#author memes

Writing is just. Random shower thoughts. Existential crisis. Writing two sentences. Scrolling through Pinterest for half a day. Crying. Not writing for three weeks. More existential crisis. It’s 3am and you’re writing two chapters at once while on eight cans of red bull. Panicky flipping through all of your Notebooks and note book Apps and family trees for that one character’s last name instead of just re-reading your last chapter. existential crisis. Shower thoughts.

-diary entry from 15.12.21

Overnight, I became the friend that will make personalised playlists for people’s birthdays, the friend that will ask you how you were at every silent moment in a conversation, because it’s a question that isn’t asked enough, the friend that won’t go a day without seeing you because she misses your face, despite the fact she didn’t know you before September, the friend that will get up and dance the second Ode To A Conversation Stuck In Your Throat plays, or Sex by The 1975, and will grab the hands of the closest person and get them to dance too, the friend that will knock first so you can speak, the friend that will talk to the Year 13s because they seem so scary despite being only a year older than you, the friend that walk you down to the coffee shop because you were going on your own, the friend that says hate is a strong word, but uses ‘love’ as easily as connectives, the friend that will ask you if you want to talk, because she’s there to listen, the friend that will be the first to apologise, the friend that will write poetry about you at 3am, and post it anonymously on Tumblr, the friend that confidence comes easily to, the friend with a god complex, despite hating herself, the friend that tells you that she dreamt of you the night before, despite it being a complete lie, the friend that will lie and cheat to get her own way, the friend that will manipulate and deceive just to remind everyone that she isn’t really thatfriend, because how could anyone have thatfriend? No one has her, really. She’s a Manic Pixie Dream Girl that’s trying too hard for the purpose of something that doesn’t even exist. She was none of these people four months ago. I wish I never had thatfriend. I think I’d kill her. She’d drive me mad.

Do I write my next chapter, or edit the next chapter to upload, or finish my drawing of my character, or read a book, or read a new webcomic, or reread a webcomic I like, or -