#self healing
you’re doing fine. you’re doing just fine, even if you’re struggling. treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love. if you wouldn’t want your best friend to put up with something, don’t put it up with it yourself. if you wouldn’t blame your partner for messing something up, don’t blame yourself. love the way yourself the way you love others. i promise your heart has room for itself.
executive dysfunction often makes you feel totally disempowered and out of control in your own life. i promise, it’s okay. you don’t have to do everything today. you don’t have to write the whole essay, i know that’s overwhelming. just open up a new google docs. you don’t have to cook the whole meal right now, just slice the bread and set it aside. take it one step at a time. if you have the energy to write one more sentence, to prep one more ingredient, go ahead! even if not, you’ve set yourself up for better times, you’ve done something instead of nothing, and you’ve set yourself a goal that you accomplished. great job!
Tw // anorexia (pro recovery)
i know you’re lonely. i know it feels comforting to slip into the same old familiar loneliness. the same religiously good hurt of refusing yourself the things you need and the space to heal. i know it feels beautiful to have something to worship. i know in this cold, confusing world, having goodness be safely defined as thinness within a community with whom you can push for that ideal feels like a comfort. i know it feels safe and familiar. but if you think that this is something that you can compartmentalize and keep safe tucked in a corner of your life, you can’t; and if you think it ever ends, or that your ideal is something you will ever reach, you’re wrong. this disorder is a parasite, and it will take over every corner of your life and every minute of your time and in the end, you will not be rewarded for it. no one will like you any better, least of all yourself; no one will thank you for hurting yourself like this; the world will not turn rose-coloured, your head will not clear and your perfect life will not materialize. you will come out of the end of the tunnel and you will have lost years of your life that you can never get back, and you will realize you were worshipping a false god the whole time. you will realize you never needed to change to wake up with a smile on your lips and birds singing in the window, you never needed to change to dance in the kitchen with your significant other or feel the warmth of another’s presence and laughter. if this made you doubt yourself at all, come and take my hand. i know the grave is comfortable, but don’t let yourself sleep yet.
tw // eating disorder (anorexia recovery)
i know you’re lonely. i know it feels comforting to slip into the same old familiar loneliness. the same religiously good hurt of refusing yourself the things you need and the space to heal. i know it feels beautiful to have something to worship. i know in this cold, confusing world, having goodness be safely defined as thinness within a community with whom you can push for that ideal feels like a comfort. i know it feels safe and familiar. but if you think that this is something that you can compartmentalize and keep safe tucked in a corner of your life, you can’t; and if you think it ever ends, or that your ideal is something you will ever reach, you’re wrong. this disorder is a parasite, and it will take over every corner of your life and every minute of your time and in the end, you will not be rewarded for it. no one will like you any better, least of all yourself; no one will thank you for hurting yourself like this; the world will not turn rose-coloured, your head will not clear and your perfect life will not materialize. you will come out of the end of the tunnel and you will have lost years of your life that you can never get back, and you will realize you were worshipping a false god the whole time. you will realize you never needed to change to wake up with a smile on your lips and birds singing in the window, you never needed to change to dance in the kitchen with your significant other or feel the warmth of another’s presence and laughter. if this made you doubt yourself at all, come and take my hand. i know the grave is comfortable, but don’t let yourself sleep yet.
Today I’ve realized that I have to choose between to be stuck forever or being in pain for a while and finally heal.
My fault? When I tripped over because I didn’t tie up my shoelaces, that was my fault. When my favourite plant died because I forgot to water him, that was my fault. When I lost a friend because I kept putting off contacting them, that was my fault.
When you locked me in your room, when you tried to finger me under the tables in our science class, when you told everyone we had sex, when you made fun of my body and called me a whore, when you tricked me, when you groomed me, when you made fun of me for going to the police, was that my fault? You say yes, I say fuck you.
Those parts of me I’ll never have back, you stole that. There was no us, and there certainly was no me. You haunt me, when I see you my legs don’t work, and I want to run towards you, to embrace you, then thrust my knife into your back. Because that is what you did to me.
I see you laugh at me; I see you jeer. Whore, slut, skank, did you ever really know my name? Did you know what my favourite colour was? Did you know what show I loved the most? Did you even want me? Or did you want my body? You salivate, dripping drool like a dog with a gaping maw, you ate me, then spat me out when I resisted. You didn’t want me when I fought back.
You’re a monster, a lying cheating beast who prays on those who are smaller. You saw a rabbit, ripe, fresh and full of hopes, and you snapped its neck. For so long that rabbit lay there dormant, its neck hanging like a loose rope. I loved you once, at least I thought I did, I was 12 when you started attacking me. You said you love me, then proceeded to treat me like a toy.
You won, you won finally, I broke. 2 times I stood on a ledge, 2 times I choked myself with a rope. I turned, naïve, thinking maybe you’d see what you did. You were laughing. Mouthing “jump”. So, I tried, and 3 angels held me down, took me to the hospital and tried to fix what they could. They mended my physical wounds and tried to fix my brain. They had to remove the TV remote chord, I tried to die again.
I haven’t seen you since, and that brings me great joy. Every time I hear your name, see you active online, I laugh. I’m not fixed, not yet. I don’t think I ever will be. There’s no way to fix what you’ve broken, but that doesn’t mean that it will always bring me down. One day I know I’ll be able to stop the flashbacks, look past the trauma and know it wasn’t my fault. Until then I just must play it day by day. One day you’ll be scared of me, like how I am with you. And on that day, I will have won.
“You’re always allowed to heal, always.”
- g.d.
Wanna know something I always find stupidly ironic?
Every day, no matter what, I always ask my friends and family members if they had eaten.
“Hey hun, did you eat lunch yet?”
“Make sure you get somthing in you”
“Drink some water!”
“Oh honey you gotta have somthing, you’ve been working all day!”
“What’d you have? Oooo that sounds good!”
Yet not a single person. Not a single time. Did anyone ask me that in return. I know it’s stupid and self pitying as hell, but damn. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone asked.
If there’s one sure fire way I know I’m fat, it’s that no one ever has to make sure that I eat.
This won’t be funny, this won’t be related to anything you’re looking for on this page, but I would like to share with you all
Today is a very important day for me. Today is the day I flushed a piece of glass down the toilet. I had used that glass to harm myself. I brought my mom into the bathroom and told her “mom, we’re in this together and have been since the start. I wanted you to come with me because you never left my side before and I knew you wouldn’t now.” And I flushed it. She looked at me and told me how proud she was and gave me a hug and asked “Never again?” And I said never again.
With all that said, today marks day one of a clean break. Today marks the day I start focusing on me and my mental state. Today is the day I start getting better mentally.
So I encourage you all to do the same. Whether you are anxious, depressed, self harmed, or DO self harm, or just simply don’t focus on yourself enough, I encourage you to do so. Let’s make today the day we focus on us. Today is your day. Today is my day. Make today the start of self love and care. I needed to be pushed very far to this point. I needed help to cross into the self care state of mind. So reach out for help. Ask your mom, your dad, your brother, your sister, your aunt, your best friend, anyone. I will be here too. I will walk with you through this if you ask. I am here for you all.
Its my time to heal. It can be yours too.
Stay strong my lovelies
So proud of you! We’re sticking by your side and we’ll work through this together! This is a powerful message and what you’ve done is a great step to heal yourself and encourage others as well!
One day someone asked me:
“Hey why are you always smiling and laughing?”
And I said:
“Life’s too short to frown. Whatever happened is already in the past so just move on and make the best of everything life has to offer. ”
Music is powerful. Research shows that music can alter a person’s mood and behaviour, as well as their physical body.
The Benefits Of Meditation Music
Physical health benefits of meditation
- Meditation literally grows your brain
- Meditation increases blood flow to your brain
- Meditation reduces cortisol production,
- Meditation reduces blood pressure and heart rate
- Meditation increases neuroplasticity.
- Meditation increases the production of good neurotransmitters including serotonin and dopamine.
- Meditation triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which enables us to rest and recover from stress.
- Meditation causes muscle relaxation.
- Meditation slows the ageing process.
Physical health benefits of meditation
- Meditation reduces stress related conditions such as anxiety and depression.
- Meditation increases stress resilience.
- Meditation increases positive emotions
- Meditation increases focus and present moment awareness. When we meditate, we stimulate the pre-frontal cortex.
- Meditation increases emotional stability and intelligence.
- Meditation increases your capacity to learn.
- Meditation increases empathy and compassion.
- Meditation increases a sense of connection to your self and others.
- Meditation increases your sense of purpose and meaning.
- Meditation improves sociability.
My suggestions for Morning meditation
Relaxing Music, calm piano music
Morning Meditation and Relaxation classical music
Music is powerful. Research shows that music can alter a person’s mood and behaviour, as well as their physical body.
The Benefits Of Meditation Music
Physical health benefits of meditation
- Meditation literally grows your brain
- Meditation increases blood flow to your brain
- Meditation reduces cortisol production,
- Meditation reduces blood pressure and heart rate
- Meditation increases neuroplasticity.
- Meditation increases the production of good neurotransmitters including serotonin and dopamine.
- Meditation triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which enables us to rest and recover from stress.
- Meditation causes muscle relaxation.
- Meditation slows the ageing process.
Physical health benefits of meditation
- Meditation reduces stress related conditions such as anxiety and depression.
- Meditation increases stress resilience.
- Meditation increases positive emotions
- Meditation increases focus and present moment awareness. When we meditate, we stimulate the pre-frontal cortex.
- Meditation increases emotional stability and intelligence.
- Meditation increases your capacity to learn.
- Meditation increases empathy and compassion.
- Meditation increases a sense of connection to your self and others.
- Meditation increases your sense of purpose and meaning.
- Meditation improves sociability.
My suggestions for Morning meditation
Relaxing Music, calm piano music
Morning Meditation and Relaxation classical music
Always ✨❤️
Yes!
Oh don’t mind me, just passing through ✨✨
Message
I am screaming/ crying in intrigued
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Heart chakra reflections… ✨
Being in your goddess element is so powerful ✨
