ctitan98:

Y/N convinces Alcina to sing a song at an open mic night

Alcina: *Sitting at a table while she waits for her time slot, annoyed that she let Y/N convince her to do this*

Y/N: *Playing pool and drinking beer, goofing off with Sal and Karl, steadily getting drunk*

10 minutes later

Some rando: *Finishes playing their song*

Mother Miranda: *Hosting, shoos them off the stage* Alright, well, that was truly awful, I’m not going to lie… personally, I like a little bit of Mozart or Bach. It stimulates the brain you know!

The audience: *Booing Miranda for being such a jerk*

Mother Miranda: *Rolls her eyes, looks at the lineup, sighs with relief* Finally! Someone with a little talent in this god-forsaken hellhole. Please welcome to the stage, the legendary, Miss D!

The audience: *Cheers and claps*

Mother Miranda: *Walks over to the bar* I need a drink. These people suck. Guess they’ll be the next batch of experiments. *Snags a bottle of tequila and drinks straight from it*

Bartender: *Horrified by what they just heard and saw*

Alcina: *Gets onstage*

Y/N: *Whistling and yelling loudly, really drunk at this point* Yeah! Thass mah wiFfeE! We have sEeXxx AllLlL the timeE! You’re all jeaLOus!

Alcina: *Growls and yells at Y/N* Stop it, Y/N! Our intimacy is not to be discussed here! *Gets ready to introduce the song*

Y/N: *Calls out from the audience* FreEe BiRd! Do Freee birrd!

Alcina: *Groans, yells at Karl* Keep Y/N quiet so I can sing this damn song and go home!

Karl: *Clamps a hand over Y/N’s mouth*

Alcina: *Clears her throat, composes herself* Now, this song is-

Y/N: *Bites Karl’s hand and he lets go*

Karl: Fuck! You stupid little dumbass! *Pulls his hand away from Y/N*

Y/N: *Stands on a bar stool, waving their arms so Alcina will notice them* Hey! HhHeEY! Show us your tits!

The audience: *Cheers and whistles*

Alcina: *Blushes hard, gasps* Y/N! You knock off this vulgar behavior this instant!

Y/N: I'mMM GonNaa LIvEE ForeVverr! *Trips and falls on top of Sal* Whoa! Thanks for breaking my fall!

Sal: *Face smushed into the floor, offers a muffled reply* Don’t mention it…

Y/N: *Thinks and calls out to Alcina* Can you do Sweet Caroline?! You know, the one that goes- *Sings horribly out of tune* SwEeT CaAArOLinne!

Y/N and the audience: BUM BUM BUMMM! *Everyone continues singing the song because they’re all drunk and rowdy*

Alcina: *Looks for Miranda* Mother Miranda, I must-

Mother Miranda: *Fucking crowd surfing while belting out the song as loud as she can with everybody else*

Alcina: *Stunned*

Mother Miranda: *Takes a couple more swigs of tequila, super drunk, winks and flashes a nipple at the crowd* If you want to see the rest, that’s gonna cost you!

The audience and Y/N: *Going fucking crazy and cheering*

Y/N: *Shoving a wad of cash at Miranda* Shut up and take my money!

The way she is going to regret

Mother Miranda adopts Y/N AU

Another stupid AU idea… Miranda adopts Y/N, a cute little kid who has been left in the village. Y/N is about 5 in this drabble. (Mother Miranda’s nice in this one, y'all)

Mother Miranda: *On a walk through the village, waving to people as she passes by, sees a tiny shivering blanket-wrapped bundle, slowly approaches it* Hello? Is somebody in there? *Gently pokes the bundle*

The bundle: *Growls*

Mother Miranda: ??? Um, hi there?

The bundle: *Huffs, Y/N unwraps themself* Keep it movin’, lady. *Y/N waves a hand dismissively at her*

Mother Miranda: *Surprised and confused* Oh! Hello. I’m Mother Miranda. What’s your name?

Y/N: *Grins* Can’t tell ya!

Mother Miranda: *Smirks, crosses her arms* And why is that?

Y/N: *A true hustler in the making* That information’s a bit pricey. The fee’s 5 bucks!

Mother Miranda: *Not that much of a dumbass, scoffs* Ha! I’m not giving you 5 dollars just so you’ll tell me your name!

Y/N: *Shrugs* Suit yourself! *Wraps up in the blanket again*

Mother Miranda: *Is not an asshole so isn’t going to leave a defenseless child all alone* Well… Is there something else you want? Why don’t you come with me and I’ll get you something to eat. I’m not going to leave you out here by yourself.

Y/N: *Holds up a hand and shakes their head* Actually, I just need to know one thing.

Mother Miranda: *Yet again confused* …Okay?

Y/N: *Suddenly has stars in their eyes* Do you know that tall cigarette lady with the big boobs and the hot daughters?! *Blushes* She’s like a Disney villain!

Mother Miranda: -_- *Groans* Unfortunately. Why-

Y/N: *Suddenly grabs Miranda’s hand* I’ll only go with you if you tell me more about her! Maybe you can even introduce me? *Gives her big puppy dog eyes*

A couple days later

Mother Miranda: Anyway, so this is Y/N. My new child! *Pats Y/N’s head* Everyone say hello.

Karl Donna and Sal: *Wave to Y/N and offer greetings*

Alcina: *Crossing her arms, looking at Miranda, pouting* Mother Miranda, this is going to sound bad, especially if taken out of context, but please tell me you didn’t pimp me out to a 5-year-old so that they would come home with you.

Mother Miranda: *Rolls her eyes* Yes! That’s exactly what happened! Weren’t you listening-

Y/N: *Interrupts Miranda, giggling like crazy* Wow! Beautiful and a genius! She’s the total package :3

Alcina: *Facepalms* Why is this how my life turned out?

Note: I definitely think Mother Miranda would keep Y/N on a kiddie leash XD

Y/N busts through the castle doors

Y/N: Hot damn, I sure could go for some PuSsSsYYYy! I’ve never met a vagina that I didn’t like! *Eyes widen when they see what’s going on*

The Lords and Mother Miranda: *Trying to have a nice dinner*

Karl and Sal: *Laughing their asses off*

Donna: *Disguises her chuckle as a cough* (The true brainiac of the family)

Mother Miranda: Y/N! You need to wash that filthy mouth out! *Looks over at Alcina* Honestly, what do you see in them? How could- Wait, what are you doing?!

Alcina: *Hiking her dress up* It’s dinnertime for Y/N too.

Everyone: *Screams and runs out*

Y/N: *Looks around to make sure they’re alone, holds up the text Alcina sent them, blushing* Seriously, Alci. I’m sure there are better ways of getting out of dinner with your family! Your text made it sound like you really wanted to have sex!

Alcina: *Smirks* I do. *Pulls her panties off and flops on the dining room table like a dead mackerel*

Y/N: *Crosses their arms, thinking* …Well, I guess I am pretty hungry! *Clambers on top of Alcina*