I know I have to let this go. My mind is telling me to run and never look back. But my heart, oh my heart -it’s badgering my soul to sink deep in the ocean of my cloaked emotions. Words do not narrate my subtle life, but moments do. I exist not in this life. I exist in moments.
I could not help myself -pull myself out of the state of constant wallowing. You had left the town with a significant piece of my existence. I waited and I waited -knowing you’ld be somewhere far -laughing and drinking it away with your chaps. But I knew, deep in your heart, you could not get rid of the longing that needed my presence, somewhere close to you. The melancholy had befallen us. Our death was inevitable.
I loved reading “The development of personality” - the first of the series of seminars of psychological astrology by Liz Greene and Howard Sasportas.
Through the early stage of development, we can see basics patterns and their correlation with astrological placements.
Life in the womb is shown by the 12th house. Prenatal events will leave deeply ingrained blueprints.
The oral phase is associated with the Moon. We are completely dependent on Mother for our survival - esp feeding. The basic pattern here is trust versus mistrust. In a chart, Moon-Juptier contacts tip the scales in favor of trust, Moon-Saturn and any difficult aspects in favor of mistrust.
The anal phase expresses the pattern: autonomy versus shame and doubt. At that stage, active planets: Mars, Sun enter into play. We have learned to co ordinate our movements and we can decide of what we want to do (unless Mother don’t let us) The will is experimented. We also learn to control our sphincters, and to be able to hold on or let go our faeces (in the oral phase like in New Age mentality, it was all about letting go, but now holding on is a way to manifest power) Shame and doubt are experimented when we shit in our pants like babies.
As a Scorpio I am very interested by the issues associated with the anal phase!
The oedipal phase gets Venus enter into play. In the oral phase, love was central. In the anal phase, the will was developed. The dual Mother-Child relationship was the scene. Now the “other” enters into play, on principle the father. The pattern that is activated here is Initiative versus guilt. The child wants exclusive attention from the parent of the other sex and see the parent of the same sex as a rival he/she wishes he could get rid off… and vice versa. The ambivalence of feelings and the belief that wishing bad is actually causing harm creates this Initiative versus guilt dilemma. Strong Neptune or Saturn interference can emphasise guilt.
All these issues will of course be re enacted in various way throughout life, and that’s why it’s interesting to become conscious of them and evolve if necessary…..
…. Not going to summarise the all book in one post! Have a good day.
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992) Dir: David Lynch DOP: Ron Garcia “When this kind of fire starts, it is very hard to put out. The tender boughs of innocence burn first, and the wind rises, and then all goodness is in jeopardy.”
fuck the french education system, we’re 1900 ppl in my year 460 will make it into medicine next year
got admitted to the psych ward twice, got stitches
changed treatments and shrinks numerous amounts of times
dude im tired i fail at everything i cant study i cant stay healthy i cant function normally unless im doped up, even then gotta take my anxios or brain go :
Saw “The Lodge” again tonight after less than a week. There were some things I needed to see again, not from a film making perspective, but from a processing trauma/ psychological perspective.
Spoilers for “The Lodge” from this point on.
The movie is about a family bringing in a new woman/ step mother after the original father and mother divorce, and the mother completes suicide in a very violent way due to not being able to deal with the finalizing of the divorce and the new woman marrying her ex husband.
The kids, mastermind a plot of revenge against the new woman by depriving her of her medications, which keep her mental health in check as she has a very traumatic and religious past. The father decides it’s a good idea to leave this woman with his two kids in a remote lodge during the snow storm season while he completes works, with the intent of joining them on Christmas.
The kids’s plan works, and they drive the woman to the point of insanity, triggering all of her past traumas and causing the woman to harm herself and believe that they’re all already dead (in purgatory). Dad returns just in time, as the woman is about to kill the kids, she kills him instead, the kids try to get away, they get caught up and it is implied that they are also killed by the woman.
—-
Through all of this I was rooting for the kids. Even when it was revealed that they were behind all of this (because you don’t find out until near the end that it was actually a masterfully created plan by the kids), that they tortured this woman, that they made her see ghosts and the demons of her past. I was sad that the kids didn’t make it. I wasn’t sad that the dad was killed or that the woman (it’s implied through elements in the story) killed herself as well.
I really had to investigate why this was. I wasn’t ashamed or scared of my position; rather I was surprised.
Growing up, my own dad often sided with a woman who was not at all good for him or me. Unlike the kids in the movie, I never plotted against her (or her daughter) despite the fact that they made my late childhood and teenage years a miserable, living hell; a hell that would see me become homeless, lose all of my belongings, have to repeat the 8th grade because of instability, my dad going to jail twice, moving to the South to escape her, and then doing it all over again because he kept welcoming her back in. Even after /that/ chapter was over, he continued to entertain other women, put them and their families before me to the point where I had to tell my dad off on Christmas one year to which he said “I’m your father” and I said “Then fucking act like it.” (I received a self righteous slap to the face for that, on Christmas day, but it was that day that my position with him was solidified).
It wouldn’t be until long after he got out of jail, for /yet/ something else, that I would begin to let him back into my life; thanks to a talking to by my cousins in Memphis (with whom I was living after college). Right now, we’re fine, but when I do visit, and see that he keeps pictures of certain folks next to pictures of my own mom, I take pause. He has very poor judgement.
So yeah, that’s that. If you see “The Lodge” and you say “FUCK THEM KIDS” I don’t blame you. They do some Home Alone level fuck shit to that woman on a mental, psychological, and religious level. They /really/ mess her up to the point of no return. But I was on their side because I understood the hurt they felt; and ultimately, it was the dad’s fault.
- Punches a wall until his knuckles bleed, cleaning the wounds
- Punched in the face
05:
- Taken hostage
06:
- Still held hostage, rescued
07:
- Cuts his hands on a rope while dragging his friend up an incline, screaming, collapses from exhaustion
- Kicked in the face, arm twisted behind him
- Taken hostage at gunpoint
08:
- Still held hostage
- Handcuffed while his release is negotiated with his father, taken onto the roof, unconscious on the ground after passing out from fear, wakes up in hospital
Yoon Soo
01:
- Psychotic episode, hallucinating
- Flashback: Hallucinating, terrified, collapses and passes out
02:
- Smacked repeatedly in the face, thrown to the ground, punched
- Takes a sedative, woozy, struggling to walk straight, terrorised by his classmate, panic attack, sobbing, collapses, screaming for help, passes out, recovering in bed on an IV
05:
- Taken hostage
06:
- Still held hostage, rescued
07:
- Taken hostage again
- Hallucinating, hypnotised, forced to revisit his childhood trauma, fighting hypnosis
- Collapses and passes out
08:
- Still held hostage, handcuffed to a bed
- Handcuffed while his release is negotiated with his parents
- Hallucinating, shoots himself in the head
Choi Chi Hoon
05:
- Taken hostage, handcuffed to a railing, held at gunpoint, believed dead after his friends hear a gunshot
07:
- Falls down an incline, broken leg, face cut and bruised, shivering, hypothermic, dragged back up the incline with a rope, leg splinted, needs help to walk
- Going into shock, shivering, bundled up in blankets, collapses
- Taken hostage again
08:
- Still held hostage, still in shock
- Has his leg re-splinted, semi-conscious, shivering, convulsing, gagged to prevent him biting his tongue
- Rescued, recovering in hospital with his leg in a cast, later seen using crutches
Jo Young Jae
02:
- Attacked in his room, beaten up, bloody lip, nosebleed, dragged, limping
- Tackled, punched in the face
04:
- Nightmare, mumbling in his sleep
05:
- Taken hostage, held at gunpoint, trembling
- Forced to betray his friend at gunpoint
06:
- Still held hostage
- Nightmare, dreams of his childhood abuse, sweating, mumbling in his sleep
- Handcuffed to a bed, forced to discuss his emotionally abusive mother, panic attack, hyperventilating, rescued
- Emotional breakdown, holding others at gunpoint, “you made me hate myself”, crying, collapses to his knees
07:
- Hit over the head with a bat, crawling towards safety, beaten until unconscious
- Taken hostage again
08:
- Still held hostage, rescued
Kang Mi Reu
02:
- Punched in the face
- Knocked out, carried, wakes up locked in the detention room
03:
- Still locked in the detention room, revealing bruises on his back from last episode
04:
- Unconscious and buried in the snow after an avalanche, rescued, dragged across the ground on a stretcher, wakes up in a sleeping bag with cuts on his face, limping
06:
- Cut across the hand with a knife
07:
- Hand still bleeding from last episode, taken hostage, has the wound treated by his friend
08:
- Still held hostage, rescued
Lee Jae Kyu
05:
- Taken hostage
06:
- Still held hostage, rescued
07:
- Taken hostage again
- Tackled, beaten up, face cut and bruised, bleeding from the mouth
- Loses control and almost kills someone, falls to his knees, collapses
- Tied up, gagged, held at gunpoint
08:
- Still tied up and held hostage, rescued
Yang Kang Mo
01:
- Bullied for wearing hearing aids, tackled
04:
- Wrongfully accused of murder, hunted by his friends, barricades himself in a saferoom
05:
- Still barricaded in the saferoom
- Taken hostage, handcuffed to a bed, forced to discuss his disability, fighting tears
- Tackled, beaten up, bloody lip, nosebleed
06:
- Still held hostage, rescued
- Emotional breakdown, sobbing
TW: This drama contains themes of child abuse and suicide
so this is a horror/thriller webtoon adapted into a drama series,surprisingly its actually REALLY good! the suspense will keep you at the edge of your seat.i dont wanna rave about it but i have definitely never seen any Korean drama like this before (am not a fan of Korean dramas tbh) and the fact that its adapted off a webtoon,makes me happy and looking forward to other webtoons of this genre that might be made into a TV series or a movie in the future :)
i havent read the webtoon tbh,but i recommend the drama series for those who are interested…..its called……
strangers from hell / hell is other people
Favourite character so far? The Yang Seungbae of the series of course :)
Whenever there is murder in the webtoon realm,there has to be a bunch of clueless,incompetent cops and one who actually wants to do their job right ….. lol
