now available in the flags for asexual, aromantic, greysexual, greyromantic, demisexual, demiromantic, acearo, quoi, and one with a combination with six of them.
We all know the push at the start of last year. We wanted to be recognized. We wanted to be talked about. We wanted to be taken seriously. We helped change the popular definition of aromantic to be “little to no romantic attraction” to include more people. But at the beginning of last year, there was another push. A push to push aros who have romantic attraction out of their labels.
It started off pretty small. Individuals getting sick and tired of “aros and arospecs” but getting told they were using arospec wrong when they claimed this identity for themselves. “Arospec is for anyone who is on the aromantic spectrum! Including aromantic people!” Then why are you calling us that. Then why are you using it to distance us from your community.
I am using that word because you called us that, to make us seem like we aren’t one of you. You gave us a label, thank you. But also, fuck you for trying to take it away. I get told again I can’t use it that way. I give up, I have no label, and I feel isolated.
Thanks, aros.
The argument continues. I call myself aro. I get told that the word only means no attraction ever. I get told it’s not my word. It’s not my word. I get told I don’t belong under that identity. I get told to use arospec. I dont want to use arospec, you told me I was using it wrong. I start hearing things you dont realize you are saying.
“Arospec is for the whole community, use that if you want to talk about the community as a whole. You aren’t aro. Don’t call yourself that. Aro is not an umbrella term, and arospec doesn’t mean you. It’s not your word.You have no language. The common language we use to refer to ourselves and you isn’t for you. It’s not yours.You can’t call yourself what we’re calling you, and you can’t use the only word we use to talk about the community.”
Again, I have no label, I feel isolated. But this time, I get angry. I get PISSED. I stand my ground, and I defend us. I flip the script, aros get pissed, and then… And then. The post. The damn fucking post.
A word lost to discourse: greyromantic. “This is what you are.” This damn post was sent to me every time I talked about being shoved out of the aromantic community. “Look! There is a word for you!” This damn post was sent to me every time I talked about being told my language was wrong. “You can use this word instead! No need to use ours.” This damn post was sent to me any time I brought up the treatment of partnering and sometimes-romo aros. “Why don’t you just use this word instead? See? We’re listening to and supporting you.” This damn post was used again and again and again by people who HAVE NO PLACE to tell me what my identity can be.
This post specifically was used to talk over me. This post was used to silence my voice. OUR voices. This post was used, primarily by aros who have never experienced romantic attraction, primarily by aros who will never fall under this umbrella, to tell me what I am. To tell me what I can and cannot be. To tell me that my language was wrong and I cannot use the language I had been using for myself.
and I won’t fucking use that label.
So what labels do I use? What label do I like? Why do I like them?
I go by romo aro. It was a private word me and my microcommunity had been using this whole time, that by the end I started promoting and making content for. This is my favorite and preferred label, because it can cover anyone who fits outside of the stereotypical aro alignment. Sometimes-romo, romo favorable, partnering, polyaff/polyam, queerplatonic aros, aros who enjoy romo content. and Anyone who would’ve been shoved under that “arospec” umbrella instead of aro. This word is inclusive, this word is radical, and this word can mean me, no matter what that means for me in that moment.
I use this word mostly because it is the only label that no one else forced onto me, and I will never force it onto anyone else. I prefer it because it is, and always has been, mine. I always had a choice, and it never belonged to anyone else. This word is mine, and I will not let anyone take it away from me.
I also use aro. While people kept arguing against me, for I while I just dropped talking about my identity as a romo aro altogether. I went by aro because it was easier and because it can be an umbrella term. The definition started shifting to mean “little to no romantic attraction” and I am forever grateful. This is a word I’ll keep, because no one forced it on me, and because people told me I couldn’t. Using this word was an act of defiance, and using this word was an act of belonging and assimilation. And now people recognize that this word can also belong to me.
And finally… I use arospec. It took me months (and by months i mean about 7 to be able to comfortably use it again) but this word was the first word I identified with. Public perception of this word has shifted, and people recognize that it can mean multiple things. People recognize that arospecs are allowed to talk about their experiences under this label, including how aros have wronged them. Slowly, people are able to recognize that this was a word used for aros to distance us from themselves, and that this was the first word a lot of us had. This word is a good label, and while it started as a reclamation, now it’s solid identity that people can recognize as being separate and different from the umbrella term. And that’s really really good.
I want to say I don’t hate the creator of that post. I don’t hate aros and greyros. But you NEED to start listening to romo aros and arospecs.When we say something is hurting us, people need to believe us and learn to start recognizing damaging language. And there CANNOT be tolerance in the aromantic community for people who will talk over people- especially aromantic minorities. And the aromantic community as a whole HAS to shut down and learn to STOP telling people if their identityandlabelisvalid or not. I HAVE to stop seeing people in my notifications saying that my words are wrong. It HAS to stop. There was a mass exodus of arospecs last year around this time. My whole microcommunity is gone, and a huge portion of the community is missing, with most aros not even noticing. We HAVE to fix things for them. We NEED to make sure that will never happen again. We NEED to make sure that arospecs of all sorts belong.
This community does not have the time or space or numbers to be exclusionary and perpetuating erasure. It’s needs to stop. It’s time to start listening to arospecs. It’s time to start respecting people who have long since been ignored. It’s time the aro community takes a stand with us.
The aro community has grown, but it’s time to start doing more than what passive little it has recently learned to do. It’s time. Grow more. Take a stand.
This is completely right. When I started this blog, there were absolutely no resources for aromantics who weren’t strictly no-attraction. And since then I have seen pushback against aromantics who do.
The most important thing about a label is not what it means to other people. The most important thing is what it means to you. None of us experience life the same way. None of us experience attraction the same way. None of us experience non-attraction the same way. We don’t even experience the things we see and hear and taste the same way, let alone something as complex as the hormones that our brains sent hurtling throughout our circulatory systems.
I am reblogging this in solidarity for people who don’t feel comfortable identifying as grayromantic or arospec rather than just aro. Your journey is your own. Your self belongs to you, and you are not hurting me or anyone else by using a different word to describe yourself. You are not hurting non-attraction aromantics by using the same word. You have my support.
[Image description: a photo of three stickers, three bottle charms, and a string of hearts surrounding them. The stickers are drawings if the pokemon leafeon with the greyromantic flag, aromantic flag, and demiromantic flag in the background. The bottle charms contain the same flags. The hearts are green, lime green, white, gray, and black.]
[ID: ten images of pride flags with the word ‘bród’ (pride) and heart emojis in the flag’s colours written on top. Pride flags are: 1978 rainbow, oriented aro ace, aro ace spec and aro ace by @aroaceworms, aro allo, aro ace, greyromantic, greysexual, blue red black polyamorous and pink purple polyamorous by @whimsy-flags. End ID.]
[ID as Gaeilge: deich pictiúir faoi bratach bród agus an focail ‘bród’ agus emoji croí sa dathanna seo. Is é bogha báistí 1978, leasmar gan-ghnéas gan-rómáns, beagán rómáns agus ghnéas agus gan-rómáns gan-ghnéas le @aroaceworms, gan-rómáns allai-ghnéasach, gan-rómáns gan-ghnéas, liath-rómáns, liath-ghnéas, gorm dearg dubh il-leannánach agus bándearg corcra il-leannánach le @whimsy-flags na bratach bród.]
[ID: a series of images of two pride flags fused together down the centre. The flags are: 1978 rainbow & bisexual, aromantic & bisexual, nblm & bisexual, nblw & bisexual, aro ace spec by @aroaceworms & bisexual, aro ace by @aroaceworms & bisexual, aroace & bisexual, aro allo & bisexual, greysexual & bisexual, greyromantic & bisexual. End ID.]
Aromantic Identity and the Aromantic Spectrum - Pamphlet #4
Update:Due to errors in the original file and an accident on a team member’s part, the original version of this post was deleted. The mistakes have been corrected. Apologies for the inconvenience!
A pamphlet on aromantic and aro spectrum people and identities! It’s very similar to the asexuality pamphlet, but has many key differences. It’s free to download!
[Image Description: A preview of a pamphlet entitled “Aromantic Identity & the Aro Spectrum, with the front and back laid out side-by-side. There is a summary, disclaimer, and helpful resources on the left page and sections titled “Aromantic Terms,” “Being Aromantic,” and “Understanding Aro Identity” on the right. The smaller text is too blurry to read. The entire pamphlet has a dark green, light green, and gray color scheme.]
Aromantic Identity & the Aro Spectrum version 1.1
This is an updated version of an earlier pamphlet on the same subject included in the original run of Queer Condensed. It serves as a basic overview of aromantic identity with definitions, validation for aro, arospec, and questioning readers, explanations of stereotypes, online resources, and more.
Updates are pretty extensive, including a formatting change, addition of “alloromantic” definition, color switch of yellow to gray to reflect the more commonly used aromantic flag, large portions of rewritten text, and minor changes to the suggested resources.
I could not have made this updated pamphlet without help from readers sending in corrections and suggestions. As someone who isn’t aro, the information that @aphobephobeand@kdkorz10211 provided was indispensable. I also want to thank them and @shes-cured for beta-reading it as well.
This work is free for noncommercial use as long as credit is given. The original Publisher files can be requested via ask or email if you’d like to edit the pamphlet yourself.
The text can be read below the readmore, formatted in the intended reading order.
Front Panel:
Aromantic Identity & the Aro Spectrum, A Condensed Guide
Produced by Queer Condensed, queercondensed.tumblr.com
Version 1.1
Inside Flap
Summary
Aromantic identity is often lumped in with asexual identity, but the two are very different and deserve separate materials. In this pamphlet we focus on the former and look at what “aromantic” and “aromantic spectrum” means, the many types of love that exist outside of romantic love, some of the struggles and stereotypes of aromantic people, and how unique each aromantic person is from the next. We stress that aromantic people are complex and should not be boiled down to their romantic feelings as they often are.
A reminder: if you are aromantic, on the aromantic spectrum, or questioning your identity, you are valid and amazing!
Disclaimer
Queer Condensed is meant to be a guide, but in no way is anything in our pamphlets definitive. It’s hard to be definitive when you’re dealing with a subject that’s so subjective. Take what you read as an introduction and maybe check out the provided resources or ask people open to taking questions if you want to know more.
Published on August 12th, 2017
Leftmost Interior: Aromantic Terms
“Aromantic” is an identity that indicates a lack of romantic attraction towards others. Along with this, there’s the idea of the “aromantic spectrum,” or a range of other identities that are similar to aromanticism. Some of those identities are included on this list of aromantic-related terms.
Aro / Arospec
Short for “aromantic” and “aromantic spectrum”
Grayaromantic / Grayromantic
An arospec identity; someone who has infrequent or hard-to-define romantic attraction towards others
Demiaromantic / Demiromantic
An arospec identity; someone who needs a strong bond with another before feeling romantic attraction towards them
Alloromantic
Someone who is not aro / arospec
Queer/Quasi-Platonic Relationship (QPR)*
A relationship between two people that is not romantic, but stronger or more intimate than friendship
Squish*
An aromantic or platonic version of a romantic crush
Sexual orientation *
How someone identifies in relation to who they’re attracted to sexually; different from romantic orientation
*People who are not aro can also use these terms
Middle Interior: Being Aromantic
Aros and arospec people are frequently forgotten about or misunderstood, even in LGBT communities, but their lives and identities deserve attention.
Society places a lot of stress on the idea of romance and relationships, but that doesn’t mean aro people are without feelings. Many aro people find love and companionship in different ways, including friendships and QPRs. Some aro people even enter into romantic relationships with partners that understand that the feelings may not be the same on all ends. Some aros don’t make connections at all, but that doesn’t make them broken.
Each aro person’s experiences are unique. Some like physical affection, some find that too romantic or simply don’t want it. Some are open and proud of their identity, and for some it’s just a personal trivia fact. Some discover their identity early in life and others realize much later. Some find love in non-romantic ways, others don’t feel any sort of desire for it. There is no “right way” to be aro or arospec, just as there’s no “right way” to be other identities.
Talking About or To Aro People
Aro people are the judges of their own identity. Do not assume or say that an aro person will find the “right person” some day and stop being aro. This implies that the aro person is just going through a phase or can’t figure out their own attraction.
Rightmost Interior: Understanding Aro Identity
Alloromantic people often question or ridicule aro identities because of a lack of understanding. This usually comes from the belief that romantic relationships or feelings are vital to being human when they’re really not. Not everyone goes about having romantic feelings in the exact same way, so aro people aren’t an abnormality, just experiencing feelings that are uncommon. If it doesn’t bother the aro person, it shouldn’t be of concern to anyone else.
Common stereotypes of aro people include that they are being difficult, they are bad at socializing, they are incapable of feelings, those that have sexual relationships are manipulative, and they are unhappy. Consider that these stereotypes ignore these kinds of love:
* Platonic * Parental * Sexual
* Familial * Aesthetic * Queerplatonic
These ideas also make it seem like humans can be boiled down to how we engage in romantic relationships, which just isn’t true. Thinking only in terms of who one loves is incredibly limiting and harmful to those who don’t experience certain/any types of love.
Aro and arospec people are in need of kindness and understanding as they navigate a world unforgiving to them, not an insistence that their feelings are wrong. Prejudice and unearned anger are wrong, not them.
Our pamphlet on asexuality has many resources that, although not aro-specific, contain information about the aro community. Check it out for a few more websites to look at!
Thank You!
This updated version of this material couldn’t have been done without reader input, especially that of Tumblr users Aphobephobe and Kdkorz10211
*This blog is no longer active, but the information is still relevant
It’s that time of year again. Let’s get it my funky, little aros and nifty, little arospecs!
Check out @aromantic-official for history of asaw and prompts for each day! Responses to the prompt are tagged #ArosAndArrows and #BeingAromanticIs
[image description: one square with the aro flag as the bacground. Text is on each stripe of the flag. The stripes read: arospec, awarness, week, feb 16 - feb 22, #ASAW2020 #arospecawarnessweek. The text colors are black, dark green, light green, white, and grey respectively for each stripe. End description.]
*there was a brief correction of the end day from feb 20 to feb 22*
ALT
