#amir ttp
rupert: we need to distract these guys.
amir: leave it to me.
amir: centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. discuss.
cecily, darling, and percy: *Immediately begin arguing*
joan, watching in horror: oh this. i don’t like this. i don’t like this at all.
amir: imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you’ve lost throughout your life.
rupert: self-esteem, i haven’t seen you in years!
percy: oh wow, my childhood innocence! thank you for finding this!
cecily: i knew i lost that potential somewhere!
darling: my moral code, is that you?
amir:
amir: i was just gonna show you this cool suitcase my mother gave me but do you guys need a hug?
Amir: *tapping fingers on table*
Rupert: *tapping back*
Darling: stop that!
Rupert: stop what?
Darling: you’re talking about me in Morse code!
Amir: yes, that’s what we’re doing. In our very limited free time as kings of the heartland, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
[later]
Rupert to Percy: that’s exactly what we did.
wenceslaus: you are in no way a valid authority to dictate bedtime
rupert: what if i taught you how to lucid dream?
wenceslaus: ?
rupert: when you learn how to control your dreams, you can do anythingthere.
rupert: just go to sleep; i’ll find you on the other side. i’ll teach you there.
wenceslaus, ten minutes later: *is asleep*
amir: i can’t believe that worked
rupert: me neither
Percy: my boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss on the lips. What should I do?
Cecily: punch him in the stomach. Then when he doubles over in pain, kiss him
Rupert: tackle him
Amir: dump him
Joan: kick him in the shin
Darling: no to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!
amir: adulthood is looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane
joan: i just got a new notebook, what should i put in it?
percy: spaghetti
joan: i’m taking suggestions from everybody except you.
cecily: spaghetti
joan: i’m taking suggestions from everyone except you two.
amir: spaghetti
joan: i’m no longer taking suggestions.
Amir: are you alright? You didn’t get any sleep last night.
Rupert: I got a solid eight minutes.
Rupert: not consecutively, but it’s fine. You’re not even that blurry.
Amir: the real treasure was the memories we made along the way.
Darling: I almost died.
Amir: that was the fondest memory
percy: what if the person who named walkie talkies named everything?
rupert: socks are feetie heaties
darling: forks are stabby grabbies
amir: defibrillators are heartie starties
wenceslaus: nightmares are dreamy screamies
joan: you are disappointments
wenceslaus, showing amir a stick: a stick
amir: i can see that
wenceslaus, to the stick: you are perfect
rupert: goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out amir’s birthday invitations.
barabbas: well, what are they supposed to say?
rupert: “amir’s birthday”.
barabbas: so, what do they say instead?
rupert: “amir’s bi”.
barabbas:
barabbas: works out either way.
amir: are you a masochist or a sadist?!!
darling: i’m a taurus.
percy: rupert, we’re hungry!
amir: rupert! What’s for dinner?
darling: we’re hungry, rupert!
rupert, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*
darling: why do you always have to attack me with words?
amir: you want me to use bricks?
rupert: me and amir are having a baby.
percy: oh, that’s gre-
rupert, slamming adoption papers onto the table: it’s you, sign here
lorelei: *counting on her fingers*
chad: ……i asked how old you were.
lorelei: can you just shut the fuck up for a sec???
amir: [picks up his phone] what, ru, i’m busy-
rupert: do you think drinking 36 cans of red bull consecutively would make my senses heightened or would i just die?
amir:
amir: i’m on my way
