#gothamite

Yo I was on AO3 and someone’s writing this fic about how nightwing turns into a vampire and kills his whole family-

It’s either nightwing wrote that or someone’s down BAD

It’s like I turn the corner and BAM! NEW WAYNE! NEW AL GHUL! NEW ADOPTED TEEN! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF YOU

Open paragraph RP but I expect you to make it not-boring as possible GO:

Green sat on a curb during the middle of the day in Gotham. It was the perfect day: Gotham Academy let out its students for a two week spring break, and her favorite brand of ice cream was on sale.

She scooped out some chocolate cookie crunch and enjoyed the shining sun and the chirping bird. What could possibly go wrong?

Uh so I’ve been told by an al ghul that @teagrayson is no longer kidnapped and is in the hospital??

@that-one-gotham-kid I think I’m here but I don’t know where to go. Are you here yet?

I’m just hoping we don’t have a Ric Grayson situation on our hands

WELL. Sooo, I was playing in the pit for the Riddlers most recent fight (?) with Batman. We was rocking to bossa Nova version of the Jeopardy theme when the homie Riddler falls through the floor, into the pit? (Where we vibe) The dude mouthed ‘GET TF OUTTA HERE’ and of course we booked it. Essentially, we was sprinting outta the building, carrying our clunky ass instruments before Batman could spot us (we ain’t criminals or whatever, The riddler just hires us to play music for him)

Just saw Red Robin losing it on top of them gargoyle statues cuz School is back. He just started screaming (not outta pain, but outta rage?) and some other students that were passing by joined in and started crying? All I gotta say is that I’m glad that I’m not in school anymore. Although…

There’s a Student discount of 20% off at the dinner I work at ;) (Marie’s Diner)

I work the night shift children. I hand out free leftover hot chocolate and coffee. 

So Baby Robin and @younger-grayson popped in, I served some iced tea(Canadian iced tea y’all )Gritts with salt (I tried sugar, but it tastes wack. So we goin with SALT) Chicken bacon, with them eggs, and some sliced apples, pears, and oranges. I am proud to say Baby Robins insults have decreased from 13 to 12. At one point, he forgot to take off his shoes and tracked snow in my apartment WITHOUT making a sound. So, I’m now knitting some slippers for those two. @younger-grayson what colour you want for your slippers?

So I was feeding the homie The Signal my beef patties, and my guy started tearing up(They Spicccyyyyy) I gave him the look of ‘can you not handle the flavours?!’ And he shook his head.

Signal : Nah, I’ve been living with some white folks for a bit and some of them can’t handle spicy food. The…. Grandpa who makes the food certainly knows his spices tho. He just has to cater to the others so most of the food is mild.

Me : Damn! We need to help you!

Signal : wha-

Me : FEED OUR BOY THE SIGNAL PROPER FLAVOUR

So, let’s have a campaign called ‘#FlavourForSignal2020’ and ‘#FlavourForSignal2021’ (since New Years is coming up.)

Soooo, I just performed my ballad for the Signal and Homie started crying this what our convo sounded like

“What?! You made that for me?!?”

“Hell yeah! You’s my favourite vigilante now.”

The mf starts tearing up“Really?!”

“Yep, you know what? Imma make a whole ass jazz composition DEDICATED TO YOU”

“Well thank you :) ;-; “

I’m adopting the Signal. He may be a vigilante BUT HE IS SUCH A SWEETHEART. IM MAKING HIM BEEF PATTIES FOR DAYS.

So now I’ve found myself taking the night off, chillin outside in the freezing cold, and playing with other street musicians to help compe up with a Jazz song. If my Clarinet gets damaged from the cold (most likely will) imma make The Riddler pay for my new Clarinet.

✨Aunty Tam’s Tips ✨

-> Surviving in Gotham for new Gothamite’s <-

Tip #1

Mind your business

I’m not playin’

Mind your mfing buisiness

If you walk by a sus alley and see a potential villain meetup/drug deal. Mind. Your. Business.

There’s literally people with wack ass costumes that run around in gotham who fight these people on a regular basis.

If you make eye contact with the villain (criminal, mob boss, etc.) show them you ain’t finna snitch. Either by…

1. Drop some money on the alleys entrance, then calmly get out of there.

2. Don’t spare a second glance, keep your gaze forward, do not show any inner turmoil on wether you should call for help.

3. Literally show that you ain’t saw shit. My personal favourite is when I make eye contact, put on some shades and pull out a walking stick. (Basically pretend to be blind)

3.5 Another variation you could do is miming zipping your mouth shut.

4. If you show ANY hesitation, they will be on yo ass

5. Again, it really depends on the situation. If it’s a well known criminal/villain/mobster/gangster/assassin, leave it alone.

6. If it’s some drunk bastard bothering a girl, go crazy my friend. (Essentially, if it’s a low class criminal, help em if y’a want. But usually the Bats are taking care of it.)

gothamitee:

tambourmite:

gothamitee:

tambourmite:

Contrary to popular belief, Santa in Gotham is Black. Two years ago I was vibing on my apartment complex’s rooftop, nursing an eggnog and I saw Black Santa. We made eye contact and homie started to crip walk??? He ain’t with the crips tho, he told me he in no gang.

yoU SAW SANTA?!?!

Yeah? I honestly thought some other people encountered him, he’s hella hard to miss. But every year, after his rounds in Gotham, he chills with me for a lil bit on the apartment roof. He brings me some nice antique wine, and I give him eggnog with my famous chocolate chunk walnut cookies.

Santa is honestly so baller.

(Y’all missing out, homie can GET DOWNNN. And He can do everything from twerking to whining. I’m sorta convinced he’s Caribbean just by how legendary his whining is, THEM HIPPPPS)

eggnog✍ and chocolate chunk walnut cookies✍ he might give antique wine in return✍

Just be careful, he may be a jolly black fat old man, but he is still extremely still baller. Homie might run up and just take yo sh#t and book it. And yes, This the real deal, homie has mfing reindeer and cool ass looking sled. (He installed a speaker and blasts from cookout song, Caribbean function songs, to Afrobeats) .He Fr goes out partying with the Dominicans and Peurto Ricans at like 3 AM.

gothamitee:

tambourmite:

Contrary to popular belief, Santa in Gotham is Black. Two years ago I was vibing on my apartment complex’s rooftop, nursing an eggnog and I saw Black Santa. We made eye contact and homie started to crip walk??? He ain’t with the crips tho, he told me he in no gang.

yoU SAW SANTA?!?!

Yeah? I honestly thought some other people encountered him, he’s hella hard to miss. But every year, after his rounds in Gotham, he chills with me for a lil bit on the apartment roof. He brings me some nice antique wine, and I give him eggnog with my famous chocolate chunk walnut cookies.

Santa is honestly so baller.

(Y’all missing out, homie can GET DOWNNN. And He can do everything from twerking to whining. I’m sorta convinced he’s Caribbean just by how legendary his whining is, THEM HIPPPPS)

Hey y’all! There’s a huge party at the boardwalk tonight! My friend Rose is throwing the party, I think there’s a food drive as well. Bring your own drinks, gas mask, and plan a get away plan if anything happens.

(Knowing Gotham being Gotham, something is probably gonna happen.)

So uh.

The fucking Dollar store got robbed.

But here’s the deal. The owner just said that he was quitting on owning a business and said everything is free to take.

SO YALL, THE DOLLER STORE IS GIVING EVERYTHING FOR FREE. FIRST COME FIRST SERVE.

Ok, so I tried out for the Gotham Orchestra and lemme just say, a good half of the orchestra are a tad of snooty rich folks and the other half are some students or some chill folk.

Not as bad as I expected, although the bd (band director) clearly favours the richer players. (They all gettin first and main parts.) Although, I ain’t complaining. I honestly don’t mind playing second or third Clarinet. Second and Third is almost as important as first as Uncle Clerry’s said. Ur adding more layers to the melody, evening it out and balancing with harmony.

The bd said we finna do Swan Lake because the Gotham ballet company is planning to do it. But other then that, he said we might do Rite of Spring.

Ayyy it’s actually a chill day today. Even tho it was hella nippy out, I still jammed on the street. Some gal on the Bone, a kid on the sax and a trumpet dude joined me at one point. We rocked ‘On Green Dolphin street’, ‘The Girl From Ipanema’, “‘Round Midnight”. Later some others joined in and ended up having a whole group so we got the chance to perform ‘Get Up Offa that Thing’ and “Superstition” . Honestly had a blast today!

princeofgothammyass:

I’m literally in custody rn and these fucking idiots we call cops didn’t take my phone this is why we need fucking batman like if my coping mechanisms were a little more unhealthy I’d be giving instructions to my goons so they could break me out rn

FREE OUR HOMIE THEY AINT DONE NOTHIN’ WRONG

Ayo Chile…. whatdid you do grab the cops attention? Regardless, there’s about three cops that r decent. so ask for the homie Officer Tony Hailens. He can’t guarantee you freedom but he’s ur best shot. All he asks for payment is either nDn Tacos or Shawarma.

Aunty Tam’s Tips

Part 4

✨Learn self defence ✨

First of all, I should probably address this.

Please- just avoid gotham. Don’t come to Gotham.

DON’T. COME. TO. GOTHAM.

I ain’t playin, don’t come to gotham

It’s one of the most dangerous cities there is

It’s practically hell

And for the people who live here, they usually didn’t come here as a choice

They’re either born here, and don’t have enough to move out of the city, or they moved here bc they’re broke

It’s the lowest of the low

Criminals run rampant here

There’s a mfing Insane Asylum that’s extremely outta commission but they use it regardless

It’s considered normal for a mugging or à robbery and it’s treated the same way as seeing a plane flying in the sky or perhaps a bird

On the bright side, gas prices are hella cheap here

Most things are pretty cheap

Anyways, learn some self defence

Once again, It’s Kill or be Killed here

Always be weary of your surroundings

Everyone is capable of jumping you

I’ve literally seen a 90 year old woman rob a guy with her pet Boa Constrictor

ALWAYS be weary of the old folks around here

They’re honestly so gangster af

Just treat them well, and you’re off the danger list

Learn how to punch, kick, hook, etc

I’d say the bare minimum for you to learn is to temporarily blind your attacker and flee

Best option for most fights is to flee, you ain’t being a coward, it’s just self preservation

Wear an extra layer underneath if you can

keep it concealed (you don’t want it sticking out)

It’s not usually warm so it won’t affect you with the extra layers

People usually use knives so i recommend Leather

Carry concealed weapons

Your boots are a great place for some knives or the inside of your coat

Your hat ig

Anyone out there wearing skirts, be sure that you have pockets. If it doesn’t, y’all can pay me 5 bucks and I’ll sew in pockets

Make sure the pockets for your skirt/dress are hidden. Best technique is using the folds from more flowy skirts/dresses

Carry bricks in your bag or purse, you can smack someone with it, gives out extra damage. Not only that, ig it helps with ur strength lol

If you don’t have any, improvise! Heck, channel your inner poc mom! Use la Chànclà, the belt, a wooden spoon, a broom, the clothes hanger, your shoe, the black mom crazy/stink eye glare, etc.

Ladies, you know how the wire from ur bra always ends up poking out? USE THE WIRES FROM THE BRA CUPS AS A WEAPON! (It may not last for long, but it works as brass knuckles)

Some weapons you can use from ur surroundings when you have none: Bricks, Empty beer bottles, YEET a trash can, the trash can lid as a shield, garbage (yeet it at them), sticks, stones, gravel, poles/rods, your phone, keys, YEET a bicycle, newspaper, backpack, glass, plastic bag (try to choke em ig?), pots, spoons, forks, cans, dog leashes (unattach your dog of course) and many moreee.

However, if you’re getting robbed by one of the rogues, just comply, it ain’t worth fighting back. (Just wait till one of the heroes arrive)

Try and build your stamina up

If you’re cornered into an alley, use your surroundings to escape

Basically, just parkour

If ur someone (This goes for everyone <3) who likes to wear heels, learn how to run in them

People won’t expect you to zoom like Sonic in them heels

Heels also prove to be an excellent weapon

That’s actually why strippers aren’t usually mugged lol. They usually have Cat Woman or Red hood watching their backs but Even if they aren’t there to save them, the strippers will gouge out your eye with their heels they’re honestly the baddest b’s

Size doesn’t matter

A street kid that’s three times smaller than you will beat yo ass

kit-the-nonbinary-wayne:

Hey Aunty Tam! @tambourmite Cass asked if we could stop by and say hi. Steph, @florence-wayne-officialand@youngergrayson are gonna be joining us too. It’s siblings bonding night, but the boys are off wreaking havoc.

Sorry bout the late reply! (I had a last minute rehearsal) But hell yeah! I just got DVD of the Never Ending Story we can watch

Welp. I’m back. Lemme say, it’s been eventful. It started out normal, I stopped by a 7/11 for a Slushy when this dude decides to rob the store and holds the clerk and I hostage. If you’re a regular Gothamite, it’s honestly normal for that type of stuff.

Anyways, the crook was actually pretty chill, he let me drink my Slushy but this is when it starts getting wack. The police arrive, they start doin’ the lil back n forth. Then, both cops just dropped. There was no injuries, bullet holes, they straight up fell unconscious. I looked at the clerk, the clerk looked at the crook and the crook looked at me. The crook proceeds to grab a bunch of candies/snacks, stuff it in his car and drag BOTH of us in his car and speeds away. The crook ended up being a really nice guy, made pit stops at our houses and we went Camping for the rest of the week. The clerk is very good at making fires for camping and weaving baskets out of the branches he found from the ground.

Buuuut yeah- the crook technically didn’t commit a crime ig, as he never took the money from the register and the Clerk said the candies/snacks were on the house? Idk bro.

Now, here in Gotham, I usually like to do random jam sessions with my buddies on the streets. We of course do Jazz, as it’s one of the most easiest ones that can easily be improvised. (Plus, its the creator of improv lol) So, we were doing some street jazz when the KING himself, The Signal drops by and jams out on the kit. 

#OnlyInGotham you meet Killer Croc at work during the night shift and serve him Pancakes with 37 sausages. Did I teach him some French? Yes. Did I teach him how to crochet? Yes.  

✨Aunty Tam’s Tips✨

Part 3

The homeless are your friends- sorta.

The homeless are more trustworthy then the cops (well- about 2-5 cops in the police force are trustworthy but the rest, don’t trust em )

But it’s sorta kill or be killed vibes

If you disrespect the homeless on a daily basis, they will guarantee that you’re the next victim of Gotham’s Rogues

They’re practically information brokers

Give them some cash, they will tell you safer routes, or places to avoid

Sometimes they share some potential places where it might get attacked, but you gotta gain their trust for that type of info

Give em around 2-20$

Don’t give them lots of money on one go, they will scam you

Street musicians will know gossip, rumours, and small pieces from their crowd

Homeless street musicians = rare but ideal to go to (especially the older ones)

Rogues/villains will go and seek out the homeless for info and potential victims

If y’a snitch, you’re getting jumped by like 53 homeless dudes

But also don’t go outta ur way to seek them out, they will know u got ulterior moves

So let’s say you’re walkin’ down the street, and a homeless dude is begging for money, toss him 2 bucks (a toonie works for my Canadian homies)

A week later, the same dude stops him and tells you to take a different road, or warn y’a the cops are coming

If you rich, they won’t do this

They only look after the Gothamites from the narrows, are poor and usually the middle class

Ngl they some nice folks

Uncle Clerry THE NICEST OLD MAN U COULD MEET

Uncle Clerry is about 114 y’o, (idk how he still alive) and it’s honestly terrifying on how fast he moves

That motherfcker zoomin like usain bolt

He taught me how to play Clarinet

Everyone on the streets like to joke that he gets ALL the girls (mr steal yo girl)

But he actually just a very soft uncle/grandpa figure, I feel safe with him (almost all the woman in the area feel safe with him) he will beat up ur ex, abusive family, etc

He may look frail, but is terrifyingly strong

yknow, oregon is really pretty, i feel like that’s not said enough. i’m coming across a waterfall like, every twenty minutes this is so fucking beautiful. but i kinda also want to take a nap.

i can now check ‘involuntary space travel’ on my list of things i’d never thought i’d do or say. i hatethis.

i don’t think there’s anything cooler then introducing a tiger cub to snow. she looks so adorable ☺️

i think it’s funny how so many people in my family have committed horrible crimes like murder and torture etc.

meanwhile the worst thing i’ve done on purpose is stolen ice cream from random peoples apartments when i’m on night patrol

when it comes to both on purpose and accidentally setting things on fire, i think that me and peter might be unmatched professionals

gothamsucks:

yknow, oregan is really pretty, i feel like that’s not said enough. i’m coming across a waterfall like, every twenty minutes this is so fucking beautiful. but i kinda also want to take a nap.

I love how it’s been like. three or four hours since i dis-the fuck-appeared from the house and not a soul as noticed.

i’m chilling on the other side of the country waiting for my family to realize that instead of lounging with my menagerie of cats, ive broke into an airbnb in oregan because i accidentally teleported myself. again.

Some Gothamite staring down the barrel of Joker’s gun: Sir there is at least a 54% chance that gun has only a flag with the word ‘Bang’ on it.