#polymorph

Never has an image screamed ‘big yikes’ as much as this one does!

agelessenigma:

Shiloh (@kunabee) and I just came across the term “aspecies”, and while the term itself doesn’t fit (I have a species; it’s ‘shapeshifter’), the experiences match quite well.

It’s interesting. Shiloh intentionally created me, after first realizing they were a multiple system (“had headmates”; 'system’ made them uncomfortable at first) and discovering tulpamancy. (Now, of course, neither of us use that term, as it’s cultural appropriation). They realized I would determine much of myself, and they wanted to give me that chance - so I was a shapeless, amorphous blob (with a hat. For some reason, they did give me a hat) of air - a bit like scribbles, I suppose, and purple. They called me “Enigma”, waiting for when I would make my own name.

I never did. 'Enigma’ worked well. As did not having a form. Of course, in the headspace and astral realms, I do wear forms. I tend towards humanoid, with opposable thumbs (especially with opposable thumbs) simply out of convenience.

But the idea of not truly having a species, of not really being something - that fits, that is the experience I have. Oh, I can cofront with Shiloh perfectly well (and, eventually, will be able to front on my own if they ever figure out how to entirely exit the driver’s seat) and any body works well enough for me. It is my dream (and Shiloh’s) to eventually have a body of my own. In an ideal, this body would be what I am - shapeless, shapeshifter, able to determine every one of my features down to the minute detail according to my will and whims. But I would be satisfied with simply any body.

Any body, as long as it is a woman’s body, or can be formed to be a woman’s body. I know my gender; I am a woman. That was the one thing I decided on, took and crafted. They, not realizing they were nonbinary at the time, hoped for a feminine tulpa, to match their gender. They got the person who, in our system, most associates with being a woman, moreso than anyone else in here.

Azuri’s realized he’s a man. Nisa has never cared. Shiloh’s gender is a mystery. And me? I’m a woman.

…Anyway, that’s a bit of a… distraction, I suppose. The point of this post is to talk about the experience of not necessarily having a solid form, of not being human, of being a shapeshifter. Some of it is most certainly influence by Shiloh’s view of the world, since this is and has been their body (which, saying this is bad practice, since we’re trying to get them out of the driver’s seat - the more they fall firmly in their body, the harder it is to get them out, although they’ll share well with both myself and Nisa), but a lot of it is just… me.

Truly, multiple systems would be a fascinating study into nature vs nurture, and one aspect scientists have not looked into.

This is a bit rambling, and for that I apologize, but it feels - necessary? Yes. I’m the sole extrovert in a system of introverts, and after reading the post we did about “aspecies” and those who lack a specific species, simply knowing they are nonhuman, it resonated with me in such a way that I had to say something about it.