#singlemom

To that lady who refused to accept any money and gave me this christmas tree for free several months ago, thank you so much.

Who would have known several months after that I would be blessed with a new job, but had to go a full month without a paycheck because of it. As a single mom living paycheck to paycheck, this took a huge toll on my finances right before the holidays.

Then someone said to me, “For being a single mom, you have a lot of materialistic things.” That really got me thinking.. When times get rough it is so easy to forget to be grateful for what you do have. You see everything I own was from when I previously living alone, hand me downs, and second had stores bought for stupid cheap.

Whenever I have a hard day, i pick up my baby after work and head home. When I get home I plug in the christmas tree and seeing my babys little face light up makes all my problems go away. It’s something as little as other people’s kindness that can really brighten up someones bad day. Remember that life throws at what you only what you can handle.

Random acts of kindness keep passing it on. You never know who’s life you helped make better.

I originally made this a fitness blog, but I decided to change it because I am honestly struggling with this whole dating thing.  Those of you who are single will understand.  In the dating world all I wanted was a companion.  Simple right? I’m not talking about marriage.  I’m just talking about someone to share things with; my best friend.  This has been the hardest most difficult thing I have ever dealt with in my life, and I am a single mom with a Master’s Degree!  So along this journey I want to share the experiences and offer dating tips and advice I have been through and hopefully get some feedback to know that I am not alone when it comes to this madness called dating.

Pink Stardust in Grey Skies

How do you make life sparkly and beautiful amidst absolute desolation and keep a sense of magic in the world even when it’s so clear theres very little to be had this is galus and it’s so scary that grown mamas are curling up with their babies for warmth and security not visa versa. And so how do you make the world seem more joyful when you really are so scared for the world that you dont even know what will be the next day or the day after that? You turn on your music you put yourself in the crafting zone and yes it’s a thing for sure and you just think about your little girl and everything she loves and you create something for her from things found on your shelves and in your draws and you make something beautiful from broken things because that is a symbol of that something beautiful can come from a broken world if we want to see it we can. I am amazed at how women are helping other women with their babies at home how women are giving helpful advice, swapping ideas sharing resources helping other women through. Women are amazing we go through childbirth and we go through personal struggles and we go through pain and they kill it at their jobs and they do a million things and yet they are always there for our sisters when we need eachother there is this sense of community and care amongst women that never ceases to amaze me. I am lucky enough to know some of the most beautiful amazing and successful women who inspire me daily and I dont tell them enough but they really do they inspire me endlessly. I used to work in fashion and on a [freelance fashion writer level] its all about lifting other women up it’s actually quite #girlpower in fashion which I enjoyed alot. Women bond over pain and help eachother cope and its beautiful. And I personally love when women share birth stories to me it is so incredible how women can bond so quickly over a shared experience even if they happened years apart and at different times and different parts of the globe whenever I would see a mother in the park or at the library or at the coffee shop and our kids started playing alot of times the story where wed be like uh huh yeah that’s the thing though once you get through the birth it’s all bearable, it’s something that automatically bonds two women it’s a universal connection.

So I couldnt stop thinking last night while collaginng a painted pink sparkly thing for Lil what it was like finally being a mother and holding her in my arms and feeling at peace and it made me stronger for the minute because theres a strength in knowing that things are full circle. I remember in the summer Lil wanted to dress me for a party and I said Lil I want to wear a dress it’s a party but she insisted on a sweater she loved it’s her favorite thing I own[she reminds me every day she will own the sweater one day and I tell her she could have it now if it fit her] and sandals because she told me merida wears sandals [now as I later found out in Disneys Brave merida doesnt wear sandals only in the book Lil has she wears something similar to sandals but it was adorable that Layla made that association and I felt very proud she thought of me that way and today I showed Layla her collage and her face lit up and in that moment her eyes all big she reminded me of the little bundle I held in my arms in the hospital and I felt pretty brave like merida and it’s better than any other feeling there is #singlemama

Baby Layla and a Bag Of Chips

Single mama’s guide to laughing amidst madness and chaos from a woman who has a personal apocalypse before the actual apocalypse [and there should be refuos and yeshuos for k'lal yisroel]

#1 SISTERS unite

Hey bizchus nashim so many miracles happened and I mean all of the nashim every single one of klal yisroel even the odd redhead so ladies let’s stick togetha because were actually sisters [single mamas especially these are difficult times for us and there are amazing threads on facebook groups and amazing motivational pages and forums for sharing insights on insta]

#2 Laugh it all off baby

This may be why I’m still single but I actually find myself laughing at the concept of ever finding “the one” unless its actually a pint of that so delicious oatmilk ice cream in hazelnut brownie flavor [pareve and relatively healthy by the way] that somehow came to life which in midst of the apocalypse does seem plausible

Like if someone ever tells me I’ll find my bashert [ie my mother] my now immediate reaction is “hahahahahahah yup! do we still have that ice cream left ma I feel like getting zaftig today because I can the world is ending and baruch Hashem I dont have anywhere to wear dresses anymore because who the heck wants to suck in the tummy and zip it up it’s a whole hassle so not worth it and I’d much rather eat ice cream that tastes like a Torino chocolate bar frozen and made into a custard while I watch bridget jones try to zip up a dress because she actually dates” And then you know I end up with my said bashert which is not a euphemism no it is an actual honest to goodness pint of ice cream with like no cholesterol no coronavirus and complete consistency.

#3 Its all about our babies My babies are my basherts. Layla and Tuli I know are my basherts they just are I mean of course my sisterhood are my basherts too yes But Layla and Tuli are truly my basherts and they are incredible in every single way and I love them so much they make me laugh like nobodys business and they are just the cutest funniest lil cabbage patch babies and I Love em and I’m very proud of myself that I raised them and they drive me crazy yes but when they make me laugh and when they give me nachas it’s just so much more fulfilling than anything else in the world.

#4 Let it all go bubbeleh: Okay life makes literally no sense dont even try it just wont. If you’re me yeah forget it you may as well just like watch my little pony all day because yeah something’s are better left unknown and my little pony is so pretty and I really am getting into the unicorn palette. Talk it out with a therapist with a friend and then let all that emotional baggage go. Let it all go because this life is too difficult to have stuff weighing us down as well. That being said yeah just let go of all the stuff weighing you down all of your past and um herb infused gummies have an o-u pareve and they are shaped like little bears and come in fruity flavors I wouldnt know of such things however I am just saying #singlemamas sometimes we need something to fall asleep. Also essential oils are amazing I love peppermint oil and lavender oil and they also help calm you down and it’s a very hippie earth mama thing to embrace and in fact very healthy and very necessary I love essential oils now otherwise I cant fall asleep. And laugh, laugh laugh Even if it seems it’s not a good time to laugh you need to just to make it through to the next day and eventually all that laughter and all those endorphins help you thrive laugh with your babies laugh with your sisters laugh at a funny movie or a funny book whatever you can do to laugh do it laughing is probably one of the healthiest forms of self care that a single mama can do and that extends to a state of crisis because panicking doesnt help it only makes us worried and upset and nervous and full of anxiety and chas vshalom we end up with high blood pressure and heart palpitations.

Men tracht and gat Lacht- even Hashem loves laughing and you know it’s all in Hashems hands. It’s all min shamayim it’s all Gam zu litova because it’s all from God it’s all from Avinu shebashamayim and it’s all part of a divine plan and if we have bitachon and we have a freezer stocked with pareve ice cream and a big heart that wants to make others laugh and feel better well be okay, and were all in this together so really single mamas I’m here for anyone who ever needs to talk and I can definitely make you laugh

Raising My Bestie, my Teacher

Early this morning Lily woke me up with her big brown eyes and curly hair all in a mess on top of her head and she said modeh ani with me “mama could we play the Demi Lovato song I like” she loves her new song which actually has a really positive girlpower message. And then we made breakfast and took care of Tuli together and got ready to drop her and her brother off by their dad.

Being a single mom is like this constant mix of emotions like how do I know if I’m doing this right? Is it okay that I keep buying her sparkly socks and headbands because I love that stuff too Is it okay that we have dance parties when she probably should be asleep and every night we cuddle up and watch nerdy nommies which is like not even remotely educational unless she wants to become a pastry chef which she might do because she loves baking with me and shes better at it than I am

I remember when I was expecting with Lil I was carrying like I was having twins cause it was my first baby and I didnt realize like hey girl stop eating all that nutella it’s not gonna make the baby smarter Although Lil is brilliant though I’m biased but maybe its cause of all that nutella I had in my lattes☕ And one of my best friends she was so cute she would walk with me to get tea and fruits and vegetables and coconut oil and all these like holistic remedies for nausea from whole foods and wed go for coffee and she used to literally like hold my arm up like to balance me because unlike my second pregnancy my first one was very calm and there was like alot of time for me to nosh and my tummy needed it’s own metrocard essentially

She was amazing and she actually helped me so much with every aspect of that time she was like an angel and we bonded over our shared love of coconut oil on a sukkot and after Lil was born we would still go for our coffee and guess who loves putting coconut oil in her hair now my Lily because it makes her curls shinier and she knows it’s the healthy way to style it

And that was an incredible time for me but I remember always thinking am I ready will I be a good mommy? Am I going to do this thing right? How am I gonna raise a little chicka of my own I felt like a kid myself and I was still figuring so much out and little did I know what life would soon be like but even at that point i was so nervous I wouldnt be able to get the mommy thing down.

Lily was named after her paternal great grandmother an amazing woman with a really difficult life she came to America and she flourished and was this elegant beautiful woman who was also a force of nature and that’s why I wanted to name Lil after her I feel really lucky to have gotten close to her and I see alot of her in my Lily. Like today when I was walking with her and all this craziness is going on around us and heres my baby girl singing her Demi lovato song mixed with parts of Lecha and wearing a sparkly coat and sparkly shoes and smiling and telling me quietly mom why did you wear that hat you should be in a headband so of course I change into a headband asap because shes my style guru and shes taking care of Tuli and making silly faces and I’m just like here I am with this little beacon of light and hope who can make me smile no matter what insanity is happening around me, shes my teacher this little girl is teaching me how to live with joy and bismimcha and that’s when it hit me… yeah, yeah I’m doing this mommy thing right.

Hippie Single Mama Life: How I learned to love being an empowered single mama finding my chill and how for the low price of $9.99 you could too

[humor in like a very unhumorous time because it’s a mitzvah to laugh and it was either blog or eat chocolate and the building gym has been closed indefinitely]

So theres this book that a very awesome mama friend of mine once read with me called “watermelon” it’s by this Irish author who’s amazing named Marian Keyes [I plan on rereading this book and like yeah just reading alot in the coming days unless a very chic hazmat suit becomes available] and the book is written so well and with so much humor and it’s legit the story of my life just well shes Irish [but hey with my hair maybe I am slightly Irish I dont know] and it’s about this girl who’s left alone and expecting a baby and shes so frightened by life and she just like embraces the unknown through learning about herself and her best friends and I really felt that. Sure her journey is different and my journey took some weird turns because well I made some bad choices but everyone is human and like we can’t live in rewind only forward.

And so single mamas I highly recommend getting a copy of “Watermelon” especially if you’re looking for books to read which have nothing even remotely close to do with the apocalypse and or anything sad [because theres enough of that to go around as it is]

And on the cover of the book is this totally relaxed chica hands on her tummy looking up at the sky in a flowy dress and sandals and she just has that look of inner peace. And I realized that Baruch Hashem us single mamas we can reach that chill, that inner peace all on our own of course when we have amazing beautiful awesome friends helping us giving us moral support but like also just when we change our perspective and our goals in life- we dont need anyone to complete us and we dont have to be more scared because we are ‘alone’ in fact kal v'chomer we can use our kochot our experiences and turn them into tools to be able to reach out to other single mamas and share our experiences learn about their experiences and grow and build a sisterhood and it’s a community in of itself.

And so in the midst of the chaos and the “where has all the purell gone and why am I now looking at those flat pretzels with the everything bagel spice on it as health food to stock up on?” I find myself also randomly dreaming of the summer and the country and Lil and I wearing flowers on our hair and just like eating those flat pretzels with the everything spice because I bought so many I’ll still have like a ton left by the summer and like I think it’s just my way of like finding my chill having a dream to look forward to and this book is amazing I highly recommend it, it’s a beautiful story of a woman finding herself and her wings and not needing anyone to complete her

But all joking aside we all gotta daven because it really is scary times and I for one have done a total 180 with my mindset on life I dont want to care anymore about any of the bad stuff that happened in my history it’s all exactly that it’s history and it’s in the past and I’m a new person now with a new outlook and new priorities and I just want to help other single mamas and give positivity out and daven and just make people laugh because we need the laughs and we need eachother and iy"H this should be the year by pesach mashiach comes and well all be in Eretz Yisroel and maybe well be wearing flowers in our hair

Mother & Son Dance

Mood On Mommiana

Instagram: ayoquishhh