Veth’s Journey as a Metaphor for Body Dysmorphia.

I was just thinking about how one would showcase different mental illnesses in dnd when I realized the perfectmetaphor for body dysmorphia has already been done without even intending it.

Veth Brenatto aka Nott the Brave was transformed by a hag (we’ll call the hag mental illness for the purposes of this metaphor) into “everything that [she] thought [she] was” before she was cursed the hag was told “make her suffer”. She covers herself in bandages to avoid herself or anyone else seeing her. She avoids reflective surfaces. Even being called “Nott the Brave” in her goblin form…some days it takes real bravery to exist in your own body. And that name reflects that.

But the real thing that gets me is her first scene with Yeza. When she’s seeing Yeza for the first time she’s under an illusion that makes her look like her true self. But underneath that illusion she knows she is truly a goblin.Yeza sees her but she is existing in her goblin form, her body still feels like a goblin. She’s afraid for Yeza to see her the way she is and afraid of what he might think of her. Yeza sees Veth, but she knows how she truly looks underneath this illusion. And when she talks to him he keeps saying “but it’s still you, right?” and she can’t understand how he loves her, grotesque appearance and all. She voices this and he asks “you think that matters?” and she says yesbecause how could anyone love her when she looks the way she looks? Even the scene where Yeza is touching her face to see bits and pieces of the goblin beneath, this could be beautifully equated to describing bits and pieces of how you see yourself with body dysmorphia and letting someone you love see how you see yourself bit by bit.

Going back to the hag being mental illness, this actually works perfectly with how the Mighty Nein v Hag went. They didn’t fight her. Nott made her known to them, and they did all they could, they were ready to defend Nott and do whatever they could to break her curse. But they didn’t fight her. The only person who can fight and defeat your mental illness is you. Jester offered this hag a cupcake. This cupcake is what allowed the curse to be lifted because what your friends can do is distract, be there for you, comfort you, and take care of you. Even after the curse was lifted, Nott didn’t transform back immediately because she needed time. She needed time to work on herself and make sure she was ready. Just because you know the problem doesn’t mean you can implement the solution. I know my body dysmorphia in and out but it still haunts me because I need to do some more work on myself. It takes time to unlearn things.

Eventually she transforms back into herself, into how she is truly. This is accomplished using friends sticking by her, loving her, being there for her, helping her find a way to become herself again. Still though, this experience as a goblin will always be with her. She won’t be able to forget it, not truly. I know that this metaphor isn’t flawless, that you can’t be cured of body dysmorphia. But I’m not looking at her transformation back to her body as a cure, more just her transition out of her darkest days. The days when it was the worst, when it was the hardest.

There’s more little tiny things that I can add in the comments because they’re not as moving as these points, but I just wanted to share. Feel free to add on.

Being gay is a nightmare sometimes I wake up and want to be muscly and have a fat juicy ass and others I want to be a tiny frail little twink what the hellllll and I don’t know which is more realistic or healthier for me. neither at this point but like I wish I could choose lmfao

I don’t know

I don’t know if it was the fact that I moved away from the stress, or that I’m working out longer and harder, or that I’m eating so much less than I did before, but I made it guys.

Goal #1 has been reached. Collarbones are coming back and visible.

Just gotta keep going.

I talked to a guy that is interested in me about my anorexia and he really had the audacity:

“Oh yeah I feel like that sometimes too, like I won’t feel like eating breakfast sometimes”

Like wtf man. No.

I don’t know if Im happy or sad

But after 2 and a half years into my recovery, all at once I fell back into my anorexic hole again.

Sure there have been ups and downs along the way where I would relaps and start restricting my calories to my usual 1,200, but it never lasted for very long. But now, it’s worse than ever, and it’s nothing like it was before. I’m not refusing to eat because I feel depressed, or as a coping mechanism like I was before. I’m starving myself without even realizing it, it’s like I FORGET to eat now, whereas before, food was my entire life morning, noon and night. I would dedicate hours of my day just to calculating everything down to the tiniest gram, and drink copious amounts of water just to keep myself from eating, while still thinking about food. I’m even forgetting to drink water lately. It’s like my mind fixated on one specific activity per day, and I forget about everything else until I get tired and decide it’s bed time.

At night is when I usually remember, like “my head hurts, oh yeah, I should eat!” And I’ll eat like, a couple bites of somthing or some broth because I just…am NOT hungry? I have no appetite? And I don’t know WHY or HOW? But I can feel my body suffering because I’m NOT EATING. Or like I’ll realize how dry and uncomfortable my mouth is like “oop, better take 2 sips of coolaid to hydrate and keep myself awake”.

It’s only been like this for maybe 2 weeks, Maybe a bit less, but I’ve already went from 139 to 125 (I’m fairly certain it’s not fat weight, but like, water weight and digestive weight). And on one hand I’m so happy! On the other hand, I’m back tracking. All my progress, all the things I was enjoying. I actually was ENJOYING eating food, and I’d drink full fat soda! And I didn’t care about the calories for so long! But now even though it’s only been about 2 weeks, I can already feel everything going backwards in familiar ways. Even though I am forgetting to eat, when I actually do take a bite of somthing, again, I have no appetite. But one day I forced myself to eat some rice, shrimp, and an egg fried in butter. And I felt so, GUILTY afterwards. And that made me so sad because I haven’t felt quite like THAT in so long. And it was soooo good, I just wanted to enjoy it and go about my day. But I remember I just wolfed it down because it tasted so freaking good, that I didn’t really get to savor it and- then it was gone and then I felt hollow and like I did somthing bad.

Then to make that a bit worse, after I ate that, I drank some laxatives- somthing I have not done for quite a long time. And I was really disappointed in myself, because I hadn’t done it for so long, but also because it made me feel better. But I know these things are hurting me and that’s why I’m so upset with myself. I’m so ashamed because it’s like all that progress went down the drain. Bumps in the road are normal and fine, and relapses absolutely do happen, and that’s ok and not a reason to give up, and I know it’s not the end of the world! It’s just, hard, when you see progress crumble and you don’t understand why.

Anyways,

PLEASE REMEMBER TO EAT WELL,

HYDRATE,

STAY SAFE,

AND TO TAKE YOUR MEDICINE AS PRESCRIBED!

Man… I have a male best friend that REALLY always pulls through, even when he’s not around.

I had a horrible dinner with my family, they all were ganging up on me, and then I get a gift from him in the mail? Always perfect timing. I truly am greatful for him

I’m blessed with good friends.

My main trigger is when people get mad at me.

Alls you gotta do it yell at me and next thing you know I’m downing laxatives and purging my guts out. I don’t know why, but I can’t handle anyone being unhappy with me. I can’t handle being fussed at or being disliked, even though, it doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s like my mind just immediately goes to “well, time to throw up” in those moments, even if I’m not sad.

I get confused and irritated, but it doesn’t scare or hurt me anymore. Just, gotta make myself throw up and starve for a few days then I’m a-ok again

My Motivation

I’ve been off dieting and resisted relapsing for about 2 whole years now, but I’m back in action and rearing to go! I was looking back at pictures from 2 years ago and i so LOVED what I saw- I was so skinny and PRETTY?! Like why didn’t I see that in the moment??? (Also all my friends who are now telling me how worried they were for me back then hahaha, alls I got to say to that is “why didn’t you say that while I was in hospital, love? As far as I was concerned, no one said a word and so no one cared”.) Anyway. I really want to get skinny again! Tiktok and egirls are really inspiring me to get skinny and start cosplaying again. I’d like to start live streaming again, and looking pretty and start doing fun things from the comfort of my home! Perhaps after some time I’ll even make an Only Fans! Idk haha. I’m just feeling very motivated, and though I am disappointed in myself for relapsing, I’m also happy because I have goals again. I’ll get thin again, I’ll be pretty again.

If anyone has any tips on obtaining a snatched waist, or anything at all, I would love to hear from you