Word Count: it does not matter, it is pure eye burning sin (913 if you wanna be specific when you yell at me for this)
Summary: read the title, then question the life choices you’ve made that brought you to this point
Warnings: Palpatine. Jar Jar. Threesome. Need I say more?
Special thanks and dedication to @beskars and her awful anons: without you, I might still have the will to live
Author’s Note: If it’s not abundantly clear, rock candy is a euphemism. Thanks for making me write this, you bunch of heathens, I’m going to go yeet myself into the sun. Enjoy, share what you can, and be well (I love y'all lmao) ~
This is your LAST warning - do not click read more unless you are very, very prepared for what follows. And even then, it may not be enough. I cannot be held responsible for any therapy bills that result from reading this - my own therapist is going to have a field day with me tomorrow. This is riddled with errors and typos because I cannot look at it any longer - it just adds to how horrid this really is.
I want Din Djarin to meet another clone so badly. I can already feel the confused vibes radiating off of him when he sees one, and then when he hears them speak.
Synopsis: A series of one shots in which Rey f**ks her way through the Sequel Trilogy
Chapter 1: Desert Heat After a tough day of scavenging, Rey decides to enjoy some relaxing alone time…
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Chapter 2: Awakening Kylo Ren interrogates Rey at Starkiller Base, probing her mind with the Force for clues to BB-8 and the map to Luke Skywalker. What else he finds in her mind however, is something neither of them expected
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Chapter 3: How to Make Love the Wookiee Way With Jedi Master Luke Skywalker unwilling to take up the lightsaber in the fight against the First Order, Rey finds out that Chewbacca has his sights set on her as a new mate as they pass the time together on Ahch-To…
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Chapter 4: The First Order’s Finest To escape Kylo Ren’s clutches, Rey enlists the help of JB-007 and his fellow stormtroopers, but only if she does something for all of them…
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Chapter 5: The Jedi Master When Rey travels to Ahch-To find the lost Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, the reluctant hermit agrees to come, but only if Rey makes it worth his while…
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Chapter 6: A Long Way to Pasaana During a long flight to the planet of Pasaana in search for clues to the location of the planet Exegol, Finn and Poe stave off boredom in their quarters. Rey, equally bored, decides to join them…
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Chapter 7: Rey’s Sapphic Self-Cest Rey faces her dark side aboard the wreckage of the Second Death Star…
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Chapter 8: “You’re Offering Me a Job?” Han Solo offers Rey a job, and she accepts. However, the wily old scoundrel wasn’t specific about what kind of job it would be…
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Chapter 9: “You’ll Be The One To Turn” Through their Force bond, Rey develops a crush on Kylo Ren and goes to him on the Supremacy to turn him to the Light. However, Kylo has other plans and brings Rey before Supreme Leader Snoke…
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Chapter 10: Jakku Gloryhole Bitch Scavenger Rey bargains for extra portions with the miserly junk boss Unkar Plutt…
