#william the conqueror
I have ingested nyquil so I am doing this
Alfred the Great: buys just enough canned food and duct tape to the point where you’re not overly concerned but you are pretty sure he’s a doomsday prepper
Aethelflaed: fills three carts with snack cakes, those church basement paper cups, and generic brand soda because no one can negotiate a surrender on an empty stomach
Athelstan: that is far too much coffee
Aethelred the Unready: just buying every single item on his wife’s list. This is the fourth store he’s been to because Emma is very specific.
Cnut: only came here for all his Special Haircare Products
William the Conqueror: fills up a cart and just leaves without paying. just fucking books it to the parking lot I hate him
Matilda: comes in with three rowdy boys, tells them to not ask for ANYTHING, buys an armload of 5-hour energies, leaves with two rowdy boys
Henry II: walks around the store eating a bag of grapes he has not bought while Eleanor does the actual shopping
Richard I: will find a way to talk about his study abroad last year with the deli guy if it kills him. Is also texting his mom to ask what groceries he needs to buy because he has no idea
John: verbally berating everyone in customer service because they won’t let him return a dented can of peas that expired 7 years ago
Edward I: tries to use a 24 year old coupon to buy lentils in bulk (he doesn’t even like lentils?) and knocks over an elaborate pepsi display in a fit of rage
Edward II: has his card declined and demands to know why the cashier had to be so loud about it
Edward III: says “guess it’s FREE THEN HAHAHA!!!” when an item doesn’t scan right away. several items do not scan. Gets a veteran’s discount.
Richard II: that’s uhhh… a lot of advil there buddy
Henry V: also has his card declined but drops the “DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS” line, is dressed like lucky luciano
Henry VI: begins to panic when Margaret leaves him in line for two minutes because she forgot eggs. the line is moving quickly…so quickly
Edward IV: he has one cart filled with wine. Elizabeth Woodville has another filled with kid cuisines.
Henry VII: pulls out the fattest binder you have ever seen and it’s filled with coupons. His transactions usually take 2 hours and he tsks the entire time.
Henry VIII: buys bags of charcoal and dog food just so he can pick them all up and be like “yeah this isn’t even heavy to me I don’t even feel it” also buys condoms and laughs nervously
Edward VI: literally just buying root vegetables even though he’s 9 because he is so weird
Mary I: just coming in for her weekly supply of “praying for you” cards, always gives exact change thank you mary
Elizabeth I (if these even count as medieval anymore): no longer allowed to do her own shopping after the sweet n low incident. Now a personal shopper gets her groceries for her. it is robert dudley
Robert Curthose is the second in my “Almost Kings” series.
Born the eldest son of William the Conqueror and Matilda of Flanders, Robert should have inherited all his father’s domains on William’s death. Instead the Conqueror just left Robert the Duchy of Normandy, while the throne of England went to his second surviving son - William Rufus. It’s fair to say that Robert was really unhappy about that, while William Rufus was equally pissed at not getting both England and Normandy.
You can read more about Robert Curthose at The Creative Historian.
Reblogging because Robert died on this day (3rd February) in 1134. He’s believed to have been around 83 years old, and had spent decades imprisoned after bein captured by his younger brother Henry.
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Here is a selection of English kings that I have been working on:
Henry V
Richard I ‘Coeur de Lion’
William/Guillaume le Conquérant/Bâtard (depending on who you’re asking)
I had planned on adding Alfred the Great, Cnut, Edward the Confessor, Harold Godwinson, Henry II, Edward I, Richard III, Henry VIII… all in good time.
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William the Conqueror accidentally invents the English language in a post-invasion interview.
He’s William the Conqueror, his enemies stood no chance. They call him the first English King although he came from France.
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The Mysterious Lady Aelfgyva-women in history(42/?)
The Tapestry of Bayeux (Tapisserie de Bayeux) is an impressive embroidered cloth (70 meters long, 50 centimeters tall – 230ft x 20in) and tells the story of the Norman conquest of England by William, duke of Normandy, culminating in the Battle of Hastings (1066). It is thought to be made quite shortly after the conquest, somewhere in the 11th century.
This fragment is the only fragment putting a woman at the center stage. It is one of the most intriguing parts of the tapestry. It portrays a woman confronted by a tonsured cleric, who is touching her face; it is not clear if it is out of anger or affection. Above the scene, the inscription reads: Ubi unus clericus et Aelfgyva - Here a certain clerk and Aelfgyva. Since it is the only part of the tapestry that shows a woman on the center stage, and one of the few women on the tapestry, her role in the episode must have been viewed by the artist as significant.
Historians are unsure about who this woman is. Often it is thought she is queen Aelfgifu-Emma, the mother of King Edward the Confessor. Other historians, like Freeman, state that Harold might have had a sister, who accompanied him in his ill-fated mission. More recently, it has been argued she is Aelfgifu of Northampton, mistress of Canute the Great and mother of his sons.
The story of Aelfgyva is an example of how women are often forgotten and lost in history: overlooked in stories of men, their agency taken away. As Gloria Steinman said: Women have always been an equal part of the past. We just haven’t been a part of history.
McNulty, J. Bard. “The Lady Aelfgyva in the Bayeux Tapestry.” Speculum, vol. 55, no. 4, 1980, pp. 659–668.
