I want old aros so badly. I want a history. I want a future. I want tales of lives that I understand. I want to see myself in a future where I’m happy and comfortable.
But I don’t have that, so I’ll have to build it.
I’ve got a story!
When I told my grandmother’s friend group about aromanticism most of them didn’t understand, they were polite and asked a lot of questions, some didn’t really believe it bc well, people in their 70s are rarely that open minded; but there was this one lady that looked pensive and when the others quieted down she asked me if the name for it had existed long, and when I said no she told me about her best friend:
A 74 year old woman who had married young, back when my country was in a fascist dictatorship and women couldn’t have/make their own money, so their only hope was marriage. They lived together years, and I’m not sure if they had children, but as soon as it was legal for her to divorce she did, and, living in a small town, she faced her neighbours’ questions and judgement: Was he a bad husband? Did he cheat or treat her badly? Was it the other way around? He wasn’t “man enough”? And many less nice things.
Her answer to all of them was that her now ex husband was a wonderful man, and that they’d remain friends as they’d always been, because on her side that’s all there could be, because she didn’t find it in herself to love, not him nor any man or woman, but still cared deeply for him as she did for all her friends.
She now lives happily in retirement, traveling around the country with her friends, ex husband included, and also has a cat.
When the lady told me this she sounded doubtful at first, afraid she was appropiating but when I told her that the experience sounded like those on our community she looked so happy, and kindly asked me to write down the terms and what they mean on a paper so she could show her friend when she went back home, tell her that she wasn’t alone that there were more people who had united and have a name and are fighting to be recognised.
That day I realised something: That there are more of us than we know about, that in this age of information many of the older generation were still estranged from the net and among them there are aromantic people too. And that for those people who have probably felt other and wrong most of their lives, the knowledge of the label and community, the confirmed existence of others like them that feel it’s important enough to recognise that feeling or lack thereof, can be just as healing, reassuring and important as it was for us, the newer generation who stumbled upon the term on the internet when we were teens.
The internet is great, of course, but if we want to find the older aros de have to look for them, because they most surely haven’t found themselves in that label yet either. And to do so we must share our terms and experiences and shout to the world that we exist outside the screens, that we are real. I know it can be risky or even dangerous but if we wish to find them, and hopefully make them a bit happier, it’s all we can do.
TL,DR: There are old aros out there, we just have to find them by spreading our visibility, not only for us, but for them too.
this makes me so happy to hear! thank you for sharing
Hey all! So something that I very much want to do is make an aromantic zine. I know that there are already a couple out there, but tbh there can never be too many! Also it could be a fun little thing to work on during this here quarantine we’re all in. I have several ideas as to what /could/ be included (outlined below), but absolutely nothing is set in stone, and I’m very open to suggestions. Anyone at all could make a contribution- I myself would probably want to contribute some writing, as well as organization/facilitation of the whole process. Tbh I’ve never done this before, so there would probably be the odd bump in the road, and I would welcome advice/help from anyone who actually knows what the hell they’re doing, just so y'all know. Please let me know if you’re interested in participating in any way, shape, or form! I have no idea if there’s any actual interest in this kind of thing, so please lmk!
Current Ideas:
The Colour Green (i was thinkin a kinda poetic, kinda humorous rumination on the colour green, symbolism etc)
Inhuman (voidpunk! hell yes)
Aro Affirmations (basically what is says on the tin)
No Romo Love Stories (short stories of non-romantic love, whether it be loving your friends, family, pets, world, self, or literally anything else. a nice little feel-good section!)
This World Wasn’t Made for People Like Us (navigating this world as an aromantic person can be tough- how does aromanticism affect our day-to-day lives? where do we rub up against the system? in my brain this is kinda a comic, but entirely text-based is also obvs a possibility)
Answers to Those Awkward Questions (a more humorous section! creative and funny ways to respond to the nagging questions about romance/marriage/love/etc)
The Vocab Quiz (a lot of the time, coming out as aro means having to teach people a hell of a lot of new words…. that they never seem to remember. wouldn’t it be nice if we could reinforce their learning with a quiz to make sure they actually retain this stuff? here you have it! formatted to look like an actual vocab quiz!)
Aromanticism: Past, Present, and Future (historical and philosophical stuff! there isn’t a whole lot of aromantic history, but there is some! where did this community come from, where are we now, and where are we headed? also potentially include stuff/interviews/quotes from older aromantics! hell yes)
Aromanticism is Punk as Hell (more of a collage page in my head. also pretty much what it says on the tin- an aropunk moodboard kinda deal)
Aros in the Spotlight (famous aros! the only one coming to mind rn is Moses Sumney, but i know there are more- im just too lazy to google that rn)
Aro Tunes/Movies/Books/Etc. (aro friendly media! as well as songs/stories/etc that resonate with aros)
Aromatic Aromanticism (this is more of an iffy suggestion tbh. based on how similar the two words are- what does aromanticism smell like? would be cool if someone with synesthesia would maybe wanna do this? idk man)
Aro Art by Aro Artists (art!!! in all its glorious forms. doesn’t even have to be on the topic of aromanticism, though that would be totally rad ofc. just want to celebrate the wonderful and talented artists in this community)
Currently thinking about all the aro and ace/aroace people who existed in past history and how they just existed, not knowing, not understanding, and now we have words for who we are and I wish I could just tell them that there are a lot of us and what we call ourselves and thank them for living their truth, and for the ones who felt that they couldn’t, that it was okay and that they weren’t at fault, and that we love and appreciate them and have not forgotten their existence and that they were important and whole as they were.
Day 4 of the pride challenge BABY! Today is the aromantic identity!! I loved making the outfit for her it made have to check out loads if references!
[ID: a drawing of a character standing sassily with one fist on their hip and the other hand waving. They have choppy hair that’s green and white and cut at the jawline, a black beanie, green eyes, pale skin, an open black sleeveless jacket with chains and studs, a green plaid shirt, thick aromantic bracelets on both wrists, grey shorts over fishnets, thick boots with aro trim, and a tattoo on their thigh of crossed arrows in aromantic colors. The background is pale aromantic stripes. End ID.]
Oh, speaking of aro stuff, TAAAP’s pride chats over on Discord start tomorrow! There’s a lot of interesting stuff going on, and I’ll be helping to moderate. If you’re interested, check out the page here: https://taaap.org/pride-chats/
Allies are welcome to join as well so long as they’re respectful of the fact that it is first and foremost a by-aspecs-for-aspecs event, so I encourage anyone who’s interested in learning more about aspec community, issues, and pride to pop in and check it out if you’re so inclined.
listen it’s nice that the crewniverse went all “it’ll never be said in-show but peridot is the show’s aroace rep!!!!!!!” but FUCK does it feel utterly meaningless.
like, “dumbledore is gay” level of tokenism. it’s not the first time it was said that peridot is aspec. they had TONS of time to try and figure out how to slip it into the show. just one word. i mean it’s STEVEN UNIVERSE. this show is ALL OUT with the lgbt+ rep… except with aspec people apparently? our representation is just a production footnote? and how fucking HORRIBLE is it that the crew person who let us know about peri’s identity is aspec themself? imagine working on this show, doing storyboards, pouring your heart into a character that’s supposed to share your identity, to be your rep - and see it never get to be said?
i’m just… su, i really do love you, but you fucking let us aspecs down.
been seeing a lot of disgusting “uhhhh well i’m not gonna believe it until rebecca says it”-type comments and that’s EXACTLY why we fucking NEEDED peri’s identity to be EXPLICITLY CANON.
Can we also talk about how her identity was confirmed in relation to how she feels about shipping?
I’m SO tired of the “aro who is obsessed with ships because they’re ‘interesting’ stereotype. People are really so incapable of comprehending the concept of anyone living a life without romance, so they try to replace it. If the aro doesn’t want romance for themself, clearly they must be overly invested in other people’s relationships to make up for it! Right? Like yes, there are aros who are into shipping and that’s fine, but aro identities should not be talked about exclusively in relation to shipping.
When your rep feels like a side character poorly written circa 2016 Voltron fanfic, that’s not good rep. I’m really not happy about this. I know we’re supposed to all be cheering and throwing ourselves at the SU team’s feet for being ~brave~ enough to write an aroace character, but fuck, do I REALLY have to thank someone for giving me a single stale bread crumb?
Y'all have to check this out:“I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE!!”is a game I saw pop up in the aromantic subreddit recently, and immediately it caught my aro-lesbian eye, the creators hopped into the subreddit with a post of their own and listed some more info and answered some questions others had on the original thread:
It looks super fun! I cant wait till the Kickstarter in Feb!
Okay so I came out to my mom as aro yesterday and today she sent me a meme with the aromantic flag as the background with Shadow the Hedgehog standing in front of it with text saying “crushes are for the weak” like oh my god guys.
OMG I CREATED THAT MEME, shoutout to your mom very based
I’m not even kidding when I say I wish I had a friend that wanted to buy a house w me
Everyone is waiting for a romantic partner and I’m thinking, or we could stop speaking in hypotheticals and plan for the future together? Don’t we love each other? Don’t we care for one another? Aren’t we bound by the shared agreement that our lives may intertwine indefinitely? Sign a mortgage agreement w me!
You’re allowed to find pride in your asexuality and aromanticism. I know it can be difficult, between people not knowing or believing it exists and people who might accept that it exists but will always see it as pitiful and insignificant, something to be silent about, something shameful or “tmi”, something to mention as an afterthought. But aromanticism will always be far more complex and far-reaching and life altering and significant than people who brush it off as “doesn’t date” are able to understand, and asexuality will always be more nuanced and eye-opening and liberating than people who brush it off as “doesn’t have sex” will ever understand. You’re allowed to find meaning in these labels and in the communities surrounding them, and you’re allowed to show pride for who you are.
