#batfamily

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A Gotham crook: [bleeding from a leg wound] I’m dying!

Red Hood: can you do it faster? I have an appointment

Spoiler: eating donuts and watching downtown abbey isn’t an appointment

Red Hood: it is if I have it in my calendar

Spoiler: a napkin from some dingy bar isn’t a calendar

The crook: [incensed] you’re just gonna let me bleed out?! I thought you were the good guys!!

Red Hood and Spoiler: [turn to look at Red Robin, who is tapping away on a digital planner]

Red Robin: [without looking up] ‘tis but a flesh wound

The Crook: ohmygod you’re the worst I’m telling Batman

Red Hood: have his phone number, do you?

The crook: I’ll tell the police and they’ll tell him!

Spoiler: I thought you were dying? Think you’ll be the only ghost haunting the GCPD?

Red Robin: you’ll live

The Crook: he shot me!!

Red Robin: just walk it off

The Crook: he shot me IN THE LEG

Red Hood: [mutters] should’ve aimed for the mouth

Spoiler: that’s murder

Red Hood: not if I aim really carefully

Impulse: [in the corner of the alley, on his phone] hi. I’m starting to rethink this “interning with the bats” idea. Can you come get me?

Jason: what if we did like a big party where we put lots of priceless artifacts on display in cases that are really easy to break into?

Duke: hmm, maybe. But we have to make sure the surveillance cameras are super easy to hack

Jason: well obviously

Steph: I think we should hire that one group- “totally not working for any bird-themed villain” -to do security

Tim: oh excellent plan

Barbara: I still feel like we’re thinking too small- how about we invite the heir to a billion dollar company?

Cass: and also a known career criminal

Bruce: [to Dick] what are they doing?

Dick: role-playing as the party committee for the winter gala

Tim: [waving his tea spoon] ok, guys, I just had the best idea, hear me out

Tim: for a theme:

Tim:carneval!

Steph: oooh everyone can wear masks!

Jason: we could make full-face masks obligatory!

Barbara: [in a posh voice while stirring her tea] amazing work everyone, well done

Tim: ugh I hate waiting for people

Jason: you’re ALWAYS late

Tim:exactly

Jason: [angry] how can you make people wait for YOU if you hate waiting for people?

Tim: I’m always late BECAUSE I hate waiting for people. If you’re on time then you don’t hate waiting as much as I do

Jason:

-

-

Jason: and that’s what happened

Bruce: [massaging his temples] yes, but HOW did that lead to Tim being stranded in Alaska?

Jason:huh

Jason: [shrugs] the clone must be late picking him up from that mission

Jason: how’s that for karmic justice? God really has a sense of humor.

Bruce:

Bruce: [takes a deep breath] ok, question 2: where is Conner and what did you do to him?

incorrectnextgenquotes-earth17:

Harper: We need to distract the others.

Jason: Leave it to me.

Jason: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

The Rest of The Bat Fam:start arguing

Steph, watching in horror: Oh this… I don’t like this… I don’t like this at all…

Tim: [slams his hands on the table] By that logic sphinxes, pegasi, and non-biblical angels are ALSO insects

Dick: [outraged] Wings doesn’t count! They’re not limbs!

Tim: Then what are they?!

Dick: They’re- They’re-

Dick: [victoriously] APPENDAGES

Tim:WHAT DO YOU THINK ‘LIMB’ MEANS?!

Dick:YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT

Damian: The foundation of this discussion is flawed. Categorising animals by number of limbs is as meaningless as it is stupid.

Tim: [points at Damian] Support your argument!

Damian: Octupuses are spiders

Everyone:

Jason:[angered into joining the argument] YOU SHUT YOUR HEATHEN MOUTH

oifaaa:

Dc can keep trying to tell me that Damian and Jason didn’t know each other when Jason was newly resurrected but I will continue to ignore them bc this dynamic is everything to me

Happydeathday birthday to you

Alfred: Whatever are you giving me?

Leslie: You’re such a child. You always ask.

Alfred: “To Alfred.” Heavy. It’s my tombstone! Doctor Thompkins, you spoil me.

Leslie: I never could deny you anything.

Thomas: (whispers) I don’t know if they’re flirting or they hate each other.

Martha:Both.

Thomas: Yeah, that makes sense.

littledead-ridinghood:

Okay, building off what I’ve been bitching about in my reblogs for the last few days about how no one ever allows Jason to center his trauma and instead push themselves into the “spotlight”: Another way writers will tend to do this is by telling the readers about how “what a bad robin Jason was” (to make us feel bad for everyone else who had to “deal with him”)

Writers tend to retcon Jason’s OG run because they never read it and are mean want us to empathize with Bruce(or whoever) and/or prop up their preferred character. It’s to show what a struggle it was to work with Jason, how emotionally volatile he was, how he couldn’t do anything right, had no work ethic, etc etc. We lose the heartbreaking, tragic story of a young boy who had nothing and no one who then gained the entire world only to have everything he cared about ripped away from him with one of the most gruesome deaths in comic book history. These retcons center around the idea that:

A. Bruce failed to save Jason(in life and, when he comes back, morally which further pushes the idea that Jason was always destined to be who he is as The Red Hood)

B. How Jason was Just a Bad Kid and there was Nothing anyone could do about it

C. Jason couldn’t be saved, he was destined to die, yet Bruce tried his hardest to steer Jason away from “becoming a criminal”(ignore the fact that Jason said he didn’t want to partake in that lifestyle, The Rich Man savior complex and the classism in the idea that all poor people are/will be criminals rather than on the that poverty is the real enemy and is what breeds crime(rather than the people themselves), and the fact that vigilantism is literally illegal making every single mask a criminal. I digress, go batman *woo*) so readers feel bad about Bruce not completing his “mission” and how that makes him feel rather than he lost his and for the dead kid 

D. Etc. Etc. You catch my drift. The retcons are to push the idea that Bruce has the most emotional turmoil surrounding Jason’s death, to martrize and destroy the memory of a 15 year old boy, and to make readers sympathize with Bruce for ever taking in Jason to begin with because he got nothing out of Jason expect a loyal soldier(who is either God’s greatest warrior or the worst sidekick ever bc both are “true” at the same time) and absolute misery  

The thing is, these retcons don’t make me feel sympathetic towards Bruce(or whoever) at all but towards Jason. Bruce narrating in Hush “all Jason had was rage” and “…saw being Robin as a game…”, Dick in Dixon’s Nightwing: Year One “Maybe [Bruce] hired him before Joker could”,  Alfred in UtRH “had a mean streak…Jason was dangerous”

(Keep in mind, all those statements are Pre-Jason’s-resurrection about a 12 to 15 year old child, my god. Don’t even get my started on non-canon compliant comics like Batman: The Adventure Continues mmmmm rage)

Anyway, my point being is, if Jason was so bad at being robin then why did everyone allow him to fight crime? As Bruce is Jason’s primary caretaker then that would mean he knew Jason was unprepared and unfit to fit crime, yet he still sent Jason out in spandex anyway. This reads as him being a shit batman and an even worse father who’s ready to put a kid who never had anything in harms way for the advancement of his own mission. Rather than addressing the issues that Jason’s emotional outbursts and (so-called OG) violence stems from with therapy and healthy outlets, Bruce actively made those issues worse by only giving Jason Robin as an outlet for his trauma (such as Bruce does for himself). Bruce takes a traumatized boy and places him back in a position to watch those same events that traumatized him happen to other people, every night, with no emotional support, meaning he never got to leave the survivor’s mode he lived in for the first ~13 years of his life. 

Furthermore, all these retcons are trying to relieve Bruce of guilt over Jason’s death as Jason “had it coming” and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it meaning Bruce can in no way be at fault. But as seen in these retcons, Bruce says Jason was unfit, but neglected parenting him, neglected helping him in any long (or short) term manner. He doesn’t see Jason as a son, Bruce sees Jason as a Job. A Mission. A Chore. Something he needs to Fix and recreate in his own image. This leads Jason to run off to find Sheila making Jason’s death inherently Bruce’s fault. Which is counterproductive to what writers are trying to do, yet that’s what comes across in these retcons. Jason’s only outlet is robin, he is made to believe that his only worth is in how well he can take & throw a punch, Bruce takes away Robin, Jason realizes that Bruce thinks he’s not good enough as a sidekick therefore doesn’t need him anymore, believing then Bruce is going to send him away back to the streets because he needs a solider & Bruce never actually loving him, finds out he has a living bio-mother, runs away to find her so she can protect him and so he’s not alone again(even though she’s the one who abandoned him at birth) who then sells Jason out, and, finally, *Boom*…. literally 

Here is a man who supposedly has a plan for everything and then a back up for in case those go wrong. Bruce says Jason was distraught over what he saw as Robin and how he was getting angrier and angrier, but he Bruce is never shown to be helping Jason work through those problems. Jason’s left to deal with them on his own which he doesn’t know how to do. He’s a child who’s never been offered solid guidance before. Children aren’t born with common sense, how is Jason supposed to fix a problem on his own when he’s never been offered guidance on how to do so? So the emotions fester, and the story being written is that Jason doesn’t even like being Robin, but Bruce continues to place him out in the position and Jason believing he has to take up that role so he can stay in the manor. This further pushes Jason’s mentality into all his worth is in Robin and once more pushes the “Good Solider” complex. The memorial in it of itself, as Jason comes back into the folds, also pushes the idea that Bruce only cared about Jason in what he could offer Batman; Jason couldn’t just be enough as himself. The continuous standing of Jason’s glass coffin and half-assed epithet further humiliating Jason with the “knowledge” that no parent has ever loved or wanted him.

We move from a tragic story of a hopeful, yet traumatized homeless boy who was given the opportunity to do an array of things he never thought possible (sleep in a warm bed, three meals a day, help others like him, go to school) who then had all of that ripped away because he just wanted to meet his mom to a story of severely abused, powerless boy turned miserable child solider who had been beat around all his life, having no say or choice in being robin, never given the time, attention, patience, support or help he desperately needed and deserved, dying alone without knowing what being lovedorhappy even felt like

Because in these stories, Bruce doesn’t love Jason. He has no faith in him, he sees him as a problem and mistake he should have never taken in, he sees Jason as a failure, he regrets, not Jason dying because he had so much more life to live, but him existing in Bruce’s life to begin with. This is a Batman I would, and do, blame for Jason’s death. You have a boy who only wanted safety and love and is trying to find it in any place he can, even if that person’s a random stranger who has already abandoned him.

Therefore, I don’t feel bad for these characters when they bag on Robin Jason in these retcons because clearly no one helped him. No one cared. And he spirals, and in these retcons, never knowing a day of peace, safety or happiness till his infamous murder leading him to even more scorn from everyone. He had nothing only to gain nothing of anything except heartache. And authors will write these stories like “Don’t you feel bad for Bruce? Aren’t you glad we have shiner, better robin with less problems? Aren’t you glad that that terrible kid died? I sure am!” They give Jason so much more trauma, he wants to be back in this family(as RH) who is written as not even wanting him around to begin with, because that’s the most loved he ever felt. And that love is So Abusive, and yet, this heartache of Jason’s, in these retcons, is written as “He causes so many problems for me!” These retcons aren’t written to show Jason being angry at Bruce for not being there. These retcons are written so we hate Jason for being “unloved”and unlovable” and to center how much of a struggle that is for everyone else rather than for the child. 

Once again, no one cares about how Jason feels or how this would effect him, just like how people only care about Jason’s death in relation to themselves and their struggles rather than how that trauma would effect the murder victim.

Compliments IV (Batpets)Batman (Bruce Wayne) praising his friends/allies/partners/family :Ace the BaCompliments IV (Batpets)Batman (Bruce Wayne) praising his friends/allies/partners/family :Ace the BaCompliments IV (Batpets)Batman (Bruce Wayne) praising his friends/allies/partners/family :Ace the BaCompliments IV (Batpets)Batman (Bruce Wayne) praising his friends/allies/partners/family :Ace the BaCompliments IV (Batpets)Batman (Bruce Wayne) praising his friends/allies/partners/family :Ace the BaCompliments IV (Batpets)Batman (Bruce Wayne) praising his friends/allies/partners/family :Ace the BaCompliments IV (Batpets)Batman (Bruce Wayne) praising his friends/allies/partners/family :Ace the BaCompliments IV (Batpets)Batman (Bruce Wayne) praising his friends/allies/partners/family :Ace the Ba

Compliments IV (Batpets)

Batman (Bruce Wayne) praising his friends/allies/partners/family :

Ace the Bat-Hound, Titus, the Bat-Horse (Batman 56, 1949), the Bat-Cow, Goliath, the Crimson Kabuki’s Dragon (Nightwing 42, 2018), Alfred the CAT


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broosepayne:

Dick: Hey Bruce guess what Jason did

Bruce: Hn.

Dick: He got a bazooka and blew up Joker’s warehouse.

Bruce: *puts his head in his hands*

Dick: Hey Cass guess what Damian said

Cass: What

Dick: He said your costume makes you look like an ant

Cass:

Dick: Hey Tim guess what Duke did

Tim: What are you talking about

Dick: He drank all your Mountain Dew

Tim: *starts plotting*

Dick: Hey Duke

Duke, tentatively: What are you up to?

Dick: Cass tore a hole in your leather jacket and didn’t tell you

Duke: *lights up*

Dick: Hey Jason

Jason: What do you want, assface

Dick: Bruce spilled coffee on your copy of Great Expectations and tried to replace it with a replica

Jason:OH—

Dick::)

Dick: I can’t wait for the next family dinner

save-young-justice:

okay okay I love the idea of Dick telling “When I Was Robin” stories and being really annoying and just never shutting up about his Robin days. but like wouldn’t it be even funnier if he’s talking to Bruce and then just says “Well when I was Batman…” and Bruce literally feels his soul leave his body

takaraphoenix:

Made a post two months ago about how much I love John Constantine flirting with Bruce Wayne, feels like the post needs a sequel so:

BRUCE WAYNE, ARE YOU FLIRTING BACK???

takaraphoenix:

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Didn’t know John Constantine flirting with Bruce Wayne was something I needed in my life, but turns out it absolutely is. Give me more flirty Constantine, please

emilyarmadillo:

Puppy Ace is so cute

Dick comes to visit at the manor for the weekend. He begins to settle down in his old bedroom when he hears a pulsating, grinding sound in the distance. Music.

Dick: uh oh

Duke, passing by in the hall: Oh hey Dick. How’s—

Dick: Shh. Wait. Do you hear that?

Duke: what

Dick: It can’t be. Nonono. I can’t live through this again, please— *sprints toward the Batcave with Duke following behind him*

Duke: Dick, what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you like this

Dick: *running down the stairs to the cave* Nooooooo please God no—

The music grows louder. The sound of an electric guitar tears through the cave.

Dick, covering his ears:Nooooo

Duke: The fuck is this—

Bruce, hunched over in a corner and smearing greasepaint around his eyes:MCR released a new single Dick can you believe it it’s almost been a decade Dick listen

Dick, flashing back to Bruce’s emo phase, replays a few key memories from his childhood:

  • Bruce sitting on the roof in the rain while Dick yelled at him to help with his homework
  • Bruce crying after Dick stomped his headphones to pieces
  • Dick trying to get Bruce to wash the makeup off his face before attending a parent teacher conference
  • Bruce “I am a Bat. I am a Shadow. I am Darkness” Wayne trying out an even longer cape and tripping over it while Dick cringed in the background and Joker actually looked embarrassed
  • Dick putting on ABBA during training and Bruce threatening to ground him
  • Bruce playing the electric guitar at 3:00 AM on a school night
  • Dick cutting the strings of said guitar just before he moved out, leading to one of the greatest blowout arguments Wayne Manor has ever seen. (Alfred had had to spray both of them with a fire extinguisher)

Duke, tapping Dick’s arm: Hey. Are you okay, or..?

Dick blinks and comes back to the present. He glances back at the corner and sees this as the song comes to a crescendo:

Dick:Nope. I’m not dealing with this again. I’ll see you all in a few months. Duke, good luck.

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