#weight loss surgery community

UPDATE 

Hello to my beautiful followers; both new and old. 

It has been so long since I have posted, and I apologize. 

It has been quite a tumultuous time since I have last posted. So much has happened so frequently and….I have coped so poorly….but I have survived, and I am so proud to say that I am alive. I will be posting about some of the events that have happened: sexual harassment at work, a broken foot that ultimately lead to a suicide attempt, psychiatric hospital stays. an assault at work by a client, my parents divorce, and cancer. 

Yes, cancer. Super fun and great, right?

How about we talk about my weight loss…since this is technically a weight loss blog….but ultimately, I guess you can say that a weight loss blog really is a life blog considering life effects weight…..medical issues affect weight….medication effects weight. 

I had gotten down to about 145 lbs. I felt fantastic and was finally so comfortable with my body. I was also approved for a panniculectomy (which will be happening at some point in time…however, due to other events, it cannot be performed at this time…there are other issues that are holding precedence over the panniculectomy).

I did notice that I began to gain weight again…I was always tired, exhausted….and then, I was attacked by one of my clients at work; twice within a month and two days…and ultimately ended up having a CT Scan which showed she fractured one of my vertebrae and bulged one of my discs……severe muscle and ligament damage…..and also nodules on my thyroid…..so not only am I injured, but I have weird things coming back on my CT scan….I’m FREAKING out at this point………SO - they tell me to get an ultrasound on my thyroid, and I did physical therapy for my injuries (and a lawsuit).

I get the ultrasound……and my doctor then decides he wants a biopsy because there are multiple nodules and they look “suspicious.” Still gaining weight at this point - I’ve been bouncing from 175-185…….AND then I get the biopsy - FNA - FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD CAUSE THEY HURT. LEMMMMME TELL YOU! My doctor probably didn’t give me enough lidocane but JESUS he was jamming needles in my neck and digging and LORD. I had a panic attack. It was a bilateral FNA on two nodules…four needles in each nodule they biopsied and it isn’t quick okay they did. I had a massive panic attack and the nurse put a cold wash cloth on my head and then I lost my eyebrows. Great bruises after that too…..

Two days later I was diagnosed with cancer. I am currently awaiting results on the other tumor in my neck - may be bilateral papillary thyroid cancer…but at this point it doesn’t matter due to the size of the other tumor and it’s internal components (calcifications). 

I will be getting a total thyroidectomy in a few weeks and be in the hospital for 10 days due to my bleeding complications (think back to my gastric bypass surgery and the massive internal bleed I suffered. That story can be found on my weight loss resources page [link at the top])

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO. IN CONCLUSION. 

My weight loss has been fabulous, but halted due to cancer (and psych. meds but I’ll tell you about that in my post about my suicide attemptt). My thyroid is no longer working properly and it is causing weight gain as well as a bunch of other symptoms that make completing daily tasks exhausting. 

I am three years out and so thankful for this surgery. I have completely changed my eating habits and my life. It has taught me how to love my body and myself at any weight…I have been all over the map….and as I sit here and type this out, I am a chunky little nugget and that’s okay. I am beautiful no matter what. 

I again apologize for my absence.

More life stories coming soon <3  

p.s. I chopped all of my hair off, dyed it blue, cut it shorter….shaved my sides into a fade…..got box braids…ya know. 

Weight loss is weird.

I started my journey almost two years ago at about 315 lbs….Could have been higher…But…I hated the scale tremendously.

I now weigh 160 lbs…..And with clothes on I feel so sexy and powerful and confident.

BUT.

THIS IS THE REALITY OF WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY.

It’s hard.

It’s hard physically. It’s hard mentally. It’s hard socially…It’s just…..hard. Your life changes so drastically so quickly it’s difficult​ to keep up sometimes…. Quite exhausting really…..

BUTTTTTTTT. I will tell you this.

It gets easier. There is hope beyond the initial post surgery depression. There is happiness in your progress after your 5 week weight loss stall. There is peace once you break up with your scale and realize a number does not define your success. There is confidence in the new you who will propel you to new heights. There is life……There is life after this surgery.

Despite my many challenges, a surgery related near death experience…..Hair loss, extra skin…..An ended engagement and a variety of relationships post surgery…..My life now is better than it has ever been.

I guess what I’m trying to say is…..For anyone just starting out or who is stuck or just sad/regretful, as I was on many occasions……This will pass, and you will achieve the success you are striving for.

I have so much faith in you.

Stay smiling xox

Weight loss is not always rainbows and butterflies.

It isn’t always beautiful and perfect.

Losing weight isn’t always full of positivity and happiness.

There is sadness. There is pain….and there is body dysmorphia.

I wear clothes like the ones pictured above - I hide my new body because I am ashamed.

Why?

Because when I look in the mirror I don’t see the girl above….I see the girl who was 315 lbs. and scared….alone….feeling ugly and fat and horrific.

I look in the mirror and I do not see progress. I see the same thing I have always seen.

I am going to be starting therapy to address these issues…but I share these thoughts with you because I want you to know you aren’t alone.

When you are heavy your entire life…and you remember being weighed when you were four at preschool and you remember the number “65…..” …..and you remember the embarrassment as you kept getting bigger and bigger….and then you have this surgery and you start changing and your life starts changing and people start treating you differently…..all of this change doesn’t always translate into your head.

Bad body days are okay.

What isn’t okay is allowing it to continue.

Stay strong. Stay positive…..just like I am trying to do.

I take pictures like this and just look at myself in disbelief. My body is slowly starting to take its new shape and I just can’t even begin to believe it.

Loving the new me a little more today I still have progress to make, and I know I will get there and I can’t wait for that! BUT, this is a journey and a process and I must love myself every step of the way!

Who have I become?!

Hard to believe this girl was 130+ pounds heavier. So proud of myself.

#lovemycurves #lovemytool #lovemybody

Booty booty booty.