#healthy boundaries
Choosing to set and enforce boundaries even and especially when it is difficult is an act of heroic self love. It is heroic self love to realize, vocalize and prioritize your needs because you know in your bones that your healing depends on it, that your soul is calling for it and your younger self is crying for it. To say, “No.” Despite the fear. Despite the malice of others. Despite the mockery, refusal, rejection, resentment, disregard, ignorance, anger, hostility and abandonment that will come to do battle with the brilliant light that is your knowledge of self worth. It is heroic self love to speak your mind, to draw the line, to put your foot down and risk standing alone and away from all that is familiar but that threatens your vitality as well, to surrender the socially preferred role of “agreeable person”, all for the simple fact that your sacred smile is worth it. When we stop expecting the healing journey to be easy we make room for the glorious moments of overcoming that remind us that we are our own heroes, we are the knights for whom we have fought the fatal sleep of despair. We heal when we give priority to our wellness. We heal when we draw the lines that create our safe spaces. We heal when we put doors on our sanctuaries. And we heal when we see ourselves standing up for ourselves.
Today I’d like to acknowledge everyone who has established boundaries for which they faced loss but which they enforced and maintained in the name of truth and healing.
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The abuse you experienced is not your fault, and this question is not meant to imply that you would not have been abused if you had set boundaries. Rather, when it comes to your relationships with partners, friends, family members and even strangers, what are the lines you now know are important for you to draw?
Because abuse involves violations of our rights and because trauma is so often accompanied by feelings of shame, guilt and worthlessness, boundary setting plays an important role in our recovery. We are allowed to set boundaries and be clear about the type of behaviour that is or is not okay in our lives. We have the right to stand up for ourselves.
What type of behaviour are you no longer willing to put up with? Please share your answer below. #ReclaimYourVoice
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Physical Boundary: This boundary is the easiest to visualize and understand, and has been the most studied. Research indicates that the average American requires about two feet of personal space in front, and 18” behind them to be comfortable. Jerry Seinfeld made this boundary funny when he featured the “close talker” on his show. But actually the physical boundary is more than just space. It can be violated by people whose touch is unwelcome, or by someone who feels physically threatening to you. Your boundary tells you when to set limits and when to protect yourself, by making you feel uncomfortable.
External Boundary: This boundary must be strong but flexible. It serves as a filter that protects you from insults and injuries that come from the outside. When you receive criticism at work; when your spouse tells you she’s angry at you; when a driver calls you an obscene name, or when your sister calls you “selfish,” this boundary kicks in. It talks you through what the other person said or did to you, and helps you sort out what’s real feedback that you should take seriously, and what you should reject.
Internal Boundary: This is the boundary which protects you (and others) from yourself. It serves as a filter between your feelings, and what you do with them. This boundary helps you sort through your intense anger, hurt and pain, and decide whether, and how, to express it.
Temporal Boundary: We all carry our past experiences within us. And we can often tend to dwell on them in a way that is not helpful. On top of that, old feelings often attach themselves to current experiences, and emerge when we least expect them. This is why people blow up over burnt toast, for example. It’s also easy to give the future too much power over us. Spending too much time thinking about, imagining, worrying about, or dreading the future can cause anxiety and prevent us from living in the moment. Your temporal boundary senses when you’re going too far back or forward, and pulls you back.
more via psych central
teaching children about body autonomy and consent bgins as soon as they understand words and continues until they’re grown. Some of yall weirdly sexualize children but clutch pearls over teaching them essential lessons for adulthood
Chevron Summers @DPMCanty
Sometimes classics can be improved upon.
The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries : an alternate ending for Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree by Topher Payne ❤️
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Choose your hard
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