#percy ttp
Darling: Hah! 69! You know what that means?
Cecily: What?
Joan: That you’re a child.
Percy: HOW’D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?
*Darling is cooking*
Cecily: Any chance that’s for me?
Darling: It’s for Percy. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side.
Joan: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.
Joan: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Cecily: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Darling: I personally was created in a lab.
Percy: I just straight up spawned lol.
rupert: what does ‘take out’ mean?
joan: food.
cecily: dating.
percy: murder.
darling: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU’RE NOT A COWARD.
rupert: we need to distract these guys.
amir: leave it to me.
amir: centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. discuss.
cecily, darling, and percy: *Immediately begin arguing*
joan, watching in horror: oh this. i don’t like this. i don’t like this at all.
amir: imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you’ve lost throughout your life.
rupert: self-esteem, i haven’t seen you in years!
percy: oh wow, my childhood innocence! thank you for finding this!
cecily: i knew i lost that potential somewhere!
darling: my moral code, is that you?
amir:
amir: i was just gonna show you this cool suitcase my mother gave me but do you guys need a hug?
Amir: *tapping fingers on table*
Rupert: *tapping back*
Darling: stop that!
Rupert: stop what?
Darling: you’re talking about me in Morse code!
Amir: yes, that’s what we’re doing. In our very limited free time as kings of the heartland, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
[later]
Rupert to Percy: that’s exactly what we did.
Percy: my boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss on the lips. What should I do?
Cecily: punch him in the stomach. Then when he doubles over in pain, kiss him
Rupert: tackle him
Amir: dump him
Joan: kick him in the shin
Darling: no to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!
percy, as a drug dealer: *giggling* we don’t have coke, is pepsi okay?
joan: i just got a new notebook, what should i put in it?
percy: spaghetti
joan: i’m taking suggestions from everybody except you.
cecily: spaghetti
joan: i’m taking suggestions from everyone except you two.
amir: spaghetti
joan: i’m no longer taking suggestions.
Rupert: is 4 a lot?
Percy: depends on the context.
Percy: dollars? No.
Percy: murders? Yes.
Percy, angrily: ARE YOU-
Cecily: fucking.
Percy: -KIDDING ME?! YOU-
Cecily: fucking.
Percy: IDIOT-
Joan: … what was that?
Cecily: Rupert banned Percy from swearing, so I’ve been volunteering to help him out.
Cecily: I can’t believe you and Darling broke the bed last night.
Rupert: yeah, what were you two even doing?
Percy: umm…
[last night]
Darling: bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling.
Percy: try me.
percy: what if the person who named walkie talkies named everything?
rupert: socks are feetie heaties
darling: forks are stabby grabbies
amir: defibrillators are heartie starties
wenceslaus: nightmares are dreamy screamies
joan: you are disappointments
percy: i’ve noticed that we have slowly begun to phase the “b” out of our bromance.
darling, down on one knee, rings out: well, i mean, i guess so?
cecily: what if i press the brake and the gas pedal at the same time?
percy: the car takes a screenshot.
joan: get the fuck out
percy: i have never met a problem that can’t be solved with a spontaneous musical number.
percy: rupert, we’re hungry!
amir: rupert! What’s for dinner?
darling: we’re hungry, rupert!
rupert, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*
percy: i’ve learned some real lessons today!
joan: i’m guessing they’re all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should have taken away.
percy: death isn’t real and i’m basically god
percy, trying to comfort a crying baby: what is your fucking problem?
cecily: try singing to them.
percy: whaaaaat is your fuuuuucking proooooblem???
rupert: me and amir are having a baby.
percy: oh, that’s gre-
rupert, slamming adoption papers onto the table: it’s you, sign here
percy: good night. sleep tight. don’t let the bed bugs bite. tonight. i'mma fight. till we see the sunlight. tick tock on the clock, but the party don’t stop.
darling:
darling: please, shut up
Darling: I think we’re missing something.
Cecily: Teamwork?
Joan: Cohesion?
Percy: A general sense of what we’re doing?
Darling, banging on the door: Percy! Open up!
Percy: Well, it all started when I was a kid…
Joan: No, he meant-
Cecily: Let him finish.
