[ screenshot of a hashtag saying “How do I get my brother out of there? Superhelpful/genuine” ]
A good question!
(and I hope other self-advocating autistic adults can weigh in on this too. The mind of a community is stronger than any individual. )
What comes to my mind:
(and feel free to simply hand this post over to them if that’s easier)
start a conversation with your guardians that involves showing them some links to autsitic articles and research. There are some actually linked in the original post above ^. Videos may help too. Here are three great examples by autistics:1,2,3
Please don’t feel like any of this is your responsibility though. Really, its terrible when any child feels responsible for the learning process or unlearning process of the adults in their lives- because you aren’t! And if your guardians decide to avoid or dismiss the information - that’s not your fault!
But let’s assume they are open to starting this dialouge and to listening to the autistic community… They are probably, at first, going to feel bad, and sometimes guardians will shy away from their guilt by insisting that nothing is wrong, or that its not actually “that” bad, or that their specific case is “different” or “fixed” for x,y, z reasons… Because there are no pleasant truths about any form of ABA, and its hard for guardians to come to terms with the fact they made a mistake so important.
So, speaking directly to any adult guardian who may be reading this:
—–
“We (the autistic community) forgive you”
We forgive you because you made what you thought was the best decision, with the best understanding you had at the time. Now that your understanding is starting to change, what matters is that you continue to make the best decisions you can. Even if that means trying to find new paths, or acknowledging old wrongs.
Being the parent of an autistic kid *is* hard. Not because we are burdens (we aren’t), and not because there is anything wrong with us (there isn’t). But because there is more misinformation about parenting an autistic child than real information, and certainly less real information than there is for parenting an allistic (non-autistic) child. And everywhere you look, you will find autsitic adults who wished their parents had known more, or had done more once they had known more.
We have a lot of anger when we watch allistic parents make the same mistakes that ours did. But we have lot of love and RELIEF, when we watch our voices finally being heard and other allistic parents listening. It feels like catharsis. Like maybe everything we went through finds some healing when it finally saves someone else.
Because make no mistake, even if you don’t believe your ABA place is using shock therapy, or is using physical force, or is using verbal attacks, or emotional neglect…. even if its *just* allistic adults in a room with autistic children trying to reward them for “good” behavior - that’s enough. That’s plenty. That’s why we say “#yes, all ABA”. No autistic kid can learn to be their fully realized autistic adult self if their childhood was spent learning that their natural autistic traits needed to be hidden or exchanged for neurotypical ones.
So thank you parent… grandparent… guardian… For listening, standing with us, and doing the work.
ALT
