#crack fic

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citystompers: Mother of Ghidorahs - Soonercon 2014 print by KaijuSamurai I remember seeing this pi

citystompers:

Mother of Ghidorahs - Soonercon 2014 printbyKaijuSamurai

I remember seeing this picture way back when it first got uploaded to the Internet, giggling a little, and then moving on. Now, 5 years later, the few parts of the Internet that do know me all know as that guy who writes weird fanfiction. Which means that it is time for me to write a crackfic where Daenerys is somehow Ghidorah’s mom.


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bead-bead:

do-you-have-a-flag:

where everyone puts a self insert character into their favourite media via fanfic and fanart?

and not “oh this person looks like me” LITERALLY YOU 

actual non-canon-compliant, over the top, embarrassingly sincere pictures and writings about you, the fan, being dropped into your favourite shows and films and books (and not dying instantly)

because it used to be both a cringey sincere fanfic trope and a tongue in cheek comedic fanart trope and I kind of… miss that fun?

it’s fun.

let’s do it. I’m calling it now

JANUARY 2017 IS PUT YOURSELF IN THE STORY MONTH

OOoooh.

unmeiii-deactivated20210803:

hi, welcome to hell, where here you have an order of kidnapped by nekoma here as part of the kidnapped by hq collab, courtesy of the miki mouse whorehouse. other participants here. banner by@undermattsun<333333333333

contains: lime, stalking, poor grammer, excessive use of emojis, disturbing amount of mcr mentions (how many will yall find?), weird plot, wattpad style sexiness, lots of eye rolling, and omg why’re they so obessed with you?

word count: 1.8k+

note: this was so fun to write. omg and you don’t know how much i had to push through wanting to trash this shit. or go back to edit. but the rule was no editing ahhhh anyway, here. hehe oh and one last thing,

comment or ahare if you liked it lolz‍⬛

(e/c) : eyecolor

(h/c):hair color

(y/n):youre name [the main character ✌️]

(f/n):first name

(l/n):last name

****************************************************************

Keep reading

I only have the willpower to write absolute crack these days, so here’s a world-hopping reader ❤

Word Count: 2.8k

Rating: T

Tags: Story Extract, Adventure, Fluff, a lil angsty but not much, Newt acting like an absolute mom, Gally x Reader, Isekai

For the purposes of understanding the tiny details in this extract: Reader jumps realities to the Glade via a rechargeable power called the ‘Tick’. She has an irl friend called Kai, and she’s being hunted in her reality because of the power she stumbled onto. We enter the scene after she’s jumped into the maze and has hidden until sunrise to avoid Grievers. Crack Fics, yo. Where logic has no home.

——

You woke again sometime later, with the sun well and truly beating down from above. The crawlspace had turned into an oven, and your body was clammy and damp with sweat. Panting for breath, you fought against the ache in your muscles and pulled yourself from beneath the vines, rolling out onto the stone path. You lay there for just a second, stretching your body out as you welcomed the shift in climate. The air was still warm, but not nearly as stifling as your hiding spot.

When you decided it was time to move, you used the vines to pull yourself up then wobbled like a new-born calf. You always wished this part of the Tick would get easier, but it never did. You were destined to always start your time in the Glade with backache and stiff legs.

Taking slow steps to begin with, you headed towards the open gates then smiled when you spotted the ever-green grass of the Glade. It was a sight for sore eyes after the treacherous maze and the confines of your apartment.

Teetering at the edge of the maze, you stuck to the wall like glue to keep hidden. It had been a few months since your last visit. There would be boys here now who did not know you, and you didn’t want to startle anyone by wandering into the Glade like you owned the place, especially when the third and most important rule of the Glade was to never venture beyond the walls. If a Greenie saw you strutting in from the maze, they might even think you a Griever and try to gut you before anyone else could explain. It was an absurd worry, but as you were being hunted by villains in another reality, it was best to play it careful here.

You peered around the edge of the gate, keeping a sharp eye out for anyone close enough to see you. Some boys were working in the distance, too far away to distinguish, but for the time being the coast was clear.

You slipped into the Glade, heaving a great sigh of relief once you were inside the walls with no one calling out about your arrival. Now that you were in, if anyone saw you it would be a lot easier to make an excuse as to how you got here. Any excuse was better than saying you had come from the maze.

Searching for something in particular, you traced the edge of the 100-foot gate until it stopped and became the wall of the Glade, then you came to a patch of stone engaved with thirty names: those of the Glade’s inhabitants. Some letterings were old, some letterings were fresh, and some had been chiselled through entirely to signify the dead. There were more names than you liked to notice crossed-through since your last visit.

You traced your fingers over the stone, lingering your gaze on each newly crossed-out name before you dared look for his. You knew exactly where on the memorial Gally’s name was, but the fear of seeing a strike through it caused you to falter.

You had promised Kai that Gally would not die so easily, but the maze was a cruel and unpredictable place.

After taking comfort from seeing some of your Glader friends’ names still intact, you dared look at Gally’s. And there it was; the five letters of his name boldly chiselled and untouched for three long years.

He was still alive.

You gave a little sigh of relief as you placed your hand to his name. You felt guilty for doubting him, but one of the worst things anyone could do in the Glade was hope for something good.

But now that you had that reassurance, a spring found its way into your step as you scurried along the perimeter towards the Gardens. Having come from the East Gate, and aiming for the Homestead in the North-West corner, your fastest path was straight across the Glade, but until you found Gally, or at least any of the prominent Gladers who knew about you, you didn’t want to stand out.

So you kept to the walls and headed north towards the Gardens, hoping to reach the Homestead without much hassle.

“____?”

But then again, some hassles were worth having.

You turned, hearing a familiar voice, then saw a mop of dirty-blonde hair as your second favourite Glader, Newt, appeared from amongst the Garden’s trellis. He grinned when he saw you.

“Long time no see, love.” He wiped the mud from his hands onto his pants then came straight over to hug you.

“I’m so glad you’re still here.” You said, only realising now how much you had missed your Glader friends. Newt embraced you, chuckling as you buried your face into his collar to say hello.

Newt was a tall, thin boy, who acted as the second-in-command amongst the Gladers. He radiated a natural friendliness and was often a source of companionship for you during your stays. Actually, if not for Newt, Gally himself would have banished you to the mercy of the maze on your first trip here. Your first encounter with the Tick had been completely accidental, and you had been just as afraid and upset by your arrival as the rest of the Gladers. It had only been Newt’s interference in a kind and calming manner that had settled everyone down, including you, and certainly including Gally.

“You’ve got impeccable timing as always, love.” Newt quipped, drawing back to get a better look at you like a mother hen checking over its chick for scuffs.

“Oh?” was all you could manage, pursing your lips to hold down a chuckle as he tilted your face to check you weren’t hurt. He was one of the only Gladers who knew that you entered the Glade through the maze, so he was always especially eager to check you over for stings.

“Aye,” he said with a playful grimace. “We’ve been having a bit of bother with wood-rot. Gal’s been especially grumpy from the extra work, and he’s been getting on everyone’s nerves. Think you can sort him out?”

“I’ll do my best.” You agreed, half-heartedly batting Newt’s hand away to tell him you were fine. “Do you know where I can find him?”

A boyish grin broke onto his face. He held an arm out towards the Homestead, enjoying the thought of someone putting the Keeper of the Builders in his place.

“He was working on the roof last I saw him. I can walk you over. Keep the greenies out your hair.”

You thanked him for the gesture as he dusted off his clothes, then he offered you his arm. You smiled, linking with him, then the two of you began a merry walk through the Glade like a couple of sweethearts in springtime. You kept the pace leisurely to accommodate Newt’s limp, and it gave you time to ask him about the changes since your last visit.

“What are the new recruits like? Any stand-outs?”

Newt chuckled, adopting a playfully serious tone.

“A bag of shanks if ever there was one.” He counted-off on his fingers. “Two new Builders, a Slopper and a Gardener.”

He gave you a pointed look, wondering if the news of a gardener would pique your interest when it was the role you usually adopted while you were here.

“Ooo, I guess I’ll have competition then.”

Newt pulled you closer into his side with a gentle squeeze at your waist.

“Don’t worry, love. He doesn’t wear a piny nearly as well as you.”

“Ha. I knew it.” You said, pumping your fist in mock victory, causing Newt to laugh.

“I’m glad you’ve not lost your sense of humour while you’ve been gone. How are things over there? Are they starting to settle down?”

It hurt only a little that Newt looked so hopeful, like he expected you to say that all your problems were gone and that life was perfect. Unable to grace him with such pleasant news, you shrugged and forced a smile.

“My life will never be settled, Newty. I like the chaos too much.”

“Good, that. At least it keeps you coming back.”

You opened your mouth to tell him that even if your real life was sunshine and rainbows, you would still visit, but the sound of fervent hammering caught your ear and stole your attention. Newt noticed and linked your arm tighter, like he expected you to go running off like a crazed toddler.

“Best not to charge in, love. You might give our new builders a heart-attack.”

You pouted playfully, but understood what he meant. The Gladers were made up entirely of amnesiac, disoriented boys. They arrived one per month via an elevator box in the centre of the Glade, completely memoryless, then struggled to make lives for themselves as one giant family.

The addition of a new Glader came like clockwork, so if you appeared all of a sudden, and being a girl no less, it was bound to cause an uproar. You knew that, and Newt knew that, because you’d managed to cause that same problem twice already.

Fortunately, as you approached the Homestead, you realised for the most part that it was empty. Everyone else was out doing their daily jobs, and only the builders were on sight to carry out maintenance.

Once you were stood outside the handmade home, engulfed by the sounds of hammering, Newt squeezed your hand with a gentle smile.

“Don’t tell him I said this, but he’s missed you.”

His words caught you off-guard. Before you could respond, Newt let go of your arm then cupped his hands around his mouth to shout at the top of his lungs,

“Gally, have you got a minute?”

The loud hammering noises ceased. Somewhere up on the roof, the timbers creaked as bodies shifted, then Gally called back,

“What’s wrong?”

Hearing his deep voice after so long sent a flutter of warmth through you, even if he did sound especially irked. Newt had not been exaggerating earlier.

“I’ve got something that might need your attention. Can you come down?”

You pressed a knuckle to your lips to hold down a smile as your anticipation built.

“Can’t it wait? We’re busy.”

Newt rolled his eyes.

“It’ll only take a minute. Come on.” He turned to you. “Bet he wouldn’t take this much convincing if he knew you were here.”

You liked to think he was right.

The wood groaned again as a certain someone found his way down from the roof on the far side of the Homestead. By now, Newt’s shouting had caught more than just Gally’s attention and others were making their way over from various areas of the Glade to investigate.

Gally came around the corner, wiping the sweat from his brow by lifting his shirt up to his face. The action gave you a very clear shot of his stomach and Newt could only chuckle as you squeaked in bashful surprise.

“What’s so important that I’ve gotta’ look at it now?” asked Gally, fixing his shirt back into place with a gruff tug. But the question was barely past his lips before he stopped dead, catching sight of you.

“Look who I found in the Gardens,” Newt announced with a cheery grin, taking full delight in Gally’s startled expression.

Seeing that neither you nor Gally planned to move, Newt put his hand into the small of your back then pushed you forwards, like a mother forcing their child into a playdate.

Unprepared for the shove, you stumbled but stopped before you could trip and make an embarrassment of yourself.

“H-hi, Gal.”

Gally didn’t speak. He didn’t move. The only reason you knew he hadn’t died on the spot was the blink of his eyes and the ever-furrowing arch of his brows.

“Play nice,” Newt warned jokingly, as he knew what was going to happen next, especially with other Gladers closing in.

“Gal?”

The question was barely past your lips before Gally finally reacted.

You braced yourself, side-eyeing Newt to say goodbye as the builder stormed towards you, then his large hand clamped around your wrist.

“Inside. Now.”

Without breaking a sweat, Gally turned and marched you inside the Homestead, missing the arrival of the other Gladers by seconds, with Newt there to ward them off.

“Best give them some space, chaps.”

Inside, Gally kept hold of you as he pulled you straight through the council room and out to where the Medical and Keepers’ Rooms were. In this primitive Glade, they were the closest places to privacy anyone could wish for, aside from the washroom.

Minho, the Keeper of the Runners, was relaxing peacefully in his hammock when Gally stormed in. He barely had chance to spot you and wave before Gally shot him a look.

“Come back later.”

Minho clearly couldn’t decide whether Gally was joking, but when he realised he wasn’t, Minho frowned but pulled himself out of his hammock, regardless.

“This is what I get for finishing my run early.” He pushed past Gally to get out, but flashed you a smile on his way past. “Welcome back, ____.”

“You look well, Minho.” You called after him, hoping to soften the impact of Gally’s mood.

Gally held onto your wrist until he knew the two of you were alone. He stayed still, listening out for anyone else. Even you strained an ear, wondering if perhaps the nosier Gladers would try to listen in, but after a moment, Gally released you. He stepped away and turned, sinking into his hammock with his feet over the side. His exuberant height meant they still planted firmly on the ground.

“Why are you here?”

He met your gaze and held it, his expression firm. Gally was never was one to beat about the bush.

“Hello to you, too.” You said, though your dry humour failed to break the tension. Gally raised his eyebrows, clearly waiting for you to drop the attitude and answer him. “Don’t be like that, Gal. You know I wouldn’t do this without good reason.”

He furrowed his brows further, but his expression slipped from impatience to something more like concern.

“What happened to Kai?”

“No, it’s not that. He’s alright.” You sucked in your breath. “I’ve finally got a target on my back, that’s all.”

Alarm flashed through Gally’s eyes. He went to stand up but you held up your arms to keep him still. “It’s okay. I’m fine. Kai’s been keeping me safe.” You didn’t like how talking about the dangers in your other life made your breath shake. “But he’s gone off to fight. This is the only place I can hide. I’m sorry, Gal. I know we said I’d stay there this time. I know we did but—”

Gally was in front of you before you could stop him.

“Enough.”

One word was enough to silence you. He pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you before the true extent of your worries could take hold. Gally wasn’t the kind of person to talk about sentimentalities, but his firm embrace was enough to shush the uneasiness in your heart. It told you: he was glad you were here, and here you were safe.

“Thanks, Gal,” you murmured, pressing your face into his chest as you wrapped your arms around his broad midsection, your fingers almost touching.

He grunted in response, keeping hold of you until he was sure you did not need him.

“How long are you here for?”

You rubbed your face against the scratchy material of his shirt, trying to tell him you did not want to talk about it. You had just got here, and you had missed Gally more than you cared to admit. The last thing you wanted to think about was leaving him, especially when it led you to worry about Kai’s fate.

“A few days. Maybe. I need to recharge.”

Gally was quiet for a moment and you gave him time to think, enjoying the strength and the warmth in his embrace, particularly because you knew it was a softer side of him reserved entirely for you.

“Fine.” He said, finally, definitively. He rested his hand against the back of your head, keeping you held against him in a clumsy but affection hold. “I’ve still got jobs to do. Should be done in an hour, though. Stay here so you don’t bother anyone else.”

“Would I do that?”

You tried to pull back so he could see your feigned hurt expression, but he kept you pinned because he knew that was exactly what you were trying to do.

“Behave.”

He stroked your hair, dwindling your urge to rebel. “Might as well enjoy the quiet while you can. Shuck knows you won’t get any peace once everyone knows you’re here.”

——

Imma do my best to get back to writing properly (or at least headcanons?) but let me know if you want any more extract dumps because I have hundreds that are rotting because I cant finish anything ❤

What did you do?! Brucinette [CrackFic]

Thought of this when I was reading this

I’m making this a Brucinette just because it makes more sense in my opinion.

(This takes place in Wayne manor, Marinette and Bruce are married.)

Marinette was packing a bag while Bruce was sulking when Dick entered: Hey, Mom, I need your help wit- what are you doing? Why are you packing a bag?! Did Bruce do something?!

Bruce: Dick Marinette’s leavi-

Before he could finish what he was saying Dick cut him off yelling: HEY GUYS. COME QUICK!!! EMERGENCY!!! B DID SOMETHING TO PISS MOM OFF SO NOW SHE’S LEAVING!!!

Both Jason and Damian were the first ones to arrive.

Jason: WHAT DID B DO!?

Damian: FATHER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

Jason: Is it because he’s old?

Bruce: what th-

Barbra was next followed by Stephanie dragging a barely awake Tim.

Both Barbra and Stephanie: WHAT DID HE DO?!

Stephanie : it’s probably because of his fashion taste, just look at him.

Barbra: he’s probably going bald, is that why?!

Bruce: he-

Tim: he probably said or did something stupid again.☕️

And in our lord and savior’s typical fashion, Alfred shows up out of nowhere and says: shame on you master Wayne. (Smh)

Bruce: bu..but-

Damian: Pennyworth gather my belongings, I’ve decided, if mother and father wish to get a divorce, I shall live with mother.

Bruce: di-?

Dick: DIVORCE!?

Jason: it was fun while it lasted, After you’re done with demon spawns stuff help me with mine.

Cassandra: I help too!! ‍♀️

(Wtf, where’d she come from!?)

Barbra: Come on Dick, we need to get our stuff too, Steph go help Tim with his.. whatever?

Bye Bruce it was fun while it lasted. ☹️

Dick: I ca- can’t believe it’s ov- over.. just like that…

Everyone starts walking out of the room talking when suddenly Marinette screams: EVERYONE STOP!

Everyone stops and turns to look at Marinette

Everyone: yes?

Marinette: WTH?! Your father and I aren’t getting a divorce!

Dick: Then only separation?

Marinette: no! I’m leaving for a mission not divorcing Bruce!

.

..

Everyone: ooooohhhh

..

.

Jason: what’s for lunch?

Alfred: lasagna, master Ja-

And just like that everyone was out of the room back to their respective places

Bruce:


(don’t mind the bad and lazy art)

Low key everyone jabbing at Bruce

Welcome to the dark age 

I read a Connor McDavid crackfic last night and the phrase “I am a gay person” coming from Connor McDavid’s mouth absolutely fucking sent me like I almost threw up from laughing so hard so if the author of that fic ever sees this I hope you’re having a wonderful day and I love u

housekenobi:

rock candy

  • A Palpatine x Reader x Jar Jar Crack Fic
  • Rated E for Explicit, C for Crack
  • Word Count: it does not matter, it is pure eye burning sin (913 if you wanna be specific when you yell at me for this) 
  • Summary: read the title, then question the life choices you’ve made that brought you to this point
  • Warnings: Palpatine. Jar Jar. Threesome. Need I say more?
  • Special thanks and dedication to @beskars and her awful anons: without you, I might still have the will to live
  • Author’s Note: If it’s not abundantly clear, rock candy is a euphemism. Thanks for making me write this, you bunch of heathens, I’m going to go yeet myself into the sun. Enjoy, share what you can, and be well (I love y'all lmao) ~

This is your LAST warning - do not click read more unless you are very, very prepared for what follows. And even then, it may not be enough. I cannot be held responsible for any therapy bills that result from reading this - my own therapist is going to have a field day with me tomorrow. This is riddled with errors and typos because I cannot look at it any longer - it just adds to how horrid this really is. 

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image
Dr. Spencer/reader
Summary: Spencer Reid has never been the biggest fan of technology, until he starts dating Y/n, who just happens to love technology a little too much.
words: 1.1k
warnings: Spencer Reid wasting money? nothing else to my knowledge!
a/n: this is honestly such a crack fic that I just thought was a silly idea haha

Spencer Reid had never been “normal”. As a little boy he had pushed aside the “traditional” interests of most of the little boys in Las Vegas. His father had pushed him to play baseball, get into sports, but Spencer would rather have locked himself in his bedroom and master calculus than step out on that field and hit a ball with a bat, feeling it was the most primitive form of entertainment that he had no interest in whatsoever. Spencer loved models of the solar system, he loved dictionaries and books of all sorts, but there was one thing in particular that Spencer Reid simply did not like.

Ever since Spencer Reid was a little boy he didn’t like technology all that much. Sure, it was helpful and allowed for new discoveries in science and about every other field out there, which Spencer Reid obviously supported, but he just never liked technology all that much. His team knew about his aversion to all things technological, and when Garcia had splurged on new tablets for each of the members, Spencer had opted for good old pen, paper, and printed pictures.

Then Spencer Reid met Y/n, the newest member of the BAU who every member of the team, especially Spencer, had found themselves completely enamored with as soon as she joined the team. Just months into Y/n’s employment with the BAU, she and Spencer had begun dating and within a year moved in with each other, the relationship moving fast but the two of them completely in love with each other. Y/n Y/l/n loves technology, she loves playing online games, she loves reading ebooks, something Spencer Reid would never be on board with, paper books are better! Which they’ve argued a million times about of course. She loves doing research online in order to expand her knowledge, and most of all, Y/n loves online shopping. The entire team loves to make jokes about their youngest team member’s obsession, Morgan had even put together an intervention for her when they found out just how much online shopping she was doing per week. At first, Spencer Reid tried to get his girlfriend to stop her addiction, I mean, how many clothes does the girl need? Spencer thinks she looks perfect in anything she puts on so he honestly doesn’t really understand why she needs new outfits all the time. Then Y/n had bought some lingerie and okay maybe Spencer starts to see the appeal of online shopping, but he would never ever admit that to anyone, not even Y/n. So looking back on Spencer’s history with technology and his aversion to the habits of his beloved girlfriend, no one is more surprised than Spencer himself when he finds himself entering the fourth hour of online shopping one Saturday night when Y/n had gone over to Garcia’s house to hang out with the girls of the BAU team.

He had picked up Y/n’s computer because her birthday was coming up and as much as he doesn’t like anything related to online shopping, he loves his girlfriend so much more, so he decided he should buy her something for her birthday. He had started browsing the stores he knew Y/n liked and all of a sudden it was like a switch tripped in Spencer’s brain, there’s so much stuff online! So much stuff to buy! He buys Y/n a dress that he knows she’ll love and he’ll love to see on her, he buys her a new case for her laptop as she had been complaining about her broken case when they have to travel so much for work, and he buys her a new go-bag, something that they always need when, once again, the couple are almost always traveling for their vigorous jobs at the BAU. Then he starts seeing items that oh no he most definitely does not need but yes he does. Who needs an air fryer? Spencer Reid and Y/n need an air fryer that’s who, Spencer never knew they were so versatile! He can make so many things so quickly, which will come in handy when him and Y/n are always rushing out the door somewhere.

Then Spencer enters the dangerous world of Halloween decorations. Oh my lord, it being the end of August, Spencer is anxiously awaiting the onset of his absolute favorite time of the year, therefore he buys Halloween decoration after Halloween decoration until the cart is filled with masks to scare Morgan with at work, candy to give out granted the two are home this Halloween, and fake cobwebs to decorate their apartment as well as the BAU office if he can get away with it, Hotch might not be on board with transforming the bullpen into a spooky wonderland. There’s also the huge amount of clothes that Spencer finds himself buying, he doesn’t put too much thought into his clothes, but he likes to think he looks professional at work, so he finds himself buying a whole variety of ties, and socks, because Spencer Reid hates wearing matching socks and they have so many fun patterns of socks online, who knew! He also begins shopping for Christmas, four months early but Spencer Reid definitely isn’t deterred by that fact.

All of a sudden Spencer starts yawning a bit and he looks at the clock, it being almost two o’clock in the morning at this point and Spencer starts giggling. Spencer Reid doesn’t do this, he hardly ever uses technology except for when Garcia works her magic to solve a case for them, Spencer Reid certainly doesn’t online shop, but here he is with over $500 worth of random online items. Spencer places his orders before he can use his brain to convince himself it’s not a good idea to buy a bunch of items he definitely doesn’t need, then he shuts Y/n’s laptop and throws it across the bed, feeling like it had attacked him, had he been hypnotized? Spencer Reid gets ready for bed and texts Y/n goodnight, before falling asleep extremely quickly, embarrassingly worn out by his ventures online. Spencer honestly feels like his adventures of online shopping had been just a dream.

Y/n comes back and the next day they’re called to Houston to solve yet another serial killer case, so the items Spencer had bought online fade to the very back of his mind. They’re walking up the stairs to their apartment when Spencer sees the boxes, there are probably ten huge boxes ands bags from assorted stores in front of their door. Y/n starts laughing, her laugh getting more intense until she can barely breathe.

“Spence?” she gasps out, “you want to tell me about your activities online?” she says still laughing. Spencer sighs and face palms, he is never going to live this down, that’s for sure.

countessselena:

Rating:General

Relationship:Nine x rose

Summary: While waiting out an unlikely infestation/invasion, the Doctor tells Rose and Jack about a rather…unusual…incident from his past.

Notes: Er, so, hi? *waves timidly*. It’s been a long while, I know- RL has been VERY rude. And apparently this is the first thing that my muse has decided that we need to share after all this time. It’s utter crack, from start to finish (totally not sorry!), and those of you who know me are probably not at all surprised by the content of this crackitude. *grins sheepishly* Fair warning, I’m VERY rusty.To be fair, it’s not entirely my fault- a friend sent me this crazy article and, well, the muse took over after that. Thanks to rose–nebula for the beta x Soooo…..yeah. Enjoy the lunacy and if you hate it please don’t come after me with a crepe?

Also on: A03  I  Teaspoon

_______________________________________________________________

Rose turned to the Doctor. “Right, what we gonna do then?”

“Do?” He cocked his head.

“About the crazy giant moose-things that have taken over the ski park, Doctor!’ Rose stared at him. “Or were you plannin’ to just sit here in front of a sixty-first century ski park  an’ wait it out until aliens try to take over the world again?” 

“Who said anything about aliens?”

Jack stared. “Wait, you mean they’re NOT aliens?

“Nope. Just angry meeses.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Rose frowned. “Did you say meeses?

“Yeah. Plural of moose. Used to be moose, but they changed because of a mad lawyer in the early twenty-first century. Nutella-crazed, moose-obsessed nutter, she was.”

“Nutella-crazed…what? ” Rose shook her head in bewilderment.

“Oh yeah, complete nutter. Whacked me over the head with a crepe, once.”

“Oooooh, kinky.” Jack waggled his eyebrows. “You randy old Time Lord, you.”

“That wasn’t a euphemism, you oversexed sod! She thumped me with a crepe. Literally.”

Keep reading

countessselena:

Rating:General

Relationship:Nine x rose

Summary: While waiting out an unlikely infestation/invasion, the Doctor tells Rose and Jack about a rather…unusual…incident from his past.

Notes: Er, so, hi? *waves timidly*. It’s been a long while, I know- RL has been VERY rude. And apparently this is the first thing that my muse has decided that we need to share after all this time. It’s utter crack, from start to finish (totally not sorry!), and those of you who know me are probably not at all surprised by the content of this crackitude. *grins sheepishly* Fair warning, I’m VERY rusty.To be fair, it’s not entirely my fault- a friend sent me this crazy article and, well, the muse took over after that. Thanks to rose–nebula for the beta x Soooo…..yeah. Enjoy the lunacy and if you hate it please don’t come after me with a crepe?

Also on: A03  I  Teaspoon

_______________________________________________________________

Rose turned to the Doctor. “Right, what we gonna do then?”

“Do?” He cocked his head.

“About the crazy giant moose-things that have taken over the ski park, Doctor!’ Rose stared at him. “Or were you plannin’ to just sit here in front of a sixty-first century ski park  an’ wait it out until aliens try to take over the world again?” 

“Who said anything about aliens?”

Jack stared. “Wait, you mean they’re NOT aliens?

“Nope. Just angry meeses.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Rose frowned. “Did you say meeses?

“Yeah. Plural of moose. Used to be moose, but they changed because of a mad lawyer in the early twenty-first century. Nutella-crazed, moose-obsessed nutter, she was.”

“Nutella-crazed…what? ” Rose shook her head in bewilderment.

“Oh yeah, complete nutter. Whacked me over the head with a crepe, once.”

“Oooooh, kinky.” Jack waggled his eyebrows. “You randy old Time Lord, you.”

“That wasn’t a euphemism, you oversexed sod! She thumped me with a crepe. Literally.”

Keep reading

countessselena:

Rating:General

Relationship:Nine x rose

Summary: While waiting out an unlikely infestation/invasion, the Doctor tells Rose and Jack about a rather…unusual…incident from his past.

Notes: Er, so, hi? *waves timidly*. It’s been a long while, I know- RL has been VERY rude. And apparently this is the first thing that my muse has decided that we need to share after all this time. It’s utter crack, from start to finish (totally not sorry!), and those of you who know me are probably not at all surprised by the content of this crackitude. *grins sheepishly* Fair warning, I’m VERY rusty.To be fair, it’s not entirely my fault- a friend sent me this crazy article and, well, the muse took over after that. Thanks to rose–nebula for the beta x Soooo…..yeah. Enjoy the lunacy and if you hate it please don’t come after me with a crepe?

Also on: A03  I  Teaspoon

_______________________________________________________________

Rose turned to the Doctor. “Right, what we gonna do then?”

“Do?” He cocked his head.

“About the crazy giant moose-things that have taken over the ski park, Doctor!’ Rose stared at him. “Or were you plannin’ to just sit here in front of a sixty-first century ski park  an’ wait it out until aliens try to take over the world again?” 

“Who said anything about aliens?”

Jack stared. “Wait, you mean they’re NOT aliens?

“Nope. Just angry meeses.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Rose frowned. “Did you say meeses?

“Yeah. Plural of moose. Used to be moose, but they changed because of a mad lawyer in the early twenty-first century. Nutella-crazed, moose-obsessed nutter, she was.”

“Nutella-crazed…what? ” Rose shook her head in bewilderment.

“Oh yeah, complete nutter. Whacked me over the head with a crepe, once.”

“Oooooh, kinky.” Jack waggled his eyebrows. “You randy old Time Lord, you.”

“That wasn’t a euphemism, you oversexed sod! She thumped me with a crepe. Literally.”

Keep reading

Rating:General

Relationship:Nine x rose

Summary: While waiting out an unlikely infestation/invasion, the Doctor tells Rose and Jack about a rather…unusual…incident from his past.

Notes: Er, so, hi? *waves timidly*. It’s been a long while, I know- RL has been VERY rude. And apparently this is the first thing that my muse has decided that we need to share after all this time. It’s utter crack, from start to finish (totally not sorry!), and those of you who know me are probably not at all surprised by the content of this crackitude. *grins sheepishly* Fair warning, I’m VERY rusty.To be fair, it’s not entirely my fault- a friend sent me this crazy article and, well, the muse took over after that. Thanks to rose–nebula for the beta x Soooo…..yeah. Enjoy the lunacy and if you hate it please don’t come after me with a crepe?

Also on: A03  I  Teaspoon

_______________________________________________________________

Rose turned to the Doctor. “Right, what we gonna do then?”

“Do?” He cocked his head.

“About the crazy giant moose-things that have taken over the ski park, Doctor!’ Rose stared at him. “Or were you plannin’ to just sit here in front of a sixty-first century ski park  an’ wait it out until aliens try to take over the world again?” 

“Who said anything about aliens?”

Jack stared. “Wait, you mean they’re NOT aliens?

“Nope. Just angry meeses.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Rose frowned. “Did you say meeses?

“Yeah. Plural of moose. Used to be moose, but they changed because of a mad lawyer in the early twenty-first century. Nutella-crazed, moose-obsessed nutter, she was.”

“Nutella-crazed…what? ” Rose shook her head in bewilderment.

“Oh yeah, complete nutter. Whacked me over the head with a crepe, once.”

“Oooooh, kinky.” Jack waggled his eyebrows. “You randy old Time Lord, you.”

“That wasn’t a euphemism, you oversexed sod! She thumped me with a crepe. Literally.”

Rose narrowed her eyes. “What’d you do, then?”

“Why d’you always assume I’ve done something?” The Doctor crossed his arms indignantly, leather jacket creaking. 

Rose folded her own arms in response. “Cause I know you, Doctor. You always do something.”

“Honestly, Rose, I’m insulted. Me own wife, of all people, thinkin’ the worst  of me! Hurts a bloke’s feelings, that does.”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “Doctor.”

“Honestly, Rose! I have feelings , you know.”

“Nope.” The other brow went up. “Not buyin’ it. What’d you do?

“Nothing, really.” He cleared his throat. “I might’ve half-inched a jar of Nutella.”

Rose stared at him, not saying a word.

He looked intently at the toe of his left boot. “…from the cafe she was sitting in. As they were about to put it on her crepe.”

“Doctor!”

“What? I was peckish, Rose, and I had a hankering!”

Jack whistled. “You stole a Nutella addict’s Nutella? You’re lucky you’re still alive to talk about it.”

“You’re not wrong. Thought I was going to regenerate then and there,” the Time Lord grumbled. “Not that I was overly fond of that body anway. Too shifty by half, that one.”

“Which you was it?”

“Seventh.”

“Ah.” Rose bit her lip, trying to hold in a laugh.

“What?” The Doctor demanded. “What’s so funny?”

“S’just…the mental image of creepy shepherd-magician you bein’ chased by a crazy woman wavin’ a crepe.” She snorted. “S’ridiculous, Doctor.”

Jack giggled. 

“Oi! That’s enough of that!” The Doctor looked outraged. “I could’ve been seriously injured, Rose! She threatened to throw me to a moose, you know!”

Rose tried harder to stifle her laughter. “Did she even have a moose?”

“Well, I wasn’t takin’ any chances! She was screechin’ about Rupert and the Twice Victorious Meese Army! I wasn’t sticking around to find out!”

“Rupert?” Rose burst out laughing, unable to hold it in any longer. “A moose named Rupert?”

“Rupert the Battle Moose, First Commander of the Regimental Horde of Very Angry Meeses, if you don’t mind.”

Rose only laughed harder.

“It’s not funny, Rose! I could’ve been seriously injured, me! Have you seen the size of them?”

She tried to stop laughing. She really did, but Jack’s explosive laughter didn’t help. 

“Stop that!” The Doctor snapped. “Death by moose is a very serious business, Rose!”

She squeaked.

“Rose!”

“Death by moose,” she wheezed. “Death by moose!”

“Yes, death by moose!” He shuddered. “Pretty certain that regeneration by meeselation has never happened before. Can you imagine what I’d look like if I’d formed meself on the last thing I’d seen?

Unable to help it any longer, Rose collapsed in a pile on the ground, laughing hysterically. Distantly, she heard Jack crackling with laughter. She wasn’t surprised; picturing the Doctor with antlers and a goofy-looking moose face did that to a person.

The Doctor narrowed his eyes. “I picked up a jar of Nutella from Tesco on our last visit to Jackie- you just see if I share any!”

“Course you will,” Jack wiped at his eyes. “As if you’ve ever been able to say no to Rose.”

“Of course I can!” The Doctor scoffed. “I’m a Time Lord, me- stern of will and strong of purpose.”

“And smitten of the Rose and whipped of the affection.”

“That’s not the right phrasing.” The Doctor scowled. “And I’m not whipped.”

“As a training post in a Victorian army camp, oh, yes you are.” Jack waggled his eyebrows.

Rose smiled cheerfully at him from the forest floor. “You know you love me, Doctor.”

The Doctor grunted.

“You know you do.” She stood, dusting herself off and slipping her arm into his. “An’ I love you, even if you do get yourself attacked by crazy people carrying random foodstuffs.”

He grumbled.

Winking at Jack, she steered the sulky Time Lord towards the clearing in which they’d left the TARDIS. “Come on then, why don’t we talk about it over a nice cup of tea and some Nutella on toast?” 

“S’pose,” the Doctor muttered at last, absently lacing his fingers with hers as they strode along.

“Honestly.” Jack shook his head as he watched them go. “ Sosmitten.”

Fin

Word count: 1156

This is a self indulgent crack!fic.

It started out as a joke. A conversation between new friends, but things spiralled out of control. People from all over the world caught wind of the news. Gabriel Agreste was an awful parent. Adrien, deemed sunshine child by all of his friends, needed to be saved. They made a plan, one unbeknownst to Adrien, Gabriel and his assistant Nathalie; but one that would change everything. That had everything set up, it was more planned out than the area 51 raid and more convoluted than Ladybug’s plans involving lucky charms. 

Tumblr users banned together, meeting at the Basel airport in eastern France. It was a six hour drive to Paris with a stop in Gare de Nancy. They were tired when they got to Paris, a day full of flying and driving to a toll on people. A lovely woman offered her house as a home base. Her daughter had almost forced her into it when she heard what was going down. 

The amazing Sabine Cheng let her bakery be their home base. Her daughter Marinette had already made suits that would leave each of them completely unrecognizable. They were completely black, except for the five striped pocket, resembling the pattern on Adrien’s shirt. 

“How did you make these so quickly?” @xthreeravensx asked, holding the exquisitely stitched fabric in their hands. 

“I’ve always had a knack for designing, so it was my pleasure to help you guys. I completely support your cause,” Marinette replied. “Gabriel Agreste is an awful man. Adrien shouldn’t have to endure his torture.” 

Chorusses of agreements ran out amongst the room. Annoyed scoffs rang along with them. Gabriel Agreste was once a great man, but he was nothing more than a grade-a snob now. A scumbag that deserved to rot in jail.

“I saw all the discourse online but I was too scared to join the group chat. What exactly is your plan?” Marinette asked. Rightfully so, something as illegal as a kidnapping had to have some planning involved.

“At first we were going to hire a hitman to kill Gabriel Agreste but @themiraculousladyblog said that was ‘too illegal’,” @justsomegarbageperson said, and something along the lines of party pooper was muttered under her breath.

“We decided to just get Adrien out of that house, and to a place that would cherish him,” @wrongmiraculous added. “We didn’t think anything would come of it, but low and behold here we are.” 

“But for the actual plan, why don’t you come along for the ride, find out for yourself?” @angelwolf-156 bargained. “It’ll be fine, come on.”

“I can’t, I have a curfew now that school has started. Although I did hear that Ladybug was gonna show up,” Marinette grinned.

“Ladybug? Score!” @purplewhiteandgold exclaimed. “With her luck on our side this will go off without a hitch.”

If you drowned out the chatting, and listened close you could almost hear a high pitched giggle followed by a quiet shush.

“As long as Adrien gets given a hug I’m happy. That boy deserves it with all the trauma going on around him,” @bug-nette shook their head. It was downcast and had a sad expression written on it. Faces around the room mimicked it before @themiraculousladyblog spoke up.

“We leave after dark. The window to Adrien’s room shouldn’t be hard to deal with. With Ladybug joining us, she can get us up there with her yo-yo. Adrien loves Ladybug, as everyone should of course,” everyone nodded in agreement, causing Marinette to blush faintly. “So she’ll wake him up and carry him out of there.”

@thequestionablyhuman has already agreed to be the getaway driver. @sometypeofbirthstoneand@catchacha are going to be the fake getaway drivers that will lead anyone astray. @poshplumcot is bringing the fluffy blankets to make the hugs better. @pricklypoisonousplantand@hiccstridgirl are standing watch for the police and such, while @kagamiinette ,@its-destiel-ass-butt , and @yerabearmum are gonna fight of Gabriel, Nathalie and anybody else that becomes a problem,” @wrongmiraculous finished explaining the plan. “Alright clowns! We’ve got this!” 

Tom, Sabine and Marinette were all taken aback by the loud cheers that rang out after it. Everyone was filled in, everything was set up, now all that was left was time. To pass the time, Sabine brought everyone fresh pastries and hot chocolate, Marinette put on the Ladybug and Chat Noir movie. 

As the hours passed, more and more people showed up. Marinette was so glad she had made so many suits, she’d have to thank Tikki for helping her. A kilogram of fresh bakery cookies should do the trick. 

The sun had set, the sky was pitch black. The only source of light was the pale dim moon and scarce street lamps strung across the roads. Marinette had gone to bed a while ago, Ladybug had joined the party soon after she left. 

“Let’s go, clowns,” she said, the moonlight reflecting off the shiny material of her suit, Alya desperately wanted to touch. She whispered that she had wanted to feel it to @scientistkink, who had agreed. 

With Ladybug’s help they had easily gotten through security. Adrien’s window was in sight and was surprisingly unlocked. 

“Adrien,” Ladybug gently caressed his shoulder waking him up slightly. Adrien gasped at the sight of his lady. This must be a dream, if it was he never wanted to wake up. 

“My Lady?” Adrien whispered, his eyes boring into hers, while her mouth hung open. 

My Lady? She thought. Only Chat calls me My Lady. Oh my god! Is Adrien Chat?

“Chaton?” Ladybug whispered, her bluebell eyes glistening with hope. He relaxed into her touch, humming sweetly. Marinette didn’t need any more convincing, this was her kitty, and she was his lady. “Come on Chaton, we have some travelling ahead of us.”

He stood up, calling upon Plagg to transform him. In his place sat a leather clad superhero with ears and a tail. 

Alya’s jaw dropped to the floor, as did Nino’s. However, all those coming from outside of France just shrugged, saying it was obvious. They quickly left the mansion, into the getaway vehicles. Marinette leaned her head onto Chat’s shoulder lifting his hand, entertaining his fingers with her own. 

“I have something to tell you, Chat,” he nodded his facial expressions were that of worry, and acceptance. Marinette released her transformation. Alya and Nino’s eyes went wide. Their two best friends were the heroes of Paris. As they thought about it, it made more sense. Why they got a miraculous, of course they’d be superheroes. 

“Hi, I’m Marinette,” Chats eyes widened, his transformation falling. He embraced her with the biggest hug, filled with all the emotions he could muster. Silent promises made. Words left unspoken, but addressed and known about all the same. The night bore on, and they feel asleep hand in hand, hearts beating in sync. 

They would deal with the tabloids tomorrow, tonight was for them to cherish. Tonight was for him to feel loved.

4+1 not-fic because I’m lazy.

1. Foya

Of all the changes between novel and show, I may mourn Foya the most. The dog they chose for the role really wasn’t on board with the idea of becoming an actor and made that known, they didn’t have a lot of usable footage and thus ended up deleting Foya completely.

image

But in the novel, Jingyan has a tamed wolf named Foya, who was given to him by Lin Shu. Because of course Jingyan has a tamed wolf, and of course such a stupid idea was Lin Shu’s. They were such disastrous teenagers.

Anyway, come the Spring Hunt, Su Zhe is supposed to travel with Jingyan’s retinue, and while they are preparing for travel, Lie Zhanying is all “please don’t panic but we are also bringing a wolf, who is mostly tame, so just stay out of its way and it will be fine” and tons of things are suddenly happening in Mei Changsu’s very busy mind:

- wait a wolf? Foya is still alive?

- Foya will definitely remember Lin Shu

- which means I will be identified on sight, err, on scent

- I need to explain that.

And Mei Changsu blithely explaining to a Polite but Deeply Sceptical Lie Zhanying that actually, ahah, funny story, but I am a Disney Princess, wild animals love me, birds go perch on my shoulders if I play music, and probably your wolf will in fact adore me.

Which, to be fair, is not such a bad lie to tell on the spot, and was possibly not even the most outrageous lie he told that day.

Comes in Foya, and sure enough, that wolf immediately focus on Mei Changsu, and greets him with the kind of unbridled enthusiasm that makes for cute Internet videos becoming viral and Buzzfeed articles titled “Wild Animal Meeting Again Their First Caretaker After a Decade of Separation!”.

By the way, while the novel doesn’t tell us that, I need you all to know that wolves tend to pee when they are very excited, and meeting Mei Changsu would evidently qualify. I’m prepared to stand my ground with this headcanon. Mei Changsu deserved to be peed on, how dare he forget Foya.

Meanwhile, Lie Zhanying is converting from Politely Sceptical to Reluctantly Impressed, and while he would never annoy his prince with the strategist’s many quirks, this is prime gossip material to be disseminated throughout the whole Jing Army.

Jingyan can live in ignorance a little while longer.

2. Random war horses

In the next days, the Jing Army members going to the Spring Hunt are totally watching Su Zhe, and they have to admit that he is a terribly weak scholar, the kind who need help to just walk after a full day in a carriage (look, staying seated in a moving vehicle means your body is constantly readjusting position not to fall of, and that’s exhausting), and completely unable to ride by himself BUT he also knows how to interact with war horses.

Horses are nervous animals, war horses even more so, but this scholar totally acts like only his own weakness prevents him from riding, and he even has training suggestions, which possibly shouldn’t be surprising coming from a strategist with an opinion about everything under the sun, but still manage to take the men by surprise. Maybe he really is a Disney Princess.

3. Nie Feng

And then, of course the monster is captured! After a whole year of hunting! And even worse than expected, that feral creature drinks blood! Even in the cage, the men are wary of approaching it. I mean, a blood drinking beast, a little cautiousness is not amiss, right?

But that scholar comes in without any care for danger, and talks to the monster, and gives him his own blood, and when the cage is opened, the beast follows him meek as a lamb. Whatever this beast is or will turn out to be, it was feral and it’s tame for Su Zhe.

Disney Princess, for sure, that reputation is now sealed.

4. Feiliu

Look, if it was up to Qi Meng, Feiliu would be higher on that list. According to him, Feiliu should have been number one on that list. There definitely needs to be something magical, something Disney Princessy, to have that little murderous ball of energy be so adoring of this scholar.

Even Grand Commander Meng Zhi doesn’t radiate cold intent to kill all the time like this child does. It takes a considerable amount of restraint for the better trained men not to treat him as the terrifying menace he is, not to step in front of their prince to protect him, not to yank that oblivious scholar to safety.

But they have to admit that while Feiliu is a cold, cold killer, the kind of threat that only seems to spring in the jianghu, he also visibly adores his Su-gege and will steal all the flowers in the prince’s garden to brighten his days.

So it took several weeks of debate, and then voting, but in the end, the Jing Army collectively agreed that Feiliu counted as a proof that Su Zhe was, in fact, a Disney Princess.

+1 Xiao Jingyan

Look, it was mentioned once and then never again, by a foolish centurion rapidly shushed to silence (not Qi Meng, for once, but only because he was drinking at the time and someone beat him to it), but their prince is a prickly one, ok? All standoffish and repressed. Nobody has liked him in court for years, and he apparently was not able to maintain any actual friendships for a full decade.

And then that Su Zhe came, and suddenly His Highness is mending old friendships, creating new ones, actually respected in court, and even accepting a new marriage instead of just ignoring his two consorts. No one will admit it aloud, but their prince was wild, and now he is fit for company.

Maybe the legends about Qilins are wrong; maybe it’s all about Disney Princesses advisors taming wild princes. If so, that’s a secret the Jing Army will guard zealously.

OK, so…it turned out that the guild mates really loved the last fic I wrote for them, and kinda wanted more…

OK, so…it turned out that the guild mates really loved the last fic I wrote for them, and kinda wanted more.

So, for this weeks story start, you shall see the beginning of yet another story that will be completed in full. I haven’t yet completed it, and it will be a while before I do, but when it is done, I shall put it up here in full.

Zul’Gurub

It was a dark and stormy evening in…

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Today’s challenge came from my World of Warcraft Classic guild leader, who, after discovering that I’m a writer, set me the challenge of writing about our guild through the lens of our character’s fighting through Blackwing Lair!

Today’s challenge came from my World of Warcraft Classic guild leader, who, after discovering that I’m a writer, set me the challenge of writing about our guild through the lens of our character’s fighting through Blackwing Lair!

The gavel fell, and the judge’s unanimous cry sounded out throughout the courtroom. You could have heard a penny drop. “For your crimes against common sense and…

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buffshipper8490:

Rating:EXPLICIT

Synopsis: Unable to focus on her Jedi training, Rey de-stresses with a little help from BB-8. Little does she know she’s being watched…


Excerpt:

“I am one with the Force, the Force is with me. I am one with the Force, the Force is with me. I am one with the Force…” This was the mantra that Rey repeated to herself as she sought to connect deeper into the Force. 

Rey sighed. Meditation was a bust. It was always a bust. She couldn’t focus. She was never at peace and in tune with the Force enough to focus. Everytime she did, her thoughts would inevitably drift to him, and then she’d find herself trying to search for him.

Ben…Kylo Ren. Supreme Leader of the First Order Kylo Ren. Supreme Leader of the military cult she was fighting against as a member of the Resistance.  She knew she should hate him, but for some reason she couldn’t. Maybe it was just the bond they shared through the Force. Maybe it was just the connection they shared in the hut that one stormy night on Ahch-To. Maybe it was just purely physical: he was a man, she was a woman, it was just nature, nothing more, nothing less.

Whatever it was, it was complicated.

It had been months since their last meeting, even after all those months, on opposite sides of the war, on opposite sides of the Force, Rey still found herself thinking of him, dreaming about him, worrying about him.

At times she’d find herself in the same room as him, and then she couldn’t get enough of him when they were together, and yearned for him when parted. She missed the flesh against flesh, the smells and tastes, the sights and sounds. She knew it was wrong, but the way he made her feel…

Opening her eyes and uncrossing her legs, Rey unhooked the her lightsaber from her belt and decided to run the training course that she had set up in the expansive forest terrain of Ajan Koss.

BB-8 beeped in curiosity at her feet. Rey smiled at her little droid companion. The orange and white ball-shaped droid had been quite taken to her ever since she had rescued it on Jakku over a year ago, and had frequently accompanied her as she trained and meditated, beeping encouragement at her.

“Ready to run the course with me, BB-8?”


Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

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Synopsis:

Finn spills the Black Book of Captain Phasma over drinks with the Resistance. (Ongoing)

  • Chapter 1: Wanna Hear a Story? Finn spills the Black Book of Captain Phasma over drinks with the Resistance.
  • Chapter 2: Inspection! Phasma inspects more than Finn’s weapons during a routine inspection


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  • Chapter 3: Phasma Fux Hux General Hux bites off more than he can chew when he orders Captain Phasma over to his private quarters for a pegging session
  • Chapter 4: Rewarding the Troops Phasma celebrates with her loyal stormtroopers following a First Order victory

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

  • Chapter 5: Phasma’s Phantasy As Kylo Ren recovers from the Battle of Starkiller in the Supremacy’s medical bay, Phasma takes the opportunity to indulge in a sexual fantasy about the Master of the Knights of Ren

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

  • Chapter 6: Dark Reign A tie-in chapter to the darkfic “Dark Reign”, General Phasma visits Empress Kira Ren, the former Rey of Jakku, at the Fortress Ren on Mustafar

Complete!Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

buffshipper8490:

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Rating: EXPLICIT

Synopsis: A series of one shots in which Rey f**ks her way through the Sequel Trilogy

Chapter 1: Desert Heat After a tough day of scavenging, Rey decides to enjoy some relaxing alone time…

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

Chapter 2: Awakening Kylo Ren interrogates Rey at Starkiller Base, probing her mind with the Force for clues to BB-8 and the map to Luke Skywalker. What else he finds in her mind however, is something neither of them expected

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

Chapter 3: How to Make Love the Wookiee Way With Jedi Master Luke Skywalker unwilling to take up the lightsaber in the fight against the First Order, Rey finds out that Chewbacca has his sights set on her as a new mate as they pass the time together on Ahch-To…

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

Chapter 4: The First Order’s Finest To escape Kylo Ren’s clutches, Rey enlists the help of JB-007 and his fellow stormtroopers, but only if she does something for all of them…

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

Chapter 5: The Jedi Master When Rey travels to Ahch-To find the lost Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, the reluctant hermit agrees to come, but only if Rey makes it worth his while…

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

Chapter 6: A Long Way to Pasaana During a long flight to the planet of Pasaana in search for clues to the location of the planet Exegol, Finn and Poe stave off boredom in their quarters. Rey, equally bored, decides to join them…

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

Chapter 7: Rey’s Sapphic Self-Cest Rey faces her dark side aboard the wreckage of the Second Death Star…

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

Chapter 8: “You’re Offering Me a Job?” Han Solo offers Rey a job, and she accepts. However, the wily old scoundrel wasn’t specific about what kind of job it would be…

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

Chapter 9: “You’ll Be The One To Turn” Through their Force bond, Rey develops a crush on Kylo Ren and goes to him on the Supremacy to turn him to the Light. However, Kylo has other plans and brings Rey before Supreme Leader Snoke…

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

Chapter 10: Jakku Gloryhole Bitch Scavenger Rey bargains for extra portions with the miserly junk boss Unkar Plutt…

Likes ❤ and Reblogs are much appreciated!

drabblewithfrannybarnes:

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Alpine’s Diary Entries…

This is utter crack. I fully blame and joyfully credit @navybrat817,@late-to-the-party-81,@bucky-bucky-bucky-buckyand@sunshinebuckybarnes for the chaos you’re about to read. This is unedited… godspeed.

I’m sorry…

Keep reading

They can pray for hours.

This was amazing

Are you just slowly working your way through my entire masterlist right now? Lol

A - Thank you.

B - Not complaining! 

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