#paranoia tw
friends :)
left or right?
[Text ID: a piece of prose entitled ‘Lifeline for Delusions,’ spread across three images, and which together reads as follows:
ID 1: where you see me again / ghosts of time lying side by side / new beds new houses old homes / the closest anyone has ever come / to touching heartbreak //
my heart is a ticking clock / beating in reverse to the rhythm / of prayer uttered in the dark / whispering please, inch / just a little closer
ID 2: erase the years the tears the fears / reincarnate first love with / your arm around my waist / bring back youth by lacing / your fingers through mine //
i close my eyes & it smells like late / spring, a memorial to a storybook / first kiss from long ago / the spaces between us reminiscing / over your mouth on my neck //
you shift closer & i wonder if it’s / on purpose, if our hands are wandering / to three years ago, if the silence is / grieving a younger set of eyes / meeting in the night, brimming with love
ID 3: morning comes with rude awakening / & parallel universes are dying stars / dissipating, but you smile at me / in the early sunlight / like a lifeline for delusions //
i tuck it away, a souvenir from history / think if you could just keep / looking at me like maybe / i’m still the sun, i’ll pretend / you’re thinking it too /End ID]
Post link
and now im worried about the possibility of someone creeping up beside the window or the window shattering or someone lurking in the corner or the cat grabbing my foot if i stand up or my father waking up or my dog’s maw widening to reveal a mouthful of glistening sharp teeth or my scalp falling off or my teeth falling out or someone with a knife hiding in the two inch space under the couch or never being able to sleep again
i am BEYOND perturbed right now because this is one of those recurring paranoias and i had only just barely started reassuring myself it’d never actually happen and yet here the motherfucker is sitting in the blind spot that would ensure id never see it until it was on my face, had i grabbed it from my bed like normal
and now not only have i had a traumatic almost experience but one of my paranoias actually happened so now my brain has the proof needed to tell me other paranoias, like the bloodthirsty people in the shadowed corners, might exist in reality
ugh i can’t even go to sleep now im too afraid of a legion of spiders crawling onto my bed and blanketing my face and suffocating me and not being able to get them off because what if i missed one
i cry
Post link
We got another one fellas. TW SCARY IMAGES AND MESSAGES UNDER THE CUT!! PARANOIA! DON’T OPEN IF YOURE SENSITIVE TO STUFF LIKE THAT.
little paranoid things: lowering the brightness of your phone to its darkest setting in public because people are always watching over your shoulder no Matter What
That schizotypal feel when you have a dream about running away, so Obviously It Is A Sign.
You’re in no danger, but you Must Prepare for the Event™ and Wait. Because it will happen. You Know. The dream was A Sign.
That autistic/schizotypal feel when you’re showering with the lights off because otherwise it’s Sensory Hell, but then you realize there is a Man there to Kill You, and He is hiding behind the shower curtain. And when you turn on the lights in a fit of panic, you find out to your horror that He is now inside your mirror. Always watching. Waiting.
That Paranoid Feel™ when your parents threaten to take your phone away and you Must Delete Everything because they will Go Through It All. So you delete all your phone’s data to Prepare, and three weeks later they still haven’t taken it. And you just Suffer. Because They Will Take It When You Least Expect and catch you doing It. You don’t know what “It” is, but they will catch you and you will be Punished.
