i wanna rewatch the thing about harry but hulu is homophobic and took it off regular hulu so

hello everyone who cares!

sorry for being completly mia-the holidays and these last few school weeks have been hella stressful but i’m hoping to post more soon (especially cuz i’m seeing star wars tonight so oop)!

the universe: you WILL have to see your ex gf seven days in a row AND you have four projects due this week

me:

i deserve fucking olympic gold medals for the amount of times i’ve cried this week and then gone to school and pretended to be fine for the sake of my friends and family

actual thing that happened today

so my gf and i broke up a little bit ago and it’s been super awkward cuz we are in the same friend group but we are both still super upset. so today i was like hey are we going to get dinner and my friend was like oh [insent ex-gf’s name here] is going to get chicken, we will just steal it from her and i was just like

what am i supposed to do, steal chicken from my ex-gf who i haven’t talken to in a week. just be like “hey, i’m still mad at you, but i’m really fucking hungry-can i have some chicken” like no

So at around 7:40ish i was standing outside my workplace(obviously very dark) waiting for my parents to pick me up and there was this man there holding a baby (young dad, probably in 20s  and Im assuming he was waiting for his wife or fam that were still inside and after a minute he started talking to me (im assuming he assumed I worked there cuz of my clothes and I had my purse)

Like how they love going to the store cuz you can find everything there and whatnot and he mentioned the baby a few times so ofc I said the baby is adorable (cuz he was adorable) and he says the baby is 7 months (still normal convo)

AND THEN he goes “I like it (parenthood) …feels like it/he gives me something to live for ya know?”

And I smiled and nodded cuz aww thats adorable but I was thinking WHY IS THIS STRANGER TELLING ME HIS DEEP THOUGHTS  AT NIGHT IN THE DARK OUTSIDE

I suppose you’re all wondering how my surgery went? Welp, it didn’t. The tl;dr is that they needed a special part that didn’t arrive in time and they’ve rescheduled me for September 22.

So like, basically they needed a special part for me because I’m a complicated case - it’s a replacement of a 1997 replacement and I have a femur rod in from breaking my femur years back and my original replacement was locked in there with cement, so it’s a complicated situation - & they had to order the special part, but like because of the holiday weekend, it didn’t arrive in time. But they thought it would, so I did the whole no food & drink thing, no pain pills, anxious mess, little sleep, showed up in my pajamas, waited curled up on 2 little chairs that were pushed together because I hurt too much to sit up, in a very cold waiting room, that’s like literally in a hallway, like their pre op waiting room is just a bunch of chairs in the main hallway, three hours before they called me back, where I then changed into a gown, started answering all their questions, had to use a Hoyer lift to get onto the bed because for some reason Ortho Surgery doesn’t have stretchers that drop low enough for wheelchair transfers even though they have all *Ortho* patients, which then the Hoyer lift caught my bad leg and the nurse had to twist it loose and it hurt so much and then another nurse came a minute later, and not having seen what had just happened, also grabbed my leg and started wrenching me around while the first nurse was like, “no, don’t do that!” but too late, and then the dr came and was like, “bad news” but the last time he said those words to me minutes before I was to be wheeled back to surgery it was to cancel so I was like, “WHAT WHY” and then I was like, “ok just go away then, I can’t even right now, I’m so hungry, tired, in pain,” and the nurse ran a off and came back with a big ol plastic bag filled with crackers, chips, pudding, applesauce, sodas like I had just robbed a vending machine. And I came home and ate and slept and cried and slept some more. And drank water, oh god so much delicious water. It’s the worst part about being NPO is the no water part. I’ve been rescheduled for September 22.

So I get to spend 2 more weeks in severe pain. And that’s like, Chronic Pain Sufferer’s *severe pain*, not just any ol pansy level of pain either, cuz my tolerance is high and I’m still over here whining like a pussy. I know they had me come in and everything because they thought it would arrive in the mail that day, but like, if they knew they had to order a special part, on a holiday weekend, like I don’t care how bad off my hip is that they felt they had to rush my surgery, they shoulda never tried to fit me in when they knew they had to special order a part on a holiday weekend. I can’t believe I have to go through all that pre op shit and the psychological prep in my head like all over again. If this is how the U of M - one of the top hospitals in the whole country, that people come from all over, from like other countries even, to have surgeries there - if this is how completely non-professional they act, what the fuck are other hospitals like?

Spoonie Problems: I feel like an ungrateful bitch when I complain about my caregivers, who are generally wonderful & family/friends doing it for free or for spit-pay from the government. My counselor always said I can be grateful & annoyed, that they aren’t mutually exclusive feelings…but I know if main caregiver heard me vent, they’d feel like it’s because they can’t do anything right, & they’d be hesitant about helping at all in the future with anything I don’t lay out specifically in detail for them bc ‘you get upset with me for trying to help sometimes’, & it would further their belief that I’m ‘always mad’ at them, which they told me once is how they feel. Like, I know they’re projecting their own issues, but when it’s a friend/family member, you have to maintain your familial relationship at the same time and Iike, that can be hard. Sometimes I think a professional caregiver would be better because then I could be firmer — not rude, but firmer — and not have to worry that’ll bring up issues because, like, oh their mom made them feel they were useless and me correcting them will trigger that. Because with a professional from an agency, I wouldn’t know about their mom or their triggers. But then I remember all the horror stories I’ve heard about caregivers and abuse, neglect, infantilism & ableism and like, I’m so grateful my caregivers all love & care about me. But still, sometimes I need to vent without being empathetic to their psychological upbringing. You know?

This post is brought to you by someone trying to help me with something I didn’t even ask for help with & then refusing to listen to what I’m saying the issue is & legit (non-violently) slapping my hand away multiple times when I point out the thing that’ll help them.

Watching this documentary short (taken from a longer documentary) about poor kids in Ohio during lockdown. This woman, with three kids, has been told by her doctors that she can’t work due to kidney disease. The state agrees enough to give her *some* benefits, but…she has to volunteer 80 hours a month to receive said benefits. If she’s too sick to work, then she’s too sick to volunteer 20 hours a week. I remember at the end of my “working life”, I finally realized it was time to turn in my papers when I couldn’t manage 18 hours a week. Ohio, wtf is this nonsense?! And in this documentary, it’s during the pandemic. The 13 year old subject of the film says how worried he is about his mom having to be out there volunteering because she’s so likely to catch Covid. I have to imagine a strong case of Covid could do damage to her already vulnerable kidneys. What utter bullshit our whole system is!

Here is the full documentary, an hour long, which I guess I’m gonna watch now so I can get even angrier at our system!

https://youtu.be/qAxQltlGodA

Ayumu’s smile is the best in the world!!!

welcome-to-latveria:

No one:

Me: do you think Slade’s assassin work stems from the fact that he joined the army at such a young age and has been conditioned to obey orders to the point he can’t really make decisions about who should live and die the way other heroes/vigilantes do so instead he relies on contract killing because it is just someone telling him exactly what to do and that is also why he is so obsessed w/ keeping his word and obeying the contracts extremely specifically

No one:

Also me: do you think that Slade and Addie’s relationship was meant to fail because on one hand, Slade came from an abusive family and had never been loved until Adeline came around and he married her because he felt it was as much as he’d ever be loved (not that he would know considering he got married to Addie when he was 18) and Adeline has always fallen in love too quickly which has always led her to failing relationships (Jaque and Wade DeFarge) and maybe they should have dated a little more than a year before deciding to get married???

amortizing:

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again”

—  Eric Roth

How in school and college, we consciously and unconsciously try to fit it and how the Universe still makes a point that in between that faking, we find out beautiful things about ourselves. Like in school, I found out Hindustani Classical Music, Social science and my amazing teacher who wanted me to pursue humanities because she saw my inclination towards it, Bharatnatyam. In college, between the shitty music that I was listening to because everyone listened to it, I found out about self care, growth, fitness and both great and some really bad Bollywood, Punjabi and Tollywood music. And the pandemic felt both like a blessing in disguise (from my privileged point of view) and a slap on my face to stop caring how others feel about my taste and interests, to TRULY be able to get rid of external influence to the extent I had never experienced ever - felt so naked, I had nothing but a lot of solitude and everything in me that I was too ashamed to acknowledge and know more about. It feels so good but, even though at that point it felt like suffering and I felt lonely (didn’t even have much hair to be there for me xD coz I had shaved half of it and had super short hair in general)

It’s a completely different story now and there’s no going back ❤

Revisiting Motonari’s Route/Rant

I know this is late but better late than never?

Let’s just get on with it.

Ok so after reading Motonari’s route in English, I felt that I needed to revisit my opinion on his route after getting a better understanding on some text lines.

First let’s start with something I got wrong.

Initially, I felt confused as to why Motonari felt the need to capture MC in the beginning and later have her sold off the auction. Like why do the auction if your men already have possession of her? After restarting the route, I felt that they were only including this in order to really drive the point of “possession” and “ capture” ala KBTBB style. However, It was here that they clarified that Motonari was initially going to play the “savior” role to get MC and the Oda army to trust him. However, plan was ruined when he couldn’t stand MC babbling about how Nobunaga was great and he was going to bring peace to Japan.

So yes, I got this part wrong, but to be fair it was fairly obvious that he was Motonari when he showed in his regular outfit at the auction smiling. How did MC think it was not suspicious that he showed up as she was about to be sold in to slavery to “save” her?

Second, I need to give MC credit on how initially she had some sense of reason and was actually smart in being close to Motonari to discover his plans and possible thwart them. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer right? Did she ever have a chance of being successful? No, but we already know from other MLs route that she can’t succeed in that era by herself. At least she initially tried to escape from his grasp when he was asleep or by calling out Keiji when she was trapped with Kicho.

Unfortunately, things take a nosedive from here. MC’s good sense had her convinced that Motonari was this poor child that was wronged by the world and just needed someone to believe and be loyal to him. Don’t get me wrong, his backstory was sad and definitely gives insight as to how he ended up as a misanthropic asshole. However, I believe that true love cannot come out of pity. MC really believed in both his endings that unconditionally loving him will cure him of his past traumas.

In addition, I can’t believe she managed to overlook his actions to find the guy attractive in the first place. I mean this guy made so many crude comments at her like asking her “if she wanted to ride his horse”, offering her as a plaything to Kicho (this part was so bad that I believe the writers had to backtrack in his POV to make it so that he didn’t really mean his comment), and constantly calling her his property and slave. I guess this MC is a masochistic cause she ended up liking all the condescending statements about her with minimalsigns that the guy actually liked her.

Speaking of his POV, I believe that knowing what he was thinking actually made his character even worse. We all know that LIs tend to have a wrong impression on who MC is in the beginning of their routes, but this guy straight up thought that she was a slut because so many people in the Nobunaga clan liked her. Every other thought expressed was him trying to get closer to his goal of having the world burn.

I could really rant about so many other things in his route, but I won’t because frankly I’m tired and I don’t want to delay this post anymore. If you follow me, you know that my opinion changed very little from my first impression. I think this was the first time that I hated having to read a LI’s route and I delayed so much in completing both endings. The only time I was happy was when I was rereading common route, and I could just tap at my screen to skip through everything.

I guess to end on a good note, we finally got his character over with and we only have Ranmaru, Kanetsugu, Kichou, and Yoshimoto routes left. (Yoshi just recently got announced yaaay!)

“ Still here

You…

Are despicable,

Despisable,

Draining,

Evil…

Mortifying and truly…

Horrible.

”

Just because I may have ‘forgiven you’,

Doesnot mean I have forgotten,

I never have and never intend to forget,

So beware,

Watch out,

I am still very much here, so,

Beware.

“

End

Getting just a bit frustrated with how things are going right now…

I was starting to get back to a semblance of normal, adjusting to not having my Aunt around, getting arrangements made, bills figured out, etc, and now I have one more thing to deal with.

We are having a four day freeze that started Wednesday night, and on that night, when the temperature was going to drop to 24°, the wiring in my house decided to try to catch on fire! I smelled the coating start burning/melting in my Aunt’s old room, so I turned the electricity off, grabbed some things and went to stay with my sister at about 2:30am. Nothing caught fire, the house is ok, but now I have to deal with a repair bill I probably won’t be able to afford, especially since the house is so old, it will probably require a full rewiring. I know things will work out fine, and I will find a way to get things done, but I am seriously at a point right now that I am 100% ready to literally BITE someone!

‘By Thrones etc’ ch. 17 (in progress)

I like translating, it can be fun… but I swear this chapter is made of molasses thank god I’m almost done.

Then comes the 'proof-reading’ part oh joy

Oh gad, the day after tomorrow NaNoWriMo starts. Again. Where did the year go?

But it will have to be. Got work to be done. Novels to finish. Ideas to develop.

Wait, about the ideas, actually…

i just want to d*e right now. my parents don’t care about me. no one cares about me. im alone. i have to face my abuser this weekend and i can’t get away from that. i don’t know what to do. i can’t breathe and everything feels heavy. i wish i could just disappear at this point. i feel like i can’t do it. i wanna sink into the floor. my chest feels like it’s going to explode

there is sooooo much new tv to watch ohhh emm geee. is it just me or are they releasing way too many shows these days?

tv right now is an endless buffet. and i am having a hard time choosing which one to start, or which one to finish before i start a new-new one.

side-note: why are these big networks spending millions of dollars on each episode on everything but light? all i see is dark grey shadows moving on a pitch black background. it’s getting ridiculous at this point. i feel like they are destroying my already weak eyesight. and don’t get me started on the music/background noises being louder than the actual dialogue that you NEED to watch with subtitles on. *throws fist up in the air*

Too sad to function .. a smol rant from smollcreator

I feel I’m at a bit of a crossroads over here. I just got back from vacation (I went to Mexico with 30 of my friends) and it was amazing I felt like myself again socializing and having fun, soaking up the sun and partying for the first time since Covid began. I’ve had this trip planned for over a year and it was my motivation most days. Something to look forward to, a reason to get myself up in the morning, motivation to head to the gym every day and eat healthy…

But that’s all over now, Mexico has come and gone and I feel like I’m looking down the barrel of a shot gun with an unknown amount of time on my hands and only bad things to come. Work stress, school stress and relationship stress all while being isolated and incredibly depressed. Mexico was a nice break.. I can’t remember the last time I went a week without thinking about suicide, but it happened in Mexico! I was so busy and surrounded by people who gave a shit about me I hardly had to smoke weed (which is basically a miracle if you know me well)

Coming back to this feeling has been a huge transition, and I wasn’t prepared for how drastic it would feel or how hard continuing on with life would be.. I need something to look forward to.. anything at all… but I can’t seem to find any light at the end of my tunnel..

bingoheelr:

since pride month is coming up and im curious, reblog w/ some of your lgbtq+ headcanons for bluey characters

(no wrong answers and no discourse plz and thx-)

everyone thats answered so far:

happy pride month! friendly reminder that the heeler family will always love you no matter your gender/orientation!

Controversial IWBYS rant ahead:

I know I am kinda late to the party, but I really want to talk about this music video. I actually planned on making a YouTube vid about it, but decided against it for a number of reasons. Anyways, without further ado, I would like to present you my problem with IWBYS music video:

1) It turned out looking cheap and boring - sure, all members of MÅ are hotter than hell and seeing them doing what they’ve been doing made some people lose their sanity, but for me it suspiciously looked like they just took backstage video recordings of some radom photoshoots and decided to present them as a standalone music video;

which could be totally fine, but…

2) They made us wait for the release for so long - and what did we get it the end?? After heating our tension up for an unreasonably long time (!) and making us all rethink the concept of “soon” we got…

• no new/interesting ideas

• no storyline

• no creative visuals

basically, we got nothing original - neither in general, nor in terms of their art (come on, this video is basically Zitti E Buoni in underpants, with all those quick change of static posing shots, fisheye shots, extreme closeups… and that’s pretty much it, that’s the whole music video. Kinda meh, if you throw away all the 3 seconds of kissing).

And I know what you’re thinking - oh, shut up, Gabriella, they are young, they are only at the beginning of their way, they might not have enough money for crazy ideas - to which I’ll reply NUH-UH:

• it’s not like they couldn’t find a talented beginner director, who would’ve been happy to work with them for a plate of carbonara

• they all are wearing Gucci underwear - why hello, paid product placement

• plus, speaking about money, they got some real soldifromIWBYS merch they dropped just couple of days later - and this is how we get to my biggest problem with this video-THE FUCKING DISRESPECT.

Remember when I said I thought that this vid looked like a backstage photoshoot tape? Guess what - I was right!THE LAZINESS. THE AUDACITY. I was so mad, you have no idea. Filming merch-oriented photoshoots backstage and then setting up the whole campaign to make everyone think they are serving us something special? Wow. The guys really wanted to kill two birds with one stone, and I guess they pretty much succeed - I mean, I feel like I am the only one complaining. To me, it felt like they were more interested in milking money than in making art, which made me feel really angry, and then - very, very sad.

You see, I do realize that nowadays merch is a very important source of income for musicians - especially since 2020 made us all forget about live shows. The music itself isn’t their only bread and butter - I understand and respect that, but did Måneskin really have to be this lazy and blatant in trying to earn some money? They are incredibly talented people with so much things to say and so much potential to give. I truly considered them as ones of the few artists, who, in these capitalistic times, chose to be genuine and stay true to art and music. However, all that IWBYS business reeked with greed and money chasing so much, that now I cannot look at Måneskin the same way anymore… Will I still listen to their music? Sure. Will I support them as musicians? Of course. Will I be as excited about their dropout campaigns as I was before? Sigh. Not really…

People who think Ayato is truly loyal to the Raiden Shogun is eating straight out of his palms tbh