i have a deep attachment to angry, guilty women embodying angry, impulsive men, expressing awful repressed emotions that they don’t feel like they have the right to feel through a veil of Boy Rage while waving around guns, which is why the killer in me and i only have eyes for you are the two most underrated buffy episodes
but no like seriously
both the killer and me and i only have eyes for you come off of heavy bombs of episodic pain, i only have eyes for you in the form of operating after the trauma of innocence, surprise, and passion, and the killer in me operating after the trauma of seeing red, two to go, villains, and grave. these episodes were a powder keg finally going off, the burn and the explosion and i only have eyes for you and the killer and me are the initiators of that burning sitting in the wreckage looking at what they’ve done and somehow - trying to deal.
buffy and willow lost someone they love, dramatically, painfully, and the idea of forward movement, buffy refusing to blame herself for angelus, willow finding someone else to be with, they treat as morally reprehensible because the two girls are inundated with bearing it - the notion that they must bear it, that sins and pain and grief are for their backs, all the time. and both times, a masculine presence forces its way in to articulate what the two cannot say in their own sacrificial unhappiness. warren tells willow, and us, that willow cannot deal with kissing kennedy, with being with anyone, because tara’s memory is too fresh and too beautiful and willow is at too much fault to try and move on. james tells us that buffy unknowingly unleashed a monster and in her efforts to put it down she refuses to acknowledge forgiveness beyond the horizon. james and grace dance. willow screams at kennedy in the garden with a gun.
the two of them become someone they fundamentally are not, warren creeping his way into willows mind and james borrowing buffys body for a ride, to elucidate what the two have been feeling and suppressing and suppressing for so long and to illustrate quite plainly how the future needs to be.
warren tries to gun kennedy down and willow knows that she has to be with kennedy to make the vengeance go away. james and grace tell eachother that it’s okay, that it can be better, and buffy understands quite plainly that she needs that betterment for herself
„for her gray eyes were full of an innocence that said that she did not know of desire, not yet, but there was a lushness to the curve of her lip, a dark light in her eyes…”
The problem with having placed an order for tiny lego versions of my OCs is that now I want to also buy a lego castle in which they can live and some lego horses and maybe a lego forest and a lego campfire and–
Just listening to Brandy by The Looking Glass. Because I don’t need another fic to write, here’s the idea:
A waitress at 79’s reminisces about Commander Keeli. absolutely in love and adoringly remembering the last time they were together. How he told her in another lifetime he’d have married her in a heartbeat. She keeps his picture in a locket. In the last line we find out that he’s been dead two months as she thinks about what could have been.
as a queer person, growing up I always felt like I was stumbling through life, tripping over my own shoelaces. that’s why this pride month I’ve partnered with the president—
