#check please

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[Rules]

[Schedule]

Bitty: broke into an industrial kitchen in the middle of the night to bake

Jack: trans friend named himself after a type of rock because he loves geology so goddamn much

Shitty: made an elaborate ventilation system in his dorm just for smoking weed

Lardo: managed to train a pack of theater tech boys to do her bidding for three straight years

Ransom: has studied for every test I’ve ever heard of her taking

Holster: got trashed with me and rapped damn near the entire Hamilton soundtrack while writhing around on the dressing room floor before our Rocky Horror performance

Nursey: got super high and had me listen to him dramatically read poetry and analyze the meanings of every poem and talk about how great the author was for a full hour

Dex: literally almost choked a man to death for kicking him in the balls

Chowder: Native friend got crossfaded and ran around outside yelling at every white person he saw “you don’t belong here, this is my land”

Kent: dressed up like a sexy cat to come with me to the grocery store at midnight

Tater: pulled me into his office to show me something on “the youtubes” but when he pulled up his bookmarked pages it was just thousands of YouTube videos and it took him ten minutes to find the right one

Whiskey: ate one of my shoelaces

Tango: asked our waiter if the chocolate lover’s cake was “made with real lovers”

iguanamouth:

sweaterclouds:

iguanamouth:

take a look

those are Lobster you Fool

this ,,,   is Lobster

halfabreath:

concept: Jack Laurent Zimmermann, professional hockey player and forward for the Providence Falconers, loses a bet and can’t cut his hair for a full year. imagine:

• the sheer flow
  
• how after the first three months his hair is the same length as it was in the Q and everyone has flashbacks 
  
• shitty running his hands through it
  
• shitty moaning while he does this
• shitty growing out his own flow again
• it getting in jack’s way because he refuses to get a mullet (because bitty refuses to kiss him in a mullet)
  
• sex hair
  
• bedhead
• bitty pulling his hair
• shitty pulling his hair as a joke and he gets turned on
• bitty tweeting progress pics so the whole internet can follow 
  
• the blogs about jack’s hair
• jack putting it up in a lil bun during warm ups so it doesn’t get in his face
  
• jack constantly running his hands through his hair after games during the interviews and it’s Distracting
  
• people photoshopping bad bob with the flow because he never had one
  
• bad bob is jack for halloween and has this ridiculous Jagr wig and he’s so Extra
• during movember jack just looks like a sasquatch and it’s everyone’s favorite month
  
• when he can finally cut it again he gets an undercut as a joke and it’s like two years after the trend but he brings it back because fuck he looks good
  
• jack has the idea because he watches peaky blinders and thinks, i could have hair like that

so i have no self control so here are lil bun jack and undercut jack

halfabreath:

concept: Jack Laurent Zimmermann, professional hockey player and forward for the Providence Falconers, loses a bet and can’t cut his hair for a full year. imagine:

• the sheer flow
  
• how after the first three months his hair is the same length as it was in the Q and everyone has flashbacks 
  
• shitty running his hands through it
  
• shitty moaning while he does this
• shitty growing out his own flow again
• it getting in jack’s way because he refuses to get a mullet (because bitty refuses to kiss him in a mullet)
  
• sex hair
  
• bedhead
• bitty pulling his hair
• shitty pulling his hair as a joke and he gets turned on
• bitty tweeting progress pics so the whole internet can follow 
  
• the blogs about jack’s hair
• jack putting it up in a lil bun during warm ups so it doesn’t get in his face
  
• jack constantly running his hands through his hair after games during the interviews and it’s Distracting
  
• people photoshopping bad bob with the flow because he never had one
  
• bad bob is jack for halloween and has this ridiculous Jagr wig and he’s so Extra
• during movember jack just looks like a sasquatch and it’s everyone’s favorite month
  
• when he can finally cut it again he gets an undercut as a joke and it’s like two years after the trend but he brings it back because fuck he looks good
  
• jack has the idea because he watches peaky blinders and thinks, i could have hair like that

so i have no self control so here are lil bun jack and undercut jack

coffeelesbiann:

zimbits the proposal au

“I’m from Canada, for Christ’s sake!  There’s got to be something we can do,” Jack says, tapping his fingers nervously on his desk, his mind running through all the possibilities. He’s too busy thinking to really be listening, until

“Until this is resolved I’m turning this over to Chad R.”

“You mean that guy I just fired?”

“We need an editor in chief,” said Mr. Hall.  A few quick knocks on the door, and Bittle pokes his head in.

“Sorry to interrupt –”

“What?!” Jack snaps.

“George called, she’s on the line,” Bittle said.

“I know.”

“She’s on hold…” Bittle looked at the executive directors curiously. “She needs to speak with you.  I told her you were otherwise engaged.  She insisted, so… sorry.” Bittle started to close the door.

“Wait!” Jack said.

“Um… yes?”

“Come here, Eric.”  Jack’s tone was considerably warmer.  Bittle was suspicious, but started walking over to Mr. Zimmermann’s desk anyway.  “Gentlemen, I understand.  I understand the predicament we are in.”

“And?” said Mr. Hall.

“And there’s… well… something I think that you should know,” Jack replied. Bittle grew more and more nervous with every step he took towards Mr. Zimmermann’s desk. Jack stood up, and took Bittle’s hand.  His heart was in his throat; his emotions were some mixture of shock, terror, and confusion.  “We’re getting married.”  Mr. Zimmermann smiled at him.  Eric wondered if this was a dream; it was the first time his boss had actually smiled at him.  “We are getting married,” Mr. Zimmerman said again, this time with more confidence and enthusiasm.

“Who is getting married?” Bittle asked, eyes too wide open.

“You and I.  You and I are getting married!” Jack said.  Eric got his shocked expression under control, and realized he needed to just go with it; if he didn’t, his career was over.  He put on his biggest, sweet-as-pie Southern smile.

“We are.  Getting married,” he said to his boss.  He turned to face Mr. Hall and Mr. Murray.  “Yes,” he said, giving them a thumbs up, with the hand Mr. Zimmermann wasn’t holding.  He immediately realized how corny that was and instantly regretted it. But, Eric decided not to blame himself too much because he still barely had any idea as to what was going on.

“I didn’t even know you were… gay…” Mr. Murray said, expression half-awed, half-very, very confused.

“Isn’t he your secretary?” asked Mr. Hall, eyes narrowed.

“Assistant,” Eric reflexively corrected.

“Executive… assistant secretary,” said Jack, letting go of Bittle’s hand to put it around his shoulders.  The silence afterward hung heavy.  “So, yeah. We are just to people who never meant to fall in love, but did.”

When they exited the DeKalb-Peachtree Airport, Eric waved down their driver.

To Jack, the driver seemed… nice?  A little unsettling, but nice.  Maybe it was the mustache, maybe it was the fact that he’d been hitting on Jack for the whole taxi ride, or maybe it was because he insists on being called Shitty, as if that wasn’t weird.

crikey folks that got out of hand but there’s a starter for ya

but yeah shitty is definitely the driver/server/exotic dancer/priest/etc. and thats all i really know

jedusaur:

jedusaur:

If there’s anyone in Check Please fandom who likes darkfic and somehow does not already subscribe to Verbyna on AO3 (@soundslikepenance over here), I would like to draw your attention to a new hitmen AU series that’s gonna fuck you up and leave you begging for more.

Installment one: rifle, scissor, stone, in which Eric Bittle is a rookie who misses his shot
Jack hasn’t asked Bittle how he ended up here. He never will. He tries not to think about it; none of the options are pretty, and he doesn’t know how long he can keep Bittle alive, so there’s no point in making it harder on himself than it has to be.

Installment two: from eden, in which Kent Parson stakes out a church
If Jack truly confesses, Jack will have to kill the priest tonight. And then Kent will have to go on to his next job, a real job, instead of wasting time watching Jack’s ongoing murder roadtrip. But if he only confessed the little things, if he’s playing with his food and the priest walks out, he’ll know more about Kent than any man of God should, because he’s the stain on Jack, no matter the size.

Installment three: twelve feet deep, in which Ransom and Holster enter the crime scene cleanup business together
“Bro, you’ll get the call. Someone might be getting murdered right now, think positive, yeah?”

A little taste of this ‘verse via AO3 tags: Non-Linear Narrative, Gore and Humor, Off-screen torture, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, revenge is a dish best served piecemeal over several years, my suite in hell is the party room and y'all are invited, fairy corpsemother shitty b. knight, nachos and Drake no-shame night, MURDERBROS

Read the thing, my friends, and then come tell me all about the havoc it has gleefully wreaked upon your hapless heart. Kent Parson may be an interrogator extraordinaire in this ‘verse, but in terms of surgically-precise pain infliction, he’s got nothin’ on Lee.

Installment four: heart of glass, in which seventeen-year-old Kent learns what a dissociative episode feels like
There are thoughts underneath the calm like fast cars taking hairpin turns, screeching and slipping beyond Kent’s control. They seem very far away. Up above, Kent is logical and present and his numb hands pass Jack a pencil before he asks. Nothing is wrong.

if anyone would like to spend an hour and 40 minutes getting all fucked up by Lee’s incredible murderverse in audio form, I made a podfic of the entire series

hey if anybody wants to read early-Year-Two-era fic about Jack Zimmermann teaching Bitty hockey history and in the process coming to terms with his own place therein (and also with his desire to put his face on Bitty’s face) with a dash of Year One-esque team feels, I wrote that

and yes I did name it The History Bros, you wanna make something of it