Thanks for all the awesome feedback from last nights reading, slowly getting through your questions, thanks for being patient if you are still waiting for your reading.
Little tips on how to replace mental clutter with happiness!
I know these are easier said than done but remember to take baby steps every day!!! Just be a little bit better than the person you were yesteday ❤️
Source: saw this on Pinterest and www.jamesmccrae.com was written on the pic itself but the website had nothing similar to this but!!! the post itself was linked to finerminds.com so idk who to credit it to AAHH
Seriously if you need fanfiction to teach you what healthy and normal relationships are like, you don’t need fanfiction you need resources geared towards teaching you what healthy and non-abusive relationships are like.
Please go to scarleteen. Please watch MamaDoctorJones’ episode about consent. Please go to people who are actively, explicitly, and specifically trying to teach you about healthy relationships and consent, and crucially, people who have the qualifications to teach you these topics. A fanfic writer might be: secretly a thirteen year old, someone who’s just gotten out of or is still in an abusive relationship and has internalized hurtful messages about relationships because of their abuse, someone who’s bad at writing, someone from an abstinence-only sex education background, someone who has no relationship experience, someone who has different boundaries around sex than their reader, or someone who assumes their readers are all adults who understand what abuse is and the fact that it’s bad and you shouldn’t do it in real life. None of these hypothetical writers deserve to be banned from writing. None of these hypothetical writers deserve to receive abuse for what they’ve written. None of these hypothetical writers should be taken as educational resources about important topics like consent, sexuality, sexual health, or sex education.
There ARE resources out there that are created with the express aim of teaching people, especially young people, what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. For the most part, though, random fanfiction writers aren’t those people, and that’s okay! They shouldn’t have to be. Fanfiction is entertainment, and it doesn’t have to beat the reader over the head with a moralistic message. Fanfiction writers assume, and should be able to assume, that their readers understand the purpose of fiction and aren’t using fiction as a replacement for actual educational material about sexual health and domestic violence.
In fact, it’s actually fucked up and mega super dangerous to actual real people, particularly children, to act like fanfiction is a replacement for education about domestic violence and sexual abuse. Real sexual health and domestic violence support groups and organizations spend lots of time and money trying to get the public educated about consent and healthy relationships, and we should listen to those people instead of acting like consent is a topic that should or can be learned from osmosis through reading fanfiction or watching media.
Especially considering, you know, how much our culture plays fast and loose with the concept of consent, blames victims of abuse, and generally portrays myths around sex, abuse, and relationships.
Normalize regularly reading and rereading nonfiction guides to healthy relationships. Normalize regularly practicing nonsexual consent, checking in with people if they seem uncomfortable or before starting a conversation about heavy topics, taking “no” for an answer, respecting boundaries (yours and other peoples’) without demanding in-depth explanations of why they exist, making others feel safe setting boundaries around you, etc. Normalize reading multiple sources, examining sources, and asking yourself “Who wrote this? Why did they write it? What credibility do they have? Should I listen to them?” instead of just taking absolutely everything you read at face value.
Fanfiction can’t and shouldn’t be used as an exclusive resource to teach you the things the above sites can teach you.
It would be cool if people realized that and stopped expecting random fanfic writers to start every fictional work they write with the express purpose of teaching their audience how sex and relationships are supposed to work. Instead of abusing fanfic writers who explore taboo topics, read and share resources that can actually help people learn about consent and healthy relationships. Because as someone who used to exclusively read fluff, a lot of fluffy fic writers don’t know SHIT about consent and teaching kids and teens that they should look to random strangers as examples of healthy relationships is fucked up.
This goes for traditional fiction too.
This is true. Fic has no requirement to be accurate. The authour is allowed to be ignorant, biased, or even actively writing things they know are wrong in real life. I’ve learned a huge amount from fic, but that doesn’t mean that the people who wrote misinformation/errors into their fic were doing anything wrong.
There are some things that fanfic does BETTER than non-fiction resources. But no authour has a responsibility to do them. And anything important you learn from fic should be taken as a prompt to look deeper, with a more verified source.
-
But here are some things fanfic does well:
First exposure to ideas - A tag or note saying that the content does not depict a healthy relationship can open readers eyes. A character working through an issue might be the first time a reader has ever heard of that issue, or seen it depicted in a way that resonates with their own experience
Humanization of ideas - seeing something depicted in a fictional manner, and watching how characters respond, can make it a lot more relatable than reading facts about it. Suddenly, a reader might recognize their own experience, or understand those diagnostic criteria that didn’t make any sense before
Prompts to explore ideas - when a story uncomfortably reminds a reader of a childhood memory, or leaves them replaying certain events on repeat, it can be a sign to look deeper. Maybe explore that memory with an adult perspective. Or go do that research they told themself they didn’t need.
-
Authours don’t have a responsibility for their readers. Readers need to fact-check what they learn from fic. I know those are the main points of this post, and I strongly agree.
But the gifts that fanfic authours have provided me? The recognition that the bad game I ‘played’ with my foster sister was actually coerced sex? The stories about healing that I would reread when I was feeling too weak to make the right choices, because mimicking the characters was easier than acting on my own? The fic I spent 2 months searching for, because I remembered reading it 5 years ago and somehow knew it contained the thing I needed to resolve an issue with my husband?
I … kinda did need those. I couldn’t have got them from self-help guides and informative resources. I wouldn’t have known to LOOK for some of them. They provided insight that’s sped up my healing in counseling.
And that isn’t the point of this post! This post is starting with the assumption that there CAN be value in reading fic, but that can’t be people’s only source of information. But I come from a place where there being ANY value in fic is questioned. Where the idea of looking to fiction for support is seen as ridiculous.
Wrapping my head around that central thesis is difficult. Sorry, OP, I keep shaking my head to try and get things to slide into new locations. Things have CHANGED.
