#unsent letters
I still think about you; your name floats through my mind like a ship lost at sea, no destination in sight. I feel a familiar ache in my chest, a quiet yearning, to tell you everything that you have missed. I realize, though, that I do not miss you. I miss an old version of you; I miss the you who spoke of our future, who molded plans around the taste of forever. I want to talk to the version of you that is frozen in time, untouched by a future that doesn’t include me—that doesn’t include us. So here I am, writing letters to the past, speaking to someone who doesn’t know me in this lifetime, but who wanted to. I know he wanted to be here, and would have given anything to see this though. He was like that; he never gave up on anything that he wanted. But he’s not here anymore—you are. You have his face, and his eyes, and his laugh, but you don’t have his love for me. You left that behind. Quietly folded it up, a sweater that you outgrew years ago, and put it away in a chest that is nestled somewhere between your ribs. Untouched. Right where it belongs.
unsent message (9/?) by (DS)
It’s been two year since we’ve last spoken. I do not mention your name, no longer bringing you up in polite conversation. It’s been two years of silence; two years of wondering what was the last straw before you gave up on me. I still think of you; still wonder what I could have done differently. Spoken softer, or maybe just less; made myself smaller, cut my personality up into bite size, easy to swallow pieces. I wonder what I could have done differently to make you stay. Maybe there wasn’t anything that could have been done; maybe we were only ever meant to ruin each other. I still look for you; chase the love you gave me in every person I talk to. I love you, still. Still, you.
unsent messages (8/?) by (ds)
The moon is in cancer and we’re feeling emotional tonight
to the guy that I’ve dated before,
I really do apologize for “rushing things”. I got lost with our frienship in the short span of time. I really don’t know if messaging you is a smart move or I just make peace with it by myself. I felt like I owe saying to you that I did messed up with us before and it’s not entirely your fault for calling things off. I am grateful that I’ve met the cutest guy ever.
