(This is a Really Long One, so full comic is under the cut)

NOTE: This comic is WAY too long to write a full image description text under the images. I’ve compiled everything here, because I believe that it will be easier to read especially given the formatting. If you’re interested, I also have the original which I wrote kind of as a … freeform piece of literature, haha.

So … present Celia (well, as present as I can be in the digital realm, anyway) here. If you’re somehow at the bottom of this comic … congratulations! You really made it to the end haha. And I hope that you enjoyed it. This is a comic I’ve had on my mind, for such a long time, and been in the works for actually around half a year while I was working away at my usual updates. I’m so excited to have shared it with you all. 

Because there’s just so much I … feel about this subject, even now after finishing this comic, I’ll spare y’all the detailed rant that I normally put under my shorter updates. I don’t think it’s feasible to cover all my feelings here anyway without making this post much longer than it already is (they’ll be on instagram though as I post them over the week though!). So, in short: 

I’m just one person, one aro, in a big world. I bet that most of you would disagree with something I’ve said here, somewhere. And that’s totally cool! We’re all different, we all see and interact with this world differently! It wouldn’t make sense for everyone of the same group, even a specific orientation, to feel the same way. I do hope though, that you have found a degree of relatability at least, if you’re arospec :) 

(Also: I am not the first person to have come up with the idea of non-red “strings of fate” - though in this comic I am not really portraying them as a question of fate, more of a representation of an existing bond. I do recall that an aspec artist had depicted them prior, something along the lines of a hand lying on a bed with multi-colored, non-red strings tied to the fingers, but I can’t find the original. If you find the link though I’d love to share it here Found now - Here it is!) 

Aro-spec terms

Note that there are also ace-spec, apl-spec, asen-spec, ater-spec, etc versions of all of these. Feel free to use these prefixes to make a-spec labels for other types of attraction.

Cooiromantic

Experiencing a ‘typical’ amount of romantic attraction and/or desire for romantic activities, but in an atypical way.

For example someone who feels a ‘normal’ amount of romantic attraction but only/mostly towards fictional characters (fictoromantic). Or feels a ‘normal’ amount of attraction but doesn’t want it reciprocated (lithoromantic). Another example would be someone who has a ‘normal’ amount of desire for romance, but only/mostly towards themself (autoromantic).

The flag has green for atypical attraction, pink for experiencing a ‘normal’ amount of attraction, and black for being aromantic/aro-spec.

[Flag ID: A flag with 5 horizontal stripes. They are light green, green, black, pink, and light pink. End ID.]

4 more terms below the cut:

Aputhoromantic

Being autoromantic and okay with feeling romantic attraction towards yourself, but repulsed at the thought of feeling it to others. (You may still feel it towards them you just won’t enjoy it.)

This could also be for when you’re romance-positive/neutral/indifferent when it comes to yourself but romance-replused towards others.

The term and flag are combinations of apothi and autoromantic.

[Flag ID: A flag with 6 horizontal stripes. They are dark purple, blue, teal, light green, green, and red. End ID.]

Binnoromantic

Being strictly aromantic and aro-spec at the same time. This could be because you’re myrromantic, propeestromantic, dynamaronantic, quoiromantic, neurodivergent/trying to figure things out, or something else.

Comes from the word 'binary’ meaning 2 because you have 2 conflicting identities.

The flag has darker greens and gray on the top to represent being completely aro and light greens on the bottom to represent not being completely aro. The light gray-green stripe in the middle represents othellic/juxtaqueer (conflicting) identity.

[Flag ID: A flag with 7 horizontal stripes. They are green-gray, green, dark green, light green-gray, green, light green-yellow, and light green. End ID.]

Sospearomantic

Experiencing rare, confusing/conflicted, or weak romantic attraction because of having paranoia due to a mental condition (ex: schizophrenia, paranoid personality disorder). Your paranoia may also impact your desire to have romantic relationships or perform romantic activities.

Comes from the Old French word 'sospeçon’ meaning mistrust or suspicion.

The flag is black and dark green to symbolize paranoia, green for being aro-spec, and green-yellow for atypical attraction. The black thin stripe in the middle represents paranoia-causing mental conditions.

[Flag ID: A flag with 8 horizontal stripes. They are black-green, dark green, green, bright green, light yellow-green, yellow-green, dark yellow-green, and black-green. In the middle there is a thin black stripe. End ID.]

Bowsromantic

Being aromantic (or aro-spec) and desiring a queer-romantic relationship (or a QPR involving traditionally romantic activities). This may be because of experiencing other types of attraction (ex: platonic) or just wanting to have a mutual bond with other queer people based on your identity (although that technically is called peculic attraction).

Term comes from a ‘bow’ (the ribbon, not the weapon) to represent gifts given between romantic partners.

The flag is green for being aromantic/aro-spec, the queerplatonic colors (yellow, gray, pink) to symbolize queer partnerships, as well as an extra pink stripe to symbolize romantic relationships.

[Flag ID: A flag with 6 horizontal stripes. They are dark green, yellow-green, yellow, light pink-gray, pink, and darker gray-pink. End ID.]

ASAW Day 3

ASAW Day 2!

Here the first in my series of posts for ASAW! Follow my Instagram @aromantic_nerd

aspec-is-amazing:

shout out to hijabi arospecs, y’all are fab <3

dragonrepublic:

2021 books with aro and ace characters

hello! 2021 just began and i know some people really struggle with finding books with aromantic and asexual representation, so here is a list of 2021 releases i know of that have a character that’s on either spectrum (or on both!). i’ve decided to include both main/pov characters and some love interests since those also tend to be more major characters. all of these are of course 2021 releases that we don’t know that much about yet, but i’ve taken all of this info from statements by the authors.

main/pov characters:

• WHAT WE DEVOUR by Linsey Miller (ace mc)
• A BEAUTIFUL DOOM by Laura Pohl (aroace mc, demi mc)
• THIS GOLDEN FLAME by Emily Victoria (aroace mc)
• THE MARVELOUS by Claire Kann (not yet specified)
• WHEN THE NIGHT COMES by Marieke Nijkamp (ace mc)
• THE RECKLESS KIND by Carly Heath (ace mc)
• THE SECOND REBEL by Linden A. Lewis (sequel to The First Sister; ace mc)
• RAVAGE THE DARK by Tara Sim (sequel to Scavenge the Stars; demi mc)

love interests:

• MEET CUTE DIARY by Emery Lee (ace li)
• DARLING by K. Ancrum (ace li)

In the light of recent events i’ve been a witness to - please, be very, very wary of alloromantic people who claim they get you’re aro when you’re discussing entering a relationship (romantic or not). 

Because, 9 times out of 10, they don’t. And I’m not specifically implying they’re necessarily being knowingly arophobic - though it does happen a lot (and i’ve recently witnessed that too but that’s another story).

I’m saying, they don’t get it. They don’t understand what you not feeling romantic attraction means. They won’t get your boundaries, even if you discuss them beforehand. Unless you’re painstakingly giving a lot of examples. Maybe. 

Even if you think you’re both okay with the non-romantic nature of the relationship, if they are romantically attracted to you, they will hurt you. Make you uncomfortable, by not making the needed effort to understand your feelings. 

You’ll end up reacting to their desires, and overshadowing your needs. The social pressure around romance will do the job if your partner doesn’t. I know it sucks to acknowledge that, but an alloromantic partner has a lot of power over you. That’s just how it is, even if they don’t want to. 

I just. Care a lot about all of you. And I don’t want this to happen to you. It’s making aros I know irl really miserable, and throwing them into dangerous situations. 

It sucks! But please, please, even though it’s annoying, and tiring, don’t assume good faith from alloros wanting a relationship with you. Even more than that, don’t assume they get it, even if they say so. Go through this long work of checking everything with them. It is absolutery necessary for your safety. If your prospective partner is uncomfortable with that, flee. 

Don’t hesitate to ask me if you’re in such a situation, I can at least lend you an ear and help you be less stressed. I just want you to be safe and comfortable. 

First of all, I apologize it took me so long to publish the results. Various others things came up, and there were more write in questions than I usually put in my surveys, so it took me longer to analyze.

I made this survey to find trends in the aromantic community regarding preferences when it comes to sexual relationships. A total of 816 people took part in it. As most questions weren’t mandatory, not everyone answered every question. The survey was split in three main parts: a demographics part, a personal experiences and preferences part (itself divided in three sections, one for people with previous sexual experience, one for people without, and one for people who preferred not to disclose), and a last part asking some opinions about aromanticism and sexuality.

This will be a very long post, with a lot of numbers. There will be a summary of the results at the end of the post.

Demographic questions

Question 1: How old are you?

18-20 - 40.8%

20-25 - 38.6%

26-30 - 14.1%

31-35 - 3.7%

36-40 - 2%

41-45 - 0.6% (five people)

46-50 - 0.1% (one person)

51-55 - 0.1% (one person)

Question 2: Which of the following do you most identify with?

Allosexual Aromantic - 32.2%

Aroace - 31.4%

Oriented or Angled Aroace - 11%

Non-SAM Aro or Just Aro - 10.2%

Questioning - 6.4%

I don’t identify with any of these - 5.3%

Aromid - 3.6%

Question 3: Which arospec identities do you identify with?

Aromantic - 81.3%

Arospec - 39.5%

Greyromantic - 17.8%

Quoiromantic or WTFromantic - 15.4%

Demiromantic - 13.1%

Questioning - 11%

Aroqueer - 9.3%

Aroflux - 9.1%

Cupioromantic - 6.7%

Aegoromantic - 6.4%

Lithromantic or Akoiromantic - 4%

Nebularomantic - 3.9%

Bellusromantic - 3.1%

Apothiromantic - 2.2%

Arospike - 1.7%

Reciproromantic - 1.1%

Freyromantic - 1%

Participants could also add their own orientations in an others section. Out of the commonly mentioned orientations, the most common ones were queer, fictoromantic, loveless aro, and romo aro.

Question 4: How would you describe your sexual orientation?

Queer - 43.4%

Asexual - 42.8%

Bisexual - 28.9%

Greysexual - 12.5%

Allosexual - 11.9%

Gay (man) - 10.3%

Pansexual - 10%

Other asexual spectrum identities - 8.9%

Demisexual - 8.8%

I do not label my sexual orientation - 8.6%

Questioning - 7.5%

Lesbian - 7.4%

Other mspec identities - 4.3%

Enbian or other nblnb label - 3.4%

Heterosexual - 3.4%

Polysexual - 2.7%

Toric or other nblm label - 2.6%

Trixic or other nblw label - 2.5%

Here too participants could specify other labels. Out of the ones that were submitted, the most common were aegosexual, fictosexual, abrosexual, multisexual, and omnisexual.

Question 5: Do you experience sexual attraction?

Yes - 45.1%

No - 29.7%

I don’t know - 24.3%

Prefer not to say - 1%

Question 6: What are your general feelings on sex?

Very favorable - I very much enjoy sex, or I absolutely want to try it in the future - 25.5%

Moderately favorable - I like sex, or I would like to try it in the future - 28.6%

Indifferent - I don’t have strong feelings regarding sex either way - 11.8%

Moderately repulsed - I don’t like sex, or I wouldn’t want to try it in the future - 9.3%

Very repulsed - I very much dislike sex, or I absolutely do not want to try in the future - 4.2%

It’s too complicated to be summed up in these options - 19.6%

I don’t know - 1.1%

Sexual experiences

Have you ever had a sexual encounter before?

No - 49.1%

Yes - 45.8%

Prefer not to say - 5%

Before continuing, I would like to point out that the demographics of the survey very likely influenced this specific results. Regardless of any other factor at play, younger people are less likely to have had sexual encounters for no other reason than being less likely to have ended up in the right situations. For reference, if we consider the age group 25 and younger, which make up more than ¾ths of the total participants, 40.3% said they have had past sexual encounters. If we consider the far less represented 26 and older group then we have that 67.3% had past sexual encounters.

Depending on how people answered this question, they were redirected to different subsections. I will list results for each subsection separately. Afterwards, I will make comparisons between the questions that were common to all the subsections.

Has previous sexual experience: yes

Question 1: How many sexual partners have you had in your life?

1-2 - 54.7%

3-4 - 19%

5-7 - 8.6%

8-10 - 2.4%

More than 10 - 11.5%

Prefer not to say - 3.8%

Question 2:Do you prefer to have committed, long term sexual partners or occasional ones?

I prefer committed partners - 42.3%

It makes no difference - 35.8%

I prefer occasional partners - 13.7%

I dislike both - 8.2%

Question 3: Do you prefer open or closed sexual relationships?

I prefer open relationships where I can look for additional partner(s) - 24.3%

It makes no difference - 22.4%

I prefer open relationships, but I would be willing to be in an exclusive relationship if my partner(s) wanted  - 16.7%

I prefer closed relationships with one or more exclusive partners  - 15.9%

I prefer closed relationships, but I would be willing to be in an open relationship if my partner(s) wanted - 14.8%

I dislike both - 5.9%

Question 4: Which kinds of relationships do you know you enjoy with a sexual partner (because you have had experience with one)?

Friends with benefits - 46%

Queerplatonic relationships - 37.7%

Romantic relationships - 35.7%

Kink based relationships - 27.1%

Sexual partners with no other relationship - 19.7%

One night stands - 17.7%

None of these - 15.2%

Participants could also add other forms of relationships that they enjoy. Relationships mentioned were alterous relationships, soft romo, querrelational, paid sexual relationships, and emotionally intimate relationships regardless of the context.

Question 5: Which kinds of relationships do you know you do not enjoy with a sexual partner (because you have had one in the past or imagine it wouldn’t suit you)?

One night stands - 46.3%

Romantic relationships - 46%

Sexual partners with no other relationships - 37.7%

Kink based relationships - 17.7%

Friends with benefits - 16.9%

None of these - 15.8%

Queerplatonic relationships - 13%

Other relationships some participants disliked include monogamous relationships (romantic or in general), anything involving strangers, and sex work.

Question 6: Which kinds of relationships do you think you would enjoy with a sexual partner (because you haven’t been in one, but would like to try)?

Queerplatonic relationships - 45.4%

Kink based relationships - 37.7%

Friends with benefits - 34.9%

Sexual partners with no other relationships - 22.6%

One night stands - 20.3%

None of these - 18.6%

Romantic relationships - 9.1%

Someone mentioned they would be interested in full time kink.

Question 7: If you had the chance, would you prefer to have other aromantic people as your sexual partners rather than alloromantic people?

Yes - 37.4%

No, it doesn’t matter - 35%

I don’t know - 17.9%

I don’t want any future sexual partners - 7%

No, I would prefer alloromantic partners - 2.7%

Question 8: Have you ever disclosed the fact that you are aromantic to a sexual partner?

No, never - 36.7%

Yes, to some of them - 35.4%

Yes, to all of them - 27.9%

Question 9: If you answered yes to the previous question, how did they react?

This was a write in question, and people were fairly divided on what they said.

Some people said that their partners reacted in ways that were neutral to positive. This was especially the case if their partner was also aro. Some people who were in a romantic relationship continued that relationship, or changed it somewhat but didn’t break up.Some partners didn’t know what aromanticism was, and were more or less supportive upon learning about it. Other times, partners didn’t mind the person’s aromanticism since they weren’t looking for a committed relationship in the first place.

Other people said their partners had negative reactions. Some ended up breaking up due to their aromanticism, even if at times the partner said that wasn’t the reason. Some people were told fairly hurtful and/or arophobic things by their partners, the details of which I prefer not to detail. At times people were supportive of an aromantic identity at first, but that acceptance decreased with time.

Some people also said that some of their partners reacted positively and others negatively. Including some specifically mentioning that when they had partners who were also aro, their reactions were positive, but their alloromantic partners more often reacted negatively. It’s hard to get definite numbers over write in questions, but there was about a 50/50 split between partners whose reaction was positive or confused but supportive, and partners whose reaction was negative or dismissing.

There were also cases where a partner knew of the person’s aromanticism long before they got in a relationship, so it wasn’t an issue. There were also times when a person only told their former partners after their relationship ended, so their former partner’s reaction wasn’t too relevant to their current relationship.

Has previous sexual experience: no

Question 1: Would you like to engage in sexual acts in the future?

Yes - 45.4%

I don’t know - 35.7%

No - 19%

Question 2: If you think about the kind of sexual relationships you would like to have, would you prefer committed, long term partners or occasional ones?

I would prefer committed partners - 43.2%

It makes no difference - 22%

I would prefer occasional partners - 19.2%

I would dislike both - 15.6%

Question 3: If you think about the kind of sexual relationships you would like to have, would you prefer open or closed relationships?

It makes no difference - 24%

I would prefer open relationships, but I would be willing to be in an exclusive relationship if my partner(s) wanted  -17.4%

I would prefer open relationships where I can look for additional partner(s) - 17.1%

I would prefer closed relationships, but I would be willing to be in an open relationship if my partner(s) wanted - 15.1%

I would dislike both - 15.1%

I would prefer closed relationships with one or more exclusive partners  -11.3%

Question 4: Which kinds of relationships do you think you would like to have with a sexual partner? 

Queerplatonic relationship - 63%

Friends with benefits - 56.2%

Kink based relationships - 28.5%

Sexual partners with no other relationships - 24.9%

Romantic relationships - 24.2%

One night stands - 17.1%

None of these - 12.3%

Some people said they would like polyamorous relationships, alterous relationships, or sex work. Some specified they would prefer non sexual kink, or that they are alright with sex if their partner(s) wanted but don’t personally have an interest in it.

Question 5: Which kinds of relationships do you think you would be opposed to having with a sexual partner?

One night stands - 54%

Romantic relationships - 47.8%

Sexual partners with no other relationships - 41.4%

Kink based relationships - 27.5%

Friends with benefits - 19.5%

Queerplatonic relationships - 14.4%

None of these - 10.8%

Some people said they specifically don’t want commitment, or that they wouldn’t want to share a house with their partner.

Question 6: If you had the chance, would you prefer to have other aromantic people as your sexual partners rather than alloromantic people?

Yes - 42.4%

No, it doesn’t matter - 22.8%

I don’t know - 19.5%

I don’t want any future sexual partner - 14.5%

No, I would prefer alloromantic partners - 0.8%

Question 7: Do you think the fact that you are aromantic is part of the reason you have not had a sexual encounter before?

Yes - 52.1%

No - 27.2%

I don’t know - 20.7%

Question 8: If you answered yes to the previous question, could you elaborate? 

The main reason people mentioned is that if they were alloromantic, they would have probably looked for a romantic relationship already, and that often includes sex. As they aren’t interested in dating, that decreases their chances. This is particularly relevant to people who also aren’t interested in hook ups and/or would prefer their first time to be with someone they know and trust. Friends with benefits is also not a possibility for many people, either because they don’t trust the other person not to develop feelings for them, because they are afraid of rejection if they were to ask a friend, or because they are aplatonic.

Intersection with other identities was also mentioned. For example, some afab people mentioned how society pushes them to find romantic relationships and not have casual sex, and that they feel it would be easier for them to find a sexual partner if they were a cis man.

Some people said that they have a hard time finding someone whowants to have sex with them, as many people hear aromantic and are less interested in any form of relationship. This is especially relevant to aroace people, as many people avoid seeking out sexual relationships with asexual people too. Furthermore, those aros who do want a romantic relationship are often turned down when others find out about their aromanticism.

There’s also people who are themselves not particularly interested in sex (be it because of low libido or because they are on the asexual spectrum) and don’t feel like putting in the effort to seek it out, and since they never had a relationship the matter of sex just never came up. This was particularly relevant by people who identify as non-SAM aro or non-SAM ace, or otherwise feel that their aromanticism and asexuality cannot be separated.

Someone mentioned how being repulsed to specific acts like kissing also leads to having a harder time when it comes to sex, as kissing is expected to be part of it.

Have previous sexual experience: prefer not to say

**note** I’m sharing the results of this section for completedness, but as only 41 people completed this section these results aren’t particularly statistically relevant

Question 1: If you think about the kind of sexual relationships you would like to have, would you prefer committed, long term partners or occasional ones?

I would prefer committed partners - 34.1%

It makes no difference - 29.3%

I would prefer occasional partners - 24.4%

I would dislike both - 12.2%

Question 2: If you think about the kind of sexual relationships you would like to have, would you prefer open or closed relationships?

I would prefer open relationships where I can look for additional partner(s) - 31.7%

I would prefer closed relationships, but I would be willing to be in an open relationship if my partner(s) wanted -19.5%

It makes no difference - 17.1%

I would dislike both - 17.1%

I would prefer closed relationships with one or more exclusive partners  -9.8%

I would prefer open relationships, but I would be willing to be in an exclusive relationship if my partner(s) wanted  -4.9%

Question 3: Which kinds of relationships do you think you would like to have with a sexual partner?

Friends with benefits - 70%

Queerplatonic relationships - 67.5%

Kink based relationships - 42.5%

Sexual partners with no other relationship - 40%

Romantic relationships - 25%

One night stands - 17.5%

None of these - 2%

Someone also added sex work.

Question 4: Which kinds of relationships do you think you would be opposed to having with a sexual partner? 

Romantic relationships - 65.8%

One night stands - 47.4%

Sexual partners with no other relationships - 34.2%

Queerplatonic relationships - 21.1%

Kink based relationships - 21.1%

Friends with benefits - 18.4%

Question 5: If you had the chance, would you prefer to have other aromantic people as your sexual partners rather than alloromantic people?

Yes - 46.3%

No, it doesn’t matter - 31.7%

I don’t want any future sexual partner - 12.2%

I don’t know - 9.8%

Section comparisons

I have decided to do the comparisons between people who have previous sexual experience and those who do not. Since the sample size for the prefer not to say subsection was small, I have decided not to include a comparison with it.

When it comes to whether people would prefer committed or occasional partners, both groups as a whole preferred committed partners and roughly with the same percentage. More of the people who have had previous experiences say it makes no difference (35.8% vs 22%). On the other hand, more of the people who do not have previous experiences say they would prefer occasional partners (19.2% vs 13.7%) and that they would like no future sexual partner at all (15.6% vs 8.2%).

When it comes to whether people prefer closed or open relationships, more of the people with previous sexual experience say they prefer open relationships (24.3% vs 11.3%), while more of the people who don’t have previous sexual experience say they wouldn’t like either kind of relationship (15.1% vs 8.9%). As for the other percentages, they were very similar, with a small majority of people saying it doesn’t matter, and the others roughly even split between the other options.

As for the relationships people enjoy or would enjoy, comparisons get a little complicated as the people who had previous experience where asked both about what they enjoy and what they think the would enjoy in separate questions, while people who do not have previous experience where only asked what they think they would enjoy. I’ve done a bits of maths to put together the two answers for the subsection with previous experience. I calculated a total percentage for the section with previous experience over both questions, and the end results are as follows:

• friends with benefits was the most liked/desired relationship in the group with previous experience (45.7%), and the second most desired in the group without previous experience (56.2%);
• queerplatonic relationships were the most desired relationship in the group with no previous experience (63%), and the second most liked/desired in the group with previous experience (36.2%);
• both groups had kink relationships as the third most liked/desired, although more so by the group with previous experience (32.3%) than from that with no previous experience (28.5%);
• romantic relationships were the fourth most liked/desired by the group with previous experience (22.6%) and the fifth by the group with no previous experience (24.2%);
• sexual partners with no other relationships was very close with romantic relationships in both groups, being fourth most wanted in the group with no previous experience (24.9%) and fifth in the group with previous experience (21.1%), with a very small distance from romantic relationships in both cases;
• one night stands were the least desired relationship by both groups, with very similar percentages (19% and 17.1%).

When it comes instead to relationships that aren’t liked/desired, comparisons were easier to make, and the differences are:

• one night stands are the least liked/desired in both groups (46.3% in those with previous experience, and 54% by those without experience);

• romantic relationships follow in both groups with similar percentages (46% and 47.8%);

• sexual partners with no other relationships is third least liked/desired again in both groups, although more disliked by those with no previous experience (41.4%), than by those who have it (37.7%);
  

• on the other hand, kink relationships where fourth most disliked in both groups, but more so by the group without previous experience (27.5%) than by those with previous experience (17.7%);

• friends with benefits were fifth least liked/wanted, disliked by 16.9% of those with previous experience and 19.5% of those without it;

• lastly we have queerplatonic relationships, with very similar percentages (13% and 14.4%).

The “none of these” options was ignored in both analysis as I considered it too complex to factor it in the cumulative analysis of the relationships people like. In general, it seems the group with previous experience feels on average a little more interested in less committed relationships (one night stands, sexual partners with no other relationships) while the group without previous experience is more interested in long term relationships (queerplatonic relationships, friends with benefits). This is coherent with the comments left by people who talked about how being aromantic made it harder for them to find a sexual partner since they don’t like hook ups and would prefer a partner they are emotionally close to. Feelings regarding romantic relationships instead were very similar.

Lastly, both groups had a small majority of people who would prefer to have aromantic sexual partners, although this majority was larger in the group with no previous experience (42.4% vs 37.4%). The people with no previous experience also had a larger percentage of people who don’t desire future sexual partners (14.5% vs 7%), which apparently leads to a lower percentage of people who don’t care either way (22.8% vs 35%). In both cases, people who wanted alloromantic partners were a minority.

Personal experiences and discrimination

These last questions were in common for everyone.

Question 1: Do you think being aromantic makes looking for a sexual partner easier or harder?

Being aromantic makes it harder to look for a sexual partner - 47.2%

I don’t know - 39.5%

Being aromantic has no influence on this - 11.3%

Being aromantic makes it easier to look for a sexual partner - 2%

Question 2: Would you like to elaborate on the previous question?

Many people who believe being aromantic makes it harder to find a partner echoed similar sentiments to those people who didn’t have sexual encounters so far and believed their aromanticism is partially reason for it. Many potential partners do not understand or respect aromanticism, it’s hard to find a sexual partner who doesn’t want a romantic relationship, people who desire sex without a romantic relationship are often judged negatively, and it’s not always easy to find safe one night stands.

Some people have said being aromantic specifically makes it harder to find a long term partner, while it has no influence if you’re looking for one night stands. Other people instead said that for them being aromantic comes with a series of boundaries that are too complex to explain to a casual partner.

On the other hand, people who say being aromantic makes it easier for them to find a partner say that as they know exactly what forms of relationships they want it’s easy for them to exclude potential partners who wouldn’t respect them or their identity.

Some people have stated that since they prefer one night stands and casual partners they don’t have the risk of catching feelings for their partners, which makes it easier for them to find compatible people.

Question 3: Have you ever seen or heard someone say that wanting sex without romance is inherently sexually predatory?

Yes - 77.1%

No - 15.8%

I don’t know - 7.2%

Question 4: Have you ever seen or heard someone say that alloaros or other aros interested in sex are inherently sexually predatory?

Yes - 54.6%

No - 31.5%

I don’t know - 13.9%

Question 5: Has being aromantic influenced how you feel about your sexual attraction or desires?

Yes, being aromantic has made me view my sexual attraction/desires in a better way - 32%

I don’t know - 30%

No - 23.5%

Yes, being aromantic has made me view my sexual attraction/desires in a worse way - 14.5%

Question 5: If you picked one of the yes options in the previous question, would you like to elaborate?

Out of those who said being aromantic makes them view their desires in a better way, many says that knowing they are aromantic has made them more confident in themselves and what they want. Some also said that being aromantic has made them self-analyze far more than what they feel is average, giving them a better understanding of their feelings. Some people said that it’s easier for them to understand their sexual attraction and desires now that they don’t try to connect it to romance.

Various people said that being aromantic has helped them get over certain kinds of stigma against sex in general, non-romantic sex, or kinky sex in particular. They have also said that they now see better how sex can be a wonderful way to connect emotionally with people, without necessarily dragging romance into it.

Some people in particular were ashamed or disturbed by the way they felt before knowing they were aromantic, thinking that they were predatory or broken for experiencing sexual attraction without accompanying romantic attraction. They now don’t feel that shame anymore, as they know it’s a normal experience to have.

There’s many aroace people who believe that being aromantic made them see their sexuality better. On one hand, aroace people who also interested in sex say being aromantic has made them better accept the fact that they can want sex without feeling attraction. On the other, those who are less interested in sex say being aromantic has also helped them accept the fact that it’s alright not to want sex or to not have had sex yet by a certain age. Some aroace people said that they are relived to be both aromantic and asexual because they think trying to navigate a romantic relationship while asexual would be too complicated.

Out of the people who instead find their aromanticism makes them view their sexual desires and attraction in a worse way, various people cited how wanting sex without romance is stigmatized in society. Some people feel in general guilty about having sexual thoughts, worrying that the other people may see them as predatory for them.

A lot of people expressing these feelings mentioned how it intersected with their other queer/LGBTQ+ identities, saying that there’s a lot of pressure to be pure lately when you belong to this community. There were in particular various sapphic people who struggle with feeling sexual attraction to women without romance, and bisexual people who worried that being alloaro makes them play into the promiscuous bisexual stereotype. There were also multiple transmasculine people, both exclusively attracted to men and exclusively attracted to women, who struggle with feeling predatory due to their lack of romantic attraction (note: I say transmasculine because all people who left these comments specified being transmasculine, I don’t have data on transfeminine and transneutral people’s feelings).

Some people also talked about how the intersection between being arospec and POC gives them particular struggles due to how racism influences the way POC’s sexuality is seen.

Also, some people connected their negative feelings to the issues discussed above, where being aromantic makes it harder to find a sexual partner. They think that if they weren’t aromantic they may be able to find partners more easily.

Additional comments

There were various points in the survey where people could leave additional comments.

Some people said that being aromantic played a role in past break ups, or that they prefer not to share their aromanticism with their current partners for fear of causing issues in their relationships.

A few people mentioned that they feel their aromanticism takes precedence over their other identities. On the other hand, some people found that some of their other identities or past experiences have a bigger influence on the matters discussed in the survey than their aromanticism.

Many people talked about how sex is a complicated matter for them, in that they enjoy it in theory, but they don’t know if they would actually want it in real life or they don’t know if their fantasies are what they actually want or just what they enjoy in fiction.

Some said that they aren’t actively looking for sex, but wouldn’t mind doing it if someone offered in the right circumstances. In alternative, some said they may be open to attempting sex, but aren’t interested in making it a regular thing. Some also said they prefer to deal with their sexual urges on their own, while looking for a sexual partner would be more of a bother.

A couple people mentioned that they would be interested in non-sexual kink more than sex itself. Also, some people said that in the past they have found the kink community particularly friendly to aromantic people.

Conclusions

The survey participants tended to skew young (group 25 years and younger > 75%), with a higher percentage of aroallo people compared to other surveys on the aromantic community. Most identified with queer, asexual or acespec, and other LGBTQ+/queer identities, with heterosexual people being a minority. The majority of people who participated was either some degree of sex favorable, or didn’t think terms such as favorable/neutral/repulsed were enough to describe their feelings about sex. About half had not had a sexual encounter before, while a little less than half said they had at least one in the past.

For both groups, people tend to want or prefer committed sexual partners more than casual partners. Both groups also had a majority of people who prefer open relationships or don’t care about whether they are in an open or closed relationship. The most desired and least disliked relationships by both groups are queerplatonic relationships, friends with benefits, and kink based relationships. One night stands were both the least wanted and most disliked type of relationship by both groups. Sexual partners with no other relationships was also less popular than some other relationships. For both groups, less than a fourth of participants said they wanted a romantic relationship, and nearly half said they instead dislike them. The group with previous sexual experience seems moderately more favorable to less committed relationships.

There is also a general tendency of aromantic people to prefer aromantic sexual partners. Half of the people who do not have previous sexual experience said that their aromanticism is part of the reason they haven’t had sexual encounters so far, due to their aromanticism making it harder to find non-romantic partners for them. When it comes to people who do have previous sexual experience, out of the people who shared their aromanticism with previous partners, there was about a 50/50 split between people who said their partners were supportive and those who said their partners reacted badly.

In general, about half the people who participated said that finding a sexual partner while aromantic is harder, mainly because a lot of alloromantic people aren’t interested in non-romantic sexual partnership. More than 75% heard that people who want sex without romance are sexually predatory, and more than 50% hard that aromantic people who want sex in particular are sexually predatory.

About one third of participants said being aromantic makes them view their sexual desires in a better way. This includes both people who experience sexual attraction and aroace people, with many saying they feel more confident about their attraction/desires or lack thereof. About 15% on the other hand said their aromanticism makes them view their sexual desires in a worse way, usually due to shame or feeling predatory. This is particularly common between people who are otherwise members of the queer/LGBTQ+ community, and among people of color.

thearomanticpeach:

“Are they….ya know” *imitates shooting an arrow*

i fucking love being aroace

magicalgirlpropaganda:

“Aromantic people aren’t just villians who sit around hating love”

I am tho.

yeah some aros are romance favorable and some aros are romance repulsed/averse but i happen to be an aro that doesn’t really give a shit about romance

“aros are still human!!! they still love and feel emotions!!! ”

well i dont feel love and i’m pretty emotionless so i guess i’m a god

follow-ur-aro:

can we just take a moment to appreciate how pretty the aro flag is?

imnotgonnaletyougo:

shout out to aroace spectrum people in general but i wanna say also: shout out to aroace spectrum people who are currently exploring romantic and/or sexual relationships.

if you’re going to support aspecs you have to support aspecs who want/have sexual/romantic relationships but also aspecs who are romance/sex-repulsed. you have to support loveless/lovequeer aspecs but also aspecs who love love. you cannot support the group that fits your amatonormative standards the best.

ALT

Custom design for a customer who requested for Aroace pride kawaii cats on pancakes - see 2nd image.

Do we have any aroace in here?

Letme know if you love this design. I’ll be happy to make it available for you at irenekohstudio.com if you do. 

xoxo

Irene