It was 10 years ago today that I looked down at the pills laid out in front of me and made a life-altering decision. I had been trying for months to scale back, ween myself, anything I could to get off of the pills. I talked to someone in my family who had gone through something similar for advice. But no matter what I did, I just seemed to keep digging myself into a bigger hole. I couldn’t call my doctor out of fear of being blacklisted for any future medications that I might, and most definitely would, need as my degenerative disease got worse. But I needed to do something. I *had* to do something. I was staring down a very black hole.
On this day 10 years ago a little voice inside of me spoke up and told me that the next choice I made was going to be between my future and my end. My life and my death. And so I chose.
Welp, 24 years after they first replaced my right hip, it’s time to do it again. Saw the surgeon today & he said, “Looks like it’s time. I got an opening on Tuesday, you want it?” So I said Yes. It’s been popping & rolling worse as the summer has gone on. He said he thinks the joint is gonna fall right out once he opens me up, lol. But I’ll say, 24 years is nothing to scoff at! But, of course, no one likes having surgery. For me, the IV, the anesthesia, the glaring overhead lights in the operating room - that shits all traumatizing AF. TBH tho - as long as there’s no post-surgery nerve pain like with my left one a few years ago (please let’s not have that again) - the surgery day & the day-after will be the worst of it. After that it’ll just be rest, reruns of Bob’s Burgers, the Hogwarts Mystery video game my nephew turned me on to, and recovery exercises for a month or so. Sadly I’ll be missing my baby cousin’s wedding because of this, le sigh. Anyway, I’ll post on here when I feel up to it. With surgery on Tuesday, it may be Saturday before I remember to let you guys know how it went. I’m hoping I’ll be on the good drugs until then…though don’t get me started on how they told me to reduce my pain meds *now*, so I can raise them up again post-surgery. I was like, “But…I’m in pain *now*. That’s why I need the surgery.” Where’s the logic in this? I’m on 4 Norco a day currently. That’s the max and even that, my liver dr is not thrilled about because of the Tylenol in it. Idk what they’re plan is for pain control post-surgery, but I don’t wanna have to beg & plead for pain control that does the trick & doesn’t overload my liver. I do not want to be on Oxy a single day longer than I have to, but I also want proper pain control when I need it. Being in extreme pain is only going to hinder my recovery, after all. So cross your fingers the surgery goes well, there is no nerve damage, & they aren’t picky with my pain control. ✌
The first time I walked into the cafeteria of the inpatient treatment center where I was to spend the next month, a group of men in their 50s took one look at me, turned to each other, and said in unison, “Oxy.”
I was 23 at the time. It was a safe bet that anyone under the age of 40 in treatment was there, at least in part, for misusing OxyContin. While I was there for good…
Dr. David Kessler,the former FDA chief who first approved Oxycontin, but now rejects the FDA’s recent label change for approved continued use, for The New York Times
