Mean or broken, really it’s the same thing Intention don’t matter, in the end, you still hurt me Not absolved from your actions just ‘cause you want the consequences to go away
This is not Broadway I will not bow for your performance To you, keeping up this façade is of uttermost importance But this isn’t even worth the price of a matinee So I’ve gotta say bye to you, babe
I don’t know who needs to hear this, curvalicious divas, but we are SO MUCH MORE. Love your curves. Care for your curves. But you don’t have to obsess over them!
Hello to my beautiful followers; both new and old.
It has been so long since I have posted, and I apologize.
It has been quite a tumultuous time since I have last posted. So much has happened so frequently and….I have coped so poorly….but I have survived, and I am so proud to say that I am alive. I will be posting about some of the events that have happened: sexual harassment at work, a broken foot that ultimately lead to a suicide attempt, psychiatric hospital stays. an assault at work by a client, my parents divorce, and cancer.
Yes, cancer. Super fun and great, right?
How about we talk about my weight loss…since this is technically a weight loss blog….but ultimately, I guess you can say that a weight loss blog really is a life blog considering life effects weight…..medical issues affect weight….medication effects weight.
I had gotten down to about 145 lbs. I felt fantastic and was finally so comfortable with my body. I was also approved for a panniculectomy (which will be happening at some point in time…however, due to other events, it cannot be performed at this time…there are other issues that are holding precedence over the panniculectomy).
I did notice that I began to gain weight again…I was always tired, exhausted….and then, I was attacked by one of my clients at work; twice within a month and two days…and ultimately ended up having a CT Scan which showed she fractured one of my vertebrae and bulged one of my discs……severe muscle and ligament damage…..and also nodules on my thyroid…..so not only am I injured, but I have weird things coming back on my CT scan….I’m FREAKING out at this point………SO - they tell me to get an ultrasound on my thyroid, and I did physical therapy for my injuries (and a lawsuit).
I get the ultrasound……and my doctor then decides he wants a biopsy because there are multiple nodules and they look “suspicious.” Still gaining weight at this point - I’ve been bouncing from 175-185…….AND then I get the biopsy - FNA - FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD CAUSE THEY HURT. LEMMMMME TELL YOU! My doctor probably didn’t give me enough lidocane but JESUS he was jamming needles in my neck and digging and LORD. I had a panic attack. It was a bilateral FNA on two nodules…four needles in each nodule they biopsied and it isn’t quick okay they did. I had a massive panic attack and the nurse put a cold wash cloth on my head and then I lost my eyebrows. Great bruises after that too…..
Two days later I was diagnosed with cancer. I am currently awaiting results on the other tumor in my neck - may be bilateral papillary thyroid cancer…but at this point it doesn’t matter due to the size of the other tumor and it’s internal components (calcifications).
I will be getting a total thyroidectomy in a few weeks and be in the hospital for 10 days due to my bleeding complications (think back to my gastric bypass surgery and the massive internal bleed I suffered. That story can be found on my weight loss resources page [link at the top])
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO. IN CONCLUSION.
My weight loss has been fabulous, but halted due to cancer (and psych. meds but I’ll tell you about that in my post about my suicide attemptt). My thyroid is no longer working properly and it is causing weight gain as well as a bunch of other symptoms that make completing daily tasks exhausting.
I am three years out and so thankful for this surgery. I have completely changed my eating habits and my life. It has taught me how to love my body and myself at any weight…I have been all over the map….and as I sit here and type this out, I am a chunky little nugget and that’s okay. I am beautiful no matter what.
I again apologize for my absence.
More life stories coming soon <3
p.s. I chopped all of my hair off, dyed it blue, cut it shorter….shaved my sides into a fade…..got box braids…ya know.
MOM SHRUNK MY CHRISTMAS SHIRT!!! Now it looks like a Christmas CROP TOP!!…..But I still look good….. #bodypositivity ❤ #lookingood #goals #ootd #ootdfashion ❤#JTCatsby ❤
I am the pog champ. It’s time I admit it. I am quite possibly one of the kindest and most handsome person on this website. I may have a foot fetish but that does not take away from my overall charm.
