#closure
Stop breaking your own heart by trying to make a relationship work that clearly isn’t meant to work. You can’t force someone to care about you. You can’t force someone to be loyal. You can’t force someone to be the person you need them to be. Sometimes the person you want most is the person you’re best without. You got to understand some things are meant to happen, but just not meant to be. Some things are meant to come in your life, just not meant to stay. Don’t lose yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken. You can’t get the relationship you need from someone who’s not ready to give it to you. And you might not understand WHY NOW, but I promise you, your future will always bring understanding of why things didn’t work out. TRUST ME. Don’t put your happiness on hold for someone who isn’t holding on to you. -Note To Self
My 1st Sew-In EVER! Disaster or Successful?
A few weeks ago, I did my 1st Sew-In EVER! I’ll let you be the judge on if it was a disaster or nah? (more…)
multi-love checked into my heart and trashed it like a hotel room
it is finally over.
inaprilhe crossed my boundaries: he was verbally and physically aggressive to me, while his family was visiting and sleeping two doors away from our room. i threw my phone, wallet and my stuffed animal in a bag, and took an uber to my parents in the middle of the night. after pressure from my parents (“it is rude towards his family”), i returned home after two nights where a theatrical sequence of denial, pleas, lies, played tenderness, threats ensued.
a complete tiredness and hopelessness took over me. i confided in one friend who knows us both well but lives far away, which seemed like the right amounts of closeness yet distance to the situation. she advised me to take my time to recuperate the strength needed to fully, firmly, and calmly let go of him. she had been worried about me for some time, she confessed.
in the meantime it became may. he was pouring his heart out through text messages and sneaking into the guest and my de facto room at night in tears. same old script. i can recite it word by word.
i went away to the coast, came back with a little orange dog, which made him think that the reset button had been pressed (“we were one, then became three”). the all too predictable mega fight took place. he packed his bag this time, returned after a week, and we lived in limbo for at least another 2 months.
today he is moving out. on a hot day in july. he has erased me from his life. the break-up was more spiteful and worse than i had anticipated. overall i have felt super relieved and optimistic. ecstatic even. until this weekend, when i finally started mourning the end of something that meant a lot to me, however problematic and unhealthy it has been.
i am seeking peace knowing that i can’t force my desired ending (“it’s sad we didn’t make it work, thanks for the love, it wasn’t easy, a hug, farewell, and all the happiness in the world to you!”) on another person.
i will have to find closure on my own.
i will have to unlearn his sharp words that i somehow started chanting to myself.
i will shatter his perception of me as little, unstable, dramatic.
“you, you, you.”
what about me?
I will be fine.
to end with an insight from the oracle card that i pulled out of the stack last night:
You Are Worth It: The only way that you can accept, respect and love others, is when they accept, respect and love you… By showing what you are worth, this will have an effect on others. When you see yourself in this light, others cannot not help but respond to your sense of self-worth. If you try to love yourself more every day, you will discover how this will give you new energy. You are allowed to walk away from relations that belittle or hurt you. Enjoy and love who you are.
