Hullo there, fam.

I have 99 followers as of today and that’s 99 more followers that I didn’t expect to get on this shitpost blog. I’m really into writing HCs right now, so send me some requests if you have them on your heart! The weirder and more specific, the better.

In modern Vesuvia’s metropolitan area, life can be so, so busy. So exhausting. The Minister loves to paint a pretty picture of a booming metropolis filled with the cultured and elegant; a city for the bourgeoisie. But Nadia knows better. She’s seen the devastation in the flooded district, the children of the poor barefoot, standing blank-eyed and hungry in the dirty alleys, hidden little secrets Lucio is so keen to avoid during his tours of the city.

When she is tired and the space under her closed eyelids burns red-hot with the beginnings of another migraine, she remembers serving in the food kitchens, slick spit clinging wet to her cheek as the grizzled crone who gave it to her fixed her with one yellowing eye and said through cracked and blackened teeth, “You ain’t knowin’ wot it is t’ be in these straits, fancy lady, I’ll take none o’ yer clap-me-on-th’-back charity on this day!” How she’d gotten mental whiplash evolving from shock, to fury, to pity, to shame, staring at this shrunken, proud old thing, and she knew. She knew she hadn’t done enough. She hadn’t had her finger on the pulse of this city’s neglected, as she’d once thought, as her sycophantic assistants had assured her.

She never wore her Louboutins to an outreach project again. And she set her mind on finding the perfect right hand, someone who understood the people of the city, someone who could make herunderstand.

That’s when she met Portia Devorak, the freckled, copper-haired little spit-fire who helped her turn her projects around and build Vesuvia United into the force that it is today.

Portia has been an indispensable asset, something of a ray of sunshine after rolling storms; her patience, persistence, and tenacity a balm for Nadia’s soul.

• Among her responsibilities is managing the social media for Vesuvia United and she takes this responsibility very seriously. Portia did not earn her position at Nadia’s side based on cuteness alone; she is highly competent and has a discerning eye for detail. Every picture, every hashtag, every tweet is carefully curated and there is never a need for Nadia to hire a social media manager. Ever.
  

• Not only is she a dab hand at managing Vesuvia United’s social media presence, she is very much adept at managing her own. Portia, along with Lucio, is Twitter famous and has amassed a large and loyal following. This started because of her live tweets regarding awkward social situations and experiences with her brother.
  

• Nadia’s affection for Portia knows few bounds. She’ll attempt to shower her with expensive gifts to show her endearment; jewelry in rose-gold tones to suit her complexion (pale with rosy undertones, Nadia has pointed out on many occasions), fine clothes, shoes, bags, etc. Portia is, of course, flattered and even aghast at what Nadia calls “these little trinkets,” and has never owned such nice things in her life. Did you know that the bags Gucci comes in are as much of an accessory as the Gucci product itself? Portia thinks so.
  

• Portia drew the line at Nadia buying her an apartment. Oh, no, she couldn’t possibly do that! She loved staying with Mazelinka, besides, it wasn’t any trouble at all to make the commute! Nadia simply rested her cheek in her palm and gave her that look, you know, the sultry one where you can practically hear the gears turning in her brain. “Is that so? Then I shall have to pay you more.” Portia found herself in a two-story cottage in the garden district a month later.
  

• Out of the main six, Portia is the most likely to use Pinterest. Mood boards for everything. Aesthetic mood boards, recipes, knitting patterns for Pepi’s sweaters, she LOVES Pinterest.
  

• She is a few years younger than Julian, but one would assume the opposite. Her brother is a force of chaos and has an immutable craving for disaster, which has forced her into the role of being stable. You’ll often find him crashing on her couch because he can’t make it home from the pub, or passed out under her kitchen table after a particularly grueling shift at the hospital.
  

• Yes, Mazelinka absolutely has the best hangover cure you can find in Vesuvia, but Portia’s is a close second. She had the best teacher after all, and has plenty of need for one with a brother like Julian.
  

• As such, she has prepared a document titled, “The Proper Feeding and Care of Your Ilya” for… reasons.
  

• All the pressures of responsibility aside, you will never meet another person (aside from Lucio and Julian, in their own way) who has such a thirst for adventure and shenanigans. When she does get the opportunity to “let her hair down,” she will absolutely drink you, and anybody else, under the table.
  

• She’s adorable, she’s short, she’s so very soft and has delicate features but please do not make the mistake of letting that fool you. She will arm wrestle the toughest, gnarliest, most gargantuan marines in port-side watering holes and win. Nobody knows how she does it.

• She goes to the gym quite regularly with Nadia. Nadia is content to stay on the cardio machines for an hour and have a long soak in the hot tub, but Portia is hardcore. She’ll do around 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical, and then confidently weave through all the muscleheads in the weight room to start lifting for another 30 to 45 minutes. Somebody looks at her like she doesn’t belong, she will wink at them rakishly while doing bicep curls on the bench. Some meathead grumps at her for being on the leg press for too long, she just laughs and asks if they want to spot her. She is shameless and perfect.
  

What to do when your husband is Prime Minister of Vesuvia and there are no less than three (3) major scandals before breakfast each morning?

Enter Nadia, whom I’ve always headcanoned as Vesuvia’s Michelle Obama (without a Barack because Lucio… is definitely not Barack), so her catchphrase among her staff is, “When Lucio goes low, we go high.”

• Nadia Satrivana, CEO and founder of Vesuvia United, a non-profit charity benefiting the Vesuvian community in a myriad of ways with several different branches including, but not limited to: animal shelters, shelters for the homeless, women’s shelters, work programs, food programs, etc.
  

• She funds these programs from her own personal coffers, and sometimes from Lucio’s. To be fair, if it’s for charity, and the end justifies the means. Lucio is no dab-hand at balancing his own coin anyhow and depends on Nadia’s financial and business acumen for the most part. “I throw money at you, Noddy, and you make things happen.” You bet she made shit happen.
  

• In addition to her own personal charity, she is forever planning charity events to raise money for Vesuvia United and is absolutely BOSS at it. She knows how to market herself and market a cause and will absolutely exploit every gimmick to charm Vesuvia’s well-to-do literally out of their pockets. Grand balls, silent auctions, lavish dinners, festivals, and grandiose live events that will be the talk of the city for months.
  

• Given Lucio’s proclivity toward show-boating and drumming up interest wherever he goes, he is more than happy to assist with these endeavors.
  

• Organized an effort to rebuild homes in the flooded district, suited up in work gear, and got to building on the field with the crew. She loves working with her hands and the ache in her muscles after a day of hard labor. She doesn’t mind washing the sawdust out of her hair.
  

• Her desk is littered with placards that say “#GirlBoss,” “Boss Babe,” and “#goaldigger.” All of them are gifts from Portia, her personal assistant. In any other circumstance it would feel tacky to her, but Portia’s brand of gentle-but- enthusiastic encouragement never fails to bring a smile to her face.
  

• Never underestimate or talk over her in a board meeting. She will eviscerate you with the kindest smile and shake your hand after, maybe a little firmer than called for.
  

• Talking calmly but savagely into your cellphone during a shiatsu massage because somebody missed the deadline for submitting a grant application and those children need new shoes for school is a whole-ass mood and she has it.

• Dead-ass walks into a meeting with these nails so you know she is not to be trifled with.
  

• Absolutely rocks the pantsuits. 
  

• Big. Nadia. Energy. 

• She’s an incredibly busy woman, but when she does have time to herself, she loves to spend it working in her garden, relishing the feeling of fresh-turned earth under her nails, the sweat dripping from her hairline, the warmth of sunlight on her back. She refuses to wear gardening gloves, instead preferring to plunge her hands deep into the dirt and heave a sigh of relief at the cool dampness of it.
  

• Her phone is constantly blowing up. One might think it’s all business, but she has a long-standing group chat with all of her sisters. The memes are outrageous.
  

• Signs even her most casual text messages with “Regards,” 

Modern! Halloween/Haunted House Headcanons (Main 6)

Asra:

-Dresses up in something that shows a little skin, just for MC

-Likes the sort of strangely flavored candies

-Tongue is DARK BLUE by the end of the night from all the blue raspberry stuff

-Lots of his signature sweet smile, especially when MC is smiling too

-Did you say MC + lollipop = Asra practically drooling? Because I did.

-Is comparatively calm in the haunted houses. Likes to go in and check them out but if MC doesn’t want to he’ll 200% skip them

-Loves to coddle MC if they get scared—Asra is always there to hold them

-Definitely cuddling on the couch watching tame Halloween-themed junk at the end of everything, eating candy together

Julian:

-It’s raven time for raven boy

-Decorates the house on the first of October, ESPECIALLY with raven paraphernalia

-Probably dresses up in something dramatic with a flowing cape, so that he can twirl in it and deliver devastating lines

-Is CONSTANTLY singing “Spooky Scary Skeletons” and probably annoying MC to no end

-Really likes black liquorice because he loves to torture himself

-Goes overboard with the faux blood, but it’s super cute

-Tries to act very relaxed when going into a haunted house, but the first jumpscare sends him flying into MC

-Probably ends up making out with MC in a back room and then heading home to watch movies

Nadia:

-Her costume is so exquisite and perfectly elegant that it’s practically blinding

-Her eyeliner is way straighter than she is amirite

-If MC is sensitive to scares she’s protective, and if she does so much as look at someone they back down

-Makes sure that MC has a gorgeous costume, their love won’t have anything less than perfection

-Looks stunning in the faint light of the setting sun, autumn leaves in shades of red and orange falling about her

-If MC happens to say/do anything cute she’ll cover her mouth and giggle behind her intricate sleeve

-In a haunted house Nadia is the most composed out of all the Main 6. Especially if MC is sensitive, she’s an unshakable wall. Her upbringing and countenance account for that.

Muriel:

-Surprisingly talented at carving pumpkins because he’s a mountain man

-Scares don’t mix well with him. He’s already so mentally scarred that surprising things like that put him into defense mode

-More likely that he’ll want to stay at home with MC, relaxing by the fire

-Makes sure there’s a delicious Fall Harvest dinner ready, maybe with some apple cider and pumpkin pie for dessert

-Will tell MC all about the way the forest animals’ coats change in the fall, how they migrate and prepare for the winter. He’ll get lost with his arm around MC, mumbling about the squirrels and the deer.

-Despite the fact that he and MC don’t really go out, it’s still a fantastic night

Portia:

-H A L L O W E E N!

-Black cat decorations! Yes!

-Tries her hardest to outdo Julian in costuming, probably asking Nadia and MC for help creating something 10 times better than his

-Loves Halloween baking, and loves baking these things with MC. Makes cupcakes with black and orange sprinkles, cookies that look like witch fingers, and mummy rolls

-Lots of hugs, cheek kisses and colored icing daubed on noses. Her freckles look like sprinkles in the right light, so she’s definitely an actual cupcake

-Dresses Pepi up, just a little! Maybe gives the sweet kitten a little cape or a witch hat

-If MC is prone to spooks she keeps a stiff upper lip in scary houses, but otherwise she gets scared easily. But not at easily as Julian, which she holds over him.

-When she’s wearing her costume, she proceeds to place a hand on her hip, set her stance, and look super cute.

Lucio:

-Utilizes his claw in his costume somehow, probably paired with a glittering golden cape or something ostentatious

-His makeup is turned up to 10, and it’s actually very precise. His eyeliner is heavier than usual, and comes to even more of a spooky point.

-Thinks that the best candy is the most expensive, and so ensures that MC receives chocolate with gold leaf and the most high-end jelly beans ever.

-Hopes to see at least one person dressed up as him at some point in the night, even though everyone knows that isn’t going to happen.

-Lavishes MC in the most glorious, glittering costume opportunities, and is happy to have a little fashion show starring the both of them.

-Attempts to be intimidating in haunted houses, puffing out his chest at scarers and thrusting MC behind him. This works about 50% of the time.

-Ends the night with cinnamon-flavored liquor and movies in his upscale home theater.

M6 Help With Tricky Magic Part 2/2

More TW

Portia

• Honestly she’s psyched that you want/need her help and she’s excited to be a part of this with you!!
• She gets really focused on trying to help you and is a huge optimist every time something goes wrong. She knows that even if you don’t show it that this is really important to you and that every time something small goes wrong, she’s basically the only thing keeping you together.
• After hitting so many twists and turns, she’s probably only gotten more optimistic while you’re slowly fading out of your confidence. She can tell that you’re barely holding on, but she’s doing her best to keep you energized and on spot. Eventually, when it all leads up to that moment when you’re about to be done, you’re both so excited. Your work will pay off, it’ll all have been worth it, nothing more to worry about.
• And then. Well. I guess the spell decided to give you something to worry about.
• When you go to preform the spell, the atmosphere changes. Drastically. And you’re both confused for a second until your energy is completely drained and she has to rush to you to make sure you’re okay. And then you look around and see… pain and Death. Everywhere.
• You didn’t even think you were capable of this damage, much less when the spell you were trying to preform brought the opposite…
• The plants and green life around you withered, turning to black and brown, some even breaking down on the spot. People are lying on the floor, crying out in pain but not truly physically affected. You can’t help but break down crying at this, before your sight even lands on Portia, her body crumpled at your feet, crying and pleading. You realize it must be mentally attacking them as not even one person seems to be bearing it.
• You do everything in your power to bring her back to consciousness, but the moment she’s awake and before she’s even feeling good enough to have coherent thoughts, she’s worried about you.
• She’s focused on you now, and won’t leave your side. Even though she doesn’t feel any side effect of what happened, you’re worried about her too. Does that mean she’ll let you take care of her? Absolutely not. She has Ilya by your side 24/7 until he starts complaining that physically, you’re perfectly fine. Mentally though, she’s really the only one that can help your nightmares of all those people crying out in pain, and Portia being tortured at your hand.

Muriel

• As anxious as Muriel was about this, you were able to convince him to help you, simply because he figured it’d be better to protect you ratchet than let you get hurt. Though he did mention several times that he had a bad feeling about this spell, and there’s no way it would work without more skill than he could help with.
• I mean, you’re powerful. But conjuring a spell that should take like 5 of you with just yourself and Muriel? Yeah, that wouldn’t add up in the end.
• You always had to be near him if you were gonna practice or even just research it, even if you didn’t want or need his help, he needed to keep an eye on you at all times. He did his best to look out for little details that you might’ve missed, but in all seriousness you seemed pretty thorough to him, for the most part. He helps you out by pointing little things out, and reminding you of things that might’ve slipped your mind.
• You’re the optimistic one in this situation. He supports you, but that doesn’t mean that he wants you to get yourself hurt, so really he tries not to say much. When he does, it’s always blunt and the outright truth of the moment or his opinion.
• When it comes to the time to preform the spell, he knows the perfect place to do it that it shouldn’t harm or destroy anything if something goes wrong, and after he helps you with whatever you ask, he sets at a distance so that he can watch to make sure you’re okay but so that he’s not in the way.
• Everything is going smoothly as you cast the spell, and you close your eyes, trying to just feel the magic coursing through you. Muriel is just on edge, fidgety but also tense and rigid. As he’s watching you, suddenly you disappear from thin air, some trace and smoke but nothing big. Muriel starts with a panic, calling out your name and looking around frantically.
• You feel the ground disappear from beneath your feet, and suddenly you feel yourself falling, but for some reason you can’t open your eyes or speak, much less scream. You hear Muriel shouting for you, but you can’t call out to him, and you suddenly break the surface of water beneath you, crashing into this deep, flowing river, too physically numb to swim yourself out of it.
• Muriel hears the crash, and immediately rushes over as fast as he can, which is admittedly fast for his size when you’re involved, and he scoops you out of the water. When he does, you’re finally out of your paralyzation, and a shock of pain goes through you at his touch. Muriel winces when he hears you cry out in pain, but he needs to get you out and safe for now.
• After you’re safe and closer to the palace and Asra’s shop (he couldn’t keep going because of your whimpers of pain) he just sits down and tends to you. No words are spoken, he just gives you water, makes you eat something small, and then sends Inanna to find Asra.
• When you’re okay physically, all that’s left for you is healing mentally, knowing that you might be stuck with those thoughts for a while. But for Asra and Muriel, they’re also trying to figure out what went wrong with the spell so that it never happens again
• Muriel is even more reluctant for you to try practicing again but he just checks with Asra to make sure the spell is safe beforehand and always keeps track of where you are (if you’re comfortable with that) so that he doesn’t lose you again.

Lucio

• It took some convincing to drag him into your work area of your life because he really didn’t want to deal with the manual labor, or mental for that matter, but once you did he started to see why you liked experimenting with it.
• He was skeptical of course at first, what could be more important than him?? What was taking up so much of your time???!! But then he started getting nosey, and had to butt in to see what it was. He saw why you liked experimenting and had to help you, because of course you needed him.
• He ended up just being like a curious little puppy and asking questions-
• Your spell was a complicated one, and taking care of him was like taking care of a toddler, so you of course were annoyed by the constant of him acting like he knew what he was doing even though he was making things worse, however much you might show it, and however endearing you found it.
• After all your Lucio’s hard work, the spell was finally prepared and practiced to where you knew that you could preform it perfectly without a hitch.
• Oh look at that
• A hitch.
• When you preform your spell, you were the only one that knew what went wrong, because no one else saw anything but the fact that it didn’t go all the way through.
• While you couldn’t see what exactly caused it to go wrong, you could see so much for devastation than anyone else. The flashbacks, and the hallucinations, Lucio only started getting concerned when you stopped responding, started sobbing, and couldn’t breathe. The world was in shambles, and only you could see it.
• Only you could see that it wasn’t Lucio trying to help you, but the Devil, that the scenery wasn’t greenery, but filled with ash and bone, blood and corpses.
• The visions lasted for a few hours, but that would be enough to traumatize anyone, even moreso someone who has personally dealt with the devil’s misdoings. Lucio couldn’t understand why you were shaken up, after that. After all, you couldn’t explain it to him, that would only make things worse.
• He cared, he really did, and he did his best to let you know that to his ability. He didn’t know how to help but he sat with you, filling the silence when you couldn’t speak, talking about himself to lighten the mood, though it was only a habit for him. But he cared. He cares. He made sure you were well tended to, even in the areas that he knew nothing about, and was just getting the servants to do, he made sure you were ok.
• He may not ever know what you went through, but he never wants to see you like that again, and he may be brash with topics like that on accident, but if you express certain things with him, Lucio tries his best to be cautionary.

Asra: Your soul is like a black hole.

Lucio: Oh yeah?! Well your soul is like an ass hole! Assoul! Ha!