#spidypool
“We’re supposed to be doing a school project so you came over to my house but before we could do anything, you saw my dog and now you won’t let them go please we need to get this done.”
“My dumb ass of a room mate just set the microwave on fire and you’re one of the firemen who showed up and now I’m need an ambulance cause damn ur hot.”
“My dick of an ex was trying to knock down my door but you stopped them thank you so much. Let me make you thank you brownies.”
“I was chilling in my room when you knocked on my window asking me if I could come kill a spider for you. I LIVE ON THE FIFTH FLOOR HOW WAS THE WINDOW A GOOD IDEA TO YOU.”
Person 1: My partner is super snuggly and gets sleepy early. This means when they’re ready to sleep they lay on top of me and sigh until i go to bed with them. So I lay in bed, in the dark, just so they can sleep.
Person 2: *the partner*
- Super romantic wild west aus
Childhood sweethearts separated and reunited as adult aus
ROMANTIC WILD WEST/CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS AU
Instead of saying I Do
Person A: So do you like me? Or like-like me,,,because,,,,,, you know. Unclear.
Person B, the officiant, all the wedding guests, god herself: ……..
Person B: uhhh like-like?
Person A: *eats ice cream off the floor* For Antoni
Person B: *thinking they’d like to be the floor* god you’re so disgusting
Person A: I love nature but nature doesn’t love me.
*later that night*
Person B: *talking to some plants and sleeping birds* Listen Up ChuckleFucks. You better start loving A or we’re gonna have a Problem.
Person A: Don’t you just love cats? I love them so much my eyes swell with tears and i can’t breath.
Person B: A…..you’re allergic….
Person A: *under a pile of at least 23 cats and slowly swelling to the size of a balloon* Fake nEws
Is this the otp during an argument? During college finals? Who knows.
Person A: Are you a toaster? Because I wanna take a bath with you.
Person B: Please seek help
Person A: ok you have 5 seconds to name 3 kinds of tapes. GO.
Person B: uh….ok….painters tape…uh…masking tape…and aaaaaaaaAAAAAAA MY MIX TAPE.
Person A:
Person A: Did it hurt when you fell from the vending machine?
Person B: …….what?
Person A: Because you are a Snack *winks*
Person C:
Person A: Do you ever think the bacteria in our stomachs get sad because they’ve never seen sunlight? That’s just? So sad? I’m so sorry that you’re missing out on the warmth lil guys.
Person B:
I’m currently taking care of my sick family sooooooooo guess whose gonna get sick prompts…..
That’s right. You guys.
“I have no idea what I’m doing oh God we need a real adult to take care of you”
“STOP MIGRATING FROM BEDS TO COUCHES I CANT KEEP UP AND IT GIVES ME A HEART ATTACK WHEN I WALK INTO YOUR ROOM AND YOURE NOT THERE”
“I love you. I really do. But I am a sympathetic puker and the sound of you sick is making me sick. I’m loving and supporting you from over here”
“ Take the medicine. Yes I know it doesn’t taste good but you still need to take it. Now you’re just being a child. No. GET BACK HERE. YOU CANT JUST RUN AWAY FROM THIS”
“I have no idea what medicine you can and can not take with this illness. Let me consult WebMD”
((If you couldnt tell my family is a Stubborn Sick))
Person A: I just drank half a bottle of wine in like 10 seconds (do not recommend, always sip wine) and now I’m Fast Drunk
Person B: MY GUY
Person B: THATS UNSAFE
Person A: CHUG CHUG CHUG
Person B: NO DONT CHUG
Person c invited people over
Person A: they come into my house. Interrupt my dinner. Stop me from watching Godzilla destroy Japan. And force me to actually put on pants? This better be fucking worth it or I’m gonna fight someone.
Person B: *walks in* Hi!
Person A: this is worth it.
