educators offering world-renowned facilities.
Penn has spent billions of dollars on academic, research, financial aid, scholarship, scholarly, and creative endeavors. I hope that the Penn community - current students, faculty, staff, administrators, alumnae, and alumni - take this article as an opportunity to approach sexual experiences on campus, sexual identity on campus, sexual orientation on campus, heterosexism on campus, sexism on campus, sexual violence on campus, drinking on campus, drugs on campus, and student life on campus with the same care, funding, and seriousness that are given to matters of the mind.
Penn students, faculty, staff, alumnae, and alumni seek to be leaders in world thought, innovation, and change.
So let us.
Let this be an opportunity to embrace dialogue. To wear Kate Taylor’s article vulnerably on our sleeves. To pioneer a revolution awakening from the silence on these matters and the endless oppressions that jeopardize students’ safety and well-being. To ensure the next time someone writes a feature article in the New York Times about female student sexuality on Penn’s campus it lets go of anonymity and includes LGBTQ, male, and other gendered voices, and welcomes perspective from other campus spaces left entirely overlooked.
May we cease to shame others.
May we cease to harbor shame upon and within ourselves.
May we cease to feel threatened by sharing our stories.
May we ignite a dialogue through and with compassion and empathy.
May our bodies receive the same dignity we demand of and for our minds.
It was a normal day and I was bored. My back hurt, my feet hurt, basically every body part hurt but I couldn’t leave, obviously, I needed the money.
This relatively unassuming man comes in, in a suit, the kind I see every single day. He opened with “you’re gorgeous,” I smiled and asked what I could do for him. He ignored that and told me he’d always loved Black women and if I wanted to hang out off the clock. Again, I smiled and asked what I could do for him.
He leaned in, and put his hand on my arm. “Do you have a boyfriend?” I asked him why it mattered, he asked why I was being so mean. I told him “I’m just trying to work, dear, what can I do for you?” He said “you can go out with me.” I smiled and shook my head, wondering why he wouldn’t just tell me what he wanted and go. There was no one around and I knew if I said something to anyone, they wouldn’t do anything, anyway.
I finally got him what he wanted and he left, but not before letting me know he’d be back tomorrow. And he did come back. Every day for weeks. And every time, he made me feel uncomfortable, touching me when I said don’t, or otherwise looking at me in the most disgusting way. As I predicted, no one I told would do anything. No one cared. This guy was harassing me every single day and I had no recourse. In fact, some told me I should be grateful, since he was a good tipper.
Anyway, that’s why I quit working at Starbucks.
The point of this post is to illustrate that women get harassed in every industry, not just sex work, by baiting you with what you think is a story about a client mistreating me, when really it was a customer at a coffee shop. This is super good writing here, I’m just saying.
I love when white privileged men try to defend their gross racism and sexism by calling me racist and sexist against them for calling them out.
I’m a black lady. Obviously, I’m not in a position of power to oppress you, so why do you think that me hating you is equal to vice versa? And also, you have no reason to hate me except that you’re prejudiced arses. I have every reason to hate you white men. You creeps never talk to me except when you want to get in my pants, look at my boobs nonstop, and make KFC jokes at work because I’m the only black woman there.
Just last week a man followed me for a block or so begging me to go to his house and “make him cum”. When I told him to go away, he offered to pay me. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I’m a sex worker.
I feel the whole world is systematically against me because I’m a she/her femme POC. It isn’t fair, and white cis men scum don’t realize that. I have said it before, but I must say it again: the only way that reparations and true equality can happen is if they all die. They’re all prejudiced rapists, no matter how innocent they seem, and must be eradicated.
Sorry to be sudden but I just wanted to write down that I will never forget how Naughty Dog and SIE tried to shut down that sexual harassment allegation with some missing paperwork bullshit…
I hope they still have the decency to conduct a thorough investigation regarding the claim. Becuase if they actually cared for their employees and a healthy work environment, or the real world we live in which is also facing a humanity crisis, I feel it is only common sense to do so.
Every year, sexual assault in the workplace affects many female New York city employees. According to the National Center for biotechnology information, as many as 58% of female employees experience sexual harassment or sexual assault in the workplace. Sexual assault is a crime in New York City, and law enforcement are responsible for investigating sexual assault crimes.
Prosecutors can bring criminal charges against the assailant. Sadly, many victims never receive justice as their assailants are not charged, not convicted, or engage in a plea deal for a less severe sentence than they deserve. What should a victim do who has been assaulted in her place of employment? Victims of sexual assault in the workplace have several options for obtaining compensation for their injuries. If you or your loved one has experienced sexual assault in the workplace, there are legal steps you can take to seek justice and protect yourself.
Contact the Police
Discussing your sexual assault with law enforcement offers can be extremely difficult. Victims of sexual assault often feel isolated and embarrassed after the assault takes place. You may be understandably worried about your co-workers finding out about the sexual assault. Sexual assault is a crime in New York, no matter where the assault happens. Survivors of sexual assault in the workplace should report the incident to law enforcement as soon as possible. If your assailant is dangerous and your safety is in jeopardy, law enforcement will work with you to ensure that you are safe. They will begin an investigation that will hopefully lead to your assailant being convicted for the sexual assault.
Even if there is only one employee, one 1099 employee and that’s you, and you are being sexually harassed, you can fight back. Also under the same new revised law, effective July 2018, mandatory arbitration will no longer be mandatory for sexual harassment claims in New York.
I’m going to climb up on my soapbox so please be warned that there will be some foul language and a very strong opinion ahead.
I am tired of people being surprised of all these men who are being outed for their sexual misconduct. I am tired of pretending like this is something new, like women haven’t been treated like a consumable object for men for centuries. I am tired of men and women trying to pretend like the status quo is something to be protected, like these men are something to be protected, like it at all matters what we do with the art they made or the companies they created when no one gives a flying fuck about the women they treated like an object to satisfy their sexual desire.
I AM TIRED OF THE CONVERSATION BEING ABOUT THESE MEN!! I am tired of reading their apologies and I am tired of pretending like there aren’t countless men in lesser positions who aren’t putting women in the same position. I am tired of reading about how it isn’t “all men” when it damn well is “all women”.
All women are afraid. All women are being treated like we were put on this planet to satisfy a man’s sex drive and more and more it’s being made clear that they will use us to satisfy their lust whether we agree to it or not.
How many more stories must we hear of women being raped, being abused for saying no, or being killed for trying to exert their right to control their own body before society does something!?!?
And before another damn person tries to tell me that society is doing something, that these firings of ‘important’ men show progress, and that the media attention is helping, explain to me why this country elected a man that was recorded saying,
“I’m automatically attracted to beautiful [women]—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything … Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”
-President Donald Trump
The problem is bigger than “all men”, it’s so ingrained that it’s in women as well. I see it in myself and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being a part of a society that treats me like my tits and vagina are more important than my brain. I’m tired of having to uncondition myself to cater to men, because I’ve spent 26 years on this planet being conditioned to not try and outsmart men, to not show too much skin to tempt men if I want to be taken serious, to not get too drunk or to be out too late. I AM TIRED OF LIMITING MYSELF SO THAT MEN AREN’T TEMPTED TO TAKE WHAT IS NOT THERE’S WITHOUT MY CONSENT. I am tired of people pretending like women are “letting them” sexually assault them because women have been shown time and time again that if they reject men they will be put in 'their place’. Women fear being fired, being hit, being killed and because this fear is so conditioned into us we have become part of the problem, we have in fact let men 'grab us by the pussy’.
How? By perpetuating the belief that it’s a woman’s job to be assaulted. By teaching girls that men are threatened by their brains but not their tits. By telling girls that their bodies are something to be ashamed of because some man will take what he wants from her no matter what she says.
I was taught in nursing school how to approach doctors in a way that worded things like my recommendation was there suggestion. I’ve spent years being talked down to in my profession like I didn’t attend four years of college and have six years of experience. I’m tired of being told that I’m overreacting to legitimate professional concerns because I am a woman. I am tired of being groped by patients and being told that it’s part of my job. I am tired of comforting crying women because men aren’t capable of understanding that our bodies are not their’s for the taking.
And I’m tired of being a part of a society in which every person does not realize that this is such a wide spread and valid concern. So here is me adding to the conversation. Other people are not born to satisfy your sexual desire, they have the right to live their own life, free of any unwanted sexual attention. There is no questioning this fact and if for some reason you can’t understand that, you are the problem. Not a woman breastfeeding a child, or wearing a low cut top. Not a man who got drunk and was raped. Not the woman who became a nurse and has to lean close to you to do her job. If you cannot understand that someone else’s body is their own and you need their permission to touch it, you need to change!!!
And those of us who do understand need to speak louder, because the evidence is all around that the majority of society still believes that a woman is there to satisfy its sexual desire whether she consents to it or not.
A new report by the advocacy group Stop Street Harassment looks at how often women and GBT men are sexually harassed when they’re out and about, minding their own business. (Hint: a lot.)
Among women, street harassment most commonly took the form of sexualized commentary like whistles, “pssssst” sounds, animal noises, and statements like “mmm, sexy”—51 percent of women reported these incidents, compared to 6 percent of men. But harassment against men often took on a different sexual element. The most frequent type of harassment reported by men came in the form of homophobic or transphobic slurs (which had been experienced by 9 percent of men in the survey).
Gay, bisexual, and trans men were much more likely than straight men to report experiencing harassment, and to experience it frequently. (Meanwhile, heterosexual men were the most likely of any group to say they had been harassed just once in their lives.)
IWILLESV is looking for new blog contributors! We are looking for someone who is interested in creating posts (writings, pictures, etc.) for our blog who has a time commitment of about 1-2 hours a week, experience in the field, and a passion for spreading awareness for sexual assault! How? Simply send a resume to [email protected] about your experience and why YOU want to end sexual violence. For any comments, questions, or concerns, feel free to email [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you!
Earlier this month, I had an unfortunate conversation with a stranger discussing the idea that if a woman “dresses sexy,” she’s “asking for” street harassment. (The guy didn’t go the extra nine yards stating that women who dress “skimpy” are asking to be sexually assaulted, but the implication was there). I replied that this has never, to the best of my knowledge, been true. A woman never puts on a flattering dress or a low cut shirt and goes, “gee, I hope random men on the street make lewd comments about my body today” or “I’d really love to be sexually assaulted tonight.” He replied, “well, why you dress so sexy then?” This seems to come up a lot in my discussions with others about my work to end street harassment, and is something I’d like to work on developing a unified response to in my upcoming projects. I know what my reasons are, but would like to hear some responses from all of you. So, ladies and gents, why you dress so sexy then?
Lady GagadefendedKesha during a deposition with Dr. Luke’s lawyers, at one point telling one of the lawyers that she “should be ashamed” of herself.
According to The Blast, recently unsealed court documents from a September 2017 deposition between Gaga and Dr. Luke’s lawyers show a heated exchange in which Gaga defends Kesha. Reportedly, the deposition took place a few years after a text message exchange between Kesha and Gaga. Gaga testified that Kesha had confided in her about Dr. Luke’s alleged abuse, but the deposition became contentious when Dr. Luke’s lawyers said Gaga didn’t have any “personal knowledge” of any interactions between Dr. Luke and Kesha.
“With respect to Mr. Gottwald [Dr. Luke] himself, you have absolutely no personal knowledge or information as to any interaction between him and Ms. Sebert [Kesha], correct, physical or otherwise?” the lawyer asked Gaga, according to the documents.
So the tl;dr is that brandy brooks was running as a demsoc candidate for an at-large council seat in Montgomery county, appointed a longtime friend of hers as a staffer, sexually harassed them, went thru a “restorative justice” song-and-dance, had the harassee leak details against her to the wapo, and got her endorsement from the DSA withdrawn
Every time I hear about “restorative justice” in any detail it sounds like some unholy amalgam of arbitration, compulsory group therapy, and PR spin doctoring. The upshot in this case seems to be that she was peer pressured into a long sticky nonpology about how she regrets her actions but also accusing her of harassment is maybe racist. And clearly still left the other party unsatisfied, bc they went ahead and leaked the story to the press! The worlds sorriest excuse for a struggle session
This story has further cemented my intense suspicion of “scenes” as a model for pretty much any sort of employment. Telling your subordinates that you “have a ‘romantic and sexual attraction’ to them… adding at the time that [you] did not want them to respond because [you weren’t] ready to be rejected” and then framing them as the truly powerful party would be completely surreal in the context of most boss-worker relationships but when your colleagues are selected from s preexisting hookup pool friend circle this manages to pull heavy wool over ppls eyes about just how inappropriate it is. (I have witnessed this up close abd it is Bad.) I remember during the dreaded G*merg*TE reading takes about how you can’t judge professional standards wrt sex in a scene like indie game development like you would in normal professions bc it inherently rests on a substrate of informal social networking and thinking… well isn’t that maybe a problem? Theidea of that logic extending to professional politics is pretty bleak
Petty but every single source I have read on this story introduces the harassee as “Sam, who goes by they/them pronouns”. Why exactly is this necessary?? Do you go around reporting about “Joe Biden, who goes by he/him pronouns”? That’s the great thing about pronouns you can just use them
Well yes technically this was a “boss” hitting on her “employee” but like, isn’t the one with real power the one with more axes of privilege who was willing to go to the press about it? Uh, no
Astonishing to me that afaict the consensus seems to be that siding against brooks is the “woke” position when the case for her requires overlooking the perfectly straightforward labour relation between the two parties and involves a bunch of identitarian hemming and hawing
