So I scratched the inside of my legs the other night because they we’re itchy as fuck and now It looks like I have hickeys on the inside of my thighs and I just realized I’m wearing shorts out and my mom saw and now everything is awkward.

My girlfriend went to the store with her mom for black Friday and the price check out machines were making weird noises so she said “Everyone look out it’s about to explode” and she got everyone within 50 feet of her to crack up omg this is why I love her.

actual thing that happened today

so my gf and i broke up a little bit ago and it’s been super awkward cuz we are in the same friend group but we are both still super upset. so today i was like hey are we going to get dinner and my friend was like oh [insent ex-gf’s name here] is going to get chicken, we will just steal it from her and i was just like

what am i supposed to do, steal chicken from my ex-gf who i haven’t talken to in a week. just be like “hey, i’m still mad at you, but i’m really fucking hungry-can i have some chicken” like no