Thought about you tonight for the first time in a while. I let my heart feel the longing that I’ve been determined to ignore. 

It’s a little masochistic - the immense pain I feel when I think of you, and I chose to let you in again. I’m still addicted to you though and the electricity when I remember. Nothing makes my soul feel so alive like the thought of you.

7

I’ve been good. Eating, exercising, working. Coping.

I was prepared. When you stopped reminding me how you felt about me, I knew it was a matter of time. But I also know, no matter what, I’m always in your heart.

I haven’t cried. That’s a lie. I cried tonight. I’m not sure why my breakdown was so delayed.

I don’t tell you that I’m thinking of you every hour like I used to, but I still am.

I hope everything is okay. I hope you’re well. I hope those around you are well. Sincerely.

I know it’s only been a week.

I’m fine. I hope you are too.

And although i couldn’t love you for eternity, i have loved you with my entirety.

I know, you’ve had your heart broken. Your love was tossed all over the place and your innocence and joy was stolen by that one person whose memory lives in the songs that you keep skipping in your favorite playlists. The places which you used to love so much became so hostile to you, as they bombarded you with the memories that you desperately want to forget. The person who became your home suddenly left, and you felt like you were wandering alone in the streets, looking for a higher purpose. All you wanted to do for so long was to hurt people, in the same way that you’ve been hurt, and who could blame you really? After all, even clouds can take so much until they burst into a pouring rain, washing away everything that comes its way. You tried to find love someplace else, in a place where your mind led you, and everything felt good and comfortable. Yet it never truly felt like love… like home. You may have spent nights, crying yourself to sleep and blaming yourself for being a bad person, feeling broken for the fact that you couldn’t fall in love. And whilst your friends talked about their new hair, you daydreamed those conversations away by stirring your coffee and thinking that you may never fall in love again. But as a lighting blade strikes a tree, that’s how love will strike for you. It will be unexpected, and quick, but it will leave you feeling alive yet again. And I promise you, that whatever hyperbole you’ve been taught about your first love, will be irrelevant compared to this love. Because this person, they will complete you. They will have the missing piece of the puzzle that you had been trying to figure out for so long. Your first love did not complete you, you were way too young to even know yourself. Your second love broke you, yet paved the way and matured you for your third and real love. And you will feel their love, on an atomic level. You will physically feel it lightening up your chest, warming your heart, and they will feel even better than home. They will feel like you, and like your own being. This person will not only fall in love with every single one of your flaws, but they’ll make you fall in love with those same flaws too. And when you hug them, you will want to hold onto that hug forever, absorb their essence into yours, and stay in that state for an eternity. And for an eternity you will live to embody each other in the way that no one can understand but you two.

@/christophermcgeownwriting on instagram

My brother still bites his nails to the quick,

but lately he’s been allowing them to grow.

So much hurt is forgotten with the horizon

as backdrop. It comes down to simple math.

The beach belongs to none of us, regardless

of color, or money. We all come to sit

at the feet of the surf, watch waves

drag the sand and crush shells for hours.

My brother’s feet are coated in sparkly powder

that leaves a sticky residue when dry.

He’s twenty-three, still unaware of his value.

It is too easy, reader, for me to call him

beautiful, standing against the sky

in cherrywood skin and almond

eyes in the sun, so instead I tell him

he is handsome. I remind him

of a day when I brought him to the beach

as a boy. He’d wandered, trailing a tourist,

a white man pointing toward his hotel—

all for a promised shark tooth.

I yelled for him, pulled him to me,

drove us home. Folly Beach. He was six.

He almost went.

- Kwoya Fagin Maples “Here’s an Ocean Tale”

Diaspora Nova by Monica Ong

When raindrops cease to wet the ground

And when fire freezes at the sight of snow

When the ocean becomes sweet,

As the breeze of wind lulls its waves,

And when the shadows devour the sun,

As the moon quits mirroring its light.

When Friday nights become Monday mornings,

When my tattoo of your name disappears into a void,

Which only your touch can fill.

And when the thought of your lips pressed on mine,

Stops making me feel like cherry wine

That’s when I’ll stop loving you.

- FP

At least we were lovers in a dream

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artwork credit: unknown

flashypegasus:

Quote: Tv Show After Life

The moon is in cancer and we’re feeling emotional tonight

Anime: 7 deadly sins

After years of trying to understand why my healing process took longer, I began to realize that this one was of a different nature. In this version of a heartbreak, I was the villain of the story. I was the one that got away. I was the one who burned all bridges, maybe in an impulsive haste. Healing was not what my soul craved, but forgiveness. Self-forgiveness. And what life’s been trying to tell me, during all these years of agony and self-loathing as a consequence of my actions, is that forgiving yourself is harder and more challenging than forgiving others, but it’s a necessary step for moving on.

Forgive yourself.

Stuck between “wanting to feel that kind of love again” and “don’t want to feel that kind of heartbreak again”.

flashypegasus:

Beach bound

Caution

a18sworld:

You don’t get to love me, then go and leave me alone. I don’t like being homesick. For whom once felt like home.

@a18sworld

a18sworld:

Good day to die

There’s no more use in lying

Tonight I’ll be sincere

I feel like I’m dying

Like there’s no place for me here

Every time I throw a step

I face a big brick wall

Even if I try to walk ahead

I trip on my legs

And I fall

Than I get up, and I make a fist

I gather my strength

To punch that wall

But I guess my mind

Was playing some sick tricks

Cuz I don’t even touch them

And the bricks themselves

Start to fall @AdinaGjoshe

You might think I won

But there’s where you’re wrong

Cuz I lost my sanity all over again

This dreadfull person I’ve become now

It’s an empty shell of what I was then

I’m drained of all my powers

So I let go and I cry

And I know it’s a terrible thing to say

But today it’s a good day to die.