30 days clean from alcohol today and 6 months 10 days from drugs. Not easy, but finally clean and sober from both substances. Finally getting through my thick skull that alcohol is also a drug.
My ex has decited to break things off and start a relationship woth someone new. I feel like shit. All I want is to get fucked up and smoke a shit ton of meth. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but every guy i’ve ever dated leaves me. It’s fucked. Like there has to be something wrong with me. I’m never going to find someone. Oh it’s my 9 months clean but i dont feel like celebrating at all. I’ve just been crying all day
I want to use so bad, this fucking sucks. I miss the pipe. I miss the crack back. I miss the high. I miss my using friend. I actually miss sneaking around and using in the bathroom. I miss that tiny bag holding crystals. I miss picking up. I miss meth
Day 12 of my sober journey and apparently day 12 is when a person has a major emotional breakdown and craves alcohol. My brain won’t stop thinking about all the dumb shit I did while drinking and that made me sad and break down crying and then all I wanted to do was go get a bottle of tequila to feel “better”. Human bodies are amazing, but also make no fucking sense.
Don’t worry, I am not giving in, I just wanted to share this because I am trying to share my journey in hopes I can help anyone else who may be struggling. I know there are lots of us. It’s a fucking painful and ridiculously difficult thing to overcome. If you are struggling, I am praying for you! You got this!
I pressed the bottle to my lips, expecting swallows of poison, yet wishing for answers as if it would speak to me. But as I tasted the residue in my mouth, I put the bottle down. I knew I couldn’t do it. No matter how badly I wanted answers.
