#surviving in gotham

✨Aunty Tam’s Tips✨

#2

Watch your mouth

• The villains in this city may rob banks, kidnap ppl, or essentially cause chaos
• But they will f#ck you up if you say or do something… controversial?
• If you some wack ass N#zis Supporter, the Joker will run you up
• AndAll the vigilantes will turn a blinds eye on you (Batman may show up, but only after ur severely beaten up)
• If you are Homophobic? Specifically Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn will make your life a living hell
• If you’re racist, You will probably get jumped by Red hood, Bane, and Baby Robin, etc. (The Signal will find a way to expose you)
• If you kick a cat. Your getting jumped by cat woman and 30 cats.
• If you beat up a street kid, you will also get jumped by Cat woman, Red Hood, Poison Ivy, and a good amount of the rogues
• The heroes/vigilantes may not come after you, (except for a few like Baby Robin and Ref Hood) but they will expose you, ruin your reputation, and cancel you online.
• Essentially, even the villains have morals and will go after you.

So I was feeding the homie The Signal my beef patties, and my guy started tearing up(They Spicccyyyyy) I gave him the look of ‘can you not handle the flavours?!’ And he shook his head.

Signal : Nah, I’ve been living with some white folks for a bit and some of them can’t handle spicy food. The…. Grandpa who makes the food certainly knows his spices tho. He just has to cater to the others so most of the food is mild.

Me : Damn! We need to help you!

Signal : wha-

Me : FEED OUR BOY THE SIGNAL PROPER FLAVOUR

So, let’s have a campaign called ‘#FlavourForSignal2020’ and ‘#FlavourForSignal2021’ (since New Years is coming up.)

✨Aunty Tam’s Tips ✨

-> Surviving in Gotham for new Gothamite’s <-

Tip #1

Mind your business

I’m not playin’

Mind your mfing buisiness

If you walk by a sus alley and see a potential villain meetup/drug deal. Mind. Your. Business.

There’s literally people with wack ass costumes that run around in gotham who fight these people on a regular basis.

If you make eye contact with the villain (criminal, mob boss, etc.) show them you ain’t finna snitch. Either by…

1. Drop some money on the alleys entrance, then calmly get out of there.

2. Don’t spare a second glance, keep your gaze forward, do not show any inner turmoil on wether you should call for help.

3. Literally show that you ain’t saw shit. My personal favourite is when I make eye contact, put on some shades and pull out a walking stick. (Basically pretend to be blind)

3.5 Another variation you could do is miming zipping your mouth shut.

4. If you show ANY hesitation, they will be on yo ass

5. Again, it really depends on the situation. If it’s a well known criminal/villain/mobster/gangster/assassin, leave it alone.

6. If it’s some drunk bastard bothering a girl, go crazy my friend. (Essentially, if it’s a low class criminal, help em if y’a want. But usually the Bats are taking care of it.)

Aunty Tam’s Tips

Part 4

✨Learn self defence ✨

First of all, I should probably address this.

Please- just avoid gotham. Don’t come to Gotham.

DON’T. COME. TO. GOTHAM.

I ain’t playin, don’t come to gotham

It’s one of the most dangerous cities there is

It’s practically hell

And for the people who live here, they usually didn’t come here as a choice

They’re either born here, and don’t have enough to move out of the city, or they moved here bc they’re broke

It’s the lowest of the low

Criminals run rampant here

There’s a mfing Insane Asylum that’s extremely outta commission but they use it regardless

It’s considered normal for a mugging or à robbery and it’s treated the same way as seeing a plane flying in the sky or perhaps a bird

On the bright side, gas prices are hella cheap here

Most things are pretty cheap

Anyways, learn some self defence

Once again, It’s Kill or be Killed here

Always be weary of your surroundings

Everyone is capable of jumping you

I’ve literally seen a 90 year old woman rob a guy with her pet Boa Constrictor

ALWAYS be weary of the old folks around here

They’re honestly so gangster af

Just treat them well, and you’re off the danger list

Learn how to punch, kick, hook, etc

I’d say the bare minimum for you to learn is to temporarily blind your attacker and flee

Best option for most fights is to flee, you ain’t being a coward, it’s just self preservation

Wear an extra layer underneath if you can

keep it concealed (you don’t want it sticking out)

It’s not usually warm so it won’t affect you with the extra layers

People usually use knives so i recommend Leather

Carry concealed weapons

Your boots are a great place for some knives or the inside of your coat

Your hat ig

Anyone out there wearing skirts, be sure that you have pockets. If it doesn’t, y’all can pay me 5 bucks and I’ll sew in pockets

Make sure the pockets for your skirt/dress are hidden. Best technique is using the folds from more flowy skirts/dresses

Carry bricks in your bag or purse, you can smack someone with it, gives out extra damage. Not only that, ig it helps with ur strength lol

If you don’t have any, improvise! Heck, channel your inner poc mom! Use la Chànclà, the belt, a wooden spoon, a broom, the clothes hanger, your shoe, the black mom crazy/stink eye glare, etc.

Ladies, you know how the wire from ur bra always ends up poking out? USE THE WIRES FROM THE BRA CUPS AS A WEAPON! (It may not last for long, but it works as brass knuckles)

Some weapons you can use from ur surroundings when you have none: Bricks, Empty beer bottles, YEET a trash can, the trash can lid as a shield, garbage (yeet it at them), sticks, stones, gravel, poles/rods, your phone, keys, YEET a bicycle, newspaper, backpack, glass, plastic bag (try to choke em ig?), pots, spoons, forks, cans, dog leashes (unattach your dog of course) and many moreee.

However, if you’re getting robbed by one of the rogues, just comply, it ain’t worth fighting back. (Just wait till one of the heroes arrive)

Try and build your stamina up

If you’re cornered into an alley, use your surroundings to escape

Basically, just parkour

If ur someone (This goes for everyone <3) who likes to wear heels, learn how to run in them

People won’t expect you to zoom like Sonic in them heels

Heels also prove to be an excellent weapon

That’s actually why strippers aren’t usually mugged lol. They usually have Cat Woman or Red hood watching their backs but Even if they aren’t there to save them, the strippers will gouge out your eye with their heels they’re honestly the baddest b’s

Size doesn’t matter

A street kid that’s three times smaller than you will beat yo ass

✨Aunty Tam’s Tips✨

Part 3

The homeless are your friends- sorta.

The homeless are more trustworthy then the cops (well- about 2-5 cops in the police force are trustworthy but the rest, don’t trust em )

But it’s sorta kill or be killed vibes

If you disrespect the homeless on a daily basis, they will guarantee that you’re the next victim of Gotham’s Rogues

They’re practically information brokers

Give them some cash, they will tell you safer routes, or places to avoid

Sometimes they share some potential places where it might get attacked, but you gotta gain their trust for that type of info

Give em around 2-20$

Don’t give them lots of money on one go, they will scam you

Street musicians will know gossip, rumours, and small pieces from their crowd

Homeless street musicians = rare but ideal to go to (especially the older ones)

Rogues/villains will go and seek out the homeless for info and potential victims

If y’a snitch, you’re getting jumped by like 53 homeless dudes

But also don’t go outta ur way to seek them out, they will know u got ulterior moves

So let’s say you’re walkin’ down the street, and a homeless dude is begging for money, toss him 2 bucks (a toonie works for my Canadian homies)

A week later, the same dude stops him and tells you to take a different road, or warn y’a the cops are coming

If you rich, they won’t do this

They only look after the Gothamites from the narrows, are poor and usually the middle class

Ngl they some nice folks

Uncle Clerry THE NICEST OLD MAN U COULD MEET

Uncle Clerry is about 114 y’o, (idk how he still alive) and it’s honestly terrifying on how fast he moves

That motherfcker zoomin like usain bolt

He taught me how to play Clarinet

Everyone on the streets like to joke that he gets ALL the girls (mr steal yo girl)

But he actually just a very soft uncle/grandpa figure, I feel safe with him (almost all the woman in the area feel safe with him) he will beat up ur ex, abusive family, etc

He may look frail, but is terrifyingly strong