I just read radio silence a few days ago and have been trying to figure out the feeling it gave me. I knew it was something to do with a story focused on friendship but that wasn’t it. There are lots of amazing stories that focus on friendship and radio sielnce is one of them but radio silence has something else that is unique and I have never read before. I kept describing radio silence as a romance but with friendship. I meant this both in the way that radio silence follows the arc and some of the tropes of a romance (especially at the start) but also because it gave me the feeling of a romance. I have never read a book about friendship that gave me the close to the same feelings as reading a story about a romantic pair. I have never read a story about friendship that felt heartstopping and gave me butterflies in my stomach. Radio silence showing that you can still have that feeling with friendship and not just with romance means so much to me as someone who is ace, that those heartstopping, butterfly moments are not reserved for romantic relationships for alloromantic people, that we can have that too, is frankly groundbreaking. Aled and Frances’ friendship is so beautiful and unique and heartstopping and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Can some wonderful ace/aro person please clarify to me that asexual means not feeling sexual attraction but it’s perfectly valid to be ace and also occasionally want to engage in sexual behaviours? Because that’s the only thing stopping me from realising I’m asexual
Disclaimer that you’re valid af if you’re sex repulsed or not and I love you
I want to talk more about this part of the jaiden video because it was the one that hit me the most
Is it not normal to think or meditate being with someone in a relationship? Shouldn’t it be the most important thing to be rational
DO PEOPLE DON’T ANALYZE THE PROS AND CONS OF WANTING TO BE WITH A PARTNER? WHY? Do people just jump into being in a relationship?
I understand that there must be a feeling but I always thought it was normal to think why you wanted to be with someone and the consequences of that ,its weird
The secret is, some girls are asexual and/or aromantic, and since we’re attracted to the letter ‘a’ and ‘asshole’ starts with ‘a’… hoo mama how could we NOT
As a disclaimer, this entire post obviously comes from an allosexual queer and these experiences are only second-hand from my view of all of this. This blog is usually a fandom blog, but I felt like talking about this because it’s personal to me, and I think that with the exclusionism of aros and aces rampant in the LGBTQ+ community, I could shed some light on some things with this personal story.
So, I have three sisters. My oldest sister is as hetero as they come (but, a huge ally ofc) but my other older sister is bisexual and I am queer/sapphic. My little sister, well, I’ve personally had theories of her being AroAce for awhile, but I didn’t want to push labels onto her or tell her how to feel. In the end, no matter her sexuality, it’s no one’s place to make assumptions. It doesn’t affect me, as long as she’s happy.
Recently though, my little sister kept asking me more and more questions about asexuality and aromanticism. She asked about the definitions, the flag colours, all of it. And more recently, she admitted to me that she thought she was AroAce. I gave her my full support and I was proud of her and all that. I’m a protective big sister, what can I say. (and as an aside, I am aware of the statistical unlikelihood that 3 out of the 4 of my sisters are LGBTQ+ and we all find it hilarious tbh)
Now, here’s the thing. My entire family, though this story will particularly be about my mom, knows I’m queer. They know my older sister is bi. We’ve received nothing but support and acceptance. We went to Pride this year, they helped me get into an LGBTQ+ support group, all of the things.
So imagine my surprise when my little sister comes out to my parents and my mom immediately shuts her down. She says my sister is too young and immature to make that decision, -mind you, I was 14 when I came out, she’s 16- she said my sister hasn’t found the right person and just doesn’t socialise with people enough to know, and best of all, my mother said that my little sister will get married someday and give her grandchildren.
Now, children having to give their parents grandchildren is a rant on its’ own, but we don’t need to get into it because it’s ridiculous to think that my mother, with four children, the oldest of whom is ENGAGED and has picked out names with her fiance for kids, won’t get grandchildren. But all that aside.
But aphobia isn’t real, right? To reiterate, my mother supports me to death. But when my little sister comes out as AroAce, suddenly it’s an entirely different matter. I even pointed out the hypocrisy of it to my mother, because it would’ve been horrible of her to say to me I’ll get married to a man someday so she shouldn’t say it to my sister. Do you know what my mom’s response was?
“I just want her to be happy.”
Because that’s the thing with aphobia. We exist in a society where happiness is derived from being in a relationship. We talk about soulmates and other halves and the people that complete us. It’s a different brand of homophobia but derived from the same ideas. Rather than it being that marriage can only be between a man and a woman, it’s that marriage between two people is required for happiness. Sex is required for love, and romantic love is required for a happy life.
To be clear, I don’t hate my mom for this, and I do think she’ll come around. I understand it’s a lot to process, but that’s because we refuse to normalise it. There are LGBTQ+ people who won’t even accept Aros and Aces into the community and act like aphobia isn’t real or that it doesn’t hurt people. They act like I didn’t have to go from comforting my baby sister to screaming at my mother for making my sister come to me, devastated. And trust me when I say my sister was lucky. I know there are Aces and Aros who’ve had it so much worse.
I took my sister to my LGBTQ+ support group. It was nice and we both enjoyed ourselves. When we got back home the first thing she said to me was “You know, it was really nice to tell people I was AroAce and not have to explain what it means.”
My point in all of this to point out that aphobia is very real, and that Aros and Aces need to be accepted into the community. It’s the same thing, the same struggle. People like my sister deserve to feel at home somewhere, and they deserve to have the rest of the community rallying behind them and giving them the platform to help explain to cishets their sexuality so that my sister and others can be left the fuck alone. She doesn’t need sex or an “other half” to be a normal, happy person. No one does.
So TLDR: if you say Aros and Aces aren’t a part of this community, you will die by my queer sword. And obviously, my views and opinions on all of this are very limited, as I’m not Aro/Ace. So if any Aros and/or Aces want to add on with their personal experience/opinions. I’d love to hear them and I’ll read them all.
“Bellusromantic is a micro-label on the aromantic spectrum defined as having interest in traditionally romantic things, such as kissing or cuddling, but not feeling romantic attraction, and not wanting a romantic relationship. A bellusromantic person may enjoy or desire these activities in non-romantic contexts, but does not enjoy them in the context of a romantic relationship.”
I decided to redesign the bellusromantic flag since the term resonated with me, but I wasn’t quite a fan of the flag.
Lavender - Traditionally romantic behaviors; like kissing, cuddling, holding hands, etc. Dusty Pink - The link between traditionally romantic behaviors and being aromantic; removing actions like kissing, cuddling, holding hands, etc from a romantic context. Rose Pink - The core identity of being aromantic; not experiencing romantic attraction, as well as identifying as bellusromantic. Peach Pink - The link between being aromantic and not desiring a romantic relationship. May also include being romance-repulsed if that applies to the user. Peach - Not desiring and/or rejecting romantic relationships. Could also include favoring other types of relationships (alterous, (queer-)platonic, etc.).
I decided to still include the rose as I thought it was a unique addition and helps the flag stand out. Above features one complex and one simple version depending on the users tastes; as well as a blank version if the user prefers it without a symbol.
Below on the left, is the current bellusromantic flag I’ve found. On the right is the original, and I mostly based my redesign off of it. I wanted to add a unique stripe construction instead of the basic fade-into-white that many other flags already have ^~^
Hello everyone! Check out my first post on my new blog! I’m going to post mogai stuff over there from now on, feel free to drop a follow. Please keep in mind school is coming up for me and I’m not the best at staying motivated / consistent but I hope to produce a lot of good content for you all!
Just read someone say how it’s pointless to have Aro rep because there’s nothing to show
Nothing? No battle against amatonormativity? No expression of feeling out of place?
But oh I understand, all we queers are is our romance, right? Nothing else, of course! No self discovery, no fight against heteronormativity, no finding people like us, no fighting for our rights.
I think aro people would have a much easier time accepting themselves if even one person had told them that not wanting a relationship is an ok and valid option
Me (an Aro Ace) :sings along to a song that is about love or sex
Everyone in a three mile radius: WHY DO YOU LIKE SINGING SONGS ABOUT SEX AND LOVE? SOUNDS LIKE YOU AREN’T REALLY AN AROMANTIC ASEXUAL!!! HAHA YOU JUST WANTED ATTENTION ALL ALONG!
Me:LITERALLYEVERY OTHER SONG IS ABOUT LOVE OR SEX. ALSO, ASEXUAL DOES NOT MEAN I STAY AWAY FROM MEDIA THAT REFERENCES SEX, JUST AS AROMANTIC DOES NOT MEAN I AVOID ANYTHING DEALING WITH RELATIONSHIPS.
Asexual= LACK OF SEXUAL ATTRACTION
Aromantic= LACK OF ROMANTIC ATTRACTION
Asexual does NOT mean staying away from things dealing with or referencing sexual actions
Aromantic does NOT mean staying away from things dealing with or referencing romantic attraction
Person: What you’re wearing doesn’t make you look aro/ace! You look like you are trying to attract someone!
Aromantics/ Asexuals can dress ourselves up because we want to look pretty, regardless of what anyone else thinks. We are not dressing up for your pleasure. Aros and Aces should be able to dress nicely or even “immodestly” without this whole idea that doing so takes away from our aro/ace identity.
“Bellusromantic is a micro-label on the aromantic spectrum defined as having interest in traditionally romantic things, such as kissing or cuddling, but not feeling romantic attraction, and not wanting a romantic relationship. A bellusromantic person may enjoy or desire these activities in non-romantic contexts, but does not enjoy them in the context of a romantic relationship.”
I decided to redesign the bellusromantic flag since the term resonated with me, but I wasn’t quite a fan of the flag.
Lavender - Traditionally romantic behaviors; like kissing, cuddling, holding hands, etc. Dusty Pink - The link between traditionally romantic behaviors and being aromantic; removing actions like kissing, cuddling, holding hands, etc from a romantic context. Rose Pink - The core identity of being aromantic; not experiencing romantic attraction, as well as identifying as bellusromantic. Peach Pink - The link between being aromantic and not desiring a romantic relationship. May also include being romance-repulsed if that applies to the user. Peach - Not desiring and/or rejecting romantic relationships. Could also include favoring other types of relationships (alterous, (queer-)platonic, etc.).
I decided to still include the rose as I thought it was a unique addition and helps the flag stand out. Above features one complex and one simple version depending on the users tastes; as well as a blank version if the user prefers it without a symbol.
Below on the left, is the current bellusromantic flag I’ve found. On the right is the original, and I mostly based my redesign off of it. I wanted to add a unique stripe construction instead of the basic fade-into-white that many other flags already have ^~^
Aromantic people, aka aros, are those who experience little to no romantic attraction. Hence, they may have trouble relating to the experience of “falling in love” or having romantic crushes.
Let’s show love and support to the aromantic community by educating ourselves and helping to spread awareness.
arospecweek.org and acesandaros.org are good resources to start learning more about aromanticism.
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