“mikey,” you call mikey‘s name as you shake the blond haired man awake, checking the time as you run a hand through his damp hair. “mikey, baby wake up.”
the blond man groans at your call, yet rather than getting up and opening his eyes to answer to your call, he simply rolls his his left lazily and grabs the pillow above him.
“baby get up.” you say once again, this time, grabbing the pillow away from his face and lightly tapping at his cheek. “mikey—”
you get cut off when he holds your wrist in place. you sigh in relief, thanking the gods that he has finally awaken. but your prayer of thanks gets discontinued when he suddenly pulls you to his side causing a yelp to leave past your lips.
“mikey!” you hiss, your hand propping beside his head, effectively caging him down. however, he stays indifferent and still lays there, unmoving underneath you.
“too loud,” he whines softly, finally opening his eyes like a baby. his black eyes are down turned, as if he were sad, and his pouted lips do not help, his expression shows as if he were pleading. “come to bed, please,”
his sweet little plead leaving past his pouted lips almost make you give in. but you refuse to give in, if it means it‘s for his own goodness.
so you sigh, placing a hand on his cheek once again and caressing the supple skin lightly. “baby, you can‘t sleep with wet hair. you‘ll get sick.” you try to explain.
“but i‘m too tired to wait,” his lips purse together, eyes fluttering open and close. “can we please go to bed?”
you swear your heart skipped two— if not three beats. you find it hard to respond and deny when he leans a bit and kisses your palm. it‘s always hard to deny him when he‘s like this, all sleepy and pouty like a baby.
“baby i know you‘re tired, but you‘ll get sick.” you try to reason again but he once again whines, grabbing your hand and lacing it with his.
“it‘s okay, because if i get sick i‘ll be with you and you‘ll take care of me, then we‘ll spend more time together.” he says with a sleepy smile. “i love it when you take care of me.”
you can‘t help but chuckle, shaking your head lightly before leaning down and kissing his forehead. “well, i suppose it won‘t be that bad.” you say before you turn off the light by the bed and lay beside him.
“i‘ll be in your loving care for the next few days, okay?”
yes, he sure will be in your loving care for the next few days.
— note. i havent been writing these days so its very rusty :(( i just really wanted to post this short thing i’ve had in my head dince last night
“you slapped me with a baton twelve years ago. don’t you remember?” sanzu palms the back of his head with a frown, one finger pointing at the odler haitani accusingly. ran merely rolls his eyes, the corner of his lips turning up to form a proud smirk that revealed his pearly whites.
“that i did, yes.” somewhere in the back, one could hear the muffled voice of his younger brother, trying his best to hide his laughter behind a pillow at sanzu’s poor choice of words. slapped, he wheezed, almost choking in the process
sanzu frowns, rubbing the back of his skull in a soothing motion as if he could still feel the imapct of his baton on his head. “you were rude,” he huffs, crossing his arms childishly before looking away. his actions earned a snicker from the older haitani who had no intention of ever apologising.
“you’re not one to talk, sanzu. you hit me with a metal pipe. that’s ten times more worse than ran’s plastic baton.” kakucho sends the pink-haired executive a glare, pointing at the spot where he was hit. “that one was different!” sanzu exclaims, sweat building up his forehead when he feels the burning glares of kakucho drilling holes on his form. kakucho folded his arms as he leans further into the couch, “how so?”
sanzu does not hesitate, “i did it out of love!”
“love! he did it out of love!” rindou breaks down laughing wildly, slapping his knee harshly at his friend’s proud answer. his older brother follows soon after, holding on to the wall for support as he holds his stomach with one hand.
kokonoi, who had been watching silently from afar along with takeomi, merely shook his head and walked away. i don’t know them, he thought. he was hit with a realizion that, without him, bonten wouldn’t last a day with these fools running the organisation.
“love? while yelling ’die, kakucho!’ like a madman?” kakucho raised na eyebrow at sanzu who only puffed his chest as if he was being wrongly accused for something. his fingers began drumming on the skin of his arm, rpetending to be losing patience when in reality, he was amused.
“have you not heard of the phrase kill them with love?”
rindou wiped a stray tear off of his cheek, “it’s kindness. kill them with kindness, sanzu.”
the pinknette waved his hand, “same thing. the point is!” he drmatically pauses, staring straight at kakucho’s eyes with a blank expression, making kakucho shiver at the duality. “my metal pipe is made out of love, kaku.”
summary: chifuyu loves your touch, taste, company, and adoration—but chifuyu doesn’t love you.
cw: fwb, implied sex, infidelity.
wordcout: 1.1k.
“i don’t think we should be doing this anymore.”
his chest rises and falls under your cheek, laughing. you don’t dare move, you don’t need to—imagining that smile of his.
“what?” he chuckles. “am i bad?”
the water splashes under his touch when the pads of his fingers touch my waist underwater. your body is turning cold slowly as the night fades, but chifuyu doesn’t show any intention of moving. you can’t bring yourself to leave either, too enamoured by the moment the two of you share. a moment that occasionally (or rather rarely) you two get to enjoy.
you shouldn’t be there, again. you had promised yourself you’d do everything you could to ignore him—his texts, his calls, anything, you’d ignore it.
maybe acting like chifuyu never even existed would be easier. easier than lying to your frantic beating heart every time your phone vibrates and you know it’s him.
you shouldn’t be here, once again, melting under his touch, such a delicate touch, as if he’d searched every part of your body—with his touch, with his eyes, with his mouth. chifuyu knew how to get you, keep you in the palm of his hand, and you came running every single time, no matter how much you tried.
but how were you supposed to pull away? how were you supposed to accept the fact you were nothing but a liar?
because when he told you, asked you to promise him, you said:
“we’ll be just friends.”
and he believed you—chifuyu believed that lie.
perhaps, he knew it was a lie. perhaps deep down chifuyu knew you were betraying your own heart every time he called your phone, and begged you to come after him. every time he’d whisper mindless praises in your ear, in the middle of the night, maybe chifuyu knew that deep down, the lies were eating you alive. and he was trying to prove a point—trying to let you know that he knew your little trick, your little deceit.
it wasn’t your fault; or so you wanted to believe.
you didn’t want to accept that, the moment you accepted this little arrangement, deep down you knew you’d end up falling, because, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t?
when chifuyu was nothing but attentive towards you. when chifuyu would send flowers to your workplace, or pick you up in his car after meetings. when chifuyu would greet you with that smile of his, that you knew—you were well aware everyone wished to be the receiver of.
and chifuyu never lied to you, despite what you tried to trick yourself into believing. because chifuyu let you know, that night when he found you in the middle of a friendly get together, and when he held your hand and pressed his mouth against your neck.
when chifuyu said “are you free tonight?”
and you nodded, observing him with eyes filled with hope, and desire. because you were greedy—craving for his touch.
and before he even let you inside his place, when chifuyu told you the truth.
“no strings attached,” chifuyu whispered in the middle of the darkness. “is that okay with you?”
and you nodded your head and chanted against his mouth “yes,” because there wasn’t anything else you wanted but to get a taste too.
you were avaricious—and a liar.
but chifuyu made you eat your words every single night since then, as you kept his bed warm every time he asked you to.
and you knew there were others—chifuyu told you. there were a few more, despite chifuyu telling you that ‘he’d stop if you didn’t like that’.
but you didn’t—you couldn’t tell him no. you could never tell chifuyu no.
“you’re getting bored?” chifuyu inquires again, and now he’s tilting his head downwards to catch a glimpse of your face. “you found someone else?”
“no,” is everything you can say.
chifuyu chuckles again, and his hand slips, brushing your stomach and thighs.
“tell me,” chifuyu insists, and that friendly tone no longer accompanies his words.
you shift, pushing away from his chest and touch, wrapping your arms over your bare chest. you can barely look chifuyu in the eye—but he wants you to.
chifuyu doesn’t need to say much—he has far more power than any man should have on anyone. and you crumble every time under his touch, under his luck. because chifuyu has made you defenseless, chifuyu has made you fragile, dependent on his love, or affection, if whatever this is could be called affection.
but there’s not much you can do or say when you catch his eyes—the same eyes that manage to pause the world around. that look he has that almost every time tricks you into believing that maybe, maybe if you were to tell chifuyu the truth, he’d smile, nod his head and kiss you as if you were special. that he’d wrap his arms around your body and tell you ‘i do, i love you too’.
but this isn’t a fairytale—chifuyu isn’t your prince charming and you are not the love of his life. chifuyu enjoys your touch, and a little taste of your body like the taste of others. chifuyu likes your attention and affection, and the faint whimpering every time you lie beneath him. he loves those eyes of yours, and when they turn white. and when your hands, small, weak fingers wrap and scratch his back as if you were begging for him to make the two of you one. as if you could not get enough—as if you needed him closer, deeper. and chifuyu gives it to you every time. chifuyu makes sure to give you that attention, that affection and chifuyu feeds that hunger he knows you have. and chifuyu would be a liar if he said he didn’t adore your company, because nobody gave themselves to him the way you did. with unsighted trust, you give yourself to him, and chifuyu makes sure that you don’t regret. and yeah, sometimes he likes to seek for a little more—but it doesn’t take long for him to seek out for you again, because no one does it like you.
yet, chifuyu is completely oblivious of your lies, those that feed along your insatiable desire. and when you wrap your arms around his neck, it’s not the proximity you seek, but the touch, the proof that chifuyu is there with you—that’s all.
gosh, you’re such a liar. you know you are. you know you don’t deserve chifuyu’s unsighted trust and relentless adoration.
chifuyu pecks the nape of your neck as you press your cheek over your arms resting on your knees. you shiver, because of the subtle touch, because of the breeze that enters through the window slightly open of his bathroom.
because of the fact that you once again tell chifuyu a lie.
you’d never entertained the thought–once he’d left your life, he’d been permanently erased from the frontal lobe of your brain.
but the mind is a fragile, cowardly thing, and when it’s pushed against a wall, its guard falls like weak leaves after the winter, useless, to the floor.
you don’t want to look at him for too long, hoping to hold onto whatever mind peace you’d built for all these years, though peace you begin to wonder if it was ever strong enough to make you forget, or was it the fact he’d disappeared without a trace.
in any other circumstance, you would’ve left. it was a promise you’d made yourself when you turned 21–protecting your mind peace. you wouldn’t entertain people for long, and you wouldn’t threaten your space in places you believed weren’t for you, but tonight it wasn’t about you, and you’d be not only a coward, but a selfish friend too.
it was your friend’s engagement party. she’d said it would be a small celebration with only friends and family. you couldn’t blame her though, it had been your fault, forgetting that he was considered, like you, family. still, you’d hoped he wouldn’t show up. he’d disappeared for a while, that even your friend and her fiance had forgotten, or at least stopped mentioning him. it could’ve been for your wellbeing, if you really think about it.
of course, you arrived a little late. for some reason, the usual train you’d take had decided to run late, and so you had to run over to the restaurant from a different stop. you didn’t get a chance to fix your hair or even check your appearance when you stumbled inside the restaurant, an italian restaurant with little crowd and dim, warm lights and red accents here and there. you didn’t stare for too long, instead, trying to quietly integrate with the rest of the guests into the party. your friend hadn’t noticed you yet, at least not until you had sat down, when she pointed towards you as she was giving her toast.
you smiled, shyly, as she waved her hands towards you, directing the eyes of the guest your way. she was like this, always, and you had never minded it. you only smiled, waving your hands and pouting your lips at the beautiful words your friend was sharing with the rest of the people there, and slowly, your eyes took a look at every single one of the guests in the restaurant.
one of your many mistakes of the night.
you looked twice, confused. it was like you were dreaming–or having a nightmare, to be exact. because the first time your eyes met, he was looking at you, with such grimness, like he’d seen a ghost, and the next time you looked, he’d faced the couple in the front again. like a dagger to your heart, lovingly twisted by his own hands, your chest tightened, and posture stiffened.
what was he thinking about? that was all you were wondering, as your friend continued her speech.
you had never been good at goodbyes–you had never been able to get past it all, a relationship you held tight, in the back of your mind despite the many efforts of forgetting him.
but it was hard, when draken was half of your life. since you were a teen, you’d shared so many things with him, that it was impossible to forget him. impossible to escape him.
but you had tried, and you had fought against the many questions, every comment and every compassion, unwanted pity and unwanted sympathy.
you couldn’t blame them, either. draken was part of your life, like you’d been his. he was your other half, or maybe, its totality.
maybe that was it, the realization you had tried to avoid. the reason why it’s so hard to breathe as you walk into the other room, following your friend right behind like a puppy, wishing and hoping no one would notice the change in the tone, the shift in the room. your friend sent a look your way, but she was too busy to truly wait, stop, and talk to you. though you wouldn’t have wanted an apology from her, or any pity, or any comment about it. if anything, you wished you could continue living a lie. living as if he’d never existed, hoping he would disappear again.
but of course, you now know that luck is never on your side.
he approaches you, as quiet as he’s ever been. his fragrance reaches you fast, like a wave, like the clouds, ruining any other sunny day. but you know he has no ill intentions, no, draken was never like that.
but like he changed his hair, you wonder if he’d changed too.
“i wasn’t planning on coming,” he says, as if you both had shared a conversation for a few minutes now. you’re confused, but you only nod your head.
“that’d be rude,” you said. draken laughed, kind of. a faint smile and a nod of his head as his hands slid through your back to your waist.
the music was soft, barely there. or perhaps, you couldn’t focus on the atmosphere, or the people around you. his warmth was like a spell, like a cage around you.
draken was too strong, you thought. how was he able to come here, and hold you like the old days? how was he capable of looking through your eyes as if you two were those lovers from eight years ago? you weren’t strong, brave enough to hold him back. because you knew, if you were to touch his shoulders, nobody would be able to pull him away from you, ever.
the question was on the tip of your tongue, like a sour candy, ready to be swallowed at any moment. you didn’t want to say it out loud, afraid of his answer, but you couldn’t hold the darkness any longer.
“have you been alright?”
draken nods his head, and softly, he guides your hands towards his shoulders. you thank the fabric draped over his shoulders, a black jacket over his white dress shirt and a simple, thin tie wrapped around his neck, falling over his chest like a necklace.
“as good as i can be,” draken replies, and he laughs, again, with that flashing smile, as flashing as subtle. “what about you?”
were you alright?
you’d always thought you were. life had brought you many places, but lately, your life had been more enjoyable than ever. because you had forgotten about him, finally. or that’s what you thought. now, you know that was nothing but a lie. though a lie you’d kept for years after he left, leaving your apartment in the middle of the night with just what he was wearing after one single fight. his clothes, and all his belongings had haunted you for months, as you waited for him to return. not for you–that you knew, that everything had ended, but hoping he’d come back for his things. hoping he’d get rid of these nightmares and the presence of that same cologne that follows you with every swift move around the dance hall.
it was hard to explain what happened, perhaps it’s why till this day you can’t remember. the fight was present, that was for sure. the screaming and shaking of your shared apartment. the look of his face and the fear in your bones, the fear of his departure, of his demise. it was bound to happen, maybe. maybe it had never been ever after, but you’d held onto the hope of a life by his side.
he was your other half, and everybody knew that. when they asked about you, they asked about him. whenever someone would speak to him, they’d speak about you. you were in each other’s presence even if you weren’t in the same room. he was behind you even if he was streets away from you. and at night, you’d hold him tight, so tight as you’d tell him how much you wished he never left your side.
you loved draken so deeply, it hurt you, sometimes. you’d said this once, a night after tangling your limbs around his body and pressing your mouth to his nape, impossibly close. you’d whispered, a silly question, that draken had shut down immediately.
“would you ever leave me?”
draken had turned around with such abruptness, you almost fell off the bed. leaning over his elbows, those loving eyes held nothing but accusation, and draken was fuming when he assured you he would never, ever leave you.
after that, it’s like everything went downhill.
you were 21 at that time, when draken decided to finally leave you.
you didn’t remember the fight, but you remembered his face, and it haunted you. the proof that love wasn’t eternal, at least not with him.
a subtle tug of your heart brought you back to reality, and you faced him again.
“i’m fine.”
draken nodded, “i heard you’ve been working at that office across the street, that big building with the huge windows. like you had dreamed.”
you didn’t look at him, instead, taking a look around. but everything was blurry, and you weren’t sure if people were looking your way–if anything was witnessing the scene the two of you were playing.
two strangers that meet again, no longer strangers. perhaps never strangers.
“listen, ken, i don’t think–”
“i didn’t mean to hurt you,” he whispers.
“don’t–”
“i didn’t mean to, trust me,” draken sighs, and with his hand he guides your face to his shoulder. that’s when you noticed the tears that now fall with no remorse.
you didn’t cry the night he left. in front of him, nor in the darkness of your empty room. you didn’t cry a single tear for him, and the years of love you’d shared since you were teenagers.
now, it’s like all that pain had struck you with a single blow, expecting you to pour it out. but you didn’t want to, because you didn’t deserve to humiliate yourself in the middle of your friend’s special night, and you didn’t want draken to know just how much you missed him. how much you’d wished that instead of such a tragic night, in which the two of you met again after eight years, you’d spend the night celebrating, and wishing for an evening just like this. hidden in each other’s comfort, against the world.
but it wasn’t like that, and you’d be a fool to accept any of his excuses, or the ones you were trying to come up with.
you didn’t deserve it, and he didn’t deserve it, either.
so, with hurt in your heart and heavy breathing, you took a step back. you smiled, wiping your tears with the sleeve of your dress, and you said, “goodnight.”
You are a girl with ambitions, nothing seems to be wrong in your life. You’re graduation in med school, the job of your dream a family and friends who care for you but most of all, your boyfriend Ran Haitani…Nothing can be wrong until some days before graduation you finally ask Ran to live with you only to leave you after a 7 years relationship. Who’s gonna be there for you?
“How are you feeling?” This is a difficult question to answer so opting for a smile, you lean your head on Koko’s shoulder and say “Is Ran that wants to know this or is it you Koko?”, the blonde man sighs and draws circles in the palm of your hand, “I’m not here for someone who decided to throw his future into pieces, I’m here because I care for you and I wanna cherish your achievements together with you”. Your wide eyes naturally look to the crowd on the dance floor and you smile looking to the little gesture Koko does to reassure your broken heart, “Why we didn’t ever have sex?” You ask absentmindedly not even waiting for an answer, Koko chuckles at your straightforward attitude “Too busy getting fucked by Haitani to notice me” he says making you snap and slap his left thig “Mmm I guess so…” you say contemplating all around and finally standing up, “Make me drive” you continue with a smirk searching for his keys, “No y/n, you drank, we have tons of things to accomplish before dying” he says with a smug smile that makes you instantly blush, “We’re going angel, I’m gonna bring you home” he says not even bothering an answer and taking your hand linking your warm body to his cold one.
The sun rays hitting your bedroom at the dawn, birds chirp telling you another day has come “Fuuck” you curse rubbing your temple, making Koko shift on his sleep taking you into his tight hug, “Stay still angel face, it’s 6 am on saturday” he says with closed eyes almost pleading you to go back to sleep, but it’s no avail, the only thing you can do is taking a glass of water and a painkiller watching Koko puff platinum hair on his sleep, pretty you mumble looking from the door frame adjusting your silk dressing gown admiring the ethereal beauty that Hajime Kokonoi is, “Wanna stare any longer?” He inquires with a smile, finally standing up and kissing your hand. “What’s this?” You say with a chuckle, looking at his lips curving into a smile, “Just gallantry” he says with a sleepy groggy voice, “How lucky am I?” You say turning to look at him, dangerously close to your face “Mmm ” you moan rubbing your thighs one against the other, his eyebrow cocks at your action and Koko nears even closer and whisper “Needy pretty girl”. A disappointed huff leaves your mouth and you can’t help but lean into his body hoping to have more, “You wanna do it?” Koko asks knowing your feelings towards your ex, “Yes please” you say before taking the lead and start to kiss his neck like it’s the most natural thing to do, slender fingers take your waist and without any effort he lays you on the bed spreading your legs and watches your lingerie finally Koko says pushing a finger through your clothed pussy and deeply smell the arousal that inhales his nostril, “Wanna make you feel good angel” he says before taking the panties out and start to lick your folds like a starved man. Your hands instinctively find his locks and you can’t help but moan when his lips find your clit and start to suck on it. Koko is mesmerized, seeing you arch your back and moan his name is something that he dreamt only once in a while, his desire making him rut his hard cock in rhythm with his tongue and before you notice your cumming on his mouth and see him groan before blowing his load on his pants, “F-fuck this was more than letting me cum Koko” you say caressing him and put him beside you while cuddling you, before anything a name appears on his phone “I must go angel, sleep ok? I’ll reach when I’m done” he says with a smug smile before closing the door and leaning out of your house.
“WHAT THE FUCK WHERE YOU DOING AT HER HOUSE!?” an altered Ran shouts as soon as he sees the platinette man enter the reunion room, “Jeez calm down, nothing special and why would you care so much about it? You left her, remember right?” Koko says before sitting beside Mikey “Stop the quarrel about some pussy, no one cares about your business” Bonten’s head says with a stern look. Ran’s white knuckles display over the large wooden table and looking into his phone he stare at the last photo he snapped you, “Haitani you better get a grip and listen or I’ll handle the situation myself and then you won’t have no one to cry about at the end of the day” he says dead serious making the eldest Haitani flinch in fear “Ok sorry, I’m listening” he says sighing in defeat I miss you y/n a text lingering in the white bar of his message waiting to be sent but he suddenly delete it, on the other side of Tokyo making you jump and wake up with tears all over your eyes Ran you say before taking the photo you hide on your nightstand and hugging it almost praying that he will show up.
warnings/includes:angst, bonten! ran, cheating, toxic relationship, manipulation, slight gaslighting (?) just to be sure ehe, dilf! ran, milf! reader, ran is an asshole, rindou is a sweetheart, and reader is a girl boss
Rindou looks so awkward, sitting on the couch in your living room but he tries his best to lessen the tense atmosphere by playing with his nephew. He loves to gossip– gosh, he loves hearing the most ridiculous situations people put themselves in but if it’s about his brother and his ex sister-in-law, he’d like to be excluded in the narrative.
“We’re just gonna wait in the car. Don’t take too long, Ran.” Rindou has to leave the room and take his seven year-old nephew with him as soon as Ran opens his mouth to talk about the 6'3 foot man you were seen with last week. He knew it was going to be messy so he took the initiative to give you and his brother some privacy to talk about your… well, relationship?
“That’s really none of your business.” You answer him dismissively, still busy arranging the contents of your son’s bag for his weekend trip with his dad and his uncle.
There’s a scoff that Ran couldn’t help but let out while staring bullets through your head. “Yes, it is. What would Ren think if he sees his mother fucking another man that isn’t his dad?”
Pause. You need to release a heavy breath to calm yourself or else you’re going to lash out and possibly let your child hear you screaming at his father. “You sure do have a lot of nerve to say that after everything you did.”
“Christ, Y/N! That was– I don’t know! Two, three years ago?” Ran snaps back, his towering height in front of you now and completely devouring your figure with just his shadow.
“Whatever happened two or three years ago is the reason why we’re even here in the first place. Stop projecting, Haitani.” Your words are firm and strong, this time looking up at him through your lashes with eyes burning with so much annoyance and displeasure.
Truth be told, you’re sure that the love you have for this man will linger on until you’re gray and old but there’s only so much you can take. The damage in your relationship when he cheated on you is irreparable.
“What do you even mean by that?” Ran asks with a humorless chuckle, “You can’t tell me you haven’t fucked the man when you kept meeting up with him for the entire week. What do you take me for?”
A fool. That’s what you are, Ran Haitani! You want to tell him but you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of riling you up despite your blood boiling.You’ve always been good at keeping your composure so you do what you do best. Inhale. He’s not worth it. Exhale. You’re better than this. This time, you decided to put distance between him and yourself by standing up and strengthening the creases on your dress– or else his cheek will end up bruised with how much your hand is itching to land a harsh slap on his skin. “If you don’t have anything left to say, you can leave. Ren’s things are all in the bag now. Enjoy your trip, Haitani."
Ran is left speechless, his mouth gaping as his eyes follow your graceful body in opening the door, wordlessly asking him to go fuck himself and be on his damned way. This is one of the many reasons why he fell in love with you. You know how to put him in his place without having to put so much effort into it… but it’s also why he’s seething mad. Without as much of a thought, he walks over to the door– not to leave but so he can slam it shut.
"What is wrong with you?” You’re glaring at him and he can see the tiny cracks in your facade. You’re so close to breaking.
“I’m not leaving until we talk about this. Stop acting like a fucking child.” He growls, purple eyes scanning your scowling features as he traps you between him and the wall.
You don’t know where he gets the audacity to talk like you’re the one who did him wrong when it’s the other way around. “I’d rather we don’t. There are things that must be left alone so we can remain as cordial as possible in front of our child,” You’re looking at him with no trace of any emotion present in your face, “Truth be told, I don’t want to see you ever again but we’re bound together because of Ren so let’s just pretend like we’re on good terms or whatever.”
You see his fist clench, his jaw slackening as he stared you down, trying to intimidate you but you’re no longer the soft and submissive Mrs. Haitani. Thanks to him, you learned how to stand your ground. “Why do we have to pretend when we can fix things, Y/N? Why are you making a big fuss out of this? It’s been years.”
He’s right. It’s been years, he’s got so much time to fix things with you and your son before but he didn’t. He turned away and continued to be frivolous as if he wasn’t married and got a child waiting for him at home. He wasn’t even there when Ren’s baby tooth fell off nor was he present for Ren’s first day at kindergarten. He wasn’t there when Ren got so sick he had to be admitted to the hospital and you were breaking down in the arms of his brother, Rindou. Heck– you can’t even count how many times he stood you up on special occasions, telling you he’s got so much “shit” to do or because it slipped off his mind but seems to never forget his secretary’s birthday.
“You forgot? Of course you forgot. You seem to be forgetting a lot of things these days but then perk up at the reminder of your secretary’s birthday.”
“How can I forget? We’re always together.”
“And we’re not? Oh right. Yes, we’re not always together because when you’re supposed to be at home, you’re out with her on fancy dates, traveling to different places while I’m here with my son, worrying about you and wondering when you’re going to come home!”
“Can you stop, Y/N? I’m really not in the mood to argue with you.”
“You want me to stop? Okay. Then let’s end this marriage and get divorced. I’m sick of getting treated like a bed warmer and a fucking maid. I’m done.”
“You don’t mean that! I’m not going to let you–”
“I’m not asking for permission. I’m telling you what’s gonna happen. I’m taking Ren with me and you can go do whatever you want.”
That was the end of it. It was cruel to let go of him not because you feel bad for him or the love you still have for the father of your child remains above all things but because Ren didn’t deserve to have a broken family. You didn’t want him to grow up without a dad by his side and realize once he’s old enough that his dear mother got cheated on only because his father thought she wasn’t doing it for him anymore.
With a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes, you bring your hand up to his cheek in a caress– the familiar softness in them tearing your heart yet again. You miss him. You do but for the sake of your own sanity and the only hope left for Ren to grow up with a stable mother despite being away from his dad, from his mother’s first and greatest love– you accept that things can’t always go the way you want. No more self destruction, no more doubting yourself– just you and your son and the memories of what once a happy life you had with Ran Haitani.
“You’re the one who gave up on us and ruined what’s left of our family, Ran. I only gave you what you wanted.”
— featuring: Rindou, Mikey, and everyone else in Bonten
➥ disclaimers/warnings: f!reader, assassin!reader, character death, angst, hurt no comfort, mentions of blood, slight gore(?) at the end (please dm if i missed any major tags; didn’t want to much without spoiling anything, but i tried putting what could be more triggering)
➥ word count: 3.4k
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➥ author’s note: This one-shot is actually based on a series I have for future works. I just had a n e e d to write angst and decided to write this out. as always, feel free to tell me what you think in the comments or in my ask box ♡
including ⋮ angst / no comfort. character death mentioned.
“ smoking is bad for your body, you know. “ you frown as you attempt to grasp at the cigarette that shinichiro nurses between his lips, making him pull away with a chuckle following while airing out the smoke from his mouth, “ it’s for your own good. “
there was never a day you didn’t try to get him to quit his bad habits, only wanting him in the best shape he can be.
he wasn’t immortal and you can only do so much but that is if he’s willing. you turn back to the view below, admiring the cars and people that pass. “ tell me, do you smoke to make yourself cool for the ladies? “
shinichiro frowns as he meets your eyes, aware of the amusement that swirls in your irises, “ no, i’m not that desperate. “ he replies with a pout.
you hum in acknowledgement, noting the detail that he provided — he wanted to have someone by his side and all you can do is ponder for ways he can see you in that perspective. ever since you were a stranger who wound up in his shop, you’ve come to admire him in ways he wasn’t aware of.
but shinichiro held you close, that was sure and somehow you convinced yourself that it was enough. despite the whining and taunting from him and his friends for not having a woman by his side, you were content that you were one and if not the only woman he wanted around when he wanted to unwind after a long day of work.
“ whatever you say, “ you sigh in defeat, smiling when he wraps his arm around you to persuade a smile out of you — which he was successful in. his scent was a mixture of a woody musk with an obvious hint of smoke, basking in it as you fell into the crease of his neck and shoulder, “ so then why do you smoke? “
shinichiro positions his head to lean against yours, “ it’s calming, the taste is shit though. “ nonetheless, he took another drag and was considerate enough to turn his head when exhaling to avoid it from masking over your face.
your eyes gaze to his features, seeing the gentle smile that sits on the line of his lips. dark strands hanging over his eyes as he stares at the scenery before him. you never knew what he was thinking, but you were sure that in his heart and head — he was content with himself and where he stood and you longed him for it.
“ you’re staring, “ he beckons you back from your thinking with his voice, “ i know i’m handsome but i thought you didn’t like smokers. “ he taunts.
“ i don’t, “ rolling your eyes, you attempt to pull away from the slight hold he has around you but he keeps you from leaving so the most you do is adjust your posture, “ unfortunately though, you are an exception. “
shinichiro beams, “ not even takeomi? “
laughing at his reply, you simply found the warmth in your heart comforting, “ not even takeomi. “ he pressed his lips on your hair, it probably didn’t mean anything but the small gesture made you add as your eyes closed, “ you’re the only one for me, shinichiro. “
.
.
.
your fingers crutch the entirely smoked cigarette that sat in between, inhaling the remaining tobacco that was left into your lungs. you were aware of the footsteps reaching closer but you didn’t pay any mind, continuing to litter the remaining bottom half onto the tray beside you — filled with countless of more.
“ have any more with you? “ the voice behind you, takeomi spoke. you motion your head towards a jacket near, previously owned by shinichiro. an opened pack was found in the same pocket he would store them in, “ do these taste good? “
“ they taste like shit. “ you laugh humorlessly, it was the same brand he would smoke and once he parted you understood what he meant about calmness. however, it didn’t calm the heavy ache you felt in your chest every time you lit another but you didn’t mind — despite the ache, your pulsing heart remained for the same man even a year after he passed.
you can hear him sparking the cigarette as you settle your head onto your arms on the railing, eyes glued to the streets below.
they were so pretty back then, when you found everything in sight so admirable when you were in love and had the man you desired beside you. now it was like a dry setting, it wouldn’t return to the sight you’d seen before but that’s okay — you wouldn’t want to share it with anyone other than him.
when the street lights were so prominent, when you two would see his brother and friend’s riding by and waving at the two of you with the brightest beams. you remember the last bright color you saw flooding the road below so vividly, it was blaring red and blue from the ambulance and police sirens, the night of his death.
it was gut wrenching knowing that you were the last person who he spoke to because it was the same night you vaguely admitted he was the only one you needed. but it was far gone and you were no longer fighting with him on his bad habits — instead, you were the one consuming them for him.
Tags:User discretion is advised. MDNI, hurt, heavy angst, mentions and descriptions of miscarriage, stalking, emotional abuse, vivid imagery about miscarriages, trophy wife, runaway wife, hiding, strong language, slight yandere themes, panic attacks, grabbing, mentions and descriptions of sex, regret, mentions of Emma, mentions of divorce, one-sided love, a desperate Hanma, brief moments with Kisaki, too many messy emotions in general
Damn. This took hell lot of time ngl (╥﹏╥) It was worth it tho. I took almost three months to complete this because of all my exams and tests in between and was busy balancing my own schedule and concentrating on making myself better. I really hope y'all like it. I felt like I went overboard with the crying here and there but that is justified, afterall, after what Y/n was put through. This the last and final part btw. Enjoy! I’ll link a smol playlist I made for this. Listen to it in order, music makes the reading experience way better, trust me.
|Part 1 | Part 2 | Playlist | Asks about Affliction are open |
By the time Hanma had collected his bearings, leaving the mansion in pieces as the aftermath of his shock, he notices the blue crockery set on the table, laden with food.
He’s shocked.
After some examining, he realises that there was food, and lots of it, and by judging the copious number of boxes in the refrigerator, there was enough to last for one week.
He doesn’t know what to feel.
Guilt eats him alive.
“What have I done?”
He asks himself, repeating the sentence like a broken record.
Hanma sinks to his knees, hands clutching at his head, as the taste of tears register to his tongue.
The only person who stayed constant for the longest time was gone.
Just like that.
Like the first flash of thunder; beautiful in its own fearful way.
The onslaught of emotions he felt at the reality of the circumstances catching upto him was overwhelming. Overwhelming as the events of the day he lost everything grip his mind.
This was the first time he was being frank with himself. The first time he let himself to feel, to kneel on the ground and finally let out the tears which needed to fall. To finally let himself feel the weight of the loss, to revel and bathe in the pain.
To let the burn of abandonment reduce him to the ground and feel what he loved to inflict upon others.
To finally let her see what was underneath the mask of indifference he’d lived under his whole life.
But the thing was, she wasn’t here.
She wasn’t. And by the way her voice seemed to break more and more with each word on the recording…she wouldn’t ever look back.
there are always two versions for each story. just as the sun spreads its light, the latent darkness that remains hidden, later takes over everything around. what is defined as right, and what is known as wrong. the desperate crying and the constant laughter. good people and the ones that want see you fall to pieces. death and life
whether it was day or night, april or december, in those times of youth that now seem abandoned and marked forever with the traces of tires from multiple motorcycles and cigarette leftovers, they used to fight over everything
every aspect. every joke. every bet
they knew each other since they were infants, after all. always running around, chasing the one after the another
among their inseparable gang, shinichiro always challenged takeomi. and intentionally or not, he always won
from the most insignificant thing with the cheekiest and childish purpose, to the most serious matters about the future of their crescent gang his nature was like that, showing his affection to others in that particular way he could only manage to achieve, carefree, charismatic and noble
-what’s so important about winning?- the older sano used to inquire his partner as if it were nothing, looking into his eyes, sideways. akashi’s teeth twisted inside his mouth every single time. shinichiro spoke serenely, but to takeomi was a direct scream into his ear, buzzing, deafening. impending defeat. why things always have to be like this?
on one side, akashi was used to make himself look disinterested to his friend antics. the best at hiding his emotions, the best liar, the best at pretending. but deep down inside his guts, in the remotest part of his self, the growing feelings of resentment that took over him, only strengthened with time, wishing to be the winning voice, even if it was just for once
while on the other, resided shinichiro. that even when he shamefully lost in a fight, he owned the victory. when he was silent in an argument, he still had the reason, the upper hand above everyone. all of this unbeknownst to him, actually
heads or tails?
sano was the head after all, the leader, the great, the admirable. takeomi just watched all this happen from afar, second in command. in reality, it never bothered him that much since that was his place from the beginning, he was well aware of it
but he was also a greedy man, money and success ruined him, and he was never good at making decisions. that’s why he kept behind, always behind
he was weak, and he knew it
except that, if there was one thing takeomi longed to be the first to, other than winning stupid games against one of his comrates or some cash in a dangerous entrust. it was to be owner of your desire
exactly,that
it’s always been him and the guys, his crew against tokyo. but with shinichiro, it came you. and you may not be part of the world they both shared, but you were certainly equal in importance. you were always near, shinichiro’s love since middle school, his forever girl and the only thing he ever talked about. the four of them could rely on you anytime, you were just another member
a loving soul that added an undescribable warmth to takeomi’s monotonous life, and you weren’t even his
maybethatwas the problem
he doesn’t exactly know when did it all start. sure, since the first moment he saw you, he could tell how alluring you were. shinichiro really scored, a nice smile, a delightful personality, a lovely pair of eyes, pretty hair, pretty body. he was speechless, that you were with a guy like sano? wakasa and benkei weren’t doing any better
not only that, quite dangerous feelings started to terrorize his mind at night, in the intimacy of his bed, with the moon as his only witness, while he soflty chanted your name before dawn, the forbidden prayers of a hidden sinner
those were the kind of things he started to seriously get worried about
it started innocent, it started subtle
from small gestures, like the blooming tingles he felt creeping in the tip of his fingers whenever he walked near you, and you both accidentaly grazed your hands. it meant nothing to you, but it surely did to him
to the serious issues that got harder him to ignore, to supress
like that one day, when it finally snapped it was pouring, and you were waiting for shinichiro outside of his newly opened store with a small umbrella as your shield, to bring him dinner, since he was staying late to finish the order of a client. but much to your misfortune, he was gone. probably running off to the store to get something he forgot. defeated, on your way home, you found akashi walking under the rain, drenching in his clothes, probably heading to s. s. motors too and when the two of you encountered each other, you decided to keep walking to part ways, not minding the already sopping clothes. both were casually talking with the water falling over yourselves in the middle of some street, when you saw how his hands were trembling, it was obvious, he was not around his usual cloud of smoke because of the weather and he was probably feeling a bit anxious. you were still using your umbrella, so you offered it entirely to him. now completely ruining your clothes in the process. he didn’t even react -what the hell are you doing?- he wasn’t expecting that at all, he is used to be the one who offers himself to others, in many ways more than just getting wet in the rain. he was already soaked, so it was no use -it’s been probably a while since you lighted a cigarette with this rain, so go on. i’ll hold it for you, sorry for not bringing a larger umbrella so we could both fit- and you grinned, inocently
it was such a naive thing, that’s just how you were. an effortlessly beautiful person. for an insignificant moment, you placed him before you, and you stood on the rain, the bento on you bag all wet, so he could smoke and calm himself for a few minutes before arriving home
a rather innecesary and weird thing to do, yes. nonetheless, it spoke a lot about how you were, caring and considerate. that’s why you were with shinichiro, and not him. there was no way he could possibly deserve you
then one night, he passed
and suddenly, on one grey afternoon you had to say goodbye to what remained of shinichiro in this world, and you were numb. you remember akashi waking you up, but you didn’t move. shin was not next to you in bed, how cold. you saw takeomi’s lips move, but you were not able to hear him. you stared at the corner, where some of shinichiro’s things stood, quiet and lonely. he undressed and prepared you to go out, what day was today? where was he taking you?
it was sano’s household, everyone were black dressed, and they all stared at you, faces full of sorrow
takeomi sat you down on the floor next to some people you couldn’t recognize, and when you finally lifted your head, you saw a picture of your boyfriend greeting you at the front, with that charming smile of his, all types of flowers, everywhere, and a small box in the middle with a black ribbon adorning it. please no, this is not real, please no
you shivered and left akashi’s side, slowly. he called you, but it was useless
wakasa and benkei noticed from the distance, standing against the door of the room, until both started walking towards you, something was odd
-sh-shin?- you leaned closer, and caressed the box the same way you were used to touch his cheek in the mornings, when you slept together. he was always warm. and now, it was all just lifeless, cold wood -there is no way he can fit in there. it must be hard to breathe. it’s just a tiny box, he is not there. benkei, where is him? is he really there? take him out, he can’t breathe! akashi! please, please help him, it must be difficult to be in there alone. please! someone!- the three of them were now next to you, trying to calm you down, keeping the most quietly possible. you were shouting, crying, whispering, all at the same time. it was real
he was gone
-take her out, she is going to scare the kids- benkei looked at takeomi, while he held you close to his chest. you were sobbing and babbling incoherences
-shh, it’s okay, pretty. we are here, everything will be fine, he is fine- wakasa stroked you hair gently, he then looked around, searching for the younger ones
-please help him, please- you couldn’t keep your eyes open and you started to feel how the air in your lungs left your body, everything went dark
-y/n! y/n! she is fainting- takeomi held you tightly and grabbed your face, seeing how you grew unconscious with every passing second
-then hurry the fuck up! she needs air, take her out! i’ll go with mikey and emma, they don’t need to worry over this- wakasa mentioned, and left the three of you. benkei followed him soonly after
akashi went to the backyard, there were no people and it all seemed full of gloom. he sat down, leaning on one of the walls to hold you between his arms. your lips parted slightly and you began to breathe normally again
how did this even happen? why him?
his eyes were on you, watching you gain your composture again. you blinked very subtly, and one of your hands weakly got up to fondle his neck, tenderly
you were the most sacred thing to him in his small infamous world. where he was the god of war and you ruled by his side
he wanted you more than all that for which he cried at night after going to sleep, when he was a kid, and he lost a fight. all those foolish dreams couldn’t compare to you
beautiful, kind
he got near to your lips, and he stared at them in a trance, he wanted it
he wanted itbadly
so he finally did it
the light touch of his lips rested on yours, and he tasted the victory that he has longed for, all these years
the victory that has never belonged to him
he moved away and you looked at him directly, with your eyelids half closed, to then whisper
-shin?-
no
no, it wasn’t him. he was no one in particular
-i love you-
no
those weren’t words for him, he knew it. you were hallucinating, rambling in the middle of the bliss within your unconsciousness. you didn’t love him. his heart was yours entirely, but your soul and whole being belonged to shinichiro sano, your forever foolish lover
and in this fleeting moment, you saw himin takeomi. it was all a fantasy, a brief and painful one. the last moment you would share with shin now that he is gone, and only the shadow of him remains, a greedy man who will never have your desire
but he was satisfied
he couldn’t ask for more
in that instant, he had what he most wanted, and even if it was a lie, he would live in it forever
-i love you too-
and he meant it. every breath, every blink of his eyes, every caress to your wet cheeks. he meant it all
he was giving himself into you
he loved you, more than what he could understand
but it was not right
-what the fuck do you think you are doing, huh?-
trapped in his illusion, ears deaf to the footsteps coming his way. benkei took him by the collar of his shirt and made him drop you abruptly, he didn’t expect it. air leaving his lungs when he impacted the wall, it hurt him
-answer me you bitch, this is not time for your bullshit- benkei’s gaze had an unbridled anger, the same one he uses in fights to terrorize his opponents, only that this time, it was totally raw and authentic, he couldn’t feel any other way, he was disgusted
-how did you dare to take advantage of her in such a state?-
-i’m sorry-
slap
-oh your sorry? for her? for me?- he was looking for the answer in his eyes, almost harassing him. akashi couldn’t lift his stare from your weak figure on the floor -or for you? and how miserable you are? huh?-
slap
-you are lucky i was the one who saw you, wakasa would have already fucking smashed your pathetic skull-
-i’m in love with her, benkei. and it’s not something new-
slap
his cheeks were bleeding, skin split open. but he said it, it was unbearable, just a matter of time
he has never said it out loud, to anyone. he shouldn’t, but it was done now
-i don’t give a fuck. she was shinichiro’s woman, that he isn’t around anymore doesn’t give you the right nor the permission to go and try stupid delusional bullshit like this. learn to live with it- benkei’s voice faltered for a second at the mention of his friend, in sour realization. those were words they would have to get used to, unfortunately
a dry and emotionless laugh emanated from takeomi
-and what do you think i’ve trying to do all this fucking time, huh?-
benkei remained silent for 34 seconds, to be exact, both only staring at each other. guilt, sorrow and misery mingled together to form a thick aura between them, dull as cigarette smoke and distressing as betrayal
-well try harder. she is not yours, she will never be. so get your shit together-
-death did them apart- he stood in silence, realizing what he just said. he didn’t really mean it, his poisonous heart was clouding his mind out of pure despair. he could already feel the loneliness creeping through his veins, and he couldn’t stand it
benkei just barked a laugh, pathetic as always, he could only think
-but i’m sure they will be together again someday, motherfucker. so stay away from her until then-
benkei picked you up from the floor and took care of your delicate state himself, while takeomi just watched you walk away from him, once again
even after shinichiro’s death, he kept himself in the dark. second in command. he never changed, he could still hear hisorders in his mind, vividly. he was not enough to be a leader, he was not enough for anything at all
and his feelings never changed, either
he would be there for you, always. hoping that one day you may look at him the same way you used to look at sano
nothingreally changed
shinichiro and takeomi were the two sides of the same torn coin, plated in the same way
heads or tails?
takeomi akashi stayed as the tore copper coin on the back of your pocket
he remained there, silent
he remained there, alone
forever missing his other half
and waiting for you, to give it a use in your grieving slot machine heart, someday
manjiro smiled, but even as he did, ken could see his mouth trembling as it was forced into a line and when manjiro spoke, he began to wish he hadn’t.
“smile for me one last time, kenchin.”
the wobbling of manjiro’s voice made ken’s resolve falter, but there was no going back now.
“smile with me, mikey.” ken found himself demanding. “it’s not fair if I’m alone.”
manjiro’s lips trembled again as he opened his mouth slowly, broken voice agreeing to ken’s terms.
“okay.”
“on the count of three then,”
“okay.”
ken and manjiro count down (until the ends of their lives).
“one,”
“two,”
they lock eyes and declare together, “three.”
ken was happy to make out manjiro’s smile as his life flashed before his eyes and his lips stretched wider. at least he got the one thing he’s wished for so long since.
